"I must have wandered round for hours; sometimes even out into the street, getting honked at and sworn at. I must have stumbled round all night except for a man who asked me if I wanted a ride.

'Huh? Oh. Yeah, I guess so', I said. I got in. The man, who was in his mid-twenties, looked at me."

(Excerpt taken from The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton)


"What's your name, kid?" He asked, manoeuvring the car away from the kerb.

I didn't think. The words just spilled out from my mouth as though they'd always been on my tongue.

"Johnny Cade."

"Cade, eh? He peered at me through curtained hair and frowned. "Hey, ain't you that Ponyboy feller?"

Who does this guy think he is? I'm Johnny Cade, damn it!

"No," I snapped. "Ponyboy Curtis is dead. I'm Johnny Cade, I just told you."

Again, the guy had the nerve to look at me. He sure had shifty eyes.

"Listen kid," he said worriedly. "Er…where do you live? I can't go no further than three blocks down. That okay with you?"

I didn't say anything, so he shrugged and kept driving. Three blocks down, the guy pulled over. I got out, shaking a bit.

"You gonna be alright?" Asked the man.

I found my footing, and nodded.

"See ya round, Ponyboy," He murmured before driving off.

That made me real mad. Something in me just flared up. I wanted to chase him, but what good would that do? I kicked in rage at some rocks, and that gave me an idea.

"It's Johnny!" I screamed, flinging the rocks at the back of his car.

I swore loudly, and someone in the flat several storeys up swore back at me, too, so I started for home.

Mrs. Cade opened the door, and when she saw my face she sneered.

"What do you want?" She barked. Her cold black eyes bored into mine. "I heard the news –that good for nothing Dallas Winston made sure of that."

She gave a good look over. It seemed that everyone was looking at me funny today. Did they think I killed Ponyboy?

I blinked slowly. I was so tired.

"Look, just let me in", I said boredly. Don't play games."

Her eyes grew wide.

"I beg your pardon? There ain't no way you're comin' in here, ya hood!"

I pushed past her, aggravated. "Are you kidding? I'm your son."

"That's it! I'm calling the police!" She screeched.

She grabbed the phone and punched in the numbers. Made her complaint. I watched her do it, but I didn't care, I just wanted to go to sleep. I made it as far as the bathroom before I caught my reflection in the mirror. I scowled. That wasn't me! My eyes are black, not green. I sauntered up to the grimy glass, seeing ghosts. Why's Ponyboy Curtis staring back at me? I wanted to punch the mirror, give it a good scrub, something. But I knew the limbs I'd lift wouldn't be my own in its face.

"I'm Johnny Cade", I murmured warningly.

-He was still there. Die already, Curtis!

"I am Johnny Cade," I repeated with a little more confidence.

That glass sure looked shiny by now, as it beamed mockingly.

"I AM JOHNNY CADE! JOHNNY CADE, YOU HEAR ME? JOHN-"

I felt several pairs of arms grab me from behind. It was the Fuzz.

"That boy needs professional help!" Yelled Mrs. Cade over the commotion the Fuzz was making. If I could believe it, why couldn't they?

"He thinks he's my dead son!"

But I'm not dead, I thought. I am Johnny Cade, alive and well…


Life is dull here, staring at white wall after white wall every day. I don't understand the need for padding. I've never tried to hurt myself. Why bother? I'm already dead. Yeah, those guys in white jackets took me away that day. I get visitors, so it's okay I guess. Soda Pop and Darry come pretty often, but they don't stay long. Darry gets really upset during that time.

It's really hard to stay gold when everything is white.