A/N: That summary is terrible, and I apologize for it. Anyway, here we are with the last of the Forever stories (other than the one-shot epilogue that you'll be getting at some point in the future). I hope you all enjoy this and find it at least a somewhat fitting conclusion to the series.
January 3rd, 2011
Nessie had cried quietly as we placed her things in Rachel and Rebecca's old bedroom. The place had been empty for long enough that the neglect showed. Billy didn't like to mess with the room when they were gone as it brought back too many memories. He had, however, been more than happy to offer the room to Nessie when she needed somewhere to stay. He'd been even more thrilled when Jacob said that he was going to take over his old bedroom again.
The apartment he'd been sharing with Quil and Embry was only three bedrooms, with no place for Nessie to stay unless someone began to sleep on the couch.
It was a logical plan, but logic wasn't what Nessie cared about as her life was uprooted for the first time. None of the moves her family members had made had prepared her for the transition of living a few miles from where she'd been raised.
"You want to go ahead and unpack?" Jake asked, voice hesitant as he watched his imprint for any signs that the suggestion hurt her.
Nessie didn't look back at him as she shook her head no.
"Not right now," she said. "I don't need anything out of the bags."
Jacob accepted the answer with a disheartened sigh and ushered me into the living room where Embry and Quil sat with Billy. The three of us had been invited along to help carry Nessie's bags, but looking at them lazing around in the living room, you wouldn't have known it.
"Hey, Leah," Quil began as soon as he saw me. He used a tone that let me know that we'd entered the room in time for Quil to say something that he found amusing. "I was just talking to Embry about how you should move in with us. Extra bedroom and everything, not that we'd need it much."
I shifted on my feet. It wasn't the first time the suggestion had been made. Embry had said something similar a few times before Jake had even announced that he was moving back in with Billy.
"I'm sure Jake wouldn't mind you taking his bedroom though," Quil continued. "If you wanted it?"
The last part was said as a question, like Quil was trying to figure out how uncomfortable I was with the idea of moving in with them. I tried to keep my face a mask as Jacob offered a shrug that proved Quil right.
After a moment of silence, it was clear that no one was going to say anything until I either agreed or disagreed. Instead, I offered a shrug and a, "I don't know," as I had no idea what else to say. It was the same response I'd given Embry each time he asked, and each time he looked disheartened with my answer.
Quil didn't look that way though. He accepted my vague answer that wasn't an answer with a smirk.
"Fine," he said. "But if Seth stakes claim to it before you do, then consider yourself warned."
Seth moving in with Embry and Quil would have made a lot of sense. He, too, was legally an adult, and he'd shown at least as many signs of wanting to move out as I had. After so many years of trying his hardest to prove himself to the older wolves, I knew that part of him would be thrilled with the idea of rooming with Embry and Quil.
It sounded like a better idea than me moving in. Especially when I, like Quil had implied, would continue sleeping in Embry's bedroom like I already did many nights.
Because of that, the idea of moving in with them shouldn't have been scary. I might have spent more time there than I did at home already, but something about moving felt permanent. It wasn't living with Embry (or Quil, although I wouldn't be eager about having him around 24/7) that worried me. It was more that I had never lived anywhere other than my family home, and while I wanted to move out, actually doing so felt scary.
Maybe that was the biggest sign that I should have said yes.
January 7th, 2011
I woke up to the feeling that I was laying on top of one of those old-fashioned metal heaters. Instinctively, I scooted away from Embry and pushed aside the thin sheet that was the only covers I used.
Removing contact with Embry's skin lessened the problem, but it didn't relieve it. Even the mattress underneath me felt like it was on fire. It was inescapable in the bed, which wasn't new. This was something that had begun happening since I'd quit phasing, and it only continued to worsen each night.
I turned, hoping that facing away from Embry would provide me with cooler air, but as soon as I made the sudden movement, I felt my stomach sloshing and realized I was nauseous.
It was a strong sensation that was worsened by the fact that I hadn't felt nausea in years. One of the benefits of being a wolf was the lack of illness, and I wasn't prepared to experience it again, especially in the middle of the night.
Curling up in fetal position, I willed the sensation to go away, but it didn't. Instead, it worsened until I realized that I had two options: 1. Continue laying there and eventually vomit on the floor. Or, 2. Run for the bathroom.
I took the second option, rushing down the hallway and into the bathroom at a speed that I hadn't achieved since I last phased. The feeling worsened as I moved, and I knew by the time I reached the bathroom that I wasn't going to make it to the toilet.
I vomited into the sink. The feeling grew in intensity as my stomach emptied itself.
While I was being sick, I felt Embry approach from behind me. He placed a warm hand on my back, but this time I welcomed the heat, wanting any sensation that wasn't what was happening in my stomach and throat.
For a long time after I was finished, I hovered over the sink. Several waves of uneasiness traveled through my stomach, and I worried there would be more. It seemed, however, that there was nothing left. Gradually, the feeling of Embry rubbing my back took prominence over the unpleasant sensations inside of my body.
"That looked unpleasant," Embry commented when it became clear that nothing more was going to happen.
Not feeling like speaking after such a horrific experience, I chose to glare at him over my shoulder. His grin in return was sympathetic, but it only made the situation marginally better. Slowly, I washed out the sink and my mouth, straightened up, and turned to burrow my face into Embry's chest.
His warmth still felt pleasant and unlike the oppressive heat that I had woken up to.
"My immune system must have gone back to normal." I was unsure if he'd be able to make out the words considering how muffled they were against his chest. "Looks like I can get sick again." I groaned, turning my head to breathe but keeping it against his skin. "That was worse than I remember it being."
"Before I was a wolf, getting sick was like that," Embry said. "You never remembered how bad it was until you were sick again."
Not feeling like arguing, I nodded, but in reality, I wanted to disagree. I wanted to explain that this had been even worse than that because I hadn't been sick in five years. My entire being had been so unprepared for such a thing that I'd thought I was dying when I felt the first stomach pains. I hadn't realized how high my pain tolerance had been as a wolf until I was human again and experienced...something. I still didn't know what it was that had prompted the sprint to the bathroom.
"Did I eat something strange?" I wondered out loud.
"We had the same dinner."
I pulled away from Embry far enough to look him in the eyes.
"But you're still a wolf, and I'm not. Maybe we ate something contaminated, and it only affected me."
"Maybe," Embry agreed with a shrug. "Claire was over earlier too. I'm sure little kids carry all kinds of germs everywhere they go. Maybe she got you sick."
"But Claire was fine," I pointed out. Embry only shrugged again.
With a sigh, I pulled away and began walking back to the bedroom.
"Whatever it was, I'm tired," I said. "I'm going back to sleep."
The bed felt warm when I laid down, but yet again, it was no longer oppressive. Still, I maintained a bit of distance when Embry laid down beside me, knowing it would heat up quickly if I allowed myself to touch him for long.
That didn't stop me from wishing I could.
January 15th, 2011
Whatever had been wrong with me that night continued to elude but taunt me as the next week went by. In the span of a week, I had woken up nauseous almost every day, yet I couldn't figure out what was wrong. It couldn't be food poisoning as there was no commonality in my meals each day that it happened, but I didn't seem to have caught anything that came with symptoms aside from the nausea. None that I could detect at least.
After a week of it, I was done trying to figure out what was wrong and just hoped it would go away.
Embry wasn't as easily dissuaded from figuring out the cause. While the first time he had brushed it off by the time we got up the next morning, he had become persistent about discovering the source after several days of it repeatedly happening.
"You're sure you haven't felt congested at all? Or maybe a little short of breath?" he asked one Saturday morning an hour after I'd gotten out of the bathroom. He had a full, though half eaten, breakfast in front of him while I had a plate loaded with toast that I hoped wouldn't upset my stomach. He raised his fork to his mouth while not removing his gaze from the laptop he had open in front of him, scanning lists of symptoms for illnesses he had deemed it possible for me to have.
"No," I responded. "You already asked me about both of those, and the answer hasn't changed. Hasn't anyone ever told you that looking up symptoms online is a bad idea anyway? You're going to start thinking that I'm dying."
"You've told me that the last five days," he said without looking up from the screen. "I'm not going to believe anything like that. Or take anything I find as definite. I'm just looking for some ideas."
I took a large bite of toast, wishing it was still as warm as it had been when I pulled it out of the toaster.
"Why?" I asked. "It's not going to make the nausea go away."
Embry looked up at me with one raised eyebrow. "It might if I could find some ideas for things to do."
Snorting, I responded, "We know what to do. The same things you always do for nausea. That's all it is."
He shook his head as he turned away from me.
"There has to be a reason you're nauseous, and figuring that out might help more than treating the symptom."
He'd been saying those exact words for days, and I was unimpressed. I let him carry on with it because there was no way I was going to stop him, and at least he hadn't yet started to think I was dying.
When I was on my last slice of toast, Embry's eyes flickered up at me from the laptop screen, but his eyes glanced away as quickly as they had found me. The way he shifted in his seat caught my attention.
"What?" I asked, causing him to look at me again.
His face was a carefully controlled mask as he replied. "Nothing. I was just thinking."
"Please don't tell me that the Internet managed to convince you that I'm dying."
He let out a short laugh. "No, no, that's not it. Promise."
I nodded as I took another bite of my toast, but I didn't believe him. There was something about his frow as he continued to scroll through the website that hinted at more, and I couldn't help but watch him until he lowered the laptop screen and asked if he could take my dirty plate to the sink.
January 27th, 2011
The living room was dark. I wasn't sure why I'd kept the lights off as I sat in front of the TV and waited for Embry and Quil to get home from training, but I had. That was the type of mood I was in.
I was on such high alert that I sat up the second Embry opened the door.
"Hey," he said with a happy but tired grin as he entered. He collapsed onto the couch next to me, burying his face in my shoulder.
"Hey," I returned. "Where's Quil?"
Embry turned his head so that his face was no longer pressed against me, but he kept his head on my shoulder.
"He went to go visit his mom," Embry responded. "Said she was complaining the other day about him never visiting and that all the training he was doing wasn't an excuse to never come by."
I hummed in acknowledgement. We sat there for a moment before Embry raised his head and angled himself to face me.
"I did encourage him though," he admitted.
I raised an eyebrow, and Embry elaborated. "I need to talk to you about something."
The seriousness in his tone caught me off guard, and I filed through the possible topics he thought were important.
"Is this about the nausea?" I asked. "Are you going to try and convince me to go to the doctor? Because I already told you-"
"It is about that, and I do think you need to go to a doctor, but it's not what you think." Embry flew through the words before I had the opportunity to cut him off.
My brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"
With a sigh, Embry reached into the pocket of his cargo shorts and pulled out a box. My confusion turned to fear as I realized that it was a pregnancy test.
"Embry," I said, purely because I felt overwhelmed. I had to get something out but had nothing adequate to say.
He reached out to take my hand with trepidation, and I felt my heart hammer in my chest.
"You can't be serious?" I asked.
"I am," he whispered. "Leah, it's the only thing I can think of that explains it all. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing that I haven't crossed off the list. It's worth checking."
"I haven't had my period in years," I reminded him. Pushing away from him and off the couch, I began to pace the room. "There were months of not phasing before we got back together, and not once did I get a period. I can't be pregnant. It's not possible."
Embry took a deep breath, eyes following me as I walked back-and-forth.
"I've thought about everything," he said. "Neither one of us could phase after we broke up, yeah, but once we were back together, I could phase again easily. You couldn't. We've known that was strange. And the periods, I thought about them. We know it takes a while for our bodies to go back to being human once we stop phasing because it happened to Paul. We'd both started noticing a few changes by the time we got back together."
He took a deep breath and stood up. I stopped my pacing to face him and let him take both of my hands in his own.
"Maybe," he continued, "if we hadn't gotten back together that night, you would have gotten your period soon after. Maybe, just maybe, you got pregnant that night, and your body was able to recognize the change and has prevented you from phasing since."
"That's-" I didn't know what that was actually. It was a theory that could have been true, which terrified me. I had been so broken hearted when my period stopped. I'd worried for months that I'd never be able to become pregnant. Despite my worries possibly being proven false, I was floored by the surprise of it all. I wasn't prepared to be pregnant. I wasn't prepared for a child.
I took a deep, shaky breath. Staring up into Embry's eyes, I tried to appear strong.
"Maybe," I agreed reluctantly. "You might be right."
I held out my hand for the test, willing myself not to shake. Embry placed the box in my hands, and I turned it over as if expecting to see something extraordinary written on the cardboard.
"I'll take the test."
Embry's exhale was audible, and his hands came up to grip my sides. I wasn't sure if he was steadying me or himself.
"I am the first female wolf," I continued, unable to stop myself from exploring the possibility. "You always remind me that there's so much we don't know about me."
He nodded before leaning down to rest his forehead on mine.
"This could be one of those things," he said.
I pulled away, but I reached out to take his hand in mine, leading him down the hall and towards the bathroom.
After the last several days, the room had begun to fill me with dread when I entered. I didn't feel any better now that the possibility of pregnancy was circulating around my mind.
With trembling hands, I opened the box and pulled out its contents. I followed the directions to a 'T', Embry standing close by the entire time. The wait should have been the hardest part, but it proved the easiest, with me zoning out as if I'd become numb to the experience.
It was Embry who moved first when his phone buzzed to signal the end of our alarm. He raised the stick, and I took a deep breath before taking a look at it myself.
A plus sign. A positive result.
"Oh my God," I breathed.
All I could do was stare at the stick until Embry lowered it, removing it from my view. My eyes met his instead, taking in the whirlwind of emotions I could make out in them. Neither one of us knew how to feel. This was so unexpected that we couldn't process the full implications.
Embry reached out, pulling me against him. I responded to him, feeling like I had to be as close as possible. Our arms wrapped around each other, and I thought we might stay like that forever. It would be easier than trying to figure out what the result meant.
Luckily, just this once, Embry wasn't eager to sort out the meaning of everything. After a while of standing there together, he led me to bed and let me sleep, keeping me in his arms the entire time.
February 3rd, 2011
For days I had wrestled with the revelation that I was pregnant, and I knew that Embry was having as hard of a time with it as I was. He never pushed me to talk about it, and for several days, I used that to my advantage by not talking about it at all. Instead, I thought about it constantly, trying to desensitize myself to the knowledge that something was growing inside of me.
Several days after the test, Embry managed to get me to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. Something about the visit made it real. For the first time, I wanted to discuss it with Embry. Now that we had both established the reality of the situation for ourselves, we began to do it together.
The largest comfort I had was the knowledge that Embry was going to be there. I'd known that from the beginning, never worrying about the possibility of him leaving me alone with a kid, and he'd confirmed it in a million ways if I'd had my doubts.
Yet the one worry that continued to hang over me was the knowledge that everyone else needed to be told.
While I didn't relish the thought of telling the pack, my mother was the one who terrified me. Not because she would be unsupportive in the end but because becoming pregnant when I hadn't even known such a thing was possible felt embarrassing.
"It's nice to see you home for once," Mom commented as we washed the dishes after dinner. Noise from the TV that Charlie was watching in the other room created a steady stream of sound underneath our conversation.
"I'm not gone that often, am I?" I asked, although I knew she was right. Since Embry and I had gotten back together, I had begun to stay at his apartment with greater frequency than I had before because I'd realized how important it was to have him around. Since learning of the pregnancy a week ago, I'd hardly stepped foot in my family's house, too busy spending the last several days trying to process it all.
Mom hummed in place of a verbal answer, and I knew that I had to say something. There was never going to be a more convenient time.
"Mom," I began, voice shaking, "there has been a reason that I haven't been home the past few days." She looked at me, a sense of caution about her. "I, um, Embry and I learned that I'm pregnant."
There was a long moment where the sound from the television grew muffled due to my focus narrowing. Mom looked at me as if she couldn't believe her eyes.
"Leah," she breathed, taking a step backward like that would help her take in and make sense of what I had told her. "I-I didn't know that was possible."
I shrugged. "Neither did me or Embry, but I took a pregnancy test and went to the doctor. I really am pregnant. That's probably why I can't phase even though Embry can. At least that makes sense now."
Mom watched me for a moment and then reached out to pull me close. It was the first time in ages that I had hugged my mom like this. My heart continued to race, not sure what the hug meant. Was she trying to tell me she was happy, or was this a way of comforting me through what she saw as an unfortunate situation?
"And Embry knows?" she asked, voice close to my ear.
I nodded against her shoulder. "He's the only reason I took a test in the first place. Never in a million years did I expect I would be pregnant. It would have taken months for me to face the truth if it weren't for him. He booked the doctor's appointment to confirm it too."
Mom pulled away, and I could see that there was a small grin across her face.
"I'm glad that you have him then," she said, looking amused for some reason.
"Me too," I all but whispered. Suddenly, I felt emotional about the whole thing. While I'd known how great Embry was before, my mom acknowledging it made me realize how easily this situation could have been different, and even though I knew I could have handled it alone, I was happy that I didn't have to.
Mom squeezed both of my upper arms and then let me go, turning back to washing the dishes. I mimicked her, trying to act like nothing had changed when we both knew it had.
February 8th, 2011
The rest of the pack took the news with varying levels of shock and excitement. Already I could tell that Emily was never going to leave me alone. She'd begun texting constantly, wanting to know how I was feeling and if I wanted to have Chloe's old baby clothes.
Everyone else was much better about leaving me alone. Some expressed their excitement in small ways while others seemed not to care less.
Sam was the most frustrated about the pregnancy, but in a strange twist of fate, we both knew that was due to his annoyance at having one less wolf in the fight we were sure to face, not about me being pregnant. When he told me he was happy for me, I knew he meant it, even if I could see the frustration in his eyes as he tried to calculate the risks of having one less wolf.
