Emma squeezed her eyes tighter, willing them to stay shut despite the persistent alarm that was radiating from the night side table. Without even peeking, she freed her hand from underneath her stomach and felt her way around the table until she felt her phone.
"Swan, stop that noise. It's worse than Smee's singing after a night at the tavern," a low voice drawled next to her.
Now Emma did open her eyes, and when she did, she was met with a pair of blue eyes staring back at her. Killian's lips broke into a wide smile when her morning gaze met his, and Emma found herself grinning too despite the fact that it was seven in the morning on a Monday. She shifted slightly so that her head was more parallel to his on the pillow, and Killian raised his hand to brush a stray piece of golden hair from her cheek. He let his fingers linger after the strand was tucked behind her ear, his calloused fingers brushing along her cheek gently.
"You still haven't turned off the noise, love," Killian whispered, and Emma huffed at his way of disrupting the moment. She returned her attention to the phone in her hand, tapping the button to snooze a little bit longer in bed.
"Apologies for interrupting your peace, Swan," Killian continued once Emma's eyes were back on him. "But a woman as beautiful as you deserves my full and prompt attention, and that bloody noise was threatening to bring out my dark side."
Emma visibly flinched, rolling over until she was lying on her back, her gaze fixed solely on the ceiling. Killian sighed deeply, and Emma felt the bed shift next to her until she could see Killian's face in her peripheral vision.
"Apologies again, Swan. That Dark One joke was too soon."
"Damn it, Killian. You only came back from Hell a week ago!" Emma burst out, covering her face with both of her hands and squeezing her eyes shut. She regretted doing so as soon as it was completely dark, flashbacks of their time in the Underworld coming to the surface and replaying right in front of her. Tears started to build up in the corners of her eyes, and Emma bit her lip to make sure they didn't start to roll down her cheeks. Never in her whole life had Emma cried so much, but as soon as she came to Storybrooke, she felt like she cried almost every other week now.
"Swan," Killian started. "Emma, look at me." A warm hand wrapped around her wrists and tugged her hands away from her face, despite Emma's weak resistance. She immediately rerouted her gaze to the far wall, but the direction of her stare did nothing to hide the formation of tears from the ever-observant pirate. "Oh, love."
"I'm sorry. I'm overreacting. But, God, Killian. It was my fault you went to the Underworld in the first place. I made you into a Dark One."
"Yeah, and I let myself give into the Darkness. Emma, you may have turned me into something that I was determined to kill for three centuries, but I had the choice of letting the Darkness control me. I could have been strong like you and resisted it, but I was weak, and I let the villain in me take over. That is not your fault."
"But, it is! I just-. I'm just sorry, Killian." A single tear escaped her eye, and Emma mentally cussed it out as it slithered down her cheek like the traitorous snake that it was.
Killian didn't say anything. He merely wove his good arm over her shoulders and tugged her into him so that their legs were tangled together and her head was forced to rest on his chest. He brought his maimed arm and rested it across her waist, his stump rubbing softly against Emma's stomach. He had only started removing the hook for bed a few days ago, and Emma was more than happy to welcome the change. The hook was always a defense mechanism for Killian; this hook was just like her walls that she had spent so many years perfecting. Removing it and letting her see his flaws was not something she was going to pressure him to do, and when the time came, Killian made the decision to open up all by himself. Now, Emma wrapped one of her hands atop the stump, running her fingernails lightly over his skin.
From her position on his chest, Emma could hear the beating of his heart, a constant thumping that somehow managed to normalize the beating of her own heart. "One day, love," Killian whispered, and somehow Emma heard him through the newfound sleepy haze that had been brought on by the lullaby of Killian's heartbeat, "you'll understand that what happened was not your fault in the slightest. But until that day, I'll just have to keep reminding you. And you'll also realize that there's no use fretting about the past. We're both alive, and we're both here, and that's all that matters."
"Emma! You're late. You're never late," David exclaimed when Emma burst into the station, her hair in a messy ponytail and her mind in a different place.
"Yeah, sorry. Missed my alarm. And I'm always late."
"Why do I feel like 'missed my alarm' means that you actually hit the snooze button five times?"
"It does not," Emma huffed, rolling her eyes as she hung up her red leather jacket and sent a quick text to Killian letting him know she had gotten to work okay. "It was actually six times."
David laughed, leaning back in his chair and resting his arms behind his head. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched his daughter stand next to her desk, her fingers anxiously drumming on the surface as she stared intensely at her phone. "Emma. Emma? Emma!"
