Ever Since Then

Chapter 1 – Child Psychology

Disclaimer: You all know I don't own any books, movies, songs, or GG. Although I know who'd come back to SH right now if I did own GG…lol.

Thanks to Jessa for beta-ing!

A/N: I just got this idea…even though I wasn't going to write any more new fics! It's in Rory's POV, and it's a future fic, kind of AU. This is gonna be more serious than most of my fics have been so far, but I like the way it's going so far… I hope you like it! Sorry this is kind of short; I promise it will get longer! ~Arianna

"And I think to myself…what a wonderful world…"

Yeah right, she thought bitterly, reaching over to switch off the CD player. Joey Ramone's voice abruptly disappeared from her apartment.

Silence again.

How unusual.

Every day was silence now; nothing ever seemed to go right anymore. Ever since…ever since he left. Whose fault had it been? She wasn't sure. But that didn't matter anymore.

She absentmindedly took a book off her shelf. Reading wasn't the same either—she couldn't entirely lose herself in the story anymore. There was always something in the back of her mind, reminding her. Whether he'd loved the book or hated it—they had discussed every book she owned. And it was a painful memory.

Opening the cover, she saw her name written at the front, in blue ballpoint pen, in her neat handwriting: Rory Gilmore. There was the title page: The Fountainhead.

Then she turned the page, and froze. She had put this copy away, had hidden it, had tried not to think about it. It was from back when she was eighteen and happy and the world seemed perfect. She didn't want to think about this now.

Yet there, on the page in front of her, were the dark letters, yellowed pages, and the margins covered with handwriting that was entirely too familiar.

~~~~~~*Flashback*~~~~~~

"So it wasn't so bad, huh?" she grinned at him.

"Oh, it was bad."

"Yeah, yeah. I don't believe you."

Jess put his arm around her and handed her the book, which she eagerly opened, and started reading his observations.

"Hey, it doesn't sound like you hated it," Rory commented.

"You're on the third page," he pointed out. Rory smiled silently and continued walking with him, still reading, letting him guide her.

They got to the bridge and sat close together, as she rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his jacket around her; icy early spring winds beginning to blow toward them. But Rory stopped shivering, happily setting The Fountainhead down beside her, as he leaned over and kissed her. She could read what he'd thought of it another time. Right now…

She kissed him back.

~~~~~~*End Flashback*~~~~~~

She wouldn't cry. No, no, definitely not. This was over; it had happened; there was nothing she could do.

She hadn't cried about Jess yet, although it had been months. She just wasn't willing to give in.

She wouldn't. She would be okay.

Rory hurriedly reached out to turn her stereo back on, trying to find something else to concentrate on. Something besides not crying. "Child Psychology" was on.

She lay back on her bed, staring up at the mostly blank wall in front of her. There were a few posters of bands, countries, and books around the apartment, but right now most of it was empty. She used to have pictures everywhere. Pictures of her and Jess. Pictures of her mom and her friends. Rory had taken down all the pictures of Stars Hollow, as well as the ones of Jess, because they too brought so many memories. And all of them, happy or sad—they really hurt.

"Life is unfair…kill yourself or get over it…" sang in her ears.

A little extreme, but true… She sighed. "Life is unfair…"

Rory sat up suddenly and shoved the book back onto the shelf, fiercely, covering it with Mansfield Park.

How could she distract herself? She didn't have anything to get up and do… She had graduated from Yale a while ago. When she'd first graduated, she was thinking about all the time she would have with Jess. About finding a great job.

Now she worked part time at an ad agency. The rest of the time, she was at her apartment. Like this.

The light, supposedly at the end of the tunnel, had surrounded her in high school; at the beginning of college. Now that light lay around a bend she was all too far away from; one she couldn't seem to reach.

Lying back down, Rory continued staring at the wall, counting the cracks in the paint.

She used to put her favorite pictures there, so she could see them from where she was now. So they could bring her back to those moments…

~~~~~~*Flashback*~~~~~~

They walked into the diner, both laughing. "You're the book tease!" Rory said.

"Hey, I just started it."

"Well, you didn't have to show me! You know how tempting that is."

"All too well," Jess grinned.

"I hate you." She made a face at him.

He pulled her closer, right in front of the door, and kissed her gently. "Better?"

"Hmmm…almost." He kissed her again, just as Lorelai came down from the apartment with Luke.

"Get a room!" Lorelai called teasingly from across the diner.

"Mom!" Rory said, grinning at Jess again.

"You were in it," Jess replied smoothly.

"I'm gonna get you for that, diner boy," Lorelai joked.

"So what were you guys doing?" Rory asked, changing the subject. She wasn't concentrating on the conversation—she was concentrating on the way Jess was holding her, and she couldn't stop smiling.

"Luke fixed it," Lorelai said happily, holding up her new camera.

"I found batteries," Luke deadpanned, hiding his grin.

"Ah, same difference."

Rory laughed again, going over to the counter with Jess, lightly wrapping her arm around his waist. He tightened his arm around her shoulders.

"Awww, you guys look so cute together," Lorelai smiled.

"Looking for a subject?" Rory asked, knowing her mom too well.

"Come on, let me take a picture."

Rory looked up at Jess.

"You're lucky I love you," he said quietly.

She leaned closer. "I love you too," she whispered back. Neither of them noticed Lorelai beside them.

Click, went the camera…

~~~~~~*End Flashback*~~~~~~

The song was still on. "Life is unfair…"