"So we have three different kinds of toothpastes to choose from." Sideblow said, holding up three tubes. "Merry Mint, Happy Honeydew, or Cheery Cherry?"

Perry stared at him.

"Yeah. I have no idea who names these things either." Sideblow admitted. He held out a red tube. "A lot of the animals seem to prefer Cheery Cherry."

Perry shrugged.

From across the room, Gustav, Sideblow's assistant, sniffed with displeasure.

Sideblow looked at the back. "Brush with a smile using Cheery Cherry toothpaste!"

Perry snorted.

"Huh." Sideblow squirted a little of the tube's contents onto a toothbrush. "Open up. Or, as the tube says, 'give a big, toothy smile!' I've been a groomer for seven years, and I still don't understand toothpaste companies…"

Perry opened his mouth, and Sideblow started brushing his teeth.

"We haven't seen you in a while." Sideblow commented. "You've gotten bigger. Don't you think he's gotten bigger, Gustav?"

Gustav rolled his eyes. "He looks like he did before we worked our miracle."

"All animals go back to normal after a couple of weeks." Sideblow reminded him.

"All the brushing, all the exfoliation, trimming, beautifying… it's gone. Like, poof." Gustav said. "All that work down the drain."

"Pumpkin got to be beautiful for a few days, and now he's back to his ordinary, cute self. That's what we work for." Sideblow said. "We clean an animal up to help them out, and then they get back to their comfort zone."

Gustav sighed dramatically.

Monogram opened the door to the room. "Samuel? May I have a word with you?"

Sideblow nodded. "In a moment. I just need to finish with Pumpkin here."
"There's been another outbreak of fleas." Monogram said.

"Aaaiiiyy." Sideblow groaned. "Okay, keep the infested animals away from the healthy ones. I think I have enough flea combs… how many have got the bugs?"

"Seventeen."

Sideblow winced. "All right. Bring them to Colette and tell her I'll be there to help in a moment. Gustav, will you-"

"Work with Colette?" Gustav snapped. "I think not."

"I was going to ask if you could open the cases of flea shampoo we have in storage." Sideblow said.

Monogram smiled at Perry. "Hello, Agent P."

Perry saluted him.


"My farm is better than yours." Phineas said.

"No, it isn't."
Phineas and Ferb were sitting at their computers when Perry got home. Perry peeked over Ferb's shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?"

"We're playing Delicious Farm." Phineas said. "You farm food, and then you put it into your restaurant. My farm is called Phineas Acres."

"And mine is called All-Pork Farm." Ferb said. "I only cook pork dishes."

"I didn't think it was actually going to work out for him." Phineas said.

"But it did. I have ham, bacon, and pork milkshakes, and I serve bacon cookies." Ferb said. "And instead of butter, I have bacon grease."

"That's disgusting." Perry said.

"What do your customers drink?" Phineas asked.

"The pork milkshakes." Ferb said.

"No water?"

"I didn't have enough money for a pond. I spent it all on the pork."

"My farm is a higher rank than yours." Phineas said.

"Well, when my customers taste my ham pancakes, we'll see who's on top!" Ferb retorted.

"That's just disturbing." Perry said. "How did you guys get hooked on this?"

"Buford showed it to us." Phineas said. "His farm is ranked two hundred and seventy, and he has thirteen cows and twenty different crops! I have to beat him."

"I can't imagine how anyone would be able to play that for hours at a time." Perry said.


"Don't tell me you're playing that farm game too." Perry said to Devon the dog.

"Yep!" Agent D said. "I've been playing it for hours. Monogram was nice enough to let me use his laptop. Mine vanished this morning."

Clara the chicken peeked at the screen. "Nice farm- YOU HAVE A CHICKEN?"

"Well, I have to get extra points, and the only way I can do that is by making fried…"
Clara folded her wings.

"Oh, fine." Devon grumbled. "I'll delete the chicken."

"You have a duck?!" Darren the duck asked.

"I'll delete the duck." Devon said.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Paul the pig said, coming up behind them.

"I know, I know, the pig." Devon growled. "I'll take it out of my farm."

