AUTHORS NOTE:

Hey, there, whorewolves. For those of you who haven't played Folklore, what the hell are you doing here? Go play it. Right now. Okay, so we were like legitly bored one day and decided 'hey, let's make a Folklore parody and be awesome so you will all love us EVEN MORE' but not really we were just bored. We really love this game a lot. AND FYI KEATS AND ELLEN ARE IN THEIR CHRISTMAS OUTFITS so don't get confused, bitches.

DISCLAIMER:

We don't own Folklore or any of the characters

Regular text - Ellen
Bold text - Keats
Underlined text - Scarecrow
Italic text - Suzette
Italic underlined text - Suzette's mom (Regine)
Bold underlined text - Pub people

And thats all we have so far. We'll let you know the fonts of other characters as they come in.

Also underlines mean change of scene

PLZ PLZ NO FLAMZ


MY MOTHER FELL FROM THE CLIFF? I NEED TO HURRY TO THE BEACH.

SHES DEAD BITCH.


MOTHER.. POOR MOTHER…

MOTHER.. SAY SOMETHING..

SHES DEAD BITCH

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

I CANT FIND HER

THE FUCK..

SHE FELL FROM THE CLIFF

WE NEED TO FIND HER SOON

WHAT YOUR MOM? THAT CLIFF. GOD LUCK BITCH. SHES GONE NOW

FAINTS.

SHE DEFINITELY NEEDS A DNA TEST


WHERE AM I? WHO BROUGHT ME HERE?

MOTHER.. I THOUGHT I FINALLY FOUND YOU

BUT INSTEAD I FOUND A BITCH IN A RED JACKET

IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME. A GLIMPSE OF HOPE THAT QICKLY FADES.. INTO A BITCH

… MOTHER WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

…ELLEN. YOU WERE VWEE HEE HEED BY KEATS

I WAS WHAT?

SAVED. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

WHO ARE YOU?

PERHAPS YOU CAN VWEE HEE HEE YOUR MOTHER

WHAT?!?!?!

SORRY SORRY SORRY. I JUST DO THAT SOMETIMES. I MEANT FIND

COME TO THE PUB. WE HAVE VWEE HEE ON THE BEACH

WHAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?

I MEANT TO SAY SEX

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

IT'S A DRINK. JUST COME.


OPEN SO LATE?

WHOS THE NEW FACE?

JUST A YOUNG GIRL.

WELL I'M AMAZED YOU MADE IT HERE

YOU'VE COME TO MEET THE DEAD

HOW NICE OF YOU.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD A FAERY… OR GHOST.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT ARE YOU?

WE ARE HALF-LIVES. CALL ME KELLAN LUTZ.

BOO HOO.. YOUR MOTHER DITCHED YOU DIDN'T SHE? GET OVER IT. ITS CALLED AN ACCIDENT OK. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS?

WHAT?

YOU. MY NAME IS FREAKAY

IS THIS SOME FUCKED UP TRIP?

HO HO HO GOING TO THE NETHERWORLD? I'M DIRTAY. IT IS TRUE THAT YOU CAN MEET THE DEAD.

WHAT? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? OH MY GOD YOUR DEAD ARNT YOU? OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD

YOU'LL BE THE NEXT TO DON THE TEE HEE THEN.

WHAT?

THE CLOAK. YOU CAN OPEN THE DOOR TO THE NETHERWORLD

CLOAK? NETHERWORLD?

THE NETHERWORLD IS THE LAND OF THE DEAD.

FUCK.

SCARECROW IS OUTSIDE. HE'LL SHOW YOU THE WAY. NYA HA HE HAS WASTED YEARS WAITING FOR YOU. BITCH


WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I'M SCARECROW.

WHO?

VWEE HEE HEE. YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR MOTHER HMM? THEN YOU SHOULD GO TO THE NETHERWORLD


VWEE HHE GLAD YOU MADE IT. SHALL WE GO SEE YOUR MOTHER?

YOU'LL TAKE ME TOO HER?

I'LL DO MORE THAN TAKE YOU TO HER. I'LL VWEE HEE HEE HER.

WHAT?

FUCK HER. WITH PLEASURE. I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR WOMEN. LITERALLY. OR SHOULD I SAY, HARD SPOT.

OH OK.

TODAY IS SPECIAL AS ITS SAMHAIN. IT'S A PRAYER DAY FOR THE VWEE HEE HEE.

THE WHAT?

DEAD. WE CAN GO VWEE HEE HEE.

WAIT GO WHAT?

BENEATH THE HENGE. GO THERE TO GET VWEE HEE HEE CLOTHES.

MY CLOTHES?

YEAH.

WHAT KIND OF CLOTHES?

STRIPPER CLOTHES. I ALSO HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR WOMEN IN MOURNING.

OH OK. WILL I BE ABLE TO SEE MY MOTHER THEN?

