A/N: General disclaimers of I don't own anything in the Spiderman universe or the reboot of the Amazing Spiderman 2012. If I did Emma Stone would be making out with me and not Andrew Garfield. We can all dream right?
"Courage means to keep working a relationship, to continue seeking solutions to difficult problems, and to stay focused during stressful periods."
-Dennis Waitley
Peter Parker angel dived from the top of the Empire State building and he only half thought about the fact that he was free-falling around a hundred and twenty miles per hour. The other half of his brain was thinking about how messed up his personal life was.
His relationship with his now deceased Uncle Ben had never been officially closed and Peter clung to the voicemail on his cell phone like a life-line. At his uncle's funeral Peter had been present but his mind and spirit had been far far away. Eventually, Peter knew he had to go to Uncle Ben's grave and have that heavy, painful emotional talk. Every time that he made up his mind to go however, something stopped him and Peter always told himself another time.
Even his relationship with his Aunt May was strained and Peter hated it. His dual identity was a heavy secret and at times Peter wasn't completely sure that his aunt didn't know about his alter ego. She had stopped asking where he went every night and why at times he came home looking like pounded beef. Also, she stopped looking so surprised whenever he left or didn't watch the news whenever they covered Spiderman.
The biggest person his alter ego had hurt was not either of his relatives however, but someone Peter cared for deeply and saw everyday. Gwen Stacey had suffered the most at the epic conclusion of his first major confrontation as Spiderman. With the death of her father, his dying wish and Peter's own selfish fears of not wanting to see Gwen hurt, the two of them had not seen much of each other. And this killed Peter. Even with his Aunt May's strong, warm statement Peter's nightmares kept him from giving in and talking to her.
"Way to go Spiderman!"
The excited cry of a small child snapped Peter back to the present and he shot out a web to check his speed. He sling-shotted across the street and wall-ran up a building. His ringing cell phone drew his attention and he fished it out of his backpack.
"Yeah Aunt May?"
"Peter did you remember that we are having company over for dinner tonight?"
"Yes I did. It's at five o' clock still right?"
"Yes, yes it is. Remember to dress in something nice okay?"
"Yes got it Aunt May. Love you."
The phone call ended and Peter sighed. He felt like half of himself was torn away but to keep his better half safe he would bear the emotional turmoil.
Gwen Stacey smiled a real smile for the first time in what felt like ages as she stood in Peter Parker's room and she slowly turned around in a circle. His room fit Peter exactly with stray bits of eccentric knowledge tucked into every corner and a slightly messy feel but on the surface, no matter where she looked, Gwen could not find any trace of Spiderman.
Feeling bold and hoping Peter wouldn't come back anytime soon, Gwen booted up his computer. She gasped and then smiled at his screensaver as she saw that the entire slideshow was of her. This only cemented the fact in her mind that Peter still did have feelings for her but his own stubbornness and nobility prevented him from acting out on them.
"Not nice to snoop you know."
"Ah! Peter! Oh goodness you scared me."
Gwen turned around at the sound of Peter's voice and found him standing by his window in his now iconic red and blue suit. As always, she marveled at his physique but more so at the contrast of his powerful suit and boyish face.
"I…your aunt…pictures…I'm sorry."
Peter didn't say anything but walked over to his bed and began getting dressed in black slacks and a blue button down. A black t-shirt hid his uniform and he cleared his throat.
"Guess I'll see everyone in a few minutes."
Gwent wanted Peter to say 'you' but right now Peter was hiding behind yet another mask and this time Gwen couldn't see past it. This was a testament to how large the basic emotional shift had become in their relationship…or was it a friendship now?
"Peter…"
For the briefest of seconds, the intense emotions Gwen had come to adore shown in Peter's eyes but then it disappeared and Peter crawled back out the window with all the grace he had been blessed with.
It was hard seeing her again and beings to close to her but not being able to touch. She hadn't changed much except for the withdrawn expression and demeanor. And that was his fault Peter knew. So great was his emotional turmoil that he didn't even bother to question why Gwen was in his room and why she was wearing his favorite outfit. He unlocked and opened the house door before stepping inside.
"Surprise! Happy birthday Peter!"
Even with the forewarning thanks to his spidey-sense, the warmth of the greetings washed over him and made him smile. His Aunt May walked forward, arms outstretched and she hugged him.
"Put aside your pain for the night Peter and enjoy your special night. I know you both want to."
"Yes Aunt May."
Peter chose to ignore his aunt's subtle hint but did mingle with those that came to celebrate his birthday. It was a small crowd, about ten, but the atmosphere was light and carefree. Not wanting to have a potentially awkward situation with Gwen, he moved towards her brother's who were having an animated conversation about Spiderman.
"Come now Peter. It's time for you to blow out your candles."
There was a small cheer and everyone moved to the kitchen where a lit cake awaited him. The small group of friends and family sang him the customary 'Happy Birthday' and then an expectant silence awaited Peter as everyone waited for him to blow out the candles.
