These are two excerpts from a story that I am wanting to work on, but I need feedback. I really want to see what everyone thinks before I start working on the full story. So PLEASE give me feedback. Remember I want feedback before I start on the full story. THANKS!
Even now the electricity started to blink on and off. In the intervals when the lights were on, Mara could see THEM rushing towards her and Luke from the end of the long hall, and when the lights went off, she could see the horrifying demonic pairs of eyes getting closer every second. Mara knew that they were trapped at the end of the hallway. She turned around to see if Luke had found any means of an exit. But, there was no way to escape the oncoming onslaught. Then, directly across the hall from her, Mara saw the sign that was blocking the entrance to the elevator that led down into the mines. The sign read "No entrance to mine permitted due to flood season."
Wonderful, she thought, the flooding has started; of all the times for the flood season. Even though Kessel received hardly any rain at all in the year, there was a vast amount of water deep within the planet's core. At a certain time of the year, when the planet was diagonal on its axis, the water would start to come up. The flooding could not be seen under any circumstances if one were just on the surface of the planet. Flooding however, did effect the spice mining operations. For many years before the industries on Kessel learned how to deal with the seasonal flooding, many operations were knocked out. Finally they decided to just seal the elevator doors off until the season was over.
Mara looked over at the warning cautiously, but didn't hesitate. She knew what they had to do. The hoard was almost upon them. The group of Dark Jedi began to draw out there lightsabers.
"Luke we've gotta get into the elevator." Mara screamed as she threw her hands outward in a pushing motion. The door five feet away from her suddenly got a dent into the middle of it about the size of someone's head. Luke immediately understood and started to use the Force to weaken the metal of the door. This hiss of the lightsaber was barely audible in all of the commotion as Luke used it to thrust it into the weak spot of the door and make a hole into it. Mara crawled through the hole quickly and Luke followed her in haste.
As soon as he was inside the elevator, Luke immediately started the elevator.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he said hesitantly to Mara Jade. They both knew the dangers if the tides rose while they were down in the tunnels. Even though the tides were low right now-probably low enough to where the water would only be up to their knees when they walked-they would for sure be killed if the tides rose. The water would rise so high that obviously they would run out of oxygen, but they would for sure die because of how great the pressure would be when the water rose to great heights.
Luke looked at Mara. He thought about how some of the closest people he knew had slipped away before him. Biggs Darklighter, his best friend from his childhood had been killed while trying to take out the mighty Death Star's defenses. His own father also died before Luke. He could remember his last, heaving breaths so clearly; the last words-everything. It had been so long ago, and his father was dead, but the memories were so alive. Could he actually see one of the closest people in his life die in front of him?
Luke got shocked back into reality as on of the Jedi suddenly stuck his head into the hole. Struggling, Mara gave a hard kick the sent his head out the door.
"Go," she screamed in urgency. Luke stared at her for a moment.
"What are you waiting for? Hit the button!"
Reluctantly, Luke hit the button and looked at Mara's face one last time before it was enveloped by the darkness of the spice mines, as they headed downward into the pits.
* * *
The first thing Leia noticed when she came back from consciousness, was how her face was enveloped in a warm, thick sweat. She tried to size up the Falcon's damage but moments later she realized there was no light to see anything. The realization came to her that it hurt so much to move, she probably shouldn't look for a light.
I guess I'll have to use the lightsaber, she thought to herself. Groggily, she pulled out the lightsaber and made sure to move it slowly over the panels so nothing would be destroyed. As her luminous lightsaber went over the controls she noticed something wrapped around one. When she leaned forward to see what it was the sudden reality came to her that it was a hand. Han! She had completely forgotten that anyone else had been with her. Leia moved her lightsaber to a few inches in front of his face. The blood from the cut above his eye was quite noticeable, even in the intense darkness. Leia finally understood. That's not sweat covering my face, it's blood. It suddenly made her realize that she was the only conscious member aboard the Falcon.
With every bone in her body in pain, she got up and with the lightsaber's help, she found the power switch. Unfortunately it did nothing. This bucket of bolts-Her thought was interrupted by the sound of crashing metal coming from somewhere under the Falcon. The voices Leia heard outside the Falcon's door were suddenly drowned out by the sound of a lightsaber cutting through the door. If they have a lightsaber, it might be Luke or Mara. It was a strain for Leia to do so, but she stretched out in the Force to see if she could feel her brother's presence. The cold enveloped her. Whoever it was, they were purely of the dark side.
