A Walk through Life
The struggles Lexi Evans faces through her life.
Written By: Sweetgrlz94 ('hotceleb98' on youtube)
Characters:
Lexi Evans - Miley Cyrus
Ryan Smith - Nick Jonas
Emma Russo - Selena Gomez
and more....Enjoy and post reviews :]
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My life had always been doing this and that. I lived a life where people didn't care about your opinion. All they cared about was their own selves. All my life I wondered how people lived life. Everyone was above you, in my life. My parents died in a car crash when I was four years old. My grandparents had looked after me as much as they could. They cared for me until they had no strengths left in themselves; my Pa then died 4 years after my parents. I was left with ma, never having a proper family. I was never allowed to go to school my ma could never afford the school fees. I didn't mind. I looked after the both of us. After Pa died, ma and I were in ruinswith hardly any money left. Our neighbor advised ma to go into a senior care centre, but she didn't want to leave me. But I knew I had to let her go.
"Lexi honey I don't want to leave you all alone." Ma had said to me. "Who will you have left?"
I told her that I'd be fine. I would find a home that would take me in. I put on a brave face for both of us. Inside I was melting but I tried hard to not let it show. I had to keep taking care of myself as I had for almost 10 years. I remember having spent days trying to convince her; she would be fine over there. May 1995, my ma left me, to go to a better caring place. A place that I knew she would be better off in. I stayed in a foster home for a month till they found a family that would take me in. They finally found a family to take me in. I wondered what they would be like. Would they have kids? Would they be nice?
Many questions went through my head. At that time I didn't know what or who to believe. One thing I knew for sure was that I would never have a real family. I never had, had one and never thought I'd get one. Well I did then.
June 1995, I met my new family. A part of me didn't want to leave the foster child care centre, I had met many people there, some kind, some of them made fun of me every day. But I didn't give them any attention. I remember exactly that day, as I stepped out of the child care centre's director's car.
"Okay now." The director, whose name I never remembered. "We're here. I know that this is going to be hard but you have to understand your circumstances. "
"I know." I responded, with a fake smile on my face. "I will try my hardest to try and fit in."
"Good girl" he said as he rang the bell. "If you need any help you can just call us."
"Thank you sir" I said.
"No problem." He said as a lady opened the door.
I remember as I saw the lady I thought I would burst out laughing. I looked around the neighborhood to try and hide my face that was filled with laughter. She looked like she was the kind of person that changed their looks in order to fit in/to mimic celebrities. I wondered who she was trying to be. It didn't seem to be working
"Oh hello" The lady said. "Who might you be?"
When she spoke she sounded so gentle and so nice. I thought that I was judging her wrong. Ma had always said 'don't judge a book by its cover, because sometimes the outer side can deceive our eyes'. Even then I had this feeling inside of me that this lady wouldn't be so nice. I didn't know why I felt that way but I just did.
"Hi, my name is Mr. John Smith. I am the director of the child care center." He answered the lady, with some kind of pride in this voice. "This is Lexi Evans. She is the child that you adopted."
"O right, right" She said, just realizing. "Come on in. hello Lexi. How old are you?"
"Hello." I said, fake smiling. "I'm 11 years old"
"Aw that's cute." She said as she led us into the lounge. "Please sit. I'll bring my husband."
"Okay." the director, Mr. Smith, said. "Thank you."
Both of us looked around the room, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. To break the uncomfortable silence I decided to ask him some questions.
"Um so... Are you married?" I asked, and then felt like hitting myself in the head, realizing how stupid that question was.
"Yes I am" he said. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason" I replied. "Do you have any children?"
"Yes." He said, feeling less uncomfortable. "I have four boys. But ones not even 1 year old"
"Cool." I said. "How old are the rest of them?"
"My oldest son, John, is 16 years old. My second oldest son, Jason, is 14 years old. And 3rd oldest, Ryan, is 11 years old." He answered.
"O cool. You've got a son my age." I replied, happily.
"Yeah they are all in to music. Like their mom used to be." He said, sadly.
"Used to?" I said, then realizing what he meant. "Oh my god I'm sorry." I said feeling sorry.
"Its okay." he replied. "You didn't know"
I remember at that moment the lady came back with her husband. He looked to good for her too tell you the truth. Even then when I was only 11 years old I couldn't tell why a man like him would want to be with a lady like that one.
"Hello. I am Craig Russo and this is my wife, Jenny Russo" he said. "You must be Mr. Smith and Lexi Evans? Am I right?"