Jacob should have felt the same frustration as Sam. He was, after all, without a beta—at least one who could phase—at the time he needed me most. As it turned out, however, Jake was having his own crisis—well, what he would call a crisis—to handle.
Several days after I told my mom about the pregnancy, I was at Embry and Quil's apartment when Jacob showed up.
"Where's Nessie?" was the first question out of Quil's mouth as he let his best friend in the door.
"At home with Dad," Jake replied as if he'd prepared himself to answer that question.
He pushed past Quil and into the apartment. He acted more like someone who lived there than a guest, although I supposed I did too. It was strange. After how much time the four of us had spent together in this place, it felt like Jacob had never moved out.
Quil, Embry, and I looked at each other as Jacob took his usual spot in the living room. While wolves always spent quite a bit of time with their imprints, Jake had become particularly protective of Nessie since her parents had moved away. The only time she was out of his sight was during pack training sessions. Many days she was even with him at work, which was only possible because of how little trouble she caused.
"Why didn't you bring her with you?" Embry asked.
Jacob let out a sigh that made it clear that there was a definitive reason why she wasn't with him. He ran a hand over his face and let out a self-deprecating laugh.
"I honestly don't know how to say it," he admitted.
None of us spoke as we waited for him to continue.
"She told me that she likes me," he said. His face turned a bright shade of red, and he couldn't look us in the eye. I felt embarrassed myself while watching him. "Like, a crush is what she meant. Nessie said she has a crush on me."
There was another long moment of silence. Even Quil didn't make a joke, looking almost concerned. I wondered if he was worried about this happening with Claire one day and if that was what kept him in line.
Nessie had reached the point where she looked like a young teenager of thirteen or fourteen years old. If what was going on in her mind in any way correlated wtih her physical development, it made sense that she would be having crushes, and considering the circumstances, Jacob was the prime candidate for such a crush.
I couldn't count myself as surprised, but Jake looked as if he was.
"She was so nervous to tell me," Jake continued, sounding pained. "I wanted to comfort her or do something to make it better, but-" He took a deep breath. "What am I supposed to say? There's no way to explain that she's like my little sister without hurting her feelings. The hardest part might have been that she knows I view her that way. I could see it in her eyes. That didn't make it easier."
"Man, I'm glad Claire hasn't said something like that to me," Quil said. "I'd piss myself in fear."
He was serious. I knew he was, but that didn't stop me from reaching over and shoving him for his insensitivity.
"What?" he asked. "I would." He turned his attention to Jake and away from me. "That really does suck, man."
Jake groaned, although I couldn't tell if it was in response to Quil or not as he didn't seem to be paying attention to Quil.
"It'll be fine," I said with a roll of my eyes. "If it's her first crush, it'll be over by this time next week."
Quil snorted, throwing a pointed and blatant look at Embry before moving his eyes towards me.
"That's usually what happens," I continued, glaring at Quil.
"How do you comfort a small child," Embry asked Quil, "without making everything worse?"
The question threw Quil off. He thought for a moment before shrugging.
"Claire always seems to be fine with my comments, thanks."
"Probably desensitized," I said to Embry, smirking as Quil let out a loud, "Hey!"
I turned back to look at Jake, who had his head leaning against the back of the chair. His eyes were closed, and there was no way to tell whether or not he was paying attention to what we were saying.
"It really will be fine," I continued to Jake. His eyes opened as I addressed him. "Nessie had to get a crush eventually, and considering the people around her are all her family or the pack, it's not like she had many options her own age. You're her imprint, Jake. Of course she got a crush on you, but I meant it when I said she'll probably get over it."
"Why don't you go take her to see that movie staring that guy that teen girls like screaming over these days?" Quil suggested. "Maybe it would put ideas in her head."
"Nessie doesn't seem like the type to develop a crush on a celebrity," Embry pointed out. "She's never been...overly imaginative. I don't know. I can't imagine her fantasizing about some guy she's never met."
"I'm trying to help," Quil complained. "Why do you guys have to shoot down every suggestion I make?"
No one bothered to give him a response.
"Leah's right," Embry told Jake instead. "It'll be fine."
Jacob still didn't look like he believed us.
March 2nd, 2011
After phasing and having to cut off my hair, I had boycotted mirrors for a while. I didn't like seeing the reminders of the change I had been through. While that didn't bother me anymore, I couldn't say that I monitored my appearance as much as I had in the past. I wasn't one you would typically find standing in front of a mirror for long stretches of time.
Until now.
I turned from side-to-side, taking in the way my stomach bulged out slightly. It was hardly noticeable, and that was with my shirt lifted up. With my shirt on, not even I could detect it.
Still, I knew it was there, and I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I'd come to terms with the pregnancy weeks ago, but it was like I had to do it all over again when faced with proof that my body was changing. Changing after years of being stuck in time.
"Leah."
Embry entered the bedroom and paused when he caught me in front of the mirror. I dropped my shirt, not bothering to straighten it as it fell but failed to cover my stomach completely.
"What are you doing?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"I have a bump," I informed him, my voice wavering.
Embry's smile turned gentle, and he walked over to the bed, perching himself on the end of it. I turned to look in the mirror again, able to see Embry behind me as he watched my reflection. It was distracting as I pulled my shirt up again and turned so that he could see the outline of the bump.
He reached out to place his hand on it, and I shuddered at the touch. It caused him to smirk, but there was a sense of wonder in his eyes as he looked up at me.
"You do," he agreed. "Hardly, but I can see it."
I hummed in agreement, removing his hand so I could tug the shirt down. This time I made sure it it fell as it was supposed to, and then I took a seat beside Embry on the bed. He took my hand, running his thumb against my skin and causing me to shiver. Even after so long, Embry's touch could undo me if I let it.
"There's something I've wanted to talk to you about," Embry said.
I looked at him, trying to discern from his expression what type of discussion this was going to be. He looked uneasy compared to how he had appeared before, and he avoided looking me in the eyes by instead focusing on our entwined hands. I squeezed his to capture his attention, and he glanced up at me with a small smile.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Remember when Jacob moved out and Quil made the suggestion that you move in here?"
"Yes." I already had a feeling that I knew where this was going, and I wasn't sure if I liked it.
"That was before we knew about the baby," Embry pointed out, gesturing to my stomach. "Things are different now, but we haven't brought up the subject. I thought that maybe we should."
"I really don't know-"
"I don't mean moving in here," Embry said, cutting me off. "I know that's not the entire problem, but I wanted to make that clear. Instead, I was thinking that we could get a different apartment. It wouldn't feel right moving a newborn in with Quil."
"Embry," I began, struggling with how to answer, but he didn't let me say anything else.
"It makes sense, Leah. Think about it. We love each other, and we're having a kid together. Imagine how much easier it would be to live together. We practically do already. There'd be no transitioning the baby from one house to another all the time. We'd both be there to help with the workload. What's the downside?"
I struggled for a moment, unable to think of what my hesitation had been about after hearing Embry's arguments, but I recovered, regaining my composure.
"There's so much happening," I said. "With the pregnancy and the Volturi and everything. Is now the best time to start looking for somewhere to live? Preparing for the baby is going to be stressful enough with everything else, and adding another thing to that sounds like too much."
Even as I said it, I knew I wouldn't persuade Embry.
"In the short term, maybe," he admitted, "but once the baby is here, it would be easier. It would be worth it."
When it became clear that he hadn't convinced me of anything, he continued, "I could do most of the work. I could look at places, like that house that's for rent not far from your mom's. Seriously, Leah, I'd do all of it. You'd only have to approve the choice, and I'd take care of everything else if that's what you want."
With a sigh, I laid my head on his shoulder, gripping his hand tighter.
"I do want to live with you," I admitted. It was like I could feel his hopefulness at my statement, and I felt terrible about my next words before they were out of my mouth. "But I still don't know if it's the right time."
I felt him deflate against me.
"Okay," he agreed. "Let me know if you change your mind."
I nodded, closing my eyes and trying to appreciate having him close to me.
March 18th, 2011
The store was busier than I had expected.
"I told you shopping on a Friday night wasn't strange," Embry pointed out as he pulled my into the store.
This trip was his idea, and he'd refused to listen to my complaints about being far too tired after work, instead insisting that now was as good of a time as any to start buying things for the kid.
My pregnancy was more obvious each day, and I'd more or less accepted the fact that I was pregnant. We really did need to think about what it was we needed. Neither one of us had done this before, so everything that went along with parenthood was foreign to us. I didn't know half of what we would need to buy before the baby was born.
"But on a Friday night?" I complained. "I'm tired, Embry. I've spent the entire week working, and this is supposed to be the night I relish in the fact that I have a two days off."
We were almost to the baby section of the store. I scanned the aisles we passed, taking in the people.
"Everyone looks old enough to be our parents," I pointed out.
Embry turned to me with a smirk. "We really are becoming adults."
Surprisingly, I found the comment amusing rather than scary. I wasn't sure when I'd had a change of heart and begun to find becoming an adult something that I shouldn't worry about. Maybe having a baby did it naturally. Maybe it was something about Embry. Maybe it was a combination of different factors.
"Maybe," I agreed.
As soon as we reached the correct section, Embry began scanning everything as if he were filing away the different types of items that were available.
"I've been doing some reading on the different stuff," he explained. He hadn't told me that much on the way here, but I couldn't say I was surprised. While I was the one who was pregnant, I hadn't done any reading at all. Every bit of advice I had about pregnancy had come from my mom or Emily, who was particularly eager to tell me of every detail of her own pregnancy.
Embry maneuvered around the aisle as if he had some sense of what he was looking for. If that hadn't come from books, I wasn't sure where he would have gotten it. The only infants he'd spent a reasonable amount of time with were Chloe and Nessie, and he'd never cared for them enough to know what half these objects were.
Embry stopped at the crib bedding, eyes scanning the different options.
"Should we come up with a theme?" he asked. "People usually do that, right?"
I shrugged. "I think so, but I don't have any ideas."
"Me either, but maybe it's something we should start talking about."
"I guess."
While I knew we had to design a nursery in the sense that we at least had to choose what to put in one, I had no idea what I wanted that nursery to look like. It felt like the least of my worries at this point in the pregnancy. I often forgot that there were those types of things to accomplish before the birth too.
"This one is kind of cute," I said, pointing at a set of bedding that had animals all over it. It was the only option that had managed to catch my eye. Maybe because wolves made an appearance.
Embry picked up the package, turning it over in his hands.
"I like it," he agreed. "We should make sure some type of animal theme is on our list."
"We're creating a list?" I asked him with a grin.
When he looked over at me, he appeared sheepish, as if I were going to judge him for such an idea.
"That makes sense, doesn't it?"
I nodded in agreement, stepping towards him to better inspect the bedding too. There was no way we were going to buy it now, and I highly doubted we would wind up with this exact bedding even if, in the end, we went with a similar theme. Suddenly, though, looking through the bedding and talking about whether or not it was fit for our child seemed much more appealing than it had when Embry was dragging me to the store.
"What if we made it wolf themed?" I asked, getting a large smile out of him. For a moment, I watched him scanning the shelves and showing a level of eagerness that amazed me.
"Hey, Embry." He looked over at me, and I took a step closer to him, wrapping my arms around his middle. "Maybe moving in together wouldn't be so bad."
His face lit up as he leaned down to kiss me.
April 16th, 2011
The Uley household was oddly quiet as Emily ushered me inside. Appearance wise, it was much the same as it had been since Sam and Emily had taken in Simone and had Chloe. That was to say, a little on the messy side but in a nice, cozy way. Toys were scattered around the house, not having been picked up when they were finished with.
The quiet though, that was different. Every single time I visited, there was noise.
"The girls are napping," Emily explained as she led me to the kitchen. "Do you want a drink?"
"Just water," I told her.
She nodded, almost skipping around the kitchen as she pulled out a glass and filled it with water from the sink. After setting the class in front of me, she settled down at the table with a large smile on her face.
"What's up?" I asked cautiously. "You seem particularly happy today?"
The way her excitement increased as I asked about her mood made me even more certain that there was something specific that had led to her demeanor. While Emily was a happy person, this was another level for her. One that was almost scary.
"I have some news," she told me. She paused for a moment as if building up tension, but within seconds, she couldn't hold it in anymore. "I'm pregnant," she announced.
Her smile might have grown larger as she told me, and I hadn't thought that such a thing would have been possible.
"Wow," I exclaimed. This wasn't something I had seen coming. While I had known that Emily and Sam wanted more kids, I hadn't thought of the possibility of Emily becoming pregnant while I was as well.
"Really?" I asked as if she would reveal that it had been a joke.
"Really," she confirmed, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Isn't that incredible? We're both pregnant at the same time and only a few months apart on top of that. Think about everything we can share and the advice we can give each other. Oh my God, Leah. Our kids will only be a few months apart. Can you believe that?"
I couldn't. Years and years ago, that had been a far off dream that Emily and I fawned over. The idea that we could have children who were the same age who would then grow up to be best friends like us had been this incredible idea that we wished for.
Then, that dream had shattered when Sam had imprinted on Emily, and I hadn't wished for it again. The thought of Emily having kids with Sam had killed me inside.
As time had passed, so had that feeling of resentment. Chloe was born, and I hadn't been bothered. Now here I was, pregnant at the same time as Emily, and I couldn't even deny that it sent a thrill through me. Despite everything that had happened between us, I felt like I was getting something that I had wanted since I was a child.
Maybe I wasn't as jump-up-and-down excited as Emily appeared to be, but it felt...nice. It genuinely felt nice to know that someone close to me was pregnant when I had so little of an idea of what to expect in the coming months.
"I guess you won't be giving me any of those handy downs after all," I quipped, making sure I smiled to let Emily know that I was happy for her.
She laughed. "I don't know. I still might. You never know, with babies, when they'll fit into what. Some of that stuff may wind up fitting yours better than mine. Since they'll be a little older, they'll probably need it sooner too."
I hummed. "I could always give it back to you once they outgrow the stuff I guess."
"That sounds like a plan," Emily agreed. She couldn't stop giggling, and I understood why.
For the first time in years it felt like, Emily and I were equally happy and in similar circumstances. It was the closest I had felt to her since the imprint, and I knew that she sensed that. She was reveling in it, having gotten what she'd been trying to get back since the day she first groveled at my feet and begged me to forgive her for being with Sam.
It had taken years, but I had forgiven her. That was a long time ago, but the forgiveness hadn't been as effective as Emily had hoped. Even once I'd forgiven her, we hadn't gone back to the friendship we once had.
Emily continued to hold onto a glimmer of hope that that friendship could be regained, and for the first time, I saw the potential for it. It had required something new to bring us together, but it was the first time something had come along that seemed up for the task. Maybe, just maybe, this meant we could create a new, stronger friendship between us. Even if it would never be the one of our childhood.
April 23rd, 2011
Saturdays were the one day of the week where I allowed myself to sleep in. I looked forward to it. It was the highlight of my weekend.
I did not enjoy when that was taken away from me by the phone ringing on the bedside table.
At first, my plan was to ignore it. The phone had to stop ringing eventually, and whoever it was, they were unlikely to call back once they saw that I wasn't going to answer. It felt like the best plan available as it allowed me to not open my eyes.
Embry, it seemed, had different plans, tapping me on the arm to get my attention.
"What?" I growled out, still not opening my eyes.
"You should probably answer your phone," he said. Sleep colored his voice. I could tell he wasn't thrilled to have been woken up, but of course, he would think it was a duty to answer the call and see what the person wanted.
"You do it."
"They're only going to ask for you," Embry pointed out, tapping me on the arm again. His plan was apparently to annoy me enough that I would bother to pick up the phone. He thought that would work.
He was right.
With a loud groan, I flipped over to my other side, facing the bedside table. I reached for the phone, almost missing it as I could hardly see through half opened eyes. The phone was likely on its last few rings before voicemail answered it, and I answered the call quickly, imagining Embry convincing me to call them back if I missed the original call.
"Hello." I doubted my voice was intelligible on the other end of the line due to the grogginess. I hadn't glanced at the caller id before answering in order to see how I should be addressing the caller.
"Leah, hi." It was Rachel, and my eyes opened as I felt curiosity about this phone call for the first time.
Rachel wasn't the type to call so early in the morning. She just wasn't. If she were going to call early in the morning, I had to assume that something bad had happened, but that didn't fit with the rather upbeat tone she'd greeted me with. One that seemed genuine and not faked.
"Rachel," I replied, "what is it that you're calling me about?"
"Paul's moving to Seattle."
She sounded like she might be bouncing around on the other side of the phone, a truly un-Rachel-like thing to do. It worried me. I wondered if she were drunk, if she was just now getting home from a bar or something and had decided to call me. It was the only situation where this made sense. Where she would be delusional enough to call me early on a Saturday morning with information that made as little sense as this.
"Rachel, is now the best time to have this conversation again?" I asked. "After last time, I don't feel like arguing with you when I'm still half asleep."
"That's not what this is," Rachel said, annoyance in her voice. Even so, it couldn't be overshadowed by her excitement, and that caused me to second guess my assumptions. She didn't sound drunk, I realized as the sleep faded from my mind. She sounded sober and fully aware of what she was saying.
"Paul's actually moving to Seattle," Rachel continued. "Today. He's moving today. Sam gave him permission, and he's coming."
The only response I could summon was, "What?"
"You heard me," she said, sounding even more annoyed that I wasn't sharing her excitement. I wasn't sure what she had expected from me after the last disastrous time that we had talked about the possibility of Paul moving. My feelings weren't any different now than they had been then.