Emma startled at the third call, her head snapping up and the drumming stopping. "What?"
"You okay? You seem a bit off this morning."
"Yeah, fine. Just waiting for Killian to text back. He hasn't responded yet."
"Emma, he's a one-handed man who just recently started calling a phone by its real name instead of the 'picture-less voice device.' And didn't you just send that message, like, a minute ago? Even I wouldn't have responded that fast."
"Yeah, but, something could have happened. There could be a new villain in Storybrooke who targeted Killian. Or he could be on the Jolly Roger and something went wrong and now he's stranded at sea with no cell service or WIFI."
"Okay, sit down," David interrupted Emma's spiel. He forced Emma to sit down and handed her a coffee, which Emma accepted while staring out the window the entire time. "Well, while you were ranting, a text from Hook came in. Guess you didn't hear it go off."
Emma's gaze snapped to her phone, and she all but dropped the coffee as she lunged for the phone that was sitting on the corner of her desk. "Okay. He's okay. He just got out of the shower."
"Did not need to know that," David sighed, ruffling Emma's hair as she grunted at him. "Let's finish up this paperwork. Wow. Going to Hell really pushes things back at work, doesn't it?"
That night, Killian met Emma and David at Granny's Diner. When he arrived, Emma and her father were already sitting in a corner booth with Snow, Henry, Regina, and Zelena. Baby Robin was in Zelena's arms and baby Neal was in Snow's.
"Killian!" Snow called, having being first to see him. She lifted one arm and waved enthusiastically, to which Killian replied with a light wave of his good hand and a smirk. He made his way over to the booth, sliding into the empty seat next to Emma, who immediately reached over and wrapped her hand around his hook, leaning over and placing a chaste kiss to his cheek.
Throughout the entire dinner, Emma was always touching Killian. While they waited for their food and talked with their family, she settled for hand-holding, her fingers wrapped securely around his hook. When their dinners came, she reluctantly had to release his hook to eat her meal, but she shifted closer to him so that their legs were touching and their shoulders would bump whenever they moved. By the time dessert and coffee had started, Killian had to wrap his arm around Emma's waist to keep her sated, and she unquestionably rested her head on his shoulder.
If anyone thought Emma's unnatural display of PDA was noticeable, no one said anything.
The next week consisted of Emma coming into a work an hour late every day claiming to have "missed her alarm" every morning. Throughout the day, she would text Killian nonstop, and she would grow anxious and irritable if he didn't respond within five minutes of her latest text. Quite a few times, David had to yell her name to bring her out of her own little world and back to the mountains of paperwork before them. Every day, Killian would try to come down to the station with lunch for Emma and David, but on the days when he couldn't, Emma took a long lunch break to find him and eat with him. The day ended with everyone either meeting at Granny's or at the Charming's for a family dinner, where Emma would sit next to Killian and talk to him most of the time. Her friends and family were beginning to also notice that if Killian wasn't there with her, Emma found a way to bring him into the conversation somehow. Either that, or she would be abnormally cranky and temperamental.
Red, always the attentive and overly-observant friend, dragged Emma away from the sheriff's station one Friday afternoon for a shopping day, promising that David could handle what was left of the paperwork. Emma spent the entire day checking her phone and fidgeting anxiously. After the second store, she had developed the habit of surveying her surroundings as if she were looking for someone, and Red pretended not to notice her friend's obvious lack of excitement in the day's plans.
"Okay, give me your phone," Red demanded after it buzzed in her hands and Emma abandoned helping Red zip up the dress she was trying on so that she could answer it.
Emma stared at Red's open palm with narrowed eyes. "But what if this was important? It could be from my dad at the station."
"It's not, and we both know it's not. I know you're looking for Killian and texting him nonstop. Did you forget that he was hanging out with your son today? He's fine, and you need to stop texting him all the time and hanging onto him whenever you're in public. I know you're parents are True Love, and I'm all for a good romance, but it's starting to get a little bit annoying."
Emma had the decency to feel embarrassed, but she hid the feeling with a scowl. "You sound like I'm obsessed with him."
Red let out a short laugh and shook her head. "Obsessed is a bit overkill. But you're definitely starting to turn into that clingy girlfriend."
"I'm not clingy," Emma defended herself, not meeting Red's eyes and instead focusing her attention on a cute blouse that subconsciously reminded her of Killian's eyes.
