Fall Down Laughing Fandom: Harry Potter Author: Unanon Rating: PG Notes: Neville character perspective circa OotP. ~~~~~

He'd go along with their laughter as he picked himself up after tripping on his robes or burning yet another hole through the bottom of a cauldron in Potions class. People had been laughing at his clumsiness his entire life, and Neville had adapted by going along with it. After all, Gran always said that a bit of a laugh did people good. It was almost as if he was doing them all a favor, never mind that it hurt his feelings sometimes.

No one ever apologized for laughing. Those who bothered to notice his distress would help him, picking him up from the dust or trying to tutor him in regards to explosive potion ingredients. But Neville knew that, despite their assistance he was still a joke, a clown. Disregarded. The only creature that listened to him was Trevor.and the older he grew the consolation of whispering his fears and pains to a toad in the darkness of the night was little comfort.

So Neville began to accumulate his woes for someone else entirely, someone who would listen but who would remain unaffected and untouched. After a few cathartic visits to his confessor he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before. He'd murmur into his Mother's ear and watch her face, blank and staring. He looked for a twitch, a blink, a sideways darting of eyes that would indicate that she'd heard and understood. In his heart he wanted something slightly more, but she never showed any indication of real comprehension. Neville stored up a mother's comfort in bubble gum wrappers and silence.

For years, Neville saved his small complaints and worries for every visit to St.Mungos. He would enter the ward solemnly, confess himself while Gran fussed with the pale statue that Frank Longbottom had become, and depart with a tiny scrap of cherished rubbish from the hand of a madwoman.

It was enough. It would have to be.

Neville continued playing the goat, the clown, the clumsy character who never managed to do anything right. He took the abuse lightly, knowing that he would be able to unburden himself in time. Besides, laughter was essentially good, wasn't it? It made people happy, even when things were bleak. Neville clung to that idea, cherished it even, until Malfoy, with his unknowing mocking, shattered the illusion entirely.

Some things just weren't funny at all.

~fin~