Mr. Smith and I nodded our head for about two hours, the three of them talked and talked. I remember by the end I just wanted to go to sleep. It was only 6 o'clock but I was so tired that I didn't care. I was so tired that I didn't realize that I had started yawning. The man, Mr. Russo I think his name was, looked up and saw me yawn.
"Are you tired Lexi?" he said, seeming genuinely concerned.
"A little. I haven't been able to sleep properly." I said, honestly
"Okay then. You'll be staying in the guest room." He said. "Emma!"
"Is that her name?" I said as a girl came running into the room.
"Yeah dad?" Emma said.
"Honey." He said "Could you please take Lexi up and show her the guest room."
"Sure dad." she said. "You want to come?"
I said sure and followed her outside the lounge. She seemed like a really pretty girl. I mean she looked like the popular kind of girls. I remember my first impression of her was that 'wow she looks a lot like her dad and nothing like her mom'
"So. Your names Lexi?" she asked.
"Yeah." I replied. "Are you an only child?"
"Yeah." She said, as she started climbing the stairs. "Only me."
"Must get a bit lonely." I said, following her.
"Sometimes. I guess but I mean I've never had sibling so I wouldn't really know the difference." She responded
"That is true." I replied. "You parents seem nice."
"O she's not my mom." She said. "She's my step-mother. My real mom died when I was little."
"O sorry. Both of my parents died when I was four years old." I told her.
"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." She said, walking into a room. "That really sucks"
"Yeah." I said, sadly. "Is this the room?"
"Yup. Do you like it?" she asked.
I did like the room. I mean it wasn't overly done but it also wasn't really plain. There was a huge bed. I guess it was only huge for me since I wasn't used to the big rooms anymore. The Russo's must be pretty rich to have a house that big. I mean they probably have like two other guest rooms. Not that I was complaining.
"Hey. Is that the only things you have?" she asked. Curiously
"Yeah I couldn't bring all my other clothes" I said
"O that's fine. We'll go shopping for some clothes and other things tomorrow." She said. Excitedly. "You can meet all my friends to."
"You don't have to." I said. "I wouldn't want to interrupt"
"nah." She responded. "You wouldn't be. Now you better get some sleep. You seem tired."
"I am tired." I said, honestly. "O and thanks Emma. I really appreciate it."
"No problem." She said, smiling. "Night"
"Night" I replied.
After that I changed my clothes and got into bed. It seemed like the most comfortable thing I had been in, in so long. I didn't realize when my eyes shut close. I slept through the whole night which hadn't happened in years. I had always been woken up by something. Ma coughing. Or something else. It always was something. When I woke up in the morning, I realized that I had slept the whole night properly. Without once waking up. I looked at the time, it was 8 o'clock. I got up, and went in to the bathroom that was attached with the room. The bathroom was as huge as my room in the care centre. It took me a while to get used to everything. I took a shower and came out dressed. When I came out I saw Emma sitting on the bed.
"Hey. You ready to have breakfast?" she asked.
"Yeah. I'm ready." I told her.
"Cool. After we have breakfast dad said I could take you to the mall to do some shopping." She said, excitedly.
"Sounds like fun" I replied.
We both went down and had breakfast. There were so many things to choose from. I decided better to stay with cereal. I picked up a cereal box and poured it into the bowl in front of me. After that I poured the milk into it. I looked around the kitchen. Again, it was huge. I remember thinking that there probably weren't any small rooms in here. When Emma and I were done with breakfast we excused ourselves and she led me to her room. Her room was as big as the one that I was staying in. Except hers was pink and had her touch in it. She went to her closest and told me to sit on the bed.
"okay." she said. "I need help choosing something to wear."
"Why do you need help from me?" I asked. "You're the one that's really stylish"
"Thank you." She replied. "I don't know why but it seems like you know a thing or two about fashion."
"I don't know." I said, unsure. "But I'll give it a try for you"
"Yay." She said, smiling.
I swear we spent at least an hour just getting ready, and at least half an hour deciding what she was going to wear. After half an hour, Emma decided that I needed to change what I was wearing. So we went through my clothes and decided that she didn't like any of them so she told me to wear one of hers. It then took her another half hour to decide which one I should wear. After we finally got ready, we both went downstairs. Downstairs, we found a guy sitting in the lounge. The same place I sat yesterday. I couldn't see his face. He was turned around, looking at the wall. He had really curly hair. Emma called out to him, and he turned his head. At that moment it was as if my life had frozen. I had never seen a guy so, so cute. Even though I don't believe in love at first sight I felt something between us. Something very strange. Although my fantasy didn't last long.