There was a moment of silence where I struggled with what to think. Clearly, that was too much for Rachel. She didn't want to wait and hear me say something that could burst the perfect little bubble that she was living in. I didn't want to burst it for her either. With everything going on, I felt like anyone who could achieve such a bubble deserved not to have it burst.
I still didn't like that Paul was moving to Seattle.
"Listen, I've got to go," Rachel said. "Paul will be here in a while, and I'll need to help him move in. Not that there's that much to do. He had a lot of his stuff here already. I'll talk to you later, Leah."
She hung up the phone before I had a chance to say goodbye. Pulling the phone away from my ear, I let out a long sigh. I placed the phone back on the bedside table before I chanced a look at Embry, who had been watching me throughout the entire call with his brow furrowed.
"You heard?" I asked, though I knew that he had. His wolf hearing would have allowed him to hear Rachel's end of the conversation from across the room let alone from right beside me on the bed.
"Yeah."
Pushing myself up and out of bed, I set to work grabbing clothes and putting them on. Embry didn't question my actions, just copied them. That didn't stop me from explaining.
"We need to talk to Jacob," I said as I tugged a pair of shorts up my legs. "Somehow, I doubt he knows anything about this, and that doesn't seem fair."
Embry didn't argue. He didn't say much of anything until we were at Jacob's house. I knocked on the door with a sense of hesitancy. I'd forgotten how early it was and on a Saturday no less.
Still, Jacob answered speedily, and he didn't seem surprised to see us, likely from having deducted that it was us from inside the house.
"What are you two doing here?" he asked. "It's not even eight in the morning."
"We need to talk," I announced, pushing past him despite not having been invited inside.
The house was quiet enough that I felt like I needed to tiptoe as I made my way over to the couch and sat down. Embry and Jacob followed in a similar silence, with Embry taking a seat beside me and Jacob choosing to sit in the armchair that flanked the couch.
"Are Billy and Nessie asleep?" Embry asked.
"Yeah. Luckily, your knocking didn't manage to wake either of them up," he said, sounding close to anger that such an outcome might have occurred.
"Sorry," I said, "but I think you'll decide that us coming over was worth that risk when you hear what it is that we have to say."
Jacob looked curious for the first time since he'd opened the door.
"Go on then," he prompted.
I looked over at Embry, who nodded in encouragement.
"Rachel called me this morning," I said, and I knew right away that that simple fact interested Jake. He had as many questions as I'd had about why Rachel would call at such a strange hour. He didn't voice those questions though, just let me continue.
"She called, all excited, because Paul is moving to Seattle today." Jacob stiffened. "She says that he's gotten permission from Sam, and they're moving him into the apartment today."
The intensity of Jacob's gaze could have started a fire.
"Sam Uley, the one who has been up our asses about the Volturi since the beginning, is letting one of his pack members move all the way to Seattle?"
Neither Embry nor I tried to answer the question, knowing that Jake didn't actually want to hear anything from either of us.
"Come on," Jake said, standing up.
"You can't be serious. Now?" I asked, although I mimicked him by rising from my seat. Embry did the same beside me.
"What did you expect me to do, Leah? Just not talk to Sam about it? No, we're going over there. Or at least I am. You two do whatever you want."
I looked at Embry as Jacob disappeared down the hall, no doubt to let his father know where he was going. Embry sighed when my gaze found him.
"We're going with him, aren't we?" Embry asked, already sure of the answer. I nodded in response, though I felt as reluctant as Embry.
"We might be the only ones who stop a fight from starting. You know how they get when their alpha egos come in conflict with each other."
Embry nodded. We'd both watched it happen before. While there had never been anything like that first fight where Jacob left the original pack and became alpha in his own right, there had been various times over the years where Sam and Jacob had both made it apparent that they believed themselves right, the other wrong, and that the other one should accept that without argument. Those arguments never seemed to be resolved without a lot of work from both sides.
Jacob stewed during the ride to the Uley house, becoming more and more frustrated.
When we got there, it was Sam who opened the door, already knowing why we were there. There was commotion behind him. Of course, lazy Saturday mornings didn't exist when you had young children in the house. I would have to get used to that eventually. Soon, I would be the one who was never allowed to sleep in and catch up on rest.
"What are you thinking?" Jacob asked immediately, taking a step inside and, therefore, getting right up in Sam's face as he asked. I pushed him in further and away from Sam on the pretense of getting inside myself.
Sam didn't answer immediately. He glanced towards the kitchen where we could hear Emily and the kids. The smell of breakfast wafted through the house. All in all, it appeared as if we had interrupted family time, but Jake could have cared less.
There was no reaction to our presence from the kitchen. Surely she knew what was going on and was attempting to keep the children out of the living room, so they wouldn't see the argument about to take place.
"I get why you're angry," Sam began in a tone that was meant to be placating. It didn't work on Jacob. The two men continued to face off across the room as Embry and I took a seat. "It wasn't a decision I made lightly, Jacob. You have to believe that."
"Why would you make it at all? You know how big of a threat the Volturi are. You know how likely they are to attack us. We've been training constantly in order to have the best chance possible against them. We've been doing everything in our power to assure that as many of us survive as possible. We need every bit of power we can get, and you go and let one of the guys move all of the way to Seattle?"
"You've seen Paul in training." This caught my attention as I hadn't seen him in training for months. No one had mentioned anything to me about his performance either. "He's been doing fine, yeah, but it hasn't been as good as he can do. He was feeling the effects of his imprint being so far away, and that wasn't going to help any of us. The fact that it took me this long to decide should show you that I considered all the costs and benefits."
"Have you? Have you considered how long it will take for Paul to run all the way back to La Push if we're attacked without warning? The fight would be over before he made it here. And will he be in training? We won't be most of the time, right? That amount of running back and forth would make the move worthless. So you're letting him slack in a way you'd never allow anyone else. You've always given special treatment to the imprints, Sam, and in some ways that could be our downfall."
"That's one way of looking at it," Sam began, but Jacob wouldn't allow him to say anything more.
"It's the right way. Sam. We have to put the pack before individuals. It's the only way. I get that living apart is inconvenient for Paul and Rachel, but they have no choice but to deal with it. If she wanted, Rachel could come back. We can't sacrifice the packs for one wolf and his imprint."
"Even when that imprint is your sister? You don't want her to be happy?" Sam asked, venom in his voice in contrast to the calm he had kept at the beginning.
"Don't turn this into something like that. This is me speaking as an alpha, not as a brother. I can put my duty before personal feelings."
Sam growled, offended by the implications of Jacob's words.
"I do too," he stated firmly. "That's what I'm doing here. Both packs are safer when all of the wolves are in top form. That means they have to be emotionally ready to fight, not just go through the physical training. Being away from Rachel was going to make fighting harder for Paul, Jacob. It was going to hurt our chances, not improve them."
Jacob stewed in silence, glaring at Sam the entire time. Neither one of them moved, and neither Embry nor I dared to either. Then, Jacob took several steps forward. Sam stood his ground, allowing Jake to get right up in his face.
"If someone dies because Paul is hours away, I'll never let you forget it, Sam," he threatened.
With one last glare, he pushed past Sam, heading for the door. He was out of the house without even once glancing back at Embry and me.
Sam deflated as soon as Jacob was out of the house. It was the first time since we'd arrived where all of his emotions were visible on his face. The tough guy demeanor from moments ago had vanished into thin air.
Unlike Jacob, Sam did look over at Embry and me before quickly looking away.
"We should go," Embry announced. "We'll see you later, Sam."
Sam nodded at Embry's goodbye and mine that followed, but he didn't say anything in response. Just stared at a wall until we had left.
"Whose side are you on?" I asked Embry as we walked, knowing Jacob was far enough away by now to be out of earshot.
Embry sighed and reached out to take my hand.
"They're both right in different ways," he said. "To be honest, I don't like that Paul is gone either. It makes me uneasy. I think I agree with Jake that the best outcome would have been Rachel coming back to La Push."
"But no one could force her to do that," I pointed out. I felt offended on Rachel's behalf at the idea of such a thing. It was true that fighting the Volturi would be the most life threatening fight the pack had ever had, but Rachel had fought her own battles to get to where she was. I didn't like the thought of what being forced back to La Push might do to her.
"I agree," Embry said. "And I think the others do too. Despite what Jake said, he's not going to call up Rachel to convince her to come back. He cares about her too much for that."
I hoped so because, unlike Embry, I thought Rachel coming back was far more likely to make things worse for everyone instead of better.
May 21st, 2011
The couch underneath me felt strange. It was too new and foreign. That would have been fine somewhere else, but this apartment was supposed to become my home, and at the moment, I didn't like how out of place I felt sitting on my own couch.
"Please stop fidgeting," Embry said from beside me. We were trying to watch television, but neither one of us had become engrossed.
"Sorry," I said for the millionth time. "I can't get used to being here in this strange place. You know that I'd never moved before in my life. I've never had to get used to a place like this, used to all knew furniture."
"You were staying at the old apartment all the time," he pointed out.
"Yeah, but I started going over there just to visit. By the time I was spending the night, I had adjusted. This is different. We're suddenly in a new place and expected to live here."
"That does tend to be what happens when you move."
I shot him a glare that he shrugged off. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and I entered the embrace eagerly, snuggling into his side. Embry dropped a kiss to the top of my head before resting his cheek there.
"You'll adjust to it," he promised.
"I know I will eventually, but until then it feels weird being here. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."
"It's the same bed that we slept in when we were at the last apartment."
"But it's in a different room," I pointed out as if that were an obvious fact that Embry should have observed for himself.
Embry's fingers found their way to my hair, playing with it.
"That's why you close your eyes," he quipped. "Then you don't have to notice that the room is different."
I poked him in the side. "It's different, and you know it," I protested. "You can feel that your surroundings are different."
"Maybe you do still have some wolf senses," Embry commented, his voice making it sound like he was intrigued by the possibility.
"It's not like that," I said, wanting to shut down that theory as quickly as possible. "My hearing, smelling, and whatnot are all back to what they were before I phased. At least, I think they are. I think any human would be able to sense when things around them are different like that too."
I could feel Embry shrug underneath me as my head bobbed up and down with it.
"I think that's because they already know it, and their brain won't stop fixating on it."
"Probably, but knowing that won't make it stop bothering me tonight. It's going to feel as foreign and strange as it would otherwise."
Another kiss was dropped onto the top of my head.
"I know," he assured me. "Only time will do that, but we have the time."
Every day that felt less and less true. It was hard to believe Embry when I felt so down about being in a new place that I didn't yet love the way I did my childhood home or even, though I wouldn't have admitted it, the apartment Embry had been living in before. There was this worry in the back of my mind that told me we wouldn't be in this apartment long enough to begin to love it, and maybe that was what had me feeling on edge, unable to get comfortable when surrounded by these walls.
May 30th, 2011
One of the downsides of being pregnant, it turned out, was Emily's incessant need to have what she called girl's days with me and Kim. Even Rachel would show up at times, but that was a rare occurrence. One that only happened when she came along to La Push while Paul participated in a training session with the pack.
What these days entailed varied each and every time, but the topic of mine and Emily's unborn children was popular, whether it was discussing baby clothes or who the children would look most like. Emily and Kim participated in those conversations more than me, especially when it came to speculation of the babies' future looks. I couldn't claim to care whether my kid came out looking more like me or Embry. That didn't matter.
Some days I appreciated these get togethers. They could get my mind off of the uncertainty hanging over our heads, and I enjoyed having someone to talk to about the pregnancy who had first hand experience with what I was talking about.
It was nice having Emily and even Kim around. I would never have claimed otherwise these days. There may have been times when old frustrations with the two of them came up, but by and large, I would have said having them around was good for me.
When I arrived at Emily's that day, Kim appeared to be on edge in a way that was different from her usual shyness. That wasn't saying as much as it used to. For years, Kim had waffled back and forth between acting comfortable with me and acting nervous. I'd never known what I was going to get on any particular day.
These days, she was comfortable around me the majority of the time. Still a bit on the bashful side in that she didn't always want to speak her mind if she thought it would annoy me, but she'd lost a lot of the nervous ticks that I had known her to have in the past.
I liked that. It made being around her bearable, and for the first time, I could spend time around her without worrying that it would lead to aggravation.
That was why I wasn't too thrilled to see that the nervousness had returned, and I wondered if it would become a thing for her all over again despite how draining it had to be to care that much about what other people thought of you.
"Kim says that she has an announcement," Emily announced as soon as we'd settled down in the living room. She didn't seem to know what the announcement was either, but she was showing far more enthusiasm to learn than I could muster.
Kim gave a smile, and it was bright too. I'd have considered Kim to be a happy person overall, but there was a sense about her that this was different. She was excited about something. More excited than I had ever seen her in the past.
"I'm pregnant," she announced, unable to stop herself from bouncing up and down in her seat as she told us. It was more like a giddy child than I had ever seen Kim, and the image was odd. I was still getting used to parts of her personality that I hadn't seen in the time I'd known her because of how closed off and nervous she'd been around me.
"Kim, that's amazing!" Emily exclaimed. She was immediately up, out of her seat, and at Kim's side, wrapping her in a tight hug. The two of them laughed as if they couldn't contain themselves.
I was much more subdued with my congratulations, offering Kim a smile and a, "Congratulations," while remaining in the seat I had taken before. Kim still seemed thankful for it, but then, I didn't think anything could have brought down her mood in that moment. Her brief nervousness over making her announcement was gone, replaced with nothing but the exploding happiness that she couldn't conceal.
She and Emily began gushing over everything that Emily and I had been talking about for months. I was pulled into the conversation, with Emily appearing especially excited that all three of us were pregnant at the same time. This was her dream come true or something close.
Yet, despite how happy everything felt as we sat there in Emily and Sam's living room, I couldn't shake some of the thoughts circulating in the back of my mind.
We didn't leave until Sam had arrived back from training, so I wasn't surprised to find Embry already home when I arrived at our apartment. He was fixing food in the kitchen, and the smell drew me to him the moment I was inside the door. It was my favorite, and I knew he was fixing it for my benefit.
As soon as we were in the same room, I began to ask, "Did Jared-"
"Tell us that Kim's pregnant? Yeah."
I nodded, knowing that would be the answer but wanting to check first. "Kim had mentioned that he planned to."
There was silence as Embry continued cooking. I went for the fridge to get a drink purely because it allowed me to do something other than stand there feeling like I had to talk again.
Eventually, though, I had to say what was on my mind. I wasn't going to shake it otherwise.
"That's a lot of kids at once," I commented. "Like, three pregnancies within the packs."
Embry hummed in agreement, but he didn't say anything else. So I continued, "I just can't shake the idea that it's like they both got knocked up because they're scared of the Volturi."
The noises from the cooking Embry was doing stopped, as did Embry himself. I shifted myself on my feet, wringing my hands. I hadn't wanted to say it. The words had sounded like such a harsh judgment in my mind, and I'd known that they'd sound even more so out loud. Just having had the thought made me feel terrible, and I was a worse person for wanting to speak them.
Suddenly, Embry was in front of me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them. "It's okay," he assured me. "I get why you'd think that. Honestly, the idea entered my mind too. It's not that far-fetched of an idea."
"Maybe," I admitted. My face had flushed pink out of embarrassment. "But I know Emily always wanted more kids, and Kim's talked about wanting them before. I shouldn't assume that they're pregnant now because of the Volturi."
With a sigh, Embry removed his hands from my shoulders and instead wrapped his arms around my waist. "Yeah, I know that too, but I don't think anyone has forgot about the timing, Leah. I guarantee there isn't one person among the pack who didn't have the thought occur to them."
He sounded so sure that I believed him.
"Then you do think that's why?" I asked, needing to know what he thought.
I could feel him shrug against me. "Maybe. I do think that the timing could be consequential, but if it isn't, I can't blame them. We could all die soon, and they want their happy ending before then."
Pulling away far enough to see Embry's face, I said, "But if—when—the Volturi attack, they could…"
Embry nodded, a sad look in his eyes. "They could," he said. "And I still wouldn't blame them for it. They know that as long as there's a fragment of either pack left that their kids will get taken care of."
I knew that for my own child as well. I'd never sat down to think about it in the same way that I didn't like to think about anything pertaining to the Volturi, but I had known, in an instinctual sort of way, that someone would be there to take care of this kid as long as someone from the packs survived.
Thinking about that was too much though. Instead, I pulled away from Embry and demanded that he get back to cooking. I was far too hungry to stand around waiting much longer.
June 10th, 2011
"Shit," I muttered. Embry grabbed ahold of me before I could topple over. Thank God he was there, or I would have managed to kill myself.
"The forest was never this difficult to navigate before," I complained, wishing my foot would stop throbbing from where it had been tangled in the underbrush.
"You had super wolf senses then," Embry pointed out. "Now you have normal human senses, that you no longer seem to know how to use, and a large stomach."
"You're lucky that I'm not going to start accusing you of calling me fat."
He grinned at me, gripping my hand to prevent any further trip ups.
"And I can use my senses as well as expected considering how shit they are," I complained. "I can't see anything anymore, let alone find everything on the ground. God, I swear my senses were better the last time I was human."
Luckily, our cliff came into view soon after that, and I felt a sense of relief as the ground became easier to walk across.
That sense of relief was only strengthened by the happiness I felt at being here again.
"It's been so long," I commented, more to myself than to Embry. He had a similar smile on his face as he helped lower me to the ground in my usual spot without me toppling over again.
"And now you remember why," he said, settling down beside me. "Not the easiest place to get to if you're not a wolf. The forest is too thick."
"And even more difficult when you've suddenly put on weight that you don't know how to balance with," I said with a sigh.
