Bad Forebodings
The necessary legal stuff. Pratchett and Gaimon own this stuff. Terry Gillam too when the film is made.
Plot: 15 years after the almost-apocalypse, Hell has come up with a really nasty way to become rulers of heaven, and need to test it. Crowly is faced with a very difficult decision and Azriphale is placed in immortal danger…
~~~~~~~~+0+~~~~~~~~~
Crowly sank back into the shiny leather of his Bentley, humming along to Queen greatest hits. Originally it had been a Mozart recording his best friend Azriphale had given him. But that was a month ago, and in accordance to universal law it had materialised into Freddie Murphy singing "We will rock you". The car was cruising through the Devon countryside, the standardised bushes of so many motorways flicking past as the car accelerated to a smooth 80 miles per hour. It was Crowly's first day off in ages. A day to escape from the hustle and bustle of being a demon and chill. The long lashed eyes beneath their black glasses grew heavier, and eventually they closed, letting the car drive it self.
"Hmm hmm hmm, singin' we will, we will-"
For the first time since in years, Crowly felt himself relax. The almost- apocalypse 15 years ago had led to a big rethink on Hells part, starting with making crawly pay for his glitch by working harder. Beelzebub had only allowed the change from tradition because he found that driving a demon crazy with stress was nastier. So Lucifer and Hastur and the rest were working on another evil plot that would make them lords of all three realms.
But then, Crowly mused, everything would happen as God wanted it in the end. It was ineffable. Demons, Angels, Humans, we are all pawns in his hands. Pity the old man downstairs didn't see it like that.
Azriphale had said something similar in his cute, if somewhat pompous angelic way "My dear, you don't fall. God just thinks about you differently. If you go far enough through hell, you will reach heaven and vice versa". The Angel had been saying stuff like that a lot lately. Crowly was starting to wonder if Azriphale had been reading up on Buddhism.
Azriphale again. He couldn't stop thinking about him for some reason. They hated each other enough to be best friends, but sooner or later Crowly was going to have to admit that he liked that angel more then that. Just a little. Maybe he would admit it to himself to another century or so.
"You are just a young man- listen up Crowly I have a message for you- you've got blood on… "
Crowly screamed and nearly thought the car of the road. He shouted at the tape player as he willed the car onto the road. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT WHILE I AM DRIVING!!!"
"We wi- sorry Crowly, but duty calls-"
"Look at the scratches on the paint work!"
" I said sorry- ck you"
"This is going to take ages-"
"CROWLY! SHUT UPP!!!!!!"
Crowly scowled at the play button. It sneered back at him.
"Are you listening to me? Crowly?"
The demon sighed "yes, I'm here." He said
"You need to bring an angel to Vegas for the test"
Crowly was nonplussed. "What test?"
"Didn't you read the memo?"
Guiltily Crowly thought back to his stylishly clear desk, and his stylishly full paper basket.
"Oh, er, yes. Probably…" he tried to think up an excuse "but, I have been, ah, so preoccupied with, er, the rock music thing and this, erm kid, er, argh, called, ah, yes, hang on, ah Monsoon, that's it. Marilyn Monsoon. Er Manson. And, if you want bloodthirsty, satanic teenagers, its gonna take time…"
The tape player didn't look impressed.
"And I lost it" he finished lamely.
"Ahhhhh." said the voice. "So the great Crowly has made a mistake. Tut Tut Tut." The voice of Hastuer smirked. Somehow, Crowly didn't think Hastur would be that supportive. They hadn't spoken since Ligur was…. terminated. "I guess a little
Reminder is needed….."
"No, that's ok. I'm sure I can find it again," said Crowly hurriedly.
"You had better." Sneered tape player. "Just remember, bring an angel to Vegas – ing your can all over the place. Singin…."
Crowly switched of the player and concentrated. The note appeared in his hand. He read it.
"Fuck!"
Tell me if you like it and I'll add more. Please review because if you don't a demon somewhere will drop dead and get eaten by yaks….
