Many people shudder and cringe at the mere mention of the Cruciatus Curse. The torture curse. The second of the three Unforgivable Curses. But it is not true torture. I know true torture. Pure unrefined torture that I have endured for 17 long years. Guilt.

Guilt that gnaws on my soul like a hungry animal. Guilt that sits in my stomach like a lead brick. Guilt that surges up every morning when I fall back into reality.

Torture is seeing her eyes everyday, set in the face of a man who made my life a living hell. Seeing her eyes darken and narrow in hatred towards me. Seeing her eyes mark me for what I am. A Murderer. A Coward.

I killed Lily Evans. The phrase that has been at the forefront of my mind for 17 years. The phrase that keeps me up at night. I killed Lily Evans.

Beautiful, sweet, vivacious Lily Evans. Lily Evans who was bursting with passion and brimming with life. Killed. Murdered. Because of me.

Torture is knowing that it was all my fault. Torture is the gaping abyss where our friendship used to be. Torture is knowing that she doesn't care anymore. That she won't be there to pick up the pieces the next time I crumble and fall.

Tonight it ends. As I take my final breath I look into her eyes. I love you, Lily Evans. Always and Forever.


AN: a short little one shot I wrote a while ago. Please let me know what you think :)

p.s. as much as it pains me to say, I am not the amazing JK Rowling