My increasing clumsiness, caused by the fact that I had not only gained weight but that it was concentrated in the front in a way that made balancing difficult, had been increasingly upsetting me. I was so used to being a wolf, to being the fastest wolf. When I was around humans, I had known that I was physically fitter than they were. It was just a fact.
I didn't have that anymore. These days just about any human could outrun me, and I tripped over everything, not used to being unable to see my feet. It was a giant blow to my ego after basking in the glory of my title as fastest wolf for so long.
I could officially say that I had reached the point in the pregnancy where I wanted this child out of me. I was done with being pregnant, now and forever. This was it, and no amount of comments from Emily about how I would change my mind later were going to convince me otherwise.
We had come for sunset, not sunrise. Embry hadn't trusted me to navigate my way in the dark, and after that walk, I got it. The sun wasn't yet setting. The sky was its usual blue, not yet turning to the pinks and oranges that I had grown to love and associate with these times with Embry.
I rested my head on his shoulder, relishing having him close. When I'd finally been smart enough to take a risk for him, our time had become threatened by an even larger shadow that hung over us each and every day. Try as I might, I never shook the fear that each time spent with him might be the last, and it left me clutching to him every chance I got.
Slowly, the sun sank lower and lower, and the sky changed shades, never settling on one for long. Embry and I watched in silence like we had in the past. I had missed this. Only being back out here could have reminded me how much these moments meant to me. The sum of everything together was too much for me to take in.
The sunset reached its halfway point, with the sun partially below the horizon but with the sky still the many vivid shades associated with the event. This was my favorite part of the sunset, the in between part where the sun was still there but not quite as bright as before.
That was when Embry squeezed my hand and gave it a gentle tug. I raised my head to shoot him a questioning gaze. While we had often talked during moments like this, there was something to his actions that hinted at something more.
"What is it?" I whispered, worrying that I would break some sort of spell if I spoke at my normal volume.
Embry glanced away and at the sun briefly. There was no way to deny that he was nervous, and I felt my stomach tighten in anticipation over what was causing the nerves.
"I have something to ask you," Embry said, his voice trembling.
He pushed himself away from the tree and, therefore, me as well. I watched as he angled his body towards me so that we could easily look at each other as we spoke. I struggled to keep my breathing steady as my mind worked through the several possibilities I could imagine as to what was about to happen.
Though I didn't speak, Embry also stayed silent for a long moment, staring at some spot over my head instead of directly at me. He seemed to be building himself up, but eventually, he got there.
His eyes found mine, and I felt a shiver travel down my spine at the intensity I found in them. It was something I should have been used to. I'd seen that look more than a handful of times, yet it still managed to affect me each time I saw it. I had a feeling that it always would.
"Leah, you're going to have my child in three months."
My breath quickened. I was increasingly sure that I knew what this moment was.
"I love you more than anything. I know that you know that. You'd have to. Everything I've ever told you, it's all been true. Absolutely and completely."
He reached into the pocket of his shorts to pull out a small, black box, and my heart stopped. I'd suspected. I had thought he might do it before the baby was born, but I still hadn't been prepared for him to be in front of me saying these things.
Taking one last deep breath, Embry said, "Leah Clearwater, will you marry me?"
This was the moment when I was meant to respond, yet I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't remember what words were meant to be said. Embry's eyes stayed trained on me, watching closely, and it only made thinking more difficult.
Eventually, though, I gained enough awareness to remember the one question I had known I would have to ask when this moment came.
"I have to make sure," I said, voice soft, "that you're doing this because you really want to marry me and not because I'm pregnant with your child. I can't get married just because of this baby."
"And I would never ask you to just because of this baby," Embry assured me. His hands found my face, cradling it and stroking my cheek. Already, my heart rate had calmed as I felt how much love Embry felt for me.
I had been so sure that that was how he would respond, but hearing it said still left me relieved and lighter than I had been before.
Embry continued, "I'm asking you to marry me because I love you. I always would have asked, no matter what circumstances we found ourselves in. Maybe I'm asking sooner because of the baby. I really don't know, but I have a feeling that I wouldn't have been able to hold off much longer, baby or no baby."
"Okay." I felt tears sting my eyes as my emotions overwhelmed me. "Okay. I'll marry you."
Embry surged forward, engulfing me in his embrace. I felt him laughing against me, and I joined him even as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I felt so happy in that moment that it was like my body didn't know what to do. Despite my pregnant stomach between us, I felt closer to Embry than I ever had been before.
After a few minutes of relishing being close to each other, we pulled away to discover that only a sliver of the sun remained above the horizon.
"Embry," I began softly, reaching out for his hand so that he could pull me to my feet.
He hummed as a signal for me to continue speaking as we began walking back towards the woods in the dim light.
"I do want to marry you. So much." I hesitated for a moment before saying it. I would have to eventually. "But I want to wait until after the baby is born. I don't want to rush it."
Embry stopped walking and turned to face me. I struggled to make out his expression in the dark. We'd chosen sunset so that I'd have an easier time making it to the cliff. I'd thought the trip back would be easier, but after the trip there, I wasn't as sure. Already it was hard to see just what was in Embry's eyes.
I could, however, feel his thumbs running along my skin as he held my hands, and that helped give me hope that I hadn't hurt him so badly by adding a condition to our engagement that he didn't want to be engaged at all.
"Okay," he replied after a moment, sounding like he really was okay. I marveled at him.
"Really?" I asked. "You're completely okay with it?"
"Well, yeah," he said. "I thought there was a good chance of it anyway. I told you before, Leah. I don't just want to go to the courthouse and get a marriage license. I want the whole thing. Three months is a short amount of time to plan a wedding even if we didn't have a million other things going on."
My stomach sank at the reminder of everything else in our lives. The Volturi. The training sessions Embry had to go to almost every night. The one he would go to right after dropping me off at home. It hadn't even occurred to me how little time we had to plan this wedding, baby or no baby.
"After the baby though," I promised him. "When we can."
Even in the increasing darkness, Embry's smile in response to my words was evident.
"When we can," he echoed. Leaning down, he placed a kiss to my lips, but it didn't last as long as I would have liked.
"Come on," he urged, ignoring the pout that was my nonvocal protest of losing his lips on mine. "You're never going to make it back without a fall if we let it get any darker. Plus, I'd rather not have both Jake and Sam yelling at me for being late tonight. That would ruin the mood.
I smirked at the reminder of what had happened tonight, but I still wished Embry didn't have to leave me at all. I would have rather stayed on the cliff all night, Embry's warmth making sure I stayed comfortable.
Embry sensed as much as well. He raised my hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Later," he promised as he began leading me through the forest, doing his best to point out any tripping hazards as we went.
June 20th, 2011
I was struggling to fit into my business skirt—the one meant for maternity that still didn't fit right anymore—when the phone rang. At first, I was tempted to ignore it. There wasn't that much time until I had to be out of the house if I wanted to be on time, and I wasn't one who liked to take risks in that area. I prefered keeping my job.
Rachel's name on the caller ID caught my eye though, and after the last time she'd called me early in the morning, I was curious as to why she was calling this time. That was to say, I was both curious and terrified to hear what it was that she had to say. Holding my breath, I answered the call.
"Hello."
"Hi, Leah." Once again, she sounded as if she were excited, and I wasn't sure if that meant good or bad things for me. "Sorry to call you early in the morning. Again."
I could have made a comment about how I was going to be late for work if we kept talking, but I was genuinely curious. Instead, I responded by saying, "It's fine. I was just getting ready for work. What is it that you need to tell me?"
There was a pause, and I wondered what it was about my words that had lessened Rachel's excited demeanor.
"Actually," she began, "I was wondering if you'd be willing to take off of work today and come up to Seattle."
"What?" A rush of possible reasons for the request rushed through my mind. Rachel Black wasn't one to make such requests of people unless she had a genuine reason. "Why would I do that?"
I could hear Rachel take a deep breath on the other end of the line.
"Paul and I are going to the courthouse to get married," she said in a rush.
The words rang in my ears. This hadn't caught me off guard like her announcement that Paul was moving to Seattle had, but it was still a shock to my system. Rachel wasn't one to make rash decisions. She had to have put thought into this, and I wondered why I was only hearing about it on the day that she and Paul had decided to do it.
"Are you serious?" I asked. It was, perhaps, not the most sensitive question to ask, but I couldn't stop it from coming out of my mouth.
I thought of my words to Embry after Kim had told me that she was pregnant, the way I had expressed the belief that Kim and Emily had both gotten pregnant when they did out of fear. That had been a suspicion I was unsure of. There was no doubt in my mind that fear was the primary driving factor of Rachel and Paul's decision.
Rachel's past words about getting married "at some point in the future" echoed in my mind. This hadn't been her plan, and there were only so many reasons her plan could have changed.
"I'm one hundred percent serious," Rachel assured me. Her voice was sharp, expressing her frustration that I hadn't accepted her words from the beginning. I would have felt bad if I weren't so shocked that we were in this position.
"I've already called Dad and Jake," Rachel continued.
"Oh, God," I groaned. "There's no way Jacob took that well. I can't believe he hasn't called yet and yelled about it to me as if I needed to be the one to hear it."
Rachel sighed. "It wasn't that bad. I mean, it could have gone better, but it wasn't that bad. He was reluctant at first, but he's agreed to be Paul's best man. He, Nessie, and Dad are driving up and have said that you can ride with them to act as my maid of honor. You'd be the extent of the guest list if you agree to it."
I took in a sharp breath. The last time someone had asked me to be their maid of honor it had been Emily, and that entire thing had been a mess. I wasn't sure if this one would go any better.
"I have work," I reminded her. "I really do need to go."
"You can't tell me you don't have vacation days. Have you ever taken a day off? Take one and come to my wedding. Please, Leah."
The attempt at a nicety sounded more condescending than truthful, causing me to roll my eyes.
I had known I would go from the moment she invited me, but I truthfully didn't like the idea of calling off of work for it. Saving as many vacation days as possible was one of the ways I comforted myself about what was coming.
Rachel was one of the best friends I had, and I couldn't deny her request for as big of a day as this was. The timing of her marriage was out of fear, but her love for Paul was genuine. It was too important for me not to be there.
"I'll come," I promised her.
"Good." Even through the phone, I could hear the smirk on her face. She'd known that I would come as well as I did. There had never been any doubt. "Because Dad, Jacob, and Nessie should be there soon to pick you up. I wouldn't have wanted them to get there only to find out who weren't going."
I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, well, I'm currently dressed for work and not sure if I have clothes appropriate for a wedding that will fit me right now. I haven't been buying maternity clothes that are meant to be fancy."
"Wear your work clothes. Wear your usual maternity clothes. It doesn't matter to me. My dress is the only white dress I had in my closet, and I'm lucky that I had that. I still have half a mind to put on a different one instead."
"I'll figure something out," I assured her, "but I can only get dressed if we get off the phone."
Rachel let out a bark of laughter, her overly bubbly mood returning now that I'd agreed that I'd be there.
"Got it. I'll let you go," she promised before hanging up the phone without giving me the chance to say goodbye.
With a roll of my eyes, I threw my phone onto the bed and began stripping out of the clothes that had taken so much work to get on. Picking the phone back up, I dialed the office's number to tell them I couldn't come in as I headed towards the closet.
By the time I had taken care of work, I'd pulled a dress out of the back of the closet. It was one that had always been loose on me. Now it stretched against my stomach, trying and failing to suck me in. It was the only thing I owned and could fit in that felt appropriate for a wedding. Impromptu or not
A car honked outside, and I let out a growl of frustration at the thought that I would have to make the drive to Seattle without any coffee. If it had just been Jacob in the car, I would have made him wait. Instead, I hurried outside, sliding into the backseat beside Nessie, who smiled at me but otherwise remained quiet. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept well.
"Unbelievable," I growled to Jake and Billy, adjusting my dress with difficulty. It had become tangled around my legs, and I couldn't straighten it out enough for it to be comfortable. "It's just like Rachel not to give us any warning."
"Are you okay?" Jacob asked. He still hadn't taken the car out of park. He was watching me from the rearview mirror with a hint of concern in his eyes.
"Fine," I growled again as I successfully straightened the dress enough that I wasn't sitting on a lump. "Just not prepared for this."
Jacob nodded, putting the car in reverse and leaving. I fumbled around for my phone in my purse and sent a text to Embry telling him of my change in plans. I hoped he was as annoyed by it as I was.
"What time was it when she called you?" I asked.
"I answered the phone at six," Billy said, sounding far less annoyed about that fact than I would have been. Parenthood did strange things to people, but the child inside of me had better never try something like Rachel currently was. Sure, I'd show up, but I wouldn't be as well-natured about it as Billy Black.
Instead of saying anything more, I watched Jake as well as I could from the backseat. His gaze was on the road, but he didn't appear as put off by all of this as I would have expected before getting in the car.
The ride was peaceful, but I felt an increasing sense of trepidation the closer we got. I wasn't sure why. Rachel was Paul's imprint. They were meant to get married.
I wasn't worried about that. I was far more worried that they were doing it too soon than that they were doing it at all. Everything would work out in the end, but would Rachel regret how the wedding played out? I couldn't find an answer to that question that reassured me of anything.
Rachel's, and now Paul's, apartment was much the same on the inside as it had been the last several times I had visited, though it had been a rather long time since the last visit. Between not being able to phase and finding long car rides uncomfortable due to the pregnancy, it hadn't happened. It was a relief to discover that everything appeared fine here. Something about the drama that had surrounded Paul's move had had me worried I would discover a tense atmosphere, but that had been foolish of me. It hadn't been Rachel or Paul who had felt the tension of that move.
In fact, the place might have felt more welcoming than in the past. Though this apartment had never felt as artificially decorated as their previous house, there was a sense about this place that I couldn't pick out the cause of except for Paul being around. When I bothered to look, it was evident how his things were as strewn about as Rachel's, and it became clear that that was what I was sensing: the fact that this apartment was twice as lived in than it had been before.
"I'm glad you're here," Rachel exclaimed as she wandered out of the bedroom, already in her dress. She sounded legitimately relieved, as if she'd begun worrying that we'd never show up.
There was a spark of fear in her eyes that was rare for Rachel. I'd seen it when her mother died and in the immediate aftermath of Paul imprinting on her. That was it.
Seeing it today amped up the worries I'd begun to feel in the car.
"Leah," Rachel said. She reached out one hand for me, hovering it there as she waited for me to take it. I did and was tugged back into the bedroom.
"Paul's already seen me. Obviously," she said.
"It's a stupid tradition anyway," I assured her.
With a snort, Rachel turned back to the mirror. "We're throwing out a lot of traditions today," she said, taking a brush to the hair that fell down her back. "I don't care. I never did. Maybe that's a good thing."
I watched her, trying to figure out how genuine she was being. It was true that when we were kids Rachel was less interested in discussing future weddings than other kids we knew. She really had thought they could be over the top, but I couldn't shake the feeling that she would be upset to have hers reduced to so small of an affair. Maybe I was projecting.
"Leah, stop frowning," Rachel chided, sliding onto a bench that sat before the mirror in her bedroom. From the makeup scattered on the counter in front of her, I'd guess that this was where she sat to get ready in the morning.
"I don't want you for company if you're going to put me in a bad mood on my wedding day," she continued.
I muttered a quiet, "Sorry."
There was so much I wanted to ask her, but I didn't dare ask any of it when two wolves sat in the next room, able to hear everything that came out of my mouth. In Jacob's case, that didn't mean much. I was certain that he had many of the same questions for Rachel as I did. Paul, however, I did not want to hear my questioning. While I'd gotten to know Paul as an angry person, his insecurities about his relationship with Rachel had been one of the few things I'd seen visibly upset him.
While questioning Rachel didn't seem like much of a risk, there was a sense of worry in my mind that I'd convince Paul that Rachel didn't want to marry him if I voiced any caution about the wedding. It was better to stay quiet and wonder about it on my own than risk creating drama on what was meant to be their day.
"I'm still not sure about this dress," Rachel said, smoothing out the folds that had formed when she sat down. "Should I go with a brighter color or stick with this to be more traditional?"
I shrugged, knowing Rachel would do what she wanted no matter what I said. Still, I did say, "You're throwing out other traditions that don't matter to you, why not wear the color you want?"
She frowned as she thought about my words, still inspecting herself in the mirror. I could almost see her running through the options as I watched her.
"I think the white would be easiest," she said. "I like the other dresses, but I'd spend another hour trying to decide which one of those I'd wear. Better to wear this dress and not be late for our appointment than try to put on something else."
Rachel Black: surprisingly efficient when she wanted to be.
At first, I wanted to add the action of settling on the white dress to my list of worries surrounding the wedding. Then I sat there and observed Rachel as she continued to get ready. She took great pains with her makeup, wanting it to be perfect. As she worked on it, she hummed to herself, and a small grin that she didn't seem to realize was there appeared on her face.
She was content. That much was obvious by looking at her, and I couldn't mistake it for any other emotion.
A sense of calm had enveloped me by the time Rachel was putting on her lipstick. She patted at the edges of her lips, making sure it was a sharp line, and our eyes caught each other in the mirror.
She was genuinely happy, and I found my own smile echoing hers.
Rachel stood up and offered her hand to help me stand from the bed I had perched myself on. As soon as I was standing, I couldn't help but tug her towards me. We held each other close, both relishing what this day meant for Rachel. The full importance of it weighed heavily on my mind, but it wasn't the worry that I had felt earlier. This time it felt promising.
"I'm so happy for you," I muttered into her ear. It was low enough that I wasn't sure Jacob or Paul would be able to make it out from the other room. It was a private moment between the two of us and no one else.
