Disclamer: I don't own GW. Never have, never will.
Warnings: Death fic, shojo-ai (girl-girl love), angst
Sunshine
Dorothy,
It has been a while, and I have a few things to tell you. Although, even now, I can't just say it, so I'll take the round about way of things.
People have something that they associate with something else that is completely unrelated, like the taste of hot chocolate being the taste of Christmas. I guess for me, you are the sunshine. Whenever I see you that is all there is. Maybe it's the way your beautiful hair catches the sunlight, maybe it's that ancient song that haunts my dreams. I wish I knew. At least then, I could put a finger on why I love you so much. I remember when I thought I was in love with Heero Yuy. Cold, indifferent Heero Yuy, when I could have spent my time chasing you. Over the years, I noticed he never changed his attitude towards me, but you did. You were my friend, my confidante. The one I could run to when I had a problem. But after the war, when I finally snagged Heero, you left me. No explanation, no good-byes, just gone. And I can never get you back, my love. And if this letter ever reaches you, then I wish you well. I don't think I can live in a world where I cannot have you.
Relena
I finish my letter and head out to my favorite spot. Once upon a time, right after the war, she took me here, and we played on the shore and watched the seals. This is where I remember her best. I will never forget how she made me feel that day. How she told me that I looked better in the sky blue dress I was wearing that evening, than any pink skirt I ever wore. I still have it. In fact, I am wearing it right now. The dress I look best in. Where are you now, my sunshine? Is this just the night? Am I waiting for a dawn that will never come? It doesn't matter. I still miss her. Miss her so much it hurts.
"You are my sunshine
my only sunshine"
I sing to her, even though she is probably too far away to hear me. Doesn't matter, cause I can't seem to manage anything above a whisper.
"You make me happy when skies are gray
You never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my Sunshine away"
I told Heero that it was over today. I can't say that he was crushed, really. He never seemed to care one way or the other. I hope he finds happiness, and will forgive me for tying him down for these five long years.
"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamt I held you in my arms"
Tears streak their way across my face. I take out the little plastic bag with her letter inside and give it a sorrowful smile. I wish she would hold me, just once.
But when I woke, dear, I was mistaken
Please don't take my Sunshine away"
True. I did dream that she held me last night. I felt her arms wrap around me when Heero was over on the far side of the bed. He and I might sleep in the same bed, but we never touch. He never holds me. I wish someone would. It gets rather lonely when you are the only one in love, be it with your spouse or your best friend.
Tucking the bag into my pocket again, I hold myself in a tight grip, the hug I wish she would give to me, and I let myself fall. Falling off the edge of the cliff that will always be our special spot, even if she doesn't know it. It's too late for me. I pushed my Sunshine away...
