"Over and Over"
I see it over and over.That corner. The girl.
I see it over and over. From all different perspectives. From high in the sky, from across the street.
Crossed that street at that corner so many times. So many times.
Never saw her before.
She's cute. I like her haircut. Nice perfume she's wearing. Light. Light as the breeze.
Crossed that street so many times. Never saw her before.
I see it over and over. From in front of her, from behind me.
I see myself think for a moment. That moment just before our eyes meet.
I'm thinking about saying something.
Something clever. Something funny.
"I'm reporting for duty tomorrow," I'm thinking. "Gonna be a trauma surgeon in the Army."
I'm thinking about saying something. I smile as I'm putting the words together.
"Gonna be going to Iraq," I'm thinking. "I report tomorrow. I might not be coming back."
I smile as I'm putting the words together. My best smile.
One of my at-one-time-reserved-for-you-know-who smiles.
I'm thinking about saying something.
She ignores me.
I see myself smiling. I see that she ignores me.
I see it over and over. That corner. The girl.
She ignores me. Disappointment blooms in my belly.
I see it.
She starts into the street. One step, two steps.
I see it. From high in the sky, from across the street.
From in front of her, from behind me.
The bus, long and silver and squared.
I see it.
She starts into the street. One step, two steps.
Three.
I see it over and over.
I see me, lunging off the curb. Lunging out. Lunging toward.
I never knew I could fly.
One step.
There she goes. Disappointment blooms.
Two steps.
The bus, long and silver and squared.
Three.
I can fly.
I see it over and over. I see me, swapping her body for mine at that corner.
I see it over and over. I see me, taking the brunt for the girl.
I see it over and over. I see me, from high in the sky, from across the street, from in front of her, from behind me, struck down with such horrific force that I no longer recognize any part of me.
I don't feel the concussion or the snap or the crush. But I see it.
I don't want to see it again. Please.
Just let me see her.
Just her.
She's cute. I like her haircut.
Maybe this time I'll say something.
