This is not actually a script, so it's legal. Pure crack: How to apologize to a woman. Parody of Roy and his womanizing ways. It actually incorporates other FMA characters (points excitedly) and there's a plot (is amazed). I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.
Script
So, one way or another, Roy and Riza started dating and everything was going peachy keen. Then they had a fight.
What they fought about or how it came about isn't important. What is important was that Roy's reaction to the fight was to go out on a date with another woman.
And you can imagine what happened next (no, not that):
"Hey Lieutenant, I'm really sorry about what happened," said Havoc or some other unsuspecting character.
"What happened?"
"Umm—Roy went out on a date with another woman?" Havoc or other character will stupidly say.
"He what!" Riza will say. "That is it! I've had enough!" Instead of pulling her gun out though, she will merely stomp out the door.
Later:
"Hey Colonel, I'm sorry about what happened," Havoc the clueless messenger of bad news will say.
"What happened?"
"Umm, Lieutenant Hawkeye requested a transfer?"
Several things will rush through the Colonel's head: "Riza's leaving me? How can she leave me? Doesn't she know I need her? Doesn't she need me? No? Well I don't need her either!
"She can't request a transfer!" he'll say. "I'm transferring her!"
"Well that's a mature reaction on your part," Breda will say.
"Me? What about her? She's the one who started this whole transfer business."
"Well technically her reaction was appropriate considering your action, i.e. cheating on her by going out with another woman. Your reaction, i.e. rushing to transfer her before she can submit her transfer, is actually quite childish," Falmon will say. And then everyone will pause and consider the astute logic of his statement.
"Hey, Colonel Shit!" Ed will yell, bounding into the room. "I told Winry all about what you did to Lieutenant Hawkeye, and at first she wanted to whack you with her wrench, but then she calmed down and wrote a script for you."
"A script?" Roy will ask.
"A script" Ed will repeat, and shove a piece of paper into Roy's face.
"Riza," Roy will read, "I am so, so sorry. I was hurt and angry and I wanted to hurt you too. But I went too far. I'm a bastard. I'm a stupid, stupid bastard who wasn't thinking. Please forgive me Riza, you're the only woman I could ever be with. I love you."
"Oooo that's so sweet!" Armstrong will say, brimming with tears; shirt magically off and pink sparkles magically sparkling in the background.
Roy, ignoring Armstrong's appearance, will say: "I am not reading that."
"You just did," Ed will point out with an evil grin.
"Well I'm not reading that to Riza. I'll just find some other way to make it up to her," Roy will say, crumpling up the script and tossing it behind him, hitting Breda in the head.
"Ow," Breda will say.
And off Roy will go, to search for Riza.
"I wonder if anyone should remind him that she has a gun," Havoc will comment.
Now, Fury and Al, by virtue of not being in the previous scene, will be comforting Riza as she cries.
"Why doesn't he loooooooove me? Why did he cheeeeeeeeat on me? I haaaaaaate him," Riza will uncharacteristically elongate her vowels. Well, actually she does do that when she's upset. Like when it took her three pages to call Lust a bitch.
"There, there," Al will say in his sweet, charming, little boy voice. Everything will be alright.
"That's right," Fury will say, from where he is sitting with Black Hayate. Because Fury is ranked even with Al in being naïve and sweet, and is always with Black Hayate. "I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it."
"Aaaaaaaaaaah!" Riza will cry at the reminder of Roy's infidelity. Fury will tear up at his mistake and Al will magically manage to frown, even though he is a suit of armor.
Roy comes up: "Will you two excuse us?" (Fury and Alphonse leave) "Riza, let me explain."
"No."
"Please, let me talk to you."
"No."
"Please?"
"No!"
This might go on for awhile. Let's skip ahead.
"Riza, I am so, so sorry."
In the background, the entire cast of Fullmetal Alchemist is hidden in a clump of bushes, Inuyasha style.
"Hey Winry, isn't he reading your script?" Ed will say.
"Shh!" Winry will say.
"I was hurt and angry and I wanted to hurt you too. But I went too far. I'm a bastard, Riza," and here Roy will kneel and touch the sobbing Riza's shoulder, "I'm a stupid, stupid bastard who wasn't thinking at all. Please forgive me Riza, you're the only woman I could ever be with. I love you."
Riza hiccoughs, then says, "Okay."
"You bastard!" Ed will call out from the bushes. "You just read from Winry's script."
"What script?" Roy will ask.
"What script?" Riza will demand.
"Well technically, he did not read from the script, as he did not have the script with him. Furthermore, he added words like 'Riza' and 'at all' to the original script."
Everyone stares at Falmon, who bites into a cookie.
"Oh well, as long as he doesn't do it again," Riza says, pulling out her gun and pointing it at Roy. "Or else I'll kill you."
And the story ends with Riza slightly back in character, which is all that really matters.