The necessary legal stuff. Pratchett and Gaimon own this stuff. Terry Gillam too when the film is made.
Plot: 15 years after the almost-apocalypse, Hell has come up with a really nasty way to become rulers of heaven, and need to test it. Crowly is faced with a very difficult decision and Azriphale is placed in immortal danger…
~~~~~~~~+0+~~~~~~~~~
Crowly sank back into the shiny leather of his Bentley, humming along to Queen greatest hits. Originally it had been a Mozart recording his best friend Azriphale had given him. But that was a month ago, and in accordance to universal law it had materialised into Freddie Murphy singing "We will rock you". The car was cruising through the Devon countryside, the standardised bushes of so many motorways flicking past as the car accelerated to a smooth 80 miles per hour. It was Crowly's first day off in ages. A day to escape from the hustle and bustle of being a demon and chill. The long lashed eyes beneath their black glasses grew heavier, and eventually they closed, letting the car drive it self.
"Hmm hmm hmm, singin' we will, we will-"
For the first time since in years, Crowly felt himself relax. The almost- apocalypse 15 years ago had led to a big rethink on Hells part, starting with making crawly pay for his glitch by working harder. Beelzebub had only allowed the change from tradition because he found that driving a demon crazy with stress was nastier. So Lucifer and Hastur and the rest were working on another evil plot that would make them lords of all three realms.
But then, Crowly mused, everything would happen as God wanted it in the end. It was ineffable. Demons, Angels, Humans, we are all pawns in his hands. Pity the old man downstairs didn't see it like that.
Azriphale had said something similar in his cute, if somewhat pompous angelic way "My dear, you don't fall. God just thinks about you differently. If you go far enough through hell, you will reach heaven and vice versa". The Angel had been saying stuff like that a lot lately. Crowly was starting to wonder if Azriphale had been reading up on Buddhism.
Azriphale again. He couldn't stop thinking about him for some reason. They hated each other enough to be best friends, but sooner or later Crowly was going to have to admit that he liked that angel more then that. Just a little. Maybe he would admit it to himself to another century or so.
"You are just a young man- listen up Crowly I have a message for you- you've got blood on… "
Crowly screamed and nearly thought the car of the road. He shouted at the tape player as he willed the car onto the road. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT WHILE I AM DRIVING!!!"
"We wi- sorry Crowly, but duty calls-"
"Look at the scratches on the paint work!"
" I said sorry- ck you"
"This is going to take ages-"
"CROWLY! SHUT UPP!!!!!!"
Crowly scowled at the play button. It sneered back at him.
"Are you listening to me? Crowly?"
The demon sighed "yes, I'm here." He said
"You need to bring an angel to Vegas for the test"
Crowly was nonplussed. "What test?"
"Didn't you read the memo?"
Guiltily Crowly thought back to his stylishly clear desk, and his stylishly full paper basket.
"Oh, er, yes. Probably…" he tried to think up an excuse "but, I have been, ah, so preoccupied with, er, the rock music thing and this, erm kid, er, argh, called, ah, yes, hang on, ah Monsoon, that's it. Marilyn Monsoon. Er Manson. And, if you want bloodthirsty, satanic teenagers, its gonna take time…"
The tape player didn't look impressed.
"And I lost it" he finished lamely.
"Ahhhhh." said the voice. "So the great Crowly has made a mistake. Tut Tut Tut." The voice of Hastuer smirked. Somehow, Crowly didn't think Hastur would be that supportive. They hadn't spoken since Ligur was…. terminated. "I guess a little
Reminder is needed….."
"No, that's ok. I'm sure I can find it again," said Crowly hurriedly.
"You had better." Sneered tape player. "Just remember, bring an angel to Vegas – ing your can all over the place. Singin…."
Crowly switched of the player and concentrated. The note appeared in his hand. He read it.
"Fuck!"
Tell me if you like it and I'll add more. Please review because if you don't a demon somewhere will drop dead and get eaten by yaks….