UH YEAH SURE. BUT YOU MUST PERFORM THE ANCIENT RITUAL DONNING THE CLOAK OF SHIT.

DON'T YOU MEAN SIDHE?

NO I MEANT SHIT. THE ANCIENTS HAD VWEE HEE HEE ON THIS MANTLE.

WHAT?

SEX.

WHAT?!?!

I-I MEANT RITUALS.

OH OK.

..of sex.

WHAT?

NOTHING.

THERES AN ANCIENT CLOAK IN THIS CHAMBER. USED FOR NETHERWORLD BATTLES

ANCIENT PRIESTESSES USING THE CLOAK COULD HEAR THE VOICES OF THE DEAD EVERY NIGHT. YOU HAVE THE POWERS TO DON THE CLOAK. BECAUSE FOR YOU VWEE HEE HEE IS A VERY FAMILIAR MATTER.

WHAT IS?

Sex..

WHAT?

I SAID DEATH.

OH OK YEAH IT IS.

I CAN JUST TELL… you whore.

WHAT?

THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE. OVER TIME, YOU HAVE LOST MANY THINGS. EXCEPT FOR ONE THING..

WHATS THAT?

YOUR VIRGINITY

EXCUSE ME?

YEAH YOU'RE GONNA LOSE IT TONIGHT

TO WHO?

THE PUB OWNER

WHO?

THE PUB OWNER

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PUB OWNER?

I MEAN THE FUCKING PUB OWNER

WHATS HES GONNA DO TO ME?

HES GONNA FUCK YOU SO HARD THE SHEETS WILL RIP. SO.. CAN WE SEARCH TOGETHER?

MY ONLY MEMORIES OF MY MOTHER ARE OF HER READING A PICTURE BOOK TO ME AND THE PENDENT SHE GAVE ME AS A CHARM

YES YES. PERHAPS YOU'VE BLOCKED OUT THE PAINFUL MEMORIES. ITS OK FOR NOW. Until the pub owner comes..


WHAT IS THIS PLACE? I FEEL LIKE I'M ON A DRUG TRIP. AND WHAT AM I WEARING?

A PARKA.

…BUT ITS JULY

THERES NO TIME TO STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES BITCH. YOU'LL BE DRIVEN OUT OF THE NETHERWORLD AT DAWN. THE QUESTION IS, WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING THEN?

I'LL BE SELLING MYSELF TO THE PUB OWNER

OH WELL THEN. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD SAY FIND YOUR MOTHER BUT OK. THE ACTUAL QUESTION IS WILL YOU BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR MOTHER MY THEN VWEE HEE. OH YA. BEWARE OF THE FOLKS.. AND PUB OWNER. HES A DIRTY MAN.

GOOD LUCK.


HEY THERE. DO YOU LIKE MY BOOTS? OH WAIT I MEAN I'M LOOKING FOR MY MOTHER.

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

BE CAREFUL ELLEN. WIPES OUT ENEMIES

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

IT'S THE ENERGY FROM THEIR SOULS. THEIR IDS

ELLEN HOLD OUT YOUR VWEE HEE HEE.

MY WHAT?

HAND. NOW HURRY!

PUTS OUT HAND. WHAT THE FUCK IS IT DOING?

YOU GO GIRL

THE CLOAK IS ABSORBING SOMETHING. WHAT THE FUCK

YOU USE IT TO FIGHT BITCH

BUT HOW?

THE CLOAK WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY.


THERES SOMETHING AHEAD I THINK ITS YOUR MOTHER. BUT IT MAY BE SOME OTHER BITCH. HURRY ELLEN. THERES NOT MUCH TIME.

MOTHER. I WAS SO LONELY. I WAS SO GLAD I FINALLY FOUND YOU. MOTHER? PLEASE MOTHER LOOK THIS WAY

17 YEARS AGO. I WILL NEVER FORGET. THE NIGHT OF SAMHAIN. ITS YOUR FAULT!

Definitely another bitch..

WHY YOU POSSESED BITCH. I'LL KILL YOU!

AIEEKKK


VWEE HEE HEE THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE. SAMHAIN HAD ENDED THIS IS THE REAL WORLD.

THAT WASN'T MOTHER AFTER ALL WAS IT?

NO IT WAS ANOTHER BITCH. NOW THAT WOMEN TRIED TO TRICK YOU

SHE SAID I WAS POSSESED… 17 YEARS AGO? SAMHAIN? REVENGE? SEX? KEATS? REVENGE????

VWEE HEE HEE TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE PAST. LISTEN TO THE VOICES OF THE DEAD

HOW THE HELL DO I DO THAT?

Find a MEMENTO of the dead and offer it at the HENGE. THIS WILL OPEN THE DOOR TO THE NETHERWORLD. UH-OH MORNINGS ALMOST HERE. SEE YOU AFTER DUSK ELLEN