"Make a wish Peter."
The soft, gentle tone of Gwen's voice made Peter lose it but he closed his eyes to gather himself for a second and then blew out his candles all the while looking Gwen directly in the eyes. Everyone cheered, clapped and then busied themselves with passing out the cake. Peter took his piece with a quiet thank-you and made his way out onto the front porch. He stared out at nothing in particular, more amazed with New York from the ground level rather than hundreds of feet in the air.
"May I join you?"
Peter turned to see Mrs. Stacey standing behind him. He smiled and nodded.
"So how does it feel to be one year older?"
"Ground-breaking Mrs. Stacey."
"Helen please dear. Call me Helen. What's so special about this year?"
A mixture of emotions flooded Peter as he though about all the major and minor changes to happen to him over this past year. Had it only been four months since the disastrous culminating events of Oscorp, the Lizard…and Gwen?
"I've tasted the sorrows of loss twice more since my childhood and I've experienced the joys of a full heart and complete freedom. And I'm not sure what to make of all that."
Silence fell once more on the porch but Peter remembered his aunt's words and shrugged his shoulders with a shaky grin.
"It'll be all right though. I'll figure it out. How have you been Helen?"
"Recovering with help but it's people like you Peter that give us all hope. You have such a remarkable spirit young man."
"Thanks. Anytime you feel lonely you can come down here to the house as I'm sure my aunt would enjoy the company."
Helen laughed and nodded her head. She took his hand in hers and squeezed.
"Go easy on her please Peter. Whatever happened between you two is your business but she hasn't been happy. Please Peter."
"Mrs. Stacey…Helen… I…"
Helen left and Peter heard the door close but the other person who had been listening the whole time moved in closer. Even her presence was intoxicating.
"My mother is usually more subtle than that. I'm sorry."
"What for? You did nothing wrong."
"Then why won't you talk to me? Why are you avoiding me? Is it all for the sake of my father's dying wish or are you just not into me anymore?"
Peter felt like his skin was crawling from all the energy being spent to keep the lockdown on all of his emotions. He didn't dare turn around and look at Gwen because if he knew his self-control would shatter and that just wasn't going to happen.
"Your father was a good man and he wanted to protect you from beyond the grave. I cannot give up my responsibility so I cannot…I cannot be with you…in that way. I'm sorry, I really am."
"Fine. It's obvious that you're not going to talk here so we are going up there."
Peter started when Gwen grabbed his arm and looked up at him with fire in her eyes. She was daring him to not take her offer to clear the air and set things right. In this moment Gwen Stacey was beyond beautiful and Peter wrapped an arm around her waist. He shot out a web and took them to the top of the still-being-renovated Oscorp building.
"Why here?"
"Because this is where so many things changed for the both of us Gwen."
Peter looked around the construction site and re-visited his fight with the Lizard and Captain Stacey's death. Even in his nightmares Peter could recall every detail with perfect clarity and it haunted him.
"Where and how did he die?"
"Over there and the Lizard…the Lizard stabbed him with its claws."
"You mean Dr. Connors."
"No, I mean the Lizard. Dr. Connors wouldn't have done this. The serum changed his mind."
Peter's response was short and choppy as his emotions choked him up. He wouldn't budge on this as in his heart Peter still believed Dr. Connors to be a great, brilliant man.
"We'll have to agree to disagree on that then. Now, talk to me Peter Parker. Truthfully."
"What I told your mother was all true even if she didn't know the names and places. I can't sleep at night because of all of this and you."
"Me? Why me?"
"Because every night I see you die and every night I have to tell your mother that Spiderman…that I…couldn't save you. And I will not let that happen."
By the end of his explanation Peter was sweating and panting from the intensity of his conviction. Gwen, bless her heart, had moved closer instead of further away and her eyes were filled with tears.
"Peter…oh Peter."
The softness of Gwen's lips were a balm to Peter's torn soul and their melding lips were the only connection the two estranged lovers had at the moment.
"You shouldn't be carrying all of this alone on your shoulders Peter. Let me help you. I'll be your shoreline. Please."
Peter's answer was to crush Gwen to him and breathe in her scent like a dying man. Her face was pressed into his chest and her body was shaking from her sobs.
"Ssh ssh Gwen. Ssh. It'll be okay."
With his hands low on her back Peter could feel Gwen's phone vibrate in her jacket pocket and he pulled it out. He groaned when he read the text message from her mother and Gwen chuckled when she read it.
"What? The birthday boy doesn't want his presents?"
"Not if I can stay here with you but if you insist…"
With a cheeky grin Peter fell backwards over the edge of the Oscorp building and held Gwen tightly in his arms. She screamed, beating his chest with her fists and Peter got them upright with a web shot. He zipped them back to his house and they walked the last fifty feet up to the porch.