She squeezed me tighter in response, though she was careful of my stomach. Pulling away, she looked down, taking in my dress and the way it pulled over my stomach for the first time.
"You weren't kidding about not having any dresses to wear, were you?"
I sighed. "I wasn't exactly prepared for something like this to happen in the next three months. This was the loosest thing I had."
Rachel offered me a nod, an amused smile causing her lips to curl. "It works fine," she assured me. "Now let's go get this over with, so you can get into something more comfortable."
I didn't argue with that as I followed her back to the living room, our hands clutched together.
Paul smiled when we appeared, his eyes taking Rachel in. I'd never seen him look so genuinely joyful to see a person as I had seen him when he saw Rachel over and over again.
They would be fine. I knew they would be. Even if they only had a few months of eternally wedded bliss.
July 5th, 2011
The room was quiet, the packs making for a far less rambunctious group than they had in the past. Most had dark circles under their eyes, especially the older guys who took the largest burdens of responsibility, but even the youngest members of the pack looked far more exhausted than any teenager should. Perhaps it was the air of mental exhaustion, not just physical, that contributed to the sympathy I felt when I looked at them.
With training sessions nightly, this was the first joint pack meeting that had been called in ages. While I never went to the training sessions (unable to make it that far into the woods even if I wanted to), I had been invited to this.
Technically, I was still beta in everyone's minds, but Embry's rank had been raised to what might have been considered interim beta during my absence. Our best guess was that I would once again be able to phase after giving birth, and my old rank would come with it. Embry would go back to being third-in-command.
In the meantime, I wasn't sure which of us was Jacob's beta during this meeting. While my presence had been all but demanded by Jake, I felt out of the loop when it came to the pack.
Every night Embry would share with me what I had missed that day. I was well informed. I could tell you how each session went, who beat who in a fight, who was the crankiest, and all of that.
None of that was the same as being there, of seeing it for myself. For all of my technical knowledge, I wasn't getting the same firsthand experience the guys were getting. I wasn't experiencing the ways they lost their cool or collapsed from fatigue for myself.
As miserable as the training had been when I was taking part in it, I felt angry to be missing it now. I understood why my body would no longer let me phase. I didn't want to phase if it would mean hurting the baby, but I was becoming increasingly agitated that there was so long until the baby was born.
If I could just no longer be pregnant, I could fulfill my duties as beta. I could feel useful to the pack again. I wouldn't feel like an outsider at these meetings despite following every word said and knowing exactly what they were talking about.
"I have news from the Cullens," Jacob announced from where he was standing next to Sam at the front of the room. We'd congregated at Sam and Emily's house, the same as always. I was going to start a petition to have these meetings outside where we could more comfortably fit.
The guys stiffened at the mention of the Cullens. Jacob was in daily contact with them by virtue of being entrusted with their precious Renesmee, but any news from them important enough to share with the pack was news that no one wanted to receive.
"What is it?" Sam asked, voice showing the trepidation that we all felt. "Something about Alice's visions?"
Most of what we heard from the Cullens these days were slight changes in Alice's visions. Finally, they were calling Jake immediately after the slightest of shifts in the Volturi's intentions, and while that change had been welcome, it had become exhausting to keep up with. The fact that this announcement was happening at a pack meeting was a large sign that this one would be different from the run of the mill updates we'd been getting.
This was going to be something noteworthy for once. Amazingly, that managed to be both a relief and terrifying at the same time.
"Alice's visions have changed." Though Jacob's words were meant for all of us, his gaze stayed primarily on Sam. "She says that the Volturi's plans have a new sense of urgency, like they're preparing for something happening sooner than they were in the past. The Cullens' best guess is that they'll be attacked within the next few months."
There was a sharp intake of breath by all of the wolves in the room. I focused my gaze on a spot on the wall, not wanting to see anyone's stricken reaction, but Embry's hand was gripped in mine, his thumb continuing to stroke my skin even as Jacob broke the news. He might have been the one thing keeping me from losing my mind from fear in the moment.
I reached out to touch my stomach, trying to be as discreet as possible about it. I felt strange showing affection for something inside me when I was around anyone other than Embry, but the baby was currently kicking around in my uterus as if they could feel the tension in the room, and I felt like I had to do something to attempt to calm them. Sometimes I worried that something bad was going to happen to the baby purely because of how stressed I felt at all times, but with no way to make the threat go away, I felt helpless to fix it.
Jacob continued, voice sounding shakier than it had when he'd begun speaking, "Since Alice can't see us, she can't know whether or not we're as threatened as they are, but from the sound of Bella's voice when she told me all of this, the Cullens think they have a good reason to be alarmed. They could attack us at the same time or immediately afterward."
It fell quiet as Jacob finished dispensing his information. Even as a human, I could hear the breathing of the wolves closest to me, sounding shaky. Robbie was directly across from me, and I swore that his eyes were red rimmed as if he were about to start crying. I both wouldn't be surprised and wouldn't blame him one bit. I felt like crying too, but I was managing to contain myself.
Sam sighed, managing to catch the attention of everyone, whose eyes snapped to him to wait for what he had to say. It would likely come in the form of commands and plans for the future that he'd already formed.
"We keep training," he said. "Just like before except we focus more of our attention on it."
It was a note to the seriousness that we felt that none of the guys groaned in annoyance like they would have a year ago. Even the youngest members of the packs who had continued goofing off the longest had by now seen how much of a life or death situation this was. They were no longer treating this like something they could laugh about.
Still, there was no possible way for the wolves to train more than they already were. It would be foolish to believe that they could. They may have been supernatural creatures with super abilities to match, but even they couldn't physically exert themselves any longer than they were without collapsing from exhaustion. It wasn't physically possible. The dark circles under their eyes, the way they sagged in their seats. All of it showed how impossible it was for them to be more prepared.
I said none of this. It didn't feel like I could. Expressing the idea that the packs were already as prepared as they could be, that our odds couldn't get any better, felt like the most pessimistic thing I could say in that moment.
The look on each of their faces made it clear to me that I couldn't be the one to force that negativity on them. They needed what little optimism they could fool themselves with.
That being said, I didn't think they were going to manage to fool themselves. Even Sam knew that they were doing everything in their power to hone their battle skills, and he wouldn't have been one to believe that unless it were true.
"Are we going to train tonight?" Ethan asked, a hint of dread in his voice. It didn't take a genius to realize that all of the wolves had hoped that they would get the night off after sitting through this meeting.
Jacob looked at Sam. Sam looked indecisive for a moment before he rubbed at his forehead with his hand and sighed.
"No," he said. A note of regret in his voice showed he was unsure that he was making the right decision. "Tonight, you guys get some rest. Tomorrow, we start working hard."
This time Jared snorted at the irony, but no one else paid him any attention, too focused on their own worries. Not even Sam managed a sharp reprimand or glare like he typically would have given to such a response.
Everything was too somber, too subdued. Nothing felt right. Nothing had felt right for close to a year. Life went on, but no one was themselves. Everyone had become a strange, empty shell.
There was this part of me, a part I kept shoving deep down and ignoring. A part of me that I didn't want to acknowledge the existence of that wanted the Volturi to attack.
Not because I wanted everyone's lives to be in danger but because such an attack felt inevitable. At some point, the Volturi were going to attack, and I wanted to get it over with. It felt like it would be better now, before the packs drove themselves into the ground with exhaustion as they tried to prepare. Waiting prolonged the torture we were going to go through no matter when the Volturi attacked.
I wanted to be there. I wanted to play my part in the fight, and that meant I didn't want the Volturi to come until after I was phasing again. Then I could play my rightful part and do everything in my power to keep the Volturi from harming those I loved most.
It was terrifying, but it was also infinitely better than the alternative of sitting around unable to defend myself, let alone protect those I loved. That terrified me more than anything.
July 17th, 2011
My stomach was larger than I would have been capable of imagining at the beginning of the pregnancy. When I'd imagined being pregnant, I hadn't imagined this aspect of it. Logically, I'd known that I'd get large, but I hadn't grasped how that would feel.
My own body felt unwieldy. Balancing was a challenge, and it was more difficult to put on my shoes, an everyday thing that I had never considered to be a skill until it became a struggle. Everything felt like a struggle as the end of my pregnancy approached. Every little thing that I had taken for granted suddenly left me feeling tired.
Labor wasn't something I could control, as much as I'd have liked to. It would come when it came, and there was no speeding it up just as there would be no stopping it once it started.
What I could control was what I did with my time while I waited, and I was determined that I wasn't going to sit around and think about how miserable I felt. I couldn't take another night of it.
"I'm coming with you," I announced to Embry abruptly one evening as he prepared to go meet the guys at the usual training spot—what had used to be our usual training spot.
He looked up at me from where he'd been bent over tying up his shoelaces.
"To training?" he asked for clarification, as if he couldn't believe what I had said.
"Yes," I told him. "I'm not sitting around here and waiting for you to get back like I have every other night for the past eight months." I ignored the way he rolled his eyes. "I'm going to lose my mind if I don't do something, and as I'm a part of the pack too, I feel like I have a right to be there."
"A right, yes," he agreed. "It's more the means of getting there that worries me. Leah, you remember what happened the last time you tried to walk through a forest, and that was a month ago. It'll only be more difficult now, and this is even further in than the cliff."
"I don't care," I said stubbornly. "Struggling to get there is better than sitting here alone."
Embry's eyes were soft as he looked at me. He slowly stood up, having finished with his shoes, and taking a step forward, he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around my waist. He leaned down to rest his forehead on mine, and I shut my eyes, breathing him in and relishing the feeling of having him close.
"I really do wish you could be there," he whispered. "I really do. Believe it or not, things are a lot calmer when you're there. You're so much better at keeping the younger ones in line than Jake and me. They never listen to us."
I smirked, feeling satisfied with myself even though I knew it was an exaggeration. While that might have been true once upon a time, everything was so serious these days that I doubted that any of the younger wolves misbehaved. They knew now what grave consequences might lie in their future if they didn't.
Sighing, I pulled away far enough to look Embry in the eyes.
"I might still be light enough to travel on your back when you're a wolf. Just saying."
Embry smirked, and I could already tell that I wasn't going to make it very far with that angle.
"How about no?" he said in amusement. "I have a feeling that wouldn't go over too well either. You toppling off my back as I run would be a bigger disaster than tripping over a tree root."
"If I hang on tightly?" I asked in one last ditch effort at winning.
Embry leaned in to drop a quick kiss onto my lips.
"I wish, but it's still no."
Maybe it was being rejected more than once. Maybe it was the idea of spending another night sitting at home alone. Whatever it was, I felt tears well up in my eyes as Embry said those words. Embry's hands, which were still resting on my hips, gripped me tighter.
"Leah," he said with a hint of fear in his eyes. I blinked away the tears as best as I could as I looked up at him. "Are you okay?" he asked, reaching up to brush back hair that was falling into my eyes. I hadn't kept it as trimmed as usual since I'd learned that I was pregnant. It hadn't felt necessary when I knew that I wouldn't be phasing for close to a year. It had always been far too much of a hassle anyway.
"No," I replied to Embry's question, voice breaking as I spoke. I was too tired to pretend that I was anywhere close to fine. "I feel like shit. I get that I'm pregnant, but that doesn't make not being able to phase any easier. It doesn't stop me from feeling useless. You're all out there every night making sure you can protect everyone when the time comes, and I'm here at home trying to convince myself that I don't need to go to the kitchen to get more food."
As I spoke, it became more difficult to hold the tears in. Soon, I was crying on Embry's shoulder, his hand cradling the back of my neck as he rocked us side to side.
"You're not useless," Embry said so quietly that I almost couldn't hear him over my crying. "You're under as much stress as the rest of the pack. Honestly. You may not be training, but you do more than enough, and everyone knows how much you wish you were training with us. You're still the beta of our pack. Nothing has changed that. Not being able to phase isn't your fault. No one blames you, and no one wants you blaming yourself either."
He pulled away from me and tilted my tear stained face up to look up at him. He rubbed his thumbs along my cheeks, drying the tears away. Already, I felt better. Embry was the only one who was able to alleviate the fear that had taken up permanent residence in the pit of my stomach. It wasn't permanent by any stretch of the imagination, but I reveled in these moments of true calm. It only took a minute for reality to come rushing back in.
"Thank you," I told him, packing as much sincerity as I could into my voice.
With a smile, Embry placed a kiss to my forehead.
"I have to go," he said. "And I wish you could go with me, or even better, that I didn't have to go at all. But I wouldn't want Jacob to murder me."
I gave a short laugh. "Go," I told him. "There's no way in hell you're dying before the baby is here."
We both knew how close Embry might come to doing just that, but somehow, he still managed to keep the soft smile on his face as he left, looking back at me one last time as he closed the door behind himself.
As soon as he was gone, I reached up to wipe the remaining moisture from my face. Tears still stung at my eyes, but they no longer fell.
I still wished I could do more, but instead, I turned back into the living room, settling myself down on the couch to wait. Whether I was waiting for Embry or the Volturi or the baby inside of me I wasn't sure.
August 4th, 2011
Over the months of my pregnancy, Emily had told me every detail of her previous pregnancy in excruciating detail. I could have recounted the stories in my sleep. Not one event of those nine months had fallen from her memory, and she was determined to share them with me too. For my benefit, of course.
In some cases, it had helped. I wasn't sure what I would have done if she hadn't warned me about the nosebleeds she had experienced. It had made the first one I got feel routine.
There were, however, other aspects of pregnancy that Emily's stories hadn't prepared me for, and one of those was labor itself.
I'd known all along that this would be the one aspect of the pregnancy that I couldn't understand until I was experiencing it.
When the first jolt of pain came, I almost dropped the bowl I was holding onto the kitchen floor. It was like the worst menstrual cramp I had experienced in my life. Trying to imagine labor earlier in the pregnancy, I had imagined the worst pain possible. The easiest point of reference for me had been the first time I'd phased. Then, my entire body had morphed into something new, and it had been like being engulfed in the Sun. This was different, concentrated within my abdomen. However, I still had to consider it one of the worst pains of my life, and it had caught me so off guard that I had to hunch over as the contractions squeezed my uterus tighter and tighter.
With the due date approaching, I had taken my maternity leave from work. I hadn't wanted to go into labor behind my desk, and I felt better knowing that I was in La Push, surrounded by people who could get me to the hospital if necessary.
As it turned out, I'd had excellent timing.
Knowing what I had to do, I rushed over to where my cell phone rested on the kitchen counter, still hunched over from the pain. It wasn't subsiding yet, but I didn't let that stop me from dialing Embry's number.
"Hello," Embry greeted the moment he picked up. There was a sense of urgency in his tone, as if he'd seen my name and put the pieces together.
"Embry," I said, sounding short of breath, "I know you just got to work and everything, but it hurts. It really hurts. I think it's happening."
"You're sure?" Embry asked, voice becoming rushed. "It's not one of those fake ones or anything? This is real?"
I groaned as the pain strengthened. "I don't know. It sure as hell feels real."
"Okay, okay." There was a pause on the other end of the line that I was sure was Embry freaking out like I was. The only difference was that his freakout wasn't caused by a massive pain in his lower abdomen. Not that I was jealous.
"I'm coming," he said. The words were said so fast that I almost couldn't distinguish them. "I'll be there as soon as possible. I promise."
"Okay." It might have been my imagination, but the pain felt like it had subsided. "I'm going to call my mom. She'll be able to tell for sure whether it's real."
My mom was over within minutes of hanging up the phone with her, and Embry followed her into the house. Even Seth was in tow, following behind Embry although he looked hesitant to be there, shuddering as I let out a low groan from the pain.
Mom came over and placed her hand on my abdomen, pressing down slightly. She nodded as she did so, having felt whatever it was she was searching for.
"You're in labor," she confirmed. "Feel your uterus."
She placed my hand where hers had been, and I pressed down, mimicking her previous actions.
"It's hard," I observed, though I could already feel the hardness subsiding along with the pain. Mom nodded.
"That's one sign that it's a real contraction and not a Braxton-Hicks. The baby is being pushed into the birth canal."
"You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to move it," I said, only a hint of bitterness coloring my voice.
"This one has Clearwater blood," Mom said with a grin. "It shouldn't surprise any of us if it turns out to be a stubborn one."
Maybe I would have found that more amusing if I hadn't been in so much pain. I was just lucky that the contractions came and went over the following hours. If the pain had been constant, I wouldn't have made it through. Of course, I didn't think anyone else would have managed to, so perhaps that was why they came in the waves they did. It was a crucial puzzle piece to our survival as a species. If only evolution was concerned with making labor painless.
"Let's get you to the hospital," Mom said once she'd deemed my contractions to be close enough together. She ushered me out of the chair I sat in. Embry and Seth both rushed forward, pushing her out of the way to help me stand instead. Each of them took one of my arms, trying to support all of my weight.
"I'm in labor, not incapable of walking," I complained, trying to wrestle myself out of their grip. The last contraction had faded, and I really did fine. At least as fine as I had felt the entire week before, which was to say I felt rather tired and exhausted.
Seth listened to me enough to take a step back, though he hovered by my side in case he was needed. Embry, however, kept an arm around my waist the entire way to the car. I was loaded into the front seat as if I weren't capable of doing that by myself either.
I hadn't even been in labor for half an hour, and I already had another reason I wanted this child out of me: I would be able to do simple tasks on my own without people hovering.
But that wouldn't come until after the baby was here because, at the hospital, my family continued to prove that they would keep hovering until the labor was over.
Embry sitting beside me didn't annoy me. His hand gripping mine as I sat in the hospital bed felt comforting. It made the experience easier to deal with. The way Seth rushed forward to grab the cup before I could each time I tried to take a drink of water wasn't comforting. It just left me feeling agitated, which was only exacerbated how terrible I felt when another contraction washed over me.
