Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you've read from the books.


The cast is as follows:

Lily

James

Remus

Sirius

Peter

Bella/Arabella Fig (Lily's best friend)

Mary Sue (Lily's other best friend)


Chapter One: Undying love and Such

This story begins in 7th year because we all know that that's the year that Lily and James hook-up.

Lily: Hi Bella, Mary Sue! I've missed you guys

{Insert long description of Lily's Perfectness}

Bella: We've missed you too. So who is your latest boyfriend?

{Insert description of how Bella is almost perfect because she can't be better then Lily}

Mary Sue: Remus, cause he is so sweet. He told me that he loved me. We are Perfect for each other.

{Insert description of how Mary Sue is about as perfect as Bella}

Lily: Remus is cute. You know me, I will remain celibate till I find the man of my dreams.

Bella: What a terrible tragedy for mankind considering how perfect you are.

Lily: I know. Don't hate me because beautiful, fun-loving, smart, and a total heart throb. I know everyone can't be as great as I am.

Mary Sue: sighs I wish I were like you. So what about James Potter?

Lily: I hate him so much, but secretly I wish I could just trip into his bed.

Bella (sympathetically): I here that. I bet he could do wonders for my self- esteem. Lily: He's supposed to love me in this fic. Stop trying to still me limelight.

Bella: I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please.

Bella gets down on her knees and starts kissing Lily's feet

Lily: Now that we've got that straightened out, Mary Sue, how's your relationship with Remus going?

Mary Sue: There is something he isn't telling me. I just know it.

Lily: Maybe its because he's a werewolf. cough I mean, that's horrible. He should really talk to you.

Mary Sue: I just wish I knew what the problem was.

Lily: Look here he comes now, why don't you go talk to him?

Mary Sue: Ok

Remus: Hi! James and Sirius are coming behind me.

{Insert description of mystery man cough I mean Remus}

Mary Sue: Remus, can we talk?

Remus: Sure

Remus and Mary Sue go to a secluded corner


Lily: Why does Potter have to get that close to me?

Bella: Because if he didn't get that close to you then you wouldn't have that sexual tension. And if there wasn't any sexual tension then this fic would be G and that's just boring.

Lily: Oh right. I knew that.........

James: Aw. Lils. You're so hot and I want to fuck you because I'm a teenage boy with raging hormones and that's all I ever think about.

{Insert long description of how devilishly handsome and perfect James is}

Lily: OMG! Me too, but for this to work I have to seem not interested, so Ugh. Put your eyes back in. You'll only get this in your dreams.

James looks Lily up and down

James: Damn. I hate love/hate plots. They're so over rated. I'll wait for you.

Lily: Ok, but plan on waiting a long time until something truly horrible happens to me that makes me vulnerable and you just happen to be the only one there at the time, so I cry on your shoulder then you kiss me.

{At this point, Lily has lost everyone's attention}

Then I either slap you or kiss you back, we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Unless of course, we get in a huge yelling match then my face turns the color of my hair. I don't know why, but my face always turns my hair color. During this so-called fight the sexual tension gets to be so much that it ends in either sex or just an intense make out session.

James: Right... is it ok if I screw other girls while I wait?

Lily: I could care less what you do in your free time, Potter.

James: Good, I don't think I could go more then a week without an orgasm.

Sirius: Hey Lils, Bella.

{Insert description of the schools most eligible bachelor cough I mean Sirius}

Arabella: I want you; I need you, Oh baby oh baby. cough I mean what do you want?

Sirius: Ok, since I'm so hot and I've screwed all the girls in the school except you two and Mary Sue, who wants to be next?

Lily and Arabella roll their eyes

James: Lets go get an apartment, so we can snog a few girls before the train starts.

Sirius: Sounds like a plan. Bye Ladies.

Sirius and James walk off as Lily and Arabella roll their eyes again.


Meanwhile....

Remus: Yes?

Mary Sue: Something is wrong and you're not telling me.

Remus: Ok. I'll avoid the question. Umm, how about them Tornados? They've gotten really good this year.

Mary Sue: Yes they have, but you're avoiding the question.

Remus: I really like their chaser. I can't tell you my secret. It's too horrible. Will you just trust me?

Mary Sue: This relationship needs to be based off of you telling me your deepest darkest secret. Not trust. Even though I claim I'm in love with you, I can't trust you, so we have to break up.

Remus: But I don't want to break up and neither do you, so why do we have too? I'm missing something big. I just know it.

Mary Sue: Because we do.

Mary Sue runs off crying

There is the first Chapter. It's dedicated to my beloved Starky. You Rock my socks girl.

If there is enough interest I might finish this story. Please review if you like it. FYI: It's supposed to be stupid and pointless.