"I hate you Peter Parker. That was pure evil."
Peter laughed and held the door open for Gwen. She walked through and straight into the kitchen where the Stacey's and Aunt May were the only ones left waiting.
"Everyone had to leave Peter but they left their presents. Go on."
The small pile of presents warmed Peter's heart and he opened each one with care. Gwen stayed near him the entire time until she left with her family.
"Spend the night with me tonight Bug-Boy. It'll be one last present."
Gwen was having a heart attack in her bedroom as she got ready for bed. Her whispered comment to Peter as she hugged him goodbye seemed like a good idea at the time but now Gwen was beginning to doubt herself. Did Peter think that she meant sex? Was Gwen ready for that?
"Gwen can I come in?"
"Uh, yeah, sure mom."
Gwen sat back on her bed in her customary white nightgown and watched as her mom walked into her room. Her mother laughed and sat down in Gwen's computer chair.
"Relax Gwen, you're not in trouble. Or you might be with one cutie named Peter Parker?"
"Mom! No, we resolved our issues for the most part and we're almost back to normal."
"Almost normal being you kissing him to death out on the balcony?"
There should be a rule against a mother's teasing and Gwen flopped back down on her bed. That particular fantasy would happen again but not for a while yet because Gwen knew Peter wasn't ready.
"I'm happy for you Gwen. Peter is such a sweet, gentle loving boy and with an intellect to rival yours."
"Your point mom?"
"He's a troubled soul sweetie and you're going to need to be careful with him because he has some unresolved issues. In time he'll work through them but not yet."
Gwen sat up and nodded. She knew all this but she didn't care as Peter Parker was one of a kind and she was determined to have him.
"And just remember that I don't want to be a grandmother until you've graduated college."
"Okay mom! I think we're done."
Helen Stacey laughed but mercifully got up and left her daughter's room. Gwen groaned, flopped back down onto her bed on her stomach and thrashed about.
"I think your mother's a charming woman but I do love this sight way better."
"God, please kill me now."
Gwen picked her head up off her pillow to see Peter crouched on her windowsill. He wore a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants. Over all not a bad look for him.
"You're lucky I don't have a super-power to spy on your embarrassing conversations mister. Now, get your butt in here and close my window."
"Yes ma'am."
Gwen rolled her eyes at Peter's cheeky comment and turned off her bedroom lights. When she rolled back over Peter sat at the foot of her bed and was looking at her.
"Peter, you need to sleep. Come under the covers."
Where the strong confidence was coming from Gwen didn't know but she went with it. Slowly, Peter did as she ordered but he lost his long sleeve t-shirt and sweatpants which left him in a pair of athletic shorts. Surprisingly, lying down to bed in Peter's arms wasn't hard or awkward but rather enjoyable. Her head found the perfect spot in the muscled hollow of Peter's shoulder and her smaller body aligned on top of his just off-center so no intimate acts could be misconstrued.
"That was easy."
"Indeed. Much practice?"
"Peter!"
Gwen smacked Peter's shoulder at such a cheeky comment, her cheeks flushing pink and providing all the evidence Peter needed to know that this was a first for Gwen. She focused on his breathing instead to alleviate some of her embarrassment and his steady heartbeat soothed her. Gave her the reassurances that it would take a heck of a lot to bring her super-hero boyfriend down.
"What are the exact words of the promise my dad made you take?"
Instinctively, Gwen propped herself up on her elbows on Peter's chest so she could look into his eyes as she asked him the all important question. Peter's hold tightened on her hips but Gwen traced Peter's facial features with one hand while her other was gently tangled in his hair.
"He said that he believes in my mission to help the city. That I would make enemies and to…to keep you out of my life."
Too fast for Gwen to counter, Peter was out of her bed and standing looking outside her window. She closed her legs, fixed her nightgown and slowly moved to stand behind Peter. Gwen wrapped her arms around him, her hands finding purchase on where she knew the gashes from the Lizard used to be and her head pressed in between his taut shoulder blades.
"My father was a good man Peter. Honorable, full of conviction and integrity and protective to a fault. Comes with being a captain in the police force. What he seemed to have forgotten though is how powerful love can be and how much you mean to me. Even if I can't be with you, I'll still worry about you just like I did with my father and I'll be hurting much more."
The profound silence that fell over the two teenagers made Gwen's heart stop and her bright mind freeze. Never before had she bared her heart as wide open as she did just then and she found that she couldn't breath as she waited for Peter's response. When it didn't come Gwen felt hurt but the tightening of his hand around her hands was the balm to that pain. Even if her awkward Peter couldn't express it in words, he still found a way to let her know he understood.
"Come back to bed with me. Please."
Even though this time around there was still hesitancy, the two teenagers found that comfortable position again. Gwen reached down and pulled her covers over them.
"Sleep Peter. I'm here."
Her simple statement seemed to do the trick and Gwen fell asleep almost immediately after Peter did.