"Joselyn is on her way from Port Angeles," Emily announced as she entered the room, cell phone clutched in her hand, "and Rachel and Paul are leaving Seattle as we speak."
She smiled at me, reaching out to brush some hair off my forehead. She was acting slightly less overbearing than Seth had been since she'd gotten here. At least with Emily it came across as motherly as opposed to Seth's nervous, I-don't-know-what-to-do-in-this-situation approach that led him to over do it.
"Is anyone here yet?" Seth asked Mom, who'd followed Emily back into the room.
She nodded. "Jacob's out there with Sam. He brought Nessie," she told us. "Kim will be here as soon as she finishes up a job she's working, and Quil will be here when he gets off in an hour."
"He said to tell you to hold it in until he got here," Emily told me with an amused grin. Her smile only widened once she saw the look on my face upon hearing the comment. The one that came while imagining what I wanted to tell Quil when he got here.
"Can we get this baby out within the next hour?" I asked. "I wouldn't mind seeing Quil cry."
Embry let out a bark of laughter, running his thumb along my skin.
"I don't think you're going to have much luck. You were only at four centimeters the last time the doctor checked."
A contraction hit before I could say anything more, and I shut my eyes as the pain washed over me. I still had hours of this, and the pain was only becoming more frequent as time passed. Sometimes, during rests between contractions, I felt confident about my ability to get through this. Then another contraction would come, each one stronger than the one before it, and I would doubt my own strength.
Not that I had an option to quit. This baby was coming out somehow. There was no denying that fact.
I gripped onto Embry's hand. Never before had I been so thankful to be dating a wolf or, especially, that I was currently human. I squeezed as hard as I could, needing the release and knowing that no amount of strength I showed was capable of hurting Embry.
Each time a contraction hit, I raised myself off of the bed, almost folding myself into a ball as I curled around my stomach. Embry's hand that wasn't in mine reached out to rub my back, focusing on the base of it, right behind my uterus.
Again and again the cycle repeated itself. Each time the contractions came sooner than they had before. The nurses came in and out, consulting with me or Embry or the doctor. Everything seemed to speed up as my cervix dilated.
"You're ten centimeters," the doctor confirmed from between my legs. "Are you ready to push?" She looked up at me with a calming smile. It was hard for me to understand how someone could look so at ease when they had someone in labor in front of them, but I nodded, knowing that it wasn't a real decision anyway. Either I pushed or something bad happened.
So, I pushed with all of my might, clutching Embry's hand. The entire time, he seemed to be focused on everything at once, a wolf ability that I had lost over the past year. It was like Embry was attuned to every little reaction in the room, and the closer the baby came to being out, the sharper Embry's senses became.
With one final push, I felt the baby leave my body. "It's a girl." The doctor and nurses placed the baby on my chest even as I collapsed back onto the bed with relief. I would still have to pass the placenta, but for a moment, I could relax.
It was hard to describe the rush of emotions running through my system. It really was like feeling everything possible in one fell swoop. Tears gathered in my eyes but didn't fall as I ran my fingers along the baby's soft skin.
Embry's hand brushed across my sweaty forehead, pushing the hair back once again. My eyes fluttered up to look at him, our baby's crying heard loudly between us. The nurses surrounded us, clustered together like they were shielding us from the rest of the room. My mother, Seth, Emily, and Joselyn hovered along with them, smiling down at us.
"She looks beautiful," Embry told me, eyes focusing on me again instead of the baby. "She's so amazing, Leah." He leaned in to kiss my forehead. "You're amazing."
I gave him a tired smile, my eyes fluttering closed again. Then, I felt intense pain in my abdomen again and couldn't suppress a groan. A nurse stepped forward, reaching out for the baby.
"Let me clean her while you deliver the placenta," she said gently. I relinquished my hold, too focused on the new pain to be worried about the baby being cleaned.
The pain was remarkably similar to the contractions before. Although the placenta moving through the birth canal couldn't compare to the baby, I could tell that my uterus was trying with all of its might to remove everything with its pushing. I already felt so exhausted from the actual birth that all I could do was be thankful that I no longer had to push.
"The placenta is out," the doctor informed me once the pain had started to calm. I felt a similar sense of thankfulness to what I had felt before, and I almost closed my eyes again before I noticed the baby being carried back over to me. The nurse smiled at Embry and me as she placed the baby back on my chest.
Another nurse approached, clutching a clipboard.
"These are the papers you need to fill out for the birth certificate," she said with the same gentle smile that all the nurses wore. She handed the clipboard to Embry. "Don't be in any rush, but once you give it back to us, a staff member will enter the information into the computer and get the official certificate. You'll need to sign the certificate before leaving the hospital."
Embry smiled at her. "Thank you," he said.
Once she had left, it felt more like Embry and I were alone with the child than it had at any other point since the birth. Our family and friends still hovered, but they'd moved to one side of the room instead of circling us. The doctor had left, and what nurses remained were focused on cleaning up the station where the baby had been cleaned.
Embry ran his hand along the baby's head and then leaned down to kiss the top of it. Pulling away, he glanced down at the papers in his hand and clicked the pen.
"Athena Evelyn Call," he said, pen poised over the line as he glanced to me for confirmation. I smiled at the name that had been one of our two options for months.
"Athena Evelyn Call," I repeated, looking down at the girl as I said it and associating her with the sounds for the first time. She moved as if responding to it, and I ran one finger along her tiny, closed fist.
I watched Embry write the name down as carefully as possible from the corner of my eye. He filled in a few lines after that, but soon, his attention was drawn back to Athena herself. His face was filled with so much wonder that I'd never seen before. It was almost shocking. It was similar to the look that he'd shown to my stomach when he'd found out that I was pregnant or when he'd felt Athena moving around inside, but with her in front of him, able to be seen, it was ten times stronger than it had been in the past. It reminded me, strangely enough, of the looks I'd seen some of the guys get when they looked at their imprints, like Embry fully intended to go to the ends of the world for her.
"Hey, Athena," he whispered to her. "Welcome to the world. We're going to keep you safe. I promise."
My heart tightened as he placed yet another kiss on the top of her skull.
August 27th, 2011
Before the birth, I had been determined to phase immediately afterward. At the time, the desire had consumed me, and it had been hard to think of little else.
Now, I'd had the baby. As far as we all knew, I should have been able to phase again, yet I hadn't tried in the more than three weeks that had passed since the birth. With the baby at home and me on maternity leave, I had a surprising lack of time to focus on anything that wasn't Athena's needs.
Phasing had become one of the lasts things on my mind even if the threat of the Volturi hung over my head every second. A lack of time wasn't the primary reason I had yet to try. The first time I had phased, the pain had been excruciating. After giving birth, I'd felt exhausted, and weeks later, I didn't quite feel like I had recovered. Perhaps I could attribute that to the lack of sleep I was getting.
I knew that after going more than a year without phasing and having lost my wolf senses, I was likely to encounter the same pain when my wolf took over my body. At a normal time, I would have welcomed such a thing now that I knew the outcome. While the first time it had happened I'd been terrified, this time it would be far more like reuniting with an old friend. No, it would be like reuniting with a crucial part of me. A part that was still there but who I'd had to keep a distance from in the past year.
There was a craving within me for that reunion, but I'd known that I had to regain my energy first. I couldn't drive to the reunion when there was no gas in the car. I couldn't drive myself into the ground by phasing again when I had an infant that depended on me.
So I'd let three weeks past, and I'd spent every second I didn't have to be taking care of Athena trying to rest. I would have done so anyway considering how exhausting she could be. I spent every day of it thankful that Embry had taken paternity leave because that was the only thing that had enabled me to build up enough energy, after three weeks, to once again attempt to phase.
Embry sat with Athena on Sam and Emily's porch, a site we'd picked because it was far more secluded than our own apartment and didn't involve trekking all the way into the woods before I discovered whether or not I could successfully do it. Various members of both packs as well as Emily and Kim were in the house, but I'd ordered them to stay inside. There was no way they were going to watch my potential failure, but I also knew that they were pushing each other out of the way inside to sneak peeks out the window.
I ignored that knowledge as I squared my shoulders, closed my eyes, and searched inside of myself for my wolf. I knew that she was there as she had always been. She had only gone dormant, not disappeared. This wouldn't be like the first time, I hoped. It had been a year, yes, but the first time she and I had to become one. This time, we already were, and I was hoping against all hope that it would be like one of the many times I had phased over the years.
As soon as I began trying to pull her out of the recesses of my mind, I felt something I could only compare to a fire within me. It was hard to tell where in my body it had started, if it had started in any particular place at all, as it so quickly spread throughout all of me.
At first, it was a low burn, and then it erupted. The next thing I knew I was standing on four legs instead of two as I shook out my fur, thankful that I had thought to cut my hair before trying to phase.
It had stung a little, like working out after not using those muscles for an extended length of time, but it wasn't like the first time. The fire hadn't burned quite as much, and already, I felt in control, which stood in stark contrast to the first time I'd phased and had no idea how to control my wolf. That time it had felt like I was learning to use every new part of my body. This time, I was testing it out to see if it was still working the same way, and it seemed to be.
For a while, it was just me and my wolf. I no longer had any awareness of Embry and Athena on the porch or anyone inside. I was too focused on flexing every muscle, of taking in the many sounds and smells I hadn't detected moments earlier. Everything was intense again. At least it felt intense after I'd had a year to grow unused to everything being so clear.
I began to focus on my improved vision and once again took in my surroundings. Turning toward the porch, I saw Embry standing on the steps, smiling at me as he held Athena close to his chest. He looked proud, and I could already imagine the sorts of things I would be telling him if we were both phased.
Of course, everything had worked out perfectly. It was second nature to me no matter how long it had been. It felt ridiculous to have doubted that.
I walked towards the porch as a wolf, relishing the feeling of doing so even at a slow pace. I was going to have to go for a run as soon as possible. My entire being craved it as if it were food. Sure, I'd loved running in order to remind the other members of the pack just who was the fastest wolf, but I fully believed that I was the fastest because of how much I enjoyed running. It was what I had missed most.
Hunkering down beside the porch, out of direct view of the windows, I phased back and slipped on the clothes I had stored there. If it was possible to smile as a wolf, I must have been because there was a smile on my face the second I was human again. It was a struggle to get my dress over my head as my entire body felt like it was vibrating from the aftermath of having phased, a mixture of happiness and my body readjusting to the quick changes it had gone through.
"How do you feel?" Embry asked as I hurried up the steps beside him. Instinctively, I almost reached for Athena, but my arms continued to vibrate as I did so, and I quickly dropped them.
"Like I had an intense workout that hit every muscle in my body," I said, "but it's not painful. I think I might be sore in the morning, but right now, it's more like everything is tingling."
"Athena thought it was exciting," Embry told me. "She enjoyed seeing you as a wolf."
I smirked. "I believe you were the one who informed me just the other day that she can't focus on much of anything that's more than a foot away and that she can't distinguish things well yet."
Embry shrugged, not bothered about being caught in a lie. "You may be the smallest wolf, but you're not exactly tiny. We're all at least as big as cars. I swear she could make you out."
"And she was able to tell that the wolf was me? Right."
The vibrating throughout my body had dimmed to a more manageable level, and I reached out to take my daughter from her father. Her eyes had been closed in his arms, but she stirred as she moved between us, not quite waking up but burrowing into the warmth I had regained as I held her to my chest.
"Yeah, she looks like she was alert for the entire thing," I said, heading the rest of the way up the porch steps and into the house.
Applause erupted as soon as I opened the door, and I tried unsuccessfully to quell the smug smile that erupted onto my face.
September 7th, 2011
The week following my successful attempt at phasing was both wonderful and excruciating. Every other night, Mom began visiting so that she could watch Athena as Embry and I met the rest of the packs in the forest to train.
I was happy to be a part of what was happening again. Once again, I felt worthy of being Jacob's beta, and I eagerly latched back onto my duties. Perhaps I was a bit too bossy on occasion as a way of making up for my absence. It would be a lie to say that I didn't relish the power to a certain extent. I liked knowing that I had the ability to help things run smoothly if nothing else.
However, I couldn't prepare myself for the exhaustion I began to feel as I once again began fighting as a wolf. If that first, brief moment of being a wolf again had felt like a workout, the training sessions over the following week were torture sessions. Every part of me hurt at all times, and with the lack of sleep that came with taking care of the baby, Embry and I were often the most tired of all the wolves, which was saying something.
It was difficult to believe that I was getting any sleep at all as it often didn't feel like it.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Mom asked, hesitating where she stood near the front door.
"You really don't need to," I assured her, listening with one ear to Embry talking to Athena ten feet away. "We've got this."
"Leah," Mom said in her warning tone of voice, "almost everyone gets help after a baby is born. You two may be wolves, but with all that training, if you two need to rest-"
"We're fine," I said curtly.
I knew that I was being stubborn and that Mom was right that there would be nothing wrong with us receiving a little help, yet I couldn't shake the feeling of failure that came along with the thought. It wasn't a feeling of having failed as a mother either. Instead, I was fixated on the idea that training should have been that difficult for me, even if it had been a year since I had done anything substantial.
Admitting that I was out of touch with being a wolf in any way was what felt like a failure, so I ushered Mom out the door.
As soon as she was gone, I turned back to the living room, collapsing onto the couch that Embry sat on with the baby. I rested my head on his lap, stretching my legs out so that they hung off the opposite end of the couch. Above me, the baby rested in Embry's arms. He never seemed to be able to put her down, and sometimes I wondered if that would become a problem in the future.
"I feel dead," I admitted quietly. Embry was the only one I'd said this much too. I couldn't bring myself to admit to the way my body felt like rubber after a session, although I was sure that I had slipped up enough for the other members of our pack to see it in my head. Monitoring my thoughts was another aspect of being a wolf that I wasn't as good at as I'd have liked to be these days.
Embry reached down to tangle one of his hands in my hair, now much shorter than it had been while I was pregnant.
"Everyone is," Embry said. "Don't worry about it being because you haven't phased in a while. Sam and Jacob would be disappointed if any of us still had energy after training."
I frowned up at what I could see of his face, which wasn't much with Athena between us. Trust Embry to know exactly what I had meant, and trust him to know what to say to make me feel better.
I knew the other guys were tired. I'd been saying it to myself for months. It was ridiculous for me to think less of myself for feeling the same.
Latching onto that thought, I closed my eyes and drifted off into a light sleep, not waking until Athena began to cry in a desperate plea to be fed.
September 14th, 2011
Coming to, I realized that it was Athena's cry from the bassinet at the foot of the bed that had woken me up. It was almost second nature for my mind to become alert the second she started, but that no longer meant that I immediately sprang up. That was becoming more and more difficult as the days wore on.
That night my body had taken a particularly rough beating. We'd done so much that just moving felt painful, and I had yet to work up the nerve to move when I heard Embry do so beside me. I listened as he went to her, picked her up, and began cooing.
As he sat back down on the bed, I felt his side of the mattress sink down, jostling me.
"Leah," he said with reluctance in his voice, "she needs a bottle. Can you hold her while I go get one?"
With a load groan that might have awoken Athena were she still asleep, I sat up in bed and took her in my arms, blinking my eyes repeatedly in an attempt to walk myself up. Embry disappeared through the doorway as he did my best to comfort Athena's continued sounds of annoyance.
Embry appeared back in the bedroom with a bottle in hand, snuggling into my side as soon as he sat down. I took the bottle from him, placing it to Athena's lips. He watched as she ate, and I leaned my head back, trying to get what little rest I could before she was done.
Embry was still murmuring to her. I had no idea how he did it when he had to be as tired as I was. Or at least close.
Once Athena had finished, it was Embry who took her out of my arms and placed her back into the bassinet. When he came back to bed and settled in beside me again, I had yet to move from the position I'd been in as Athena ate.
I felt Embry's hand brush my cheek, and I sighed at the touch. A comment about how tired I felt was poised on my lips, but I couldn't work up the energy to voice it. Embry didn't say anything as he repositioned me so that I was lying down again. I was asleep the second my head hit the pillow.
October 18th, 2011
The entirety of both packs had gathered in Sam and Emily's living room again for another meeting. This time, it was clear as day that the news Jacob had to give us was bad. He paced back and forth as everyone arrived, his brow creased deep enough to leave a permanent mark.
Once the last wolf had arrived, Sam cleared his throat, more for Jacob's sake than anyone else's. Jake looked at Sam in surprise before he gazed around the room and realized that we were all sitting around, staring back at him.
"Right then," he said, turning to face us. He rubbed his hands together as if he were preparing for little more than a pep talk, but the frown was still there and showed no sign of dissipating soon. Jacob continued, "I spoke to the Cullens this morning. Alice's visions have changed again.
Before, she saw all of the Volturi converging on them in England. Now, only some of them are in her visions."
Jacob took a deep breath, looking scared to go on.
"The rest have disappeared. Alice said-" Jacob drew in a deep breath. "Alice said that it was a lot like when her visions had failed her in the past because we were involved."
Murmuring started up all around the room as the guys took in Jacob's words and what they meant. Jacob tried to ignore it as he continued to speak.
"There's no way of knowing for sure what that means. Everything with Alice's visions is uncertain, but obviously, there's a chance those vamps disappeared because, well, they're coming after us instead."
The commotion among the guys increased to full on talk, some of it in raised voices. No one was paying attention to Jacob anymore. I wasn't sure anyone was paying attention to anyone else at all. There were too many voices as everyone expressed their shock and their fear. I gripped Embry's hand in mine and pressed Athena closer to my chest, staying quiet.
