Disclaimer - I don't own Big Bang Theory, or its characters.
This is just a little one shot after that popped into my head after watching a repeat on E4.
XoX
'Penny, I have been thinking' Sheldon began, looking over at her from his spot while she stole a bottle of water from the boy's fridge.
'Careful with that sweetie' she replied dryly, as he huffed in irritation.
'Wolowitz was under the impression that the constant arguing and insults towards him were attempts at sexual flirtation. From this premise could it not also be construed that you flirt with me. We argue on a daily basis, and you insult me persistently. Are you attempting to initiate sexual congress with me?'
He looked over at her so curiously that Penny was stunned into silence and frozen in place. She was mute for a good minute as he shifted uncomfortably in his spot.
When she finally pulled herself together, she traipsed over to the armchair and sat carefully down.
'No, sweetie. I am not trying to seduce you' she said evenly, using every ounce of energy to suppress the amused smile threatening to erupt across her face, 'when I insult you I genuinely mean it and we argue I really am angry at you'
'Oh' he said in a small voice, his eyes flicking towards the floor briefly before his spine suddenly straightened and his jaw hardened, 'well I must say that's a relief. It would have been quite unfortunate if you had developed sexual intentions towards my person'.
'Unfortunate how?' Penny reacted, sensing he had insulted her in some way.
'As I have informed you on numerous occasions I have chosen to live my life under the Homo Novus doctrine. I have chosen to rise above the human need to copulate and sate animalistic desires'.
'Doctor-what?' Penny repeated, her expression crossed between anger and confusion.
'Doctrine!' her whack-a-doodle friend huffed, 'a rule or principle that forms the basis of a belief, theory or policy'.
'Uhuh' Penny blithely agreed, 'whatever. From now on I promise never to attempt to seduce or flirt with you'.
'So you agree you've flirted with me in the past?!' the scientist exclaimed triumphant.
'What? No!' Penny jumped to her feet at his statement, which he quickly followed, 'I've never flirted with you!'
'Well' she amended barely thinking before she spoke, 'I did but that was before I realised you were bat-crap crazy!'
'This was on the occasion of our first meeting was it not?' Sheldon questioned, and when Penny nodded, slightly embarrassed he grinned, 'two for two this year!'
Penny glared at him in response before he added with a frown, 'and I'm not crazy'.
'Yeh, yeh, yeh, you're mother had you tested' Penny dismissed with a wave of her hand as she quickly fled the apartment.
'She did!' was his indignant reply before she shut the door behind her.
XoX
Please let me know what you think.