"Not yet. But once you get to that stage of snooping through his phone and following him around all day, then you've officially become clingy. Now finish helping me zip up this dress so I can see if I like it."
Red's words stayed with her for the rest of the day and even into the night as she closed up the sheriff's station and headed towards Granny's for a quick dinner. She wasn't clingy. She was just worried, that was all. It had only been two weeks since everyone had come back from the Underworld. Two weeks since Robin Hood died. Two weeks since Emma thought she had lost her True Love.
She entered Granny's with a troubled mind, ignoring the bell that rang as an indication of her entrance and automatically heading towards the booth she normally sat at. When she was a couple feet away, she realized that her booth was already occupied by Belle, a cup of tea sitting forgotten on the table as Belle's mind was lost elsewhere in a book. Emma froze, preparing to turn around and find a new seat, but she was too late; Belle had looked up from her book and had spotted her.
"Emma!" she waved, closing her novel and pulling the tea close to her. Emma had no choice but to put on a small smile and slide into the booth across from the librarian. "How are you?"
"Good. Pretty tired. Red dragged me to about a hundred stores today."
"It was nine!" a new voice interrupted them, and Emma turned to see Red standing next to their table, a notebook and pen in her hand.
"Geez, Red. Make some noise before you speak next time. What are you doing here anyway?"
"Well, I do work here, and right now, I'm here to take your order."
Emma rolled her eyes at her own stupidity while Belle and Red chuckled. "Right. Sorry. My mind is everywhere. I'll have-."
"Yeah, I already have it written down. Grilled cheese with onion rings and a hot chocolate with cinnamon. Do you want another cup of tea, Belle?"
"Yeah, actually, that'd be great! Could I get a side of fries too?"
Red nodded and bustled away after winking at the two of them, the cup of Belle's cold tea in her hands. Emma leaned forward and massaged her temples with her fingers. Her phone had died an hour ago, and in the rush to get to work on time that morning, she had forgot to stash her charger in her bag.
"What's wrong, Emma?"
"Hm? Nothing. It's just a headache."
"You said your mind was everywhere. Wanna talk about it?" Belle asked, unnecessarily pushing her book off to the side to show Emma she had her full attention.
Emma was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath and meeting Belle's eyes. "How often do you talk to Gold?"
"Every day. Why?" Belle asked, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
"I don't know. Red said something to me today about always talking to Killian and hanging onto him, and it's starting to bother me, I guess. I mean, you like to know where Gold is and stuff, right?"
"She kinda has to. He's the Dark One," Red interrupted again, placing a hot chocolate in front of Emma and a tea in front of Belle. "And she doesn't cling to him like a lost puppy when she's at the diner eating with her family."
"Red, stay out of this," Emma all but growled.
"I'm just saying, Emma. In my experience, guys haven't liked it too much if I texted them all day and was always holding their hand or something."
"But Emma's independent, and Killian knows this. He's always affectionate in public, so maybe he doesn't notice anything different. Not that there's anything really different," Belle quickly reassured Emma.
"Then how come I heard Killian asking Henry if everything was okay with you while they were eating lunch in the diner the other day?"
Emma's spine straightened at that, and her eyes snapped over to Red. "What?"
Red opened her mouth to clarify, but a belle rang, and she glanced over her shoulder, cursing under her breath. "Be right back," she said before turning and heading towards the counter.
"What do you think Killian meant when he asked if I was okay?" Emma demanded, and Belle choked on her tea in an effort to try to answer Emma fast enough.
"I don't know. Ask Red when she-."
"Okay, here's your food," Red said, sliding the correct meals in front of the women.
She'd barely gotten that sentence out when Emma repeated her earlier question to Red. The waitress sighed before glancing over her shoulder at the counter and then doing a quick survey of the nearly empty diner. "Scoot over," she told Belle before sitting down next to her. "I can probably spare five minutes before the next order is ready."
"Red, what did he mean?" Emma asked through gritted teeth.
"Emma, when you met Killian, you were a person who had her walls built high. Luckily, he fought those walls, and you thankfully let him into your heart. But while you guys may have shared short kisses in public and could sometimes be seen holding hands, you were never really into the whole PDA thing. Usually Killian instigated all of the kisses and hand-holding, and you went along with it. Which is fine. But now you're starting to instigate more of the PDA stuff, and he's always been perceptive, especially when it comes to you. Of course he was going to notice sooner or later that you weren't acting the same."