"Guys," Sam said, his voice not managing to call the pack to attention like he was typically able to. "Guys," he repeated. When it became clear that they still weren't listening, his voice rose. "Listen!"
It was like a spell had been broken. The quiet was instantaneous as everyone turned to look at Sam. A few of the wolves who had risen from their seats sat back down again, looking like they hadn't even realized that they'd stood up in the first place.
For one long, horrible moment, it was quiet. I heard a ringing in my ears that was common these days whenever I encountered silence. It had been making what little sleep I could get more difficult to achieve. Now it only served to emphasize the terror within the room.
Everyone was scared. Everyone knew that fact too, yet it had never felt as palpable as it did in that moment. It was like I could physically feel the fear pressing on each of us, and it was from that fear that I was attempting to shield Athena, raising a hand to hide her face from view as she slept.
Sam's eyes scanned around the room, observing each of us for a moment before moving onto the next. I wasn't sure what it was that he was looking for, but his gaze was so intense that when it found me I had to look away.
Now that it was silent, everyone watched him as he did this, waiting for him to say anything, anything at all.
"This only means we're more prepared than before," he said, his voice shaking as he did so. "We should look at this warning as a good thing. It gives us an advantage that we wouldn't have otherwise. As long as we take it seriously, we're a step ahead."
He looked over at Jacob, and the two men seemed to communicate without words. Sam even gave a slight nod as if approving of something that we hadn't heard them speak of.
"So we keep training," Jacob concluded, looking between us and Sam. He sighed. "Once again, that's all we can do. I know that sucks, guys. I wish there was something more, but until the Volturi attack, it's all we've got."
He looked close to being broken as he stood in front of us. It was clear as day how much he wanted to pull out a magical solution from his back pocket. We all felt it. We all wished we had the solution.
We also knew there wasn't one and that Jacob's fear of disappointing us was misplaced when we felt each other's desperation each night. That desperation kept growing and growing, and I worried that it was going to overtake all of us before the Volturi did. If that was the vampires' plan, to immobilize us through fear alone, then it appeared to be working, and that had me as worried as the Volturi themselves.
October 19th, 2011
Almost immediately, we were supposed to spend half of our time as wolves. Our patrols had been numerous for a couple of years, but we'd moved towards half the pack being phased at any given time.
I was still on maternity leave, meaning I only had a child to care for instead of worrying about my job as well. At least for now. Most of the guys, however, were cutting back their work hours if possible to spend more time patrolling, and I was beginning to worry that such tactics would lead to more difficulty in the future.
My lack of a job didn't mean I was taking things easy. I'd known that calm was something I would never achieve as a new mother, but my life was something else. There was more going on than I would ever have time for, and important things that I had been meaning to do had been shoved to the side and neglected.
Not anymore.
The Volturi could attack any day, and there was one very important task that I had yet to complete in preparation for the day.
I could fight and fight all I wanted and so could Embry, but it would make little difference if Athena wasn't protected while we were doing so. And I knew that she would be, that someone would do it. I also knew that I would feel better once I had someone's explicit promise to protect her with all of their might.
That was why I found myself on Sam and Emily's doorstep even though I felt like I was about to fall asleep where I stood.
It was during the day when every single wolf was either at work or patrolling. Except me.
Athena stirred in my arms, and I patted her on the back, hoping her fussing wouldn't turn into wailing.
I knocked on the door and waited for Emily to open it. When she did, the look on her face became a large smile, although I could still see the stress in her eyes.
"Leah, come in," she urged.
Simone and Chloe were both on the floor of the living room playing with their toys. The second that I sat down on the couch, they rushed towards me to inspect the baby. Athena looked up at them in what might have been curiosity, but I was careful to make sure that a finger didn't wind up in her eye.
"You look tired," Emily commented, her smile turning into a worried frown. "You know, if you ever need a babysitter, my offer still stands. If Aunt Sue can't do it, I could."
"Thank you," I said. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something bigger than that."
Emily's expression changed to one of recognition, and with it came an increase in worry. She looked over at Simone and Chloe, and I knew that she was thinking about their safety just as I was thinking of Athena's. There was little to think about these days other than every person we knew's safety.
"I'm listening," Emily said, settling back in her chair.
Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself for admitting out loud how much danger Athena could be in. How difficult this would be hadn't occurred to me until the moment I needed to speak about it.
"When the Volturi come," I began, "someone has to be with Athena. I want that person to be you."
Emily's eyes widened, and she shook her head, although I was sure that it didn't come from rejection. It was a reaction of disbelief.
"I thought you'd want her to be with Sue," Emily said. "You only seem to trust your mom with her."
I shook my own head. "It's not that I don't trust anyone other than my mom. Mom has all but forced me to let her watch her, and I guess it's been what was most convenient. When it comes to this though, I'm not sure why, but I feel more comfortable leaving her with you. I think I feel comfortable knowing that she's with other kids and maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're an imprint. Maybe my wolf wants my kid with someone so tied to the pack. I really don't know. All I know is that when I thought of where I'd want her to be during the fight, it was here at your house."
Emily had begun nodding along with my words, although she frowned as she did so. "I'll watch her," she said. "I promise you that. I'll do everything in my power to keep her safe, just like I will my own kids."
"I know you will," I told her with a grin. She smiled back, looking far less serious than she had moments before. "I think that's another reason why I felt like you should be the one to watch her."
"I've been thinking about it a lot," Emily admitted, pulling Chloe into her lap as she spoke and holding her close. The little girl paid no attention to the tension in the room as she fiddled with the superhero toy that she held in her hands. "When the time comes, I want to get as many people here as I can. I was talking to Kim about it yesterday. With us both being pregnant and all, we don't want to wait it out alone."
While she'd been looking down at Chloe as she spoke, she now glanced up at me.
"Sue could stay here as well," Emily said. "Even Charlie could come if he wanted. The more people the better I imagine. With Rachel and Paul staying with Billy again, I think she could bring Billy over here too. That sounds like a good idea, right?"
She sounded so hesitant about the idea of inviting Rachel over that I could tell that she still didn't feel like their relationship had been repaired. Maybe it hadn't been, but as far as I could tell, Rachel had all but forgotten about the conflict in the wake of everything else happening.
"It does," I assured her. "I think everyone would feel a lot better if they were together."
Emily offered me a small smile, but it was clear to both of us that there was no way anyone was going to feel better. Not until the Volturi were gone.
November 3rd, 2011
The tears came out of nowhere. One second I was wiping off the counter after dinner and the next I was in Embry's arms as I sobbed into his shoulder.
The scene was becoming far too frequent, with me regularly bursting into tears. Just as often, I would find Embry with tear tracks down his cheeks as he tried not to make a scene of it. While I hadn't seen anyone else break down, I had a feeling that we weren't reacting that differently from everyone else connected to the pack.
All of the pressure that had been piling onto our backs was pressing us into the ground, and there was nothing any of us could do to alleviate it.
"I feel so hopeless," I choked out, my words almost unintelligible through the tears.
Embry understood. He clutched me tighter and let me cry until there were no more tears.
It was the only thing he could do.
November 9th, 2011
I was at work when I heard the howls. Instantly, I stiffened and looked around as if I would be able to see a wolf from inside my office. My mind was in overdrive trying to work out how to get away for the rest of the day, maybe longer. I knew what that howl signalled, and while fear was threatening to take over my body, the need for action was stronger.
Bolting from my chair, I hurried to my boss's office. She looked up from her computer screen the second I knocked on the door, and I knew that I didn't have to fake a worried look. It was already on my face, just not for the reasons she was about to think.
"My mom called and said that Athena has her first fever," I said. "I feel really bad about this, but I was thinking that I, uh, could take a sick day to go take care of her. I'd feel better if I was there to make sure that everything is alright."
She smiled at me with kindness, and I would have felt bad for such a blatant lie if I hadn't known that my real reason for leaving was even more important than an infant's illness.
"Of course," she said. "I understand, and you're never one to take sick days. You should go. Give Athena my best."
I tried and failed to smile at her before hurrying off again. I would have to move my car as it would be too obvious if I left it sitting in the parking lot, so I drove it to the Cullens' old house at the fastest speed I could get away with. It was the only thing I knew to do.
From there, I ran. The second I was phased, I felt a split second of relief upon being able to hear the thoughts of the others.
Leah, Embry thought with palpable relief, Athena and Sue are with Emily. I just came from there.
I changed course, going to meet them instead of heading straight for La Push like I had been. They were converging on the field, the one where we had last seen the Volturi and the one we had been monitoring for ages in the lead up to this.
Though I had seen the image through the minds of the others, it was different when I got there and saw it for myself. We all reached the field at nearly the same time, coming up behind Sam, Jacob, and the few others who had first spotted the incoming vampires. The formation we had practiced for so long was finally coming into use.
Far across the field stood only one of the three I knew to be the leaders of the Volturi. Thanks to our heavy preparation and some help from the Cullens, I could identify him as being the one called Caius. Demetrius stood by his side like a right-hand man, but the rest of the vampires that flanked them were nameless to me. Either they were nothing more than pawns collected for this fight or they were Volturi members who were new or hadn't worked up much recognition.
Caius and Demetrius stood behind a line of the nameless vamps as the group made their approach. While we remained hunched over with our teeth bared, we did not instigate a fight, waiting for them to come to us. They did so slowly, emphasizing how much time they had to reach their destination. The tension increased as we waited out their trek across the field. They finally stopped once they were close enough that they could be heard when they spoke.
Stepping out from behind his guard, who continued to flank him, Caius smirked at us. This seemed like far too fun of a time for him considering the circumstances. It was impossible to detect any signs of fear on his stonelike features.
"I am sorry to say that it is only me this time, my pets," he said, opening his arms wide as if in a greeting. "My brothers, you see, are off visiting some friends. I do believe you've met them. The Cullens.
"I was quite looking forward to seeing them too. It is sure to be an interesting visit, but my brothers presented the idea of me coming to see you instead. I did bring along some fellow guests." He motioned at the vampires around him, particularly a growling Demetrius. "I hope you don't mind."
Jacob responded to Demetrius with a growl of his own, which caused Caius' expression to grow more amused.
"I do so wish that we had our friend Edward here as translator," Caius said. "I'm afraid that despite my years of becoming fluent in the world's languages, I've never taken the time to learn wolf."
There was a series of growls from many of the guys. Stop it, I snapped. You're only amusing him. That's not what we need.
I imagined that someone in Sam's pack, likely Sam himself, had relayed the same message, as the growls from everyone died down.
"You see," Caius continued. I could tell that he was gearing himself up for a story. He seemed like the type who would want to draw the conflict out for his own amusement. "My brothers and I have been interested in the Cullens for a while. Carlisle, it turns out, has a habit of drawing in those with unique talents. Aro would never admit it to us, but he's been jealous of Edward's mind-reading since he met him. He can never have the ability himself, but he can use it in another to his advantage.
"You lot don't possess much usefulness, but my brothers are right when they say you're a safety hazard. Marcus would have loved to be here himself, but Aro and I thought he might kill you off in haste.
"I assure you that such an outcome is not what Aro or I hope for. We have a proposal that we believe could work to both our advantage and yours."
He paused to let us digest his words. If the smile he gave us was meant to be encouraging or friendly, then Caius knew little about either of those things. No doubt he'd neglected to hone both traits over his centuries of life, more concerned with authority and power.
"Our proposal is two-fold. We would like the half human girl, Renesmee. She is of great interest to us, and we believe it would be beneficial for her to be raised by us rather than your kind. No offense meant, of course, but you can see why we would rather a half vampire be raised by, well, vampires. We'll be better suited to the job.
"But, despite what some would say, we're not heartless. It may be hard as stone, but my heart is there. As I mentioned, we intend for your kind to benefit as well. We would be happy for some of you to come reside in Volterra. Permanently. There are conditions to this. Living in Volterra is a privilege enjoyed only by our allies. Make no mistake, you would be provided protection by your mere association with us, but as I know you've already assumed, we would ask for your protection of us in return."
A growl from Jacob caused Demetrius to step forward so that he was blocking half of Caius' body from us, but Caius was quick to laugh off the notion that he could be threatened, waving Demetrius off to stand at his side instead.
There are twenty-five vampires, Seth pointed out. That's only eight more than there are of us.
It is better odds than we expected, Jacob thought.
The question, thought Embry, is why there are so few of them. Are they that confident in the abilities of the vampires they've chosen, or do they expect us to take their offer? Do they think we won't fight?
There's no way, Al thought. There was fear in his voice as his eyes stayed on the vampires across from us who were watching as if they knew we were communicating among ourselves. They know that we kill vampires. It's what we do. They can't believe that we'd work for them.
They might, Embry posited. It fits with their arrogant image.
What is Sam's pack saying? I asked Jacob. It was possible for him to relay everything he heard through Sam's head, but he currently wasn't. It had been determined to be too distracting during our planning. It wasn't something that felt as natural to us as sharing thoughts within our own pack.
Similar things, Jacob thought. Jared is convinced that we should attack now to catch them off guard.
They wouldn't be off guard, I thought with a mental roll of my eyes. They're poised to attack the same way we are, watching every small movement we make. There's no surprising them.
That's exactly what Sam said.
Good.
"I'm sure you're having a lovely chat," Caius said, "but we would enjoy an answer. Despite the eternity I have in front of me, I've never been able to enjoy the more mundane aspects of existence, like waiting."
Sam stepped forward, and half of the vampires did as well, many of them hissing. Caius held up a hand to stall them when he saw that Sam wasn't taking any other steps forward, just emphasizing his place as the head of our formation. Jacob remained close by his side, head even with Sam's shoulder.
"What I would have more patience for," Caius said, "is negotiating. If you had any further terms, I would have no problem discussing them to see if they were a possibility. However, I am afraid that means I would need to talk to someone with two legs."
He let a moment pass and smirked when no one made a move to phase.
"I do understand the reluctance," he continued. "Well, if there's no agreement, I believe we'll have to take another course of action. We do plan to come out of this with at least one of our desired outcomes. I assume the half vampire is on your reservation? Easy to find once we're past you."
Growls from every member of both packs sounded throughout the field, and I felt further anger at how amused it made the vampires.
We're attacking, Jacob informed us, hunching lower to the ground. Without being able to hear our thoughts, the vampires were doing a great job of reading our body language. I swore that each of them were inching forward while moving as little as possible in an attempt to get as close as they could without prompting a quicker attack.
Just like how we discussed in training, Jacob told us. Despite the fact that we hadn't known how many vampires to expect, we had discussed a wide variety of possibilities, and I could see the tactics that Sam and Jacob were discussing between themselves. We all had a clear picture in our mind of what we were meant to do. Never before had it been so clear why we had been gifted with the ability to see into each other's minds. We'd soon be dead without it. With it, I felt like we stood a chance today.
Sam and Jacob surged forward first. For a split second, it looked like they were going for Caius, and half of the vampires lunged to protect him. Sam and Jacob both attacked these vampires eagerly, but Demetrius took a particular liking to Jacob, going after him alone as the others went for Sam.
Within these first few seconds, it became clear that these weren't unskilled vampires. While they weren't the Volturi guard that was currently attacking the Cullens, they had been chosen with care and were deadly.
Their biggest downfall, however, was that they hadn't been fighting together for as long as we had. Some of them didn't seem to know how to fight as a unit at all.
I sprinted towards a male vampire who had a similar build to Emmett Cullen, though his hair was a light blonde. He smirked as he saw me coming, and I could imagine his amusement over seeings the smallest wolf in the pack coming towards him. The annoyance I felt only strengthened my desire to to end his existence and protect my family.
I revealed my full speed by running around him, and he twirled to follow my movement. He wasn't as quick as I was, and I was able to pounce on his back before he could face me again.
He went down, and I snapped at his neck before he could regain his footing. With a strong pull, he was headless, but by then, the rest of him was in action.
He pushed himself from the ground, sending me flying off his back. I rolled through it, coming back onto my feet and facing him with a snarl.
The vampire couldn't hear or see me now. He couldn't even smell me. There was only touch, making him one of the easiest targets I'd ever faced off against.
What the vampire could do was sense where his head laid, and he made towards it, not knowing what else to do. I ran, intercepting him before he reached it, and pounced again, this time taking an arm.
If the vamp hadn't lost it, I could imagine the anger his face would have shown, but I refused to get arrogant like I had during the battle with the newborns. I wouldn't have a repeat of the time I'd nearly let Jacob get killed.
The thoughts of the other wolves sounded through my head, and it was easier than ever before to keep track of their movements while not becoming distracted from my own battle. If there was one thing our training had been good for, it was that.
My vampire appeared lopsided with only one arm. It had thrown him off balance, so pulling off a leg was almost easy. I threw it in a different direction than that of his other limbs.
The man began dragging himself across the ground, and I finished him off quickly. This was a task that was necessary to protect those I loved, but I didn't enjoy the dismemberment. Even of a vampire.
With my opponent down, I took time to survey the scene, paying closer attention to the words filing through my head as my eyes scanned the field.
Every wolf was battling at least one vampire, but several of the guys had two on them at once. I launched myself towards one of the vamps trying to jump on Paul's back.
Joining up with Paul was more inconvenient than helping one of the members of my own pack. We couldn't communicate through thought in order to coordinate. With Sam and Jacob otherwise occupied, we would have to rely on body language to anticipate what the other was about to do.
But he was also the wolf closest to me and who was in the most need of help, and I had to trust that we had trained enough to know what the other was about to do.
I jumped across Paul's back. My claws sank into the vampire, dragging him back down with me. His fists had just been sinking into Paul's fur when I collided with him, and Paul let out a yelp as I pulled them free, but he wasn't noticeably injured, which was more than what might have happened had I not acted when I did.