Even now the electricity started to blink on and off. In the intervals when the lights were on, Mara could see THEM rushing towards her and Luke from the end of the long hall, and when the lights went off, she could see the horrifying demonic pairs of eyes getting closer every second. Mara knew that they were trapped at the end of the hallway. She turned around to see if Luke had found any means of an exit. But, there was no way to escape the oncoming onslaught. Then, directly across the hall from her, Mara saw the sign that was blocking the entrance to the elevator that led down into the mines. The sign read "No entrance to mine permitted due to flood season."
Wonderful, she thought, the flooding has started; of all the times for the flood season. Even though Kessel received hardly any rain at all in the year, there was a vast amount of water deep within the planet's core. At a certain time of the year, when the planet was diagonal on its axis, the water would start to come up. The flooding could not be seen under any circumstances if one were just on the surface of the planet. Flooding however, did effect the spice mining operations. For many years before the industries on Kessel learned how to deal with the seasonal flooding, many operations were knocked out. Finally they decided to just seal the elevator doors off until the season was over.
Mara looked over at the warning cautiously, but didn't hesitate. She knew what they had to do. The hoard was almost upon them. The group of Dark Jedi began to draw out there lightsabers.
"Luke we've gotta get into the elevator." Mara screamed as she threw her hands outward in a pushing motion. The door five feet away from her suddenly got a dent into the middle of it about the size of someone's head. Luke immediately understood and started to use the Force to weaken the metal of the door. This hiss of the lightsaber was barely audible in all of the commotion as Luke used it to thrust it into the weak spot of the door and make a hole into it. Mara crawled through the hole quickly and Luke followed her in haste.
As soon as he was inside the elevator, Luke immediately started the elevator.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he said hesitantly to Mara Jade. They both knew the dangers if the tides rose while they were down in the tunnels. Even though the tides were low right now-probably low enough to where the water would only be up to their knees when they walked-they would for sure be killed if the tides rose. The water would rise so high that obviously they would run out of oxygen, but they would for sure die because of how great the pressure would be when the water rose to great heights.
Luke looked at Mara. He thought about how some of the closest people he knew had slipped away before him. Biggs Darklighter, his best friend from his childhood had been killed while trying to take out the mighty Death Star's defenses. His own father also died before Luke. He could remember his last, heaving breaths so clearly; the last words-everything. It had been so long ago, and his father was dead, but the memories were so alive. Could he actually see one of the closest people in his life die in front of him?
Luke got shocked back into reality as on of the Jedi suddenly stuck his head into the hole. Struggling, Mara gave a hard kick the sent his head out the door.
"Go," she screamed in urgency. Luke stared at her for a moment.
"What are you waiting for? Hit the button!"
Reluctantly, Luke hit the button and looked at Mara's face one last time before it was enveloped by the darkness of the spice mines, as they headed downward into the pits.
* * *
The first thing Leia noticed when she came back from consciousness, was how her face was enveloped in a warm, thick sweat. She tried to size up the Falcon's damage but moments later she realized there was no light to see anything. The realization came to her that it hurt so much to move, she probably shouldn't look for a light.
I guess I'll have to use the lightsaber, she thought to herself. Groggily, she pulled out the lightsaber and made sure to move it slowly over the panels so nothing would be destroyed. As her luminous lightsaber went over the controls she noticed something wrapped around one. When she leaned forward to see what it was the sudden reality came to her that it was a hand. Han! She had completely forgotten that anyone else had been with her. Leia moved her lightsaber to a few inches in front of his face. The blood from the cut above his eye was quite noticeable, even in the intense darkness. Leia finally understood. That's not sweat covering my face, it's blood. It suddenly made her realize that she was the only conscious member aboard the Falcon.
With every bone in her body in pain, she got up and with the lightsaber's help, she found the power switch. Unfortunately it did nothing. This bucket of bolts-Her thought was interrupted by the sound of crashing metal coming from somewhere under the Falcon. The voices Leia heard outside the Falcon's door were suddenly drowned out by the sound of a lightsaber cutting through the door. If they have a lightsaber, it might be Luke or Mara. It was a strain for Leia to do so, but she stretched out in the Force to see if she could feel her brother's presence. The cold enveloped her. Whoever it was, they were purely of the dark side.