Emma let that sink in before slumping in her seat, her teeth nibbling her lower lip. Belle took a sip of her tea before clearing her throat, sending Emma's gaze in her direction.
"When you asked me about texting Gold and stuff, you were just trying to justify what you've been doing to Killian, weren't you?"
"I don't know," Emma answered honestly. Why did she ask Belle that question?
"Well, Emma, it sounds like you're scared. Of what, I don't know. Only you can figure that out. But you're letting that fear get to you and make you do things to help yourself feel safer. My guess is that because Killian makes you feel safe and loved, you've been turning to him more."
"But that's not a bad thing?"
"It's not bad, but I can see why you're making Killian worried," Belle answered, biting into one of her fries.
"And why he could start to get annoyed after a while," Red added.
"He won't get annoyed," Emma retaliated, but the swooping feeling in her stomach told her that she didn't fully believe what she just said.
"You're probably right, Emma. He won't get annoyed, but you should probably talk to him or something," Belle pointed out.
Red left a couple of minutes later after sharing her latest spiel of the town gossip to her two friends. Belle, not one for gossip much, nodded every once in awhile as she stirred her tea, and Emma, mind focused on Killian, pretended to listen, but if Red noticed that she didn't hold her audience captive, then she didn't show she cared at all.
Once Belle and Emma had both finished their food, the girls threw money on the table to pay before leaving, Belle waving at Emma with one hand, her book clutched to her chest, as she turned and headed towards the apartment that she just started sharing with Tink, who had appeared back in Storybrooke days after everyone returned from the Underworld.
Emma dragged her feet home, her arms wrapped around her torso as a gust of wind cut through her thin sweater. She let out a low curse for forgetting her red leather jacket at the station when she locked up, and she was too tired to turn around and go get it, so her sweater was going to have to brave the chilly weather.
The more she dwelled on it, the more she began to think she was morphing into the clingy girlfriend type. And if anyone was considered clingy, it was not Emma Swan. She had never been one to let herself love too deeply or too easily, not after being an orphan and what happened with Neal.
No, Emma Swan was not clingy. She steeled herself against the cold weather, setting her mouth in a thin line. Red was wrong about her being clingy and Killian getting annoyed. She was going to see to that.
Emma found herself cooking dinner two days later, her eyes glazing over a text from her father as she absentmindedly stirred the sauce for the pasta.
"Mom! I'm home!" Henry called, the front door slamming behind him.
"Hey, kid. How was school?"
"It was fine. Grandma keeps embarrassing me though," he complained, dropping his backpack on the floor before sliding into one of the stools placed near the counter. "You're cooking?"
"I'm trying to make pasta. Is that the same thing as cooking?"
Henry laughed just as the front door opened again, and Emma felt her heart hammer hard against her chest when she saw Killian enter, a grocery bag hanging from his hook. He shut the door quietly behind him, a sharp contrast to Henry's methods, and placed the bag on the counter.
"I noticed you were out of milk, Swan, so I picked some up for you," Killian said, leaning over and placing a chaste kiss on her cheek as Emma hummed in acknowledgement.
"How were the docks, Killian?"
"Very nice. Thank you for getting that job for me, lad. I missed looking at the sea everyday," he said, smiling warmly at Henry and ruffling his hair with his good hand, much to Henry's displeasure. "How's your mum?"
"She's okay. She keeps trying to shut me out, but I'm not gonna let her. She needs family right now. I know Grandma's not backing down either."
"Yes, well, if there's anyone else who's adept at handling pain, it's Regina," Killian replied, taking the seat next to Henry and staring at Emma, who's eyes were trained on the pot of water as if willing it to boil with her eyes. "And how was your day at the station, love?"
"Hm? Oh, it was fine. Nothing really happened." Emma's tone had a sense of finality about it, and Killian caught it, raising his eyebrow in a silent question but otherwise not inquiring any further. Instead, he struck up a conversation with Henry about school and his new girlfriend, Violet.
Dinner was filled with an awkward silence as Killian kept glancing at Emma only for Emma to keep her eyes glued to her plate while Henry tried to fill the room with different attempts at starting a conversation. Dinner ended with everyone putting their dishes in the sink and Henry bolting off to his room with a few cookies in hand to try to escape the tension in the dining space.
Emma immediately busied herself with the dishes, washing them furiously and refusing to glance up, knowing that Killian was staring at her and trying to figure her out like a puzzle.
"Do you want me to wash and I'll dry, Swan?"