"Not the pig! That tomato is rotten! Haven't you been harvesting your crops?" Paul demanded.

"All right." Monogram appeared out of nowhere and closed the lid of the laptop. "Agent D, you've been staring at that screen for far too long. Go and get some exercise."

Devon stared at him.

"Run around, play with the other agents, I don't care. There's more to life than online gaming, you know."

Devon hesitated. Then he padded away.

Monogram opened up his laptop and began typing frantically. "I hope my crops grow faster! That one guy, bufordrox66, is still seventy-five ranks ahead of me!"

"There's more to life than online gaming, dear agents." Perry mimicked.


When Perry came into his lair the next morning, Monogram was already on the screen. Perry sat down in his chair and waited for Monogram to notice him.

"I don't know, Carl. I just feel like he's grown very distant from me."

"You see him every day, sir."

"Yeah. But I give him his orders, he salutes, and then he runs off. I really wish we had more of a bond. I mean, I rescued him when he was a day old- poor little stray, wandering around all cold and hungry- and taught him how to read… and write, and fight… and I gave him medical help, and I placed him in his home-"

"Actually, I did that, sir." Carl interrupted. "Don't you remember? I'm the one who sold him to the Flynn-Fletchers."

"Quiet, Carl!" Monogram looked down. "Oh! Agent P! Uh… have you been sitting there the whole time?"

Perry thought a moment. It would be awkward if he nodded.

He wrote down "Nope, just came in" on a notepad and held it up to the screen.

Monogram breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Now… your mission… uh… Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been seen buying up all of the computers in the tri-state area. It's all very suspicious. I want you to find out what's going on, and put a stop to it."
Perry saluted and dashed away.


When Perry arrived at Evil Incorporated, he was instantly trapped in a giant hamster ball.

"Ah, Perry the platypus. You're back. Your little friend Sergei the snail was here so many times, I actually stopped building platypus traps." Doofenshmirtz said. "So… you're trap's not actually related to my scheme today, it's from a scheme that you missed. I just didn't expect you, so I made a snail-sized trap that was relate- you know, I'm not going to waste all my time explaining traps. Let's get to my scheme. A few days ago, I got totally into this online game called Delicious Farm. I was just about to get an award for the best decorated farm, but THEN… this guy with the username Squishaliciousworms totally stole the award from me!"

Perry allowed himself a quick, private smile.

"I visited his farm, and he had a neon green barn and an individual high-definition television for each milk cow! I mean, how was I supposed to compete? So, I built this!" Doofenshmirtz yanked on a rope, and a curtain in the back of the room parted, revealing a strange contraption. "The My-Farm's-Better-Than-Yoursinator! All I had to do was buy a ton of computers, and when I plug them in to my inator, all of the farms on the internet will combine with mine, and I will have the BEST VIRTUAL FARM IN THE TRI-STATE AREA! Actually, the best virtual farm on the entire internet. The only drawback is that… well, the world could possibly explode from the power this inator takes. But that's a small price to pay for winning Delicious Farm."

Perry pushed on the hamster ball with his hands, trying to figure out how to roll. Harriet the hamster had a ball before, but Perry didn't really remember how she started it up. All he remembered was that she rolled around the agency, crashing into walls every two seconds.

Finally, he was able to figure the ball out. He rolled toward Doofenshmirtz.

"And now! I shall begin the tedious process of plugging in every single computer I bought, stole or 'borrowed' this morning." Doofenshmirtz picked up a plug.

Perry crashed into him. Doofenshmirtz tumbled back and crashed into his inator. It blasted at a random location before exploding.

"CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"


Perry came in through the kitchen petflap. He planned to take a nap.

"Perry!" Phineas said excitedly. "A green light shot through the window, and my farm became like, a million times bigger! My farm is ranked number one in the WORLD!"

"They don't appreciate the genius of my pork lemonade." Ferb mumbled.

"Oh yeah!" Phineas started dancing. "Uh huh! Beat that!"

"Honestly." Ferb shook his head. "He gained five hundred extra milk cows, and seven of them have their own high-def television. How did that happen?"

Perry shrugged. "The world does mysterious things."

"My farm rocks!" Phineas said happily. "I am number one!"