Vindicated
by The Almighty Cheez It
A/N: Songfic to the song 'Vindicated', by Dashboard Confessional. (: Credit goes to them for the lyrics. Set in sixth year.
The war was looking bleak, and Draco Malfoy knew it. He held the letter in his hands as far away from his body as he could, as though it would contaminate it. Its contents, phrased so nicely by his loving father (at this, Draco snorted), made Draco's blood curl, and he knew that it was almost time for his mission to kill Dumbledore.
Draco didn't want to kill the greatest wizard of all time, and he most definitely didn't want to be subjected to a certain death if he failed this task. Putting his head in his hands, he contemplated his options. He could kill Dumbledore, be known as a model Death Eater, and forever let his conscious drive him insane. Or, he could refuse to do so, and die at the hands of his 'master'. Neither option sounded even remotely appealing.
Hope dangles on a string
Then, suddenly, a thought came to Draco. Why not ask for help? Why did he have to resort to one of those two gruesome options? Draco knew that there was an Order of the Phoenix, or something similar, that Dumbledore was the head of.
Like slow spinning redemption
While Draco knew that Dumbledore was aware of his Death Eater status, he also knew that he wouldn't deny his help. A small smile came to Draco's face, and he threw his father's letter into the crackling fire, watching the flames devour the parchment. Draco felt strangely triumphant, knowing that there was hope; there was a way to rid himself of such a burden. Dumbledore would help him, he was sure.
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
Draco dashed out of the common room, with a renowned fervor he wasn't aware that he had. He knew that he was risking so much by asking for help, his dignity least of all. He wondered vaguely what he would do if Dumbledore didn't accept him, or didn't trust him, but Draco would give anything to get out of this rut he had created for himself.
He tiptoed through the corridors, wishing he knew Potter's methods of troublemaking. He didn't want to get caught by anyone; especially Snape. For once, Draco wouldn't be excited to see his Head of House, because he was a Death Eater and would ultimately ask Draco why he was out of bed at such unearthly hours. Shaking his head to rid thoughts of Snape, he found himself with another problem, as he faced the gargoyle leading to Dumbledore's office. He didn't know the password.
And roped me in
But Draco knew there was no turning back now. He wanted out. He wanted to be saved from the terror that he knew would face him if he followed any other path. He had to ask for help, as much as he disliked the Gryffindor-loving old codger. He began throwing out guesses for the password.
So, mesmerizing,
So hypnotizing
"Pepper Imps?" he asked, watching with increasing fury as the gargoyle didn't admit him entrance. "Lemon drops? Cockroach Clusters? Ice Mice? Jumping Jellybeans? Oh, come on … Blood Pops? Chocolate Frogs? Strawberry – oh, that was it? Chocolate Frogs?" To his relief, the gargoyles sprung apart, letting Draco hop onto the winding staircase. He looked wildly over his shoulder, hoping that nobody could hear the commotion.
He reached the door, and found that his hand was shaking. This made Draco even angrier, and he knocked so hard that his knuckles turned red. He heard the old man's voice invite him in with a single 'Enter', and Draco nervously pushed open the door. There, in front of him, was Albus Dumbledore.
I am captivated
Draco slowly walked inside the office, jumping in surprise as the large door shut behind him. He invited himself to sit in a chair across from the Headmaster's desk, feeling slightly unnerved as Dumbledore's calculating gaze swept over him. He tried to look as cool and indifferent as he could, though he knew that Dumbledore would see right through him.
Before Dumbledore could even ask what Draco was there for, the younger boy immediately said what was on his mind.
I am vindicated
"Professor, You-Know-Who wants me to kill you this year," he said, his voice a good octave higher than he was used to. "At the end of the year, I'm supposed to get the Death Eaters in through the Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement."
He looked at Dumbledore intently, contemplating his next words carefully. "I – I don't want to be a Death Eater, sir. I don't want to follow my father, or You-Know-Who. I don't want to live that life, Professor. I'm asking you to help me."
I am selfish, I am wrong
Draco continued blabbering to the Headmaster, no longer sitting in his seat, but rather pacing along the office, slowly forgetting that Dumbledore was even there as he spoke his mind. "I know I've been a terrible nuisance to your side, Professor, and I know I'm just a selfish little Malfoy brat, a typical Slytherin who has made Potter's life a living hell, but trust me, I – I need to be saved."
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
Now, he looked at Dumbledore, visibly unsure of himself, as though he suddenly had the fear that Dumbledore wouldn't accept his plead for help. "Please, Professor. I know I deserve to be saved. I could be a valuable asset to the Order, I know I could." Draco slumped back into his chair, closing his eyes in despair. "Professor, I need you to help me. I know that I've wasted my whole life to the dark side, but I'm willing to make up for it now."