My new target looked far too please with himself considering what little damage he'd managed. With a smirk, he came at me head on. With Paul directly behind me, there wasn't much to do but lunge towards the vampire too.
The vampire struggled to get his arms around my neck, leaving me on the defensive as I moved out of reach over and over.
Behind me, I could hear Paul fighting a similar battle with his vampire. Then there was a ripping noise that I knew was Paul's vampire being split apart in some way.
While I couldn't see the moment. The vamp attacking me did, his eyes widening at the sight. Either this was the first time he'd seen what we wolves could do or he'd shared an emotional connection with that vampire that made watching his death difficult. If I could have, I would have smirked. Not because I enjoyed knowing that the vampire was losing someone they cared about but because he'd just become an easier target.
His eyes flickered away, trying to gauge whether or not he could run. I was tempted to let him, but I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't try to come back later and aid the Volturi. Any who did survive would hunt him down out of retaliation. We both knew that, and it seemed doubtful that he would choose that over fighting.
I pounced again, sinking my teeth into his flesh. It was a lot like biting into a rock, not a pleasant experience but one that I had grown used to in my years as a wolf. The flesh gave for my teeth. This was what they were designed to do. I'd never tested it out, but I imagined that we could bite through regular rocks while wolves too.
As I was on top of the vamp, yanking at a limb that wouldn't give due to the struggling of the vampire, a loud yelp came from behind me. Paul was hurt, and it wasn't like the hair pulling from earlier. Something serious had happened, but I couldn't see what due to our lack of a mind link.
The vampire was at least as distracted by the sound as I was. He struggled to see what was happening, to know if the other vampire had succeeded or gotten hurt. That distraction let me yank off his leg.
Paul's hurt.
It's really bad.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
No, no, no.
The thoughts of many of the wolves in my own pack as they noticed Paul's injuries echoed through my head. A quick evaluation let me know that we'd taken out enough vampires that there were now more of us than them, and two of the wolves, Jared and Embry, were focusing their attention on Paul, whose right side had been crushed.
It looks like it might have affected some organs, Embry thought. We've got to get him medical attention, and we don't have Carlisle around anymore.
I pushed that conversation from my mind, allowing the wolves who could concentrate on it to do so. Right now I had to deal with the vampire who was crawling towards me with two arms. He was incapacitated, but the look on his face was as furious as ever. Taking his leg had only made him more determined to hurt me.
Glancing up, I saw Quil behind the vampire, crouching forward to avoid gaining the vamp's attention. Then, he pounced in a move you would associate more with a cat than a wolf. The vampire hadn't been expecting it. He shouted as Quil removed his head. Wasting no time, I lunged forward to take an arm.
It was less than a minute before Quil and I had the vampire ripped into pieces. When he was no longer a threat, I began to take in the details of our less immediate surroundings. Two large fires had been started within the clearing, and the smoke tingled my nose. My eyes scanning the field, I saw that all of the vampires had either been killed or-
Caius is gone, Jacob thought. Seth and Al managed to get both of his arms off and burn them, but he's alive.
Considering his biggest strength was the vampires he commanded, I'm not feeling good about him still being out there, I informed Jacob.
Jacob didn't answer and neither did any of the other wolves. I knew they still felt as much fear towards the escaped vampire as I did. Embry was no longer in the pack mind, having phased out with Jared and Ethan to take care of Paul. They were gone, back in La Push as it was the only place they could go. I imagined that my mom had been recruited to help, but despite how many years she had spent as a nurse, she wasn't a doctor.
Giving Jacob only a split second to know of my plans, I caught a whiff of Caius' scent from earlier and bolted in the direction it took me, running from the field.
Jacob was furious. Leah, do you remember what happened the last time you did something like this?
Send someone with me if you want, but you know they won't be able to keep up. We don't know how far he's gotten by now.
Seth was behind me not long after that, and he ran with a speed that wasn't usual for him. He still remained behind, but he kept up with me enough that I was in his sight. I saw in my mind's eye the damage Seth and Al had managed to do before Caius escaped. Yes, they'd taken off both of his arms, but that was putting it mildly. Vampires didn't seem to feel physical pain in the same way humans did, but he couldn't be getting far in that condition.
The others had finished burning the pieces in the field, and Sam tasked his pack with attending to Paul. Our pack, on the other hand, zeroed in on Caius.
I think I know where he is. I showed them the spot through the pack link so that they could each commit it to memory. He's wandered instead of going straight. Those of you still in the clearing could get here in less time than Seth and I did.
They ran, covering the distance as fast as possible. Seth and I shuttered to a stop as the vampire in question came into view.
His laugh was deranged as he saw Seth and me.
"Oh, look. You've managed to find me. How clever of you."
He backed away from us, but there was nowhere to go. He didn't yet know how many wolves were coming up behind him, but they would be there. The expression on his face kept flickering between resolve and desperation, like he couldn't decide whether or not he stood a chance.
"Just know that, if you kill me, my brothers will be out there, and they will seek revenge. Don't think for one moment that killing me will solve anything." The last words were all but spat at us.
"But let me live," he continued, a smirk growing on his face, "and I promise that you will never come into harm's way again. Not by the hands of the Volturi. We won't even take the half vampire girl. You can keep her. I promise."
I stepped forward with a low growl, letting him know what we thought about his promises. For a centuries old vampire who had undoubtedly seen violence many times, something about the fight today had unnerved Caius. My growl made him shiver in a way I had never before seen vampires react. His eyes were wide, and he had given up all pretenses of being confident.
Seth and I inched closer but didn't act. Caius inched away, growing more scared by the second, but I didn't trust him not to cause damage if he was prepared for Seth or me to act.
Instead, we let the other wolves approach from behind. Al flew into Caius' back before the vampire realized what was happening. Within seconds, he was torn apart by multiple wolves.
The run back to La Push was quiet, not joyful. Jacob filled us in on what was happening with Paul. He'd punctured a lung along with countless crushed ribs and arm bones. Everything had begun to heal on its own, but no one could tell whether that was a good or a bad thing. Jared had had little choice but to steal oxygen from the hospital.
It didn't look good, and no one had a good idea of what to do.
The first thing Jacob did once we were gathered at Sam and Emily's was call the Cullens. The phone went to voicemail three times, with Jacob becoming more distressed each time. Nessie stood beside him, looking up at him with anxious, terrified eyes. I knew someone had finally answered when there was a slight decrease in the tension in Jacob's body.
"Carlisle," Jacob breathed. The emotion in his voice was detectable. It was Bella's phone that he had called, but Jacob didn't ask about that. "Paul's injured, and we don't have a doctor. Can you talk to Sue? Provide her with any information that might help us?"
Carlisle agreed, allowing the phone to be passed onto my mother. Jacob wrapped an arm around Nessie's shoulders in an attempt to comfort her, but it wasn't doing much good when Jacob himself looked like a mess.
Nothing changed for hours. Mom stayed on the phone with Carlisle, sometimes ordering someone to help in some way. I was never chosen, and I instead focused on making sure Athena wasn't feeling stressed due to the commotion. She was only an infant, but I'd have been amazed if she didn't realize how strange of a day this had been.
As Carlisle was preoccupied with trying to help Paul despite the continent and ocean between them, we couldn't learn what had happened with the Cullens that same day. The Volturi had attacked. Caius had confirmed that much. Carlisle was alive, but we knew about no one else. I'd have liked to think that on a normal day I wouldn't have cared, but Jacob's and Nessie's fears along with the fear for Paul all compounded on each other until I wasn't sure who or what I was worrying for anymore.
Then Mom came into the living room, holding the phone down at her side instead of to her ear.
"It's still uncertain," she said regretfully. "There was only so much we could do without hospital equipment, but the fact that he's a wolf has offset that disadvantage to a certain extent. We'll have to wait and see. Rachel is with him. I think it's best that we leave them alone."
Everyone nodded. The tension in the room hadn't decreased.
Mom held the phone out to Jacob, and I noticed that it was still lit up with a call.
"Carlisle would like to speak to you," she told him.
Jacob snatched the phone out of her hand. In his eagerness to learn the full story, he didn't bother trying to get away from us to talk to Carlisle in private. Everyone watched and listened, curious, if not frightened, to learn of the fate of the Cullens.
"Carlisle, how is everyone? Caius told us that the rest of the Volturi attacked today. What happened?"
Carlisle's voice was remarkably calm on the other end of the line, but even from where I sat, I could hear the sadness in it.
"Emmett and Esme are dead." Nessie, who could hear Carlisle as well as us wolves could, burst into tears. Jacob wrapped an arm around her, letting her cry onto his chest.
"But everyone else?" he asked. "The rest of you are okay?"
"For the most part," Carlisle confirmed. "We have far more scars than before, but we're still here. The aftermath has been emotionally draining more than anything else."
Jacob nodded, seemingly forgetting that Carlisle couldn't see him. He glanced down at Nessie, his eyes softening. He nudged her in the arm, getting her to look up at him with bloodshot eyes. Jacob held the phone out to her, and she took it with a trembling hand.
"Grandpa Carlisle?" she asked, voice trembling as if she were nervous to speak to her grandfather. Carlisle greeted her, and Nessie was unable to keep a small smile off of her face. "I'm glad you're okay," she said, the relief evident in her voice.
"And I'm glad to hear you are as well. We were all very worried. Your mother is here now and wants to speak to you."
"Can I?" Nessie asked, the hesitance coming back to her voice.
"Of course," Carlisle said before handing off the phone.
"Nessie," Bella said, voice sounding frantic on the other end of the phone. "Sweetie, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Completely fine. I was with Emily, Rachel, and Kim the entire time. Nothing even happened here. What about you guys? You fought, not me. How are you?"
"You heard what Carlisle said to Jacob about Esme and Emmett?" She waited for Nessie to give the affirmative, something she seemed to struggle to do as she remembered that her grandmother and uncle were both gone. "The rest of us are fine," Bella confirmed. "We're scratched up and sad, as expected, but we'll be fine. Honestly, I'm just relieved you're okay, Renesmee."
"And Dad?" Nessie asked. "Dad's fine too?" There was desperation in her voice. She needed to hear the words for herself before she would be able to believe it.
"Your dad is fine," Bella repeated, her voice the gentlest it had been the entire time she'd been on the phone. It was only now that she seemed to grasp how affected Nessie was by the fight.
I still couldn't believe any of us were alive, and I had everyone within my sight. It was going to take a long time for me to believe the danger had passed.
"Nessie," Jacob said, voice soft. "Can I talk to Bella, please?"
Nessie nodded. She seemed eager to be finished with the conversation, but as Jacob took the phone and started talking to Bella, Nessie didn't try to hide that she was hanging onto every word.
"Bella, what exactly happened with the Volturi there? We killed everyone here. Did anyone escape from you?"
"Aro and Marcus are both dead. They didn't have as many vampires with them as last time. Only their most elite. Last time, most of those vampires were never expected to fight, only spread the news once they were dead. Carlisle believes that they didn't want an audience this time because they feared history would repeat itself. They only brought those tightly under their control who they could guarantee wouldn't spread rumors. They were too hesitant, and it was their downfall. It's the only reason we even had a chance.
"But we didn't kill them all. Heidi surrendered as soon as Aro was dead. Carlisle spared her under the condition she joined us as a vegetarian. We've agreed to monitor her until we can trust her.
"There was this other vampire named Cornelius. He was a longterm member of the Volturi. Carlisle knew of him, but the rest of us didn't. He tried to run once he was the last alive. When Jasper and Edward had him cornered, he surrendered and swore he'd do what we wanted. There seems to be less hope that he'll stick with us than Heidi, but we don't think he'll be a large threat if he's the only one left. He's not charismatic enough to attract followers of his own."
"So, you believe you're all safe?" Jacob asked. There was wonder in his voice as if he were as unable to believe that truth as anyone else.
"Yes," Bella replied in a similar tone.
Embry's arm tightened around my waist, and I looked up at him with a small smile, Athena clutched to my chest.
November 11th, 2011
It took less than twenty-four hours for Carlisle to arrive in Forks, Bella and Edward in tow. Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie had stayed back in England to watch over their coven's new charges.
For hours upon hours, Carlisle attended to Paul, this time with access to the machinery and drugs that had been unavailable to my mother.
Members of the pack came and went from Sam and Emily's house as the days after the battle passed. It was more than just checking in on Paul's current condition—stable but not as good as we would have liked—it was also to hold on to the sense of camaraderie that had come from preparing for the battle and fighting alongside each other. Instead of fading in the aftermath, it felt stronger. We'd overcome something we'd thought would kill us, and it had strengthened our bonds with each other.
I hadn't been to work since I'd lied my way out of the office, still using the excuse that Athena wasn't well yet. It would be Monday in a few days, and I knew I would have to go back unless I wanted to grow the lie into something larger. If Paul's condition didn't change, I wouldn't be able to sit around and wait for it to do so.
Until Monday, though, I had resolved to spending the bulk of my time at Sam and Emily's. Rachel was the closest to broken I had ever seen her. Despite her struggles with depression, she always kept a strong face in front of others. Now she didn't have the dedication for it, too busy doing what she could to help Paul and keep herself sane.
Emily was eight months pregnant and looked every bit the part. That hadn't stopped her from cooking, cleaning, and even redecorating in the two days since the battle. She kept calling it nesting and blaming it on the baby, but I was sure that worry was at least as much of a cause.
"She ate all of it," I said as I entered the kitchen, holding up Rachel's empty plate as proof.
Rachel had been eating fine if the food was presented to her, but Emily worried incessantly because Rachel didn't notice her hunger if left to her own devices. Emily had taken it upon herself to ensure that Rachel was monitored at each meal.
"Carlisle will be here in a few minutes," Emily reminded me as I dropped the plate into the sink. "I'm surprised she managed to eat. She always gets so worried when Carlisle comes over, even though it's mostly been good news so far."
Sure enough, Carlisle arrived soon after, greeting Emily and me in a way that showed how routine his visits had become.
"You're going to be fine," Carlisle reassured Paul after examining him. Rachel sagged in relief against the bed. "Both your bones and your lung have healed, but don't get too eager to get out of bed. I recommend taking it slow. In a human, it would take a couple of months before the lung was back to its full strength. You'll be up before then, but don't be surprised if you feel more out of breath than normal. Try not to overwork yourself and stress your lung too much before it's able to handle it."
Paul nodded, not arguing, but there was annoyance in his eyes at the thought of having to rest even more than the couple of days he'd already spent in bed.
Carlisle offered us one last smile before heading towards the door, Emily following after him, thanking him profusely. I lingered by the door, watching as Rachel embraced Paul, careful of his injury. The entire time Carlisle had been telling Paul that he would be fine, Paul hadn't smiled, but he did as Rachel's arms wrapped around them.
The moment felt too personal, so I wandered down the hall in search of Athena. I felt a strong need to hold her for a moment.
December 15th, 2011
In the month after the battle, things got easier. Never before had I felt like I had so much free time since training was no longer a thing, and I was saying that despite the fact that I still had a four-month-old to care for.
Everything felt slower. I could savor life in a way I hadn't been able to in so long.
At first, that had been nice. I'd basked in the glory of being able to come home and not go to training or not sit around worrying. I read several books for the first time in ages. I binged watched a TV show, something I had never done in my life.
Eventually, though, as the weeks passed, I began to grow restless. I had become used to my mind working in overdrive at all times, even if I wasn't physically active. I'd constantly been thinking about the future and worrying. My mind now felt blank in comparison.
"I feel like I need to do something," I mused to Embry one evening. He was playing with Athena on the floor while I laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "What did I used to do all the time?"
I'd genuinely forgotten.
"I don't know," Embry said. He sat up to look at me better, and Athena's attention switched to one of her toys as she realized her father was otherwise occupied. "But I do know what we could start doing with our time now."
I frowned in confusion. He had a pleased smile on his face as he reached out to take one of my hands.
"What's that?" I asked.
I felt him begin to play with the engagement ring that rested on my ring finger.
"We could begin planning our wedding," he said. "Athena's here. The Volturi are no longer a threat. You said yourself that you'd like something to do. A wedding more than fits the bill."
I smirked. I hadn't forgotten about our engagement. How could I when I often found myself staring at the ring in amazement? I hadn't put much thought into actually planning it. In the immediate aftermath, I'd been too focused on relishing that we were safe.
"When I said that I wanted to occupy myself, I was thinking something that would be relaxing, not something that would raise my stress levels again," I joked.
Embry's smile grew.
"We can take it slow," he said. "I'm not saying we have to plan a wedding for the next few months or even for next year. All I'm saying is that we could start thinking about it, in an entirely non-stressful way, so that when we were more prepared for the stressful parts, we have some ideas already."
"What are you even saying?" I asked. I lifted myself up on one of my arms, so Embry's face was less than a breathe away from mine.
Embry shrugged. "Just trying to convince you."
I leaned in to kiss him, letting myself get lost in it for a moment. We were both smiling as we pulled away.
"We'll see how it goes, but I think I could suffer through some wedding planning. Maybe."
Embry smirked before pulling me back in for another kiss.
A/N: ere's the thing: I consider myself terrible at writing scenes that are even remotely close to action scenes. That's a huge reason why I ended this series the way I did. I wanted to challenge myself, and to be fair, I'm proud of some of the progress I've made when it comes to writing those sorts of scenes. Still, I don't think I'm that great at it, so I apologize if those parts were horrible to read. Hopefully I'll continue to improve.
I hope you enjoyed the story nonetheless, and I look forward to hearing what you thought. Please look out for the one-shot epilogue when I get around to posting it!