"Sure," Emma shrugged, handing him a towel and then a bowl straight after. They worked in silence for a good two minutes until Killian finally spoke once more, and Emma felt a wave of dread sweep over her. This was the conversation she had been avoiding.
"When I first met you, Swan, remember what I said to you? I said that you're somewhat like an open book, and that hasn't changed. In the past two days, you've barely said ten words to me, but right before that, you were texting me on your mobile telephone all bloody day long. Emma, love, what's bothering you."
"Nothing."
"You and I both know you're lying. We don't need your superpower for that one."
Killian was met with dead silence, and he clenched his jaw in frustration. "Damn it, Emma, I thought we were passed this wall thing. I thought you let me in, and we were making progress."
"We were," Emma mumbled, but Killian heard her as if she had shouted the words at him.
"Then what the bloody hell happened?!"
"You died, Killian!" This time, Emma did yell, and Killian closed his mouth, his eyes softening as Emma seemed to deflate. "You died, and then I had to leave you. And then you came back. And at first, I was happy, and I still am. But now I remember that you died before in Camelot and again in the Enchanted Forest when we were all cursed by Isaac and Gold. And then it hit me that you could die at any moment, and I don't think Zeus would bring you back this time."
Killian closed his eyes, tilting his head back a little bit. His Swan was a bundle of worry and stress, and gods help him, he loved her for caring so much.
"Thank you for finally telling me what's been bothering you, love. And I feel obligated to remind you right now that I'm a survivor."
"Yeah, but you've died three times, and I don't know if I can handle someone else I love dying again." Tears had worked her way up to the corners of her eyes, and Emma brushed them away angrily.
"When did you start to think of this?" Killian's voice was measurably softer than before, no doubt a result of seeing Emma start to wipe away her tears.
"A few days after we got back," Emma confessed. "The day that Tink came back. She kept telling stories about you in the diner from when you were in Neverland. Some of the fights you had with the Lost Boys sounded like close calls, Killian. And then I started to overthink things. And one thing led to another."
"Is that why you've been sending me messages all day long? And why you've been late to work?"
Emma shrugged. Confessing her feelings was something that she wasn't used to, and it still surprised her that Killian was willing to let her break down and unload her burdens on him. "I just didn't wanna be away from you."
Emma felt Killian shift next to her, but she was busy dipping her fingers in the sink water and creating ripples. She jumped when Killian's hook reached into the water and looped around her wrist, creating a sling for her arm as he pulled out the limb and dried it off with the towel. His fingers found her chin, and he directed her gaze up to her face, where her eyes met the ones she loved so much.
"I've liked you ever since the beanstalk, Emma. You were intriguing, mysterious, to an extent, and you bested me, which was the most interesting thing about you at the time. When I finally got to Storybrooke with Cora, revenge was still my main motivator, but there was something inside telling me I was going to see you again, and that thought made me happy and terrified at the same time. When we were in Neverland, I told you I was going to win your heart, and I knew right then that I loved you. Emma, love, I know I've made mistakes, and I know we both have a lot of pain in our pasts, but that's all it is, love. The past. And I have no plans of dying anytime soon. I plan on living a long and healthy life with you wherever you are. Savvy?"
Killian didn't give her any time to reply before he leaned down and captured her lips in a sweet kiss, wrapping his hook arm around her waist while tangling his good hand in her hair. Emma responded automatically, pushing all of her fear and anxiety and love into the kiss. She could feel Killian's heart pounding from where her hands rested on his chest, and when she broke away to get air, she felt Killian pull her impossibly closer and lean his forehead against hers.
"I'm not going anywhere, Emma," he whispered, his breath fanning over her lips as he moved his thumb to caress her cheek gently. Emma leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering closed.
"Move in with me."
She felt Killian stiffen slightly, and when she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into his blue ones once again. "What?"
"Move in with me. You're practically here anyway. And Henry likes you," Emma fumbled with her words. "Plus I have a closet full of red jackets. If you want, we can make space for some black leather," she teased.
Killian's face broke into a wide grin as he let out a light laugh. "Well when you put it like that, then I would love to move in with you." He shook his head slightly, amazed that even after all this time, Emma Swan could surprise him with just a single question. "You're certain of this, love?"
"I've never been more certain about anything else. Killian, I want to start a life with you. I do. I just don't really know how," Emma confessed, and Killian shot her a loving smirk before dipping his head down and kissing her once more.
"Neither do I, love. But we'll figure it out. I've yet to see us fail. And when we do succeed, well, that's when the fun begins."