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Draco finished his speech, and shoved his head into his hands, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself. He was angry with himself for sounding so desperate, but the turmoil that he had placed himself in was far too great for him to dwell too much on it. He knew he could be a great addition to the Order, if he was given a chance. He was broken out of his musings by the sound of Dumbledore's voice.
"Draco," he started, staring intently at his company. "I would be more than willing to induct you into the Order. I know about the plan to kill me, and I know that you are honest about your intentions." He didn't mention Severus's loyalty to the Order, nor did he mention using Legilimency. "Draco, you are a brave young man, coming to me for help. I was hoping, all year, that you would, and finally, you have. I have never doubted you; you never quite seemed evil enough, only raised in a bad family."
So clear
Like the diamond on your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
Draco nodded at Dumbledore, still overly sullen, as he suddenly glanced at the ring on the old man's desk. He recognized that ring, and his eyes widened. That once belonged to the heir of Slytherin, he knew it. Why would Dumbledore have such a thing? Draco shook his head, trying to rid these insignificant thoughts, but somehow they seemed interconnected to Voldemort.
"Sir –" he started, before Dumbledore's hand interrupted him, seemingly aware of Draco's train of thought.
"In time, Draco," he said quietly, his eyes fixated on the ring as well.
And rendered me so
Isolated, motivated
Draco tore his eyes away from the ring, wondering if Dumbledore ever would tell him. Perhaps he told Potter all of his secrets? This angered Draco; the fact that Dumbledore always favored Potter and his Mudblood and blood-traitor pals. Draco was alone, as far as friends and allies were concerned. But then a thought came to his head; he had referred to Granger and Weasley as names he most certainly couldn't use if he was in the Order. Determinated to turn his life around, he was going to start by addressing his peers by their surnames, rather than their status.
I am certain now that I am vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Four months later, as Death Eaters ran rampant around the hallways of Hogwarts, Draco was ashamed of himself. He had failed Dumbledore, Potter, and the others in the Order. While he had left the task of letting Death Eaters in to another Slytherin, Draco had still let Dumbledore get killed. Worst of it was, Snape had done the deed. Snape, whom Dumbledore seemed to have trusted.
"Sectumsempra!" he shouted at a female Death Eater, most likely Alecto Carrow, watching indifferently as she fell down clutching her sides, which blood was spurting out of. Turning away from the gory sight, Draco found her brother staring at him cruelly, shouting obscenities and insults while Draco turned and ran.
So turn
The corners of your lips
And feel my fingertips
Trace the moment fall forever
He was heading toward the courtyard, where people were screaming and running wildly. Draco had to escape, as he was now openly known as a traitor, but furthermore, he had to find Snape, and murder him. For Harry, for Dumbledore. He saw a Death Eater fall beside him, dead, as Kingsley Shacklebolt shouted a curse, and Draco kept running, knowing his life depended on it.
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'll be in
How had things gotten so bad? Draco had tried, ever since the change of his allegiance, to protect those he was newly loyal to, and yet, Dumbledore was dead. He didn't think he could ever forgive himself.
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
He felt Amycus grow closer to him, he could practically hear the demented man's breaths of rage as Draco slipped farther away from him, but suddenly he found himself tripping over a tree root, and falling toward the brown dirt on the ground. No, no! He couldn't lose now, he couldn't fail himself as well as the rest of them, he had to keep going …
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
Draco looked up, his eyes filling with the concept of true, painstaking fear for the first time in his life. He was going to die, he knew it. He had betrayed the Dark Lord, and it was the best decision he had ever made in his life. He knew he could never forgive himself for letting Dumbledore die, for letting Potter's biggest mentor die, for letting the one person who accepted him seamlessly, die.
Like hope
Dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
And he contorted his features into one of a smirk, knowing that although Dumbledore was gone, and although Draco was going to be gone in mere seconds, Potter and the Order would avenge the two of them. They would win the war, because they had a cause. They would win, and that gave Draco more hope than he could have ever imagined.
The green light spiraling toward him might have been the end of him, but it wasn't the end of his hope. After all, he was vindicated, and that meant everything.
Right .. I had a great idea for this story, but the more I wrote it, the more inspiration I lost. Halfway through, I was going to just end it, but I decided not to. This was inspired by the songfic challenge in the Reviews Lounge sometime in May or June or something. XD I'm a little late, but here it is, in all its crappilicious glory. Haha, oh, and reviews make me smile.