"Hey Ryan." Emma said. "Thanks for coming."
"Ryan?" I asked
"O yeah sorry." She answered. "Ryan this is Lexi, the girl I told you about. And Lexi this is Ryan, my boyfriend."
"Nice to meet you, Lexi." Ryan said.
"You too." I said, hiding the disappointment in my voice or at least trying.
I had never felt so disappointed. Well I guess I had, but I had never realized this so much. I don't know why I got my hopes up. Emma deserves someone so cute. But I mean we're only 11 years old. I remember thing do they really need a relationship at this age. I knew now that that was just my point of view. It turned out that Ryan was coming shopping with us. I didn't quite understand that. He was a boy and I thought that boys tried to stay away from shopping as much as they could.
"Okay." I said. "How are we going to get to the mall?"
"Dad will drive us of course" she replied, as if I'd just asked the silliest question.
We went to the mall with her dad. He dropped us off and went to his office. We spent almost the whole day there. I have never in my life shopped so much. We spent the whole time shopping, resting, and then shopping again. When we finished Ryan's mom came and took us home.
***
Days went by, months went by, and even a year went by. I didn't get a chance to visit Ma. One day I decided to go and visit her. See how she was doing. Ryan and I had become great friends. He was one of my best friends I had. But I didn't think I should tell him that I was going to meet Ma. I told Mr. Russo that I wanted to go meet Ma. He offered a ride but I said that I could go by train. As I sat on the train, I wondered how Ma was. Hopefully she was better than before. I mean I've missed her so much. I never showed it for everyone's sake but inside I missed her so much and I think Ryan could guess that. As I stepped off the train and on to the platform. The question of how would Ma be was still going around in my head. Somehow I had this bad feeling inside. I didn't know what it was but I pushed it aside, not wanting anything to ruin my mood. As I caught the bus that went to the area that the caring centre that Ma was in. as I sat on the bus, waiting for that stop to come. More and more anticipation grew inside of me. I wanted to see her so bad. Finally the stop came and I remember practically jumping off the bus. I virtually skipped the rest of the way to the caring center. I remember going to the front desk and asking for Ma. They told me she was in room 107. I half ran to that room. As I was just approaching the door, I saw a doctor coming out of Ma's room. I remember going up to him and asking if there was anything wrong.
"Excuse me doctor." I said. "Did you just go see my grandmother in room 107?"
"Yes I did." He replied.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, worryingly.
"I'm afraid not." He said. "I'm not sure if I should be telling you this but your grandmother doesn't have that long left. Not even a day"
At that moment I remember breaking down and crying. Right in front of the doctor. Right in front of everyone. I remember thinking about Ma. How would she feel if she looked at me crying? I had to stop. I knew it. I wiped my tears and slowly walked into the room. Ma lay there, completely still. She looked so pale. So weak. I felt more tears coming but I held them back. Suddenly Ma opened her eyes.
"Lexi honey?" she asked. "Is that you?"
Her voice was so weak that it was hard to understand. I couldn't help it. Tears came streaming down and there was nothing I could do about it.
"I guess you know then." She said, weaker by the minute.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I said. "Ma. I'm so sorry. I would have visited more if I knew. I'm so, so, so sorry"
"Don't be." She said, as her voice started to crack. "Lexi. I have left you a letter. Open it when I'm not in this world anymore. There are things that I want to tell you that are in that letter. I may not be there soon. But always remember that I love you."
With those last three words her voice slowly faded away. Her eyes closed. The heart rate monitor stopped beating. She was dead. Tears ran from my eyes. They seemed endless. They kept coming and coming. Just then my cell phone, the one that Mr. Russo gave me, rang. With a cracked voice, I picked up.
"he-hello?" my voice stammered as I spoke.
"Lexi? What happened?" Ryan said. "Are you okay? Where are you?"
I cried into the phone "R-Ryan please come. Please. I need you." I said.
"I'll be right there. Where are you?"He asked.
"I'm at the care centre that ma was in." I told him, with tears streaming down my face.
"Was? O shit. I'll be right there." He said, and closed the phone.
I remember he showed up at the care centre exactly ten minutes after my call. I felt bad for making him come. Even then I couldn't stop my tears. They kept coming and coming. Like an endless river. When Ryan walked into the hallway that I was sitting in. he saw me sitting on a chair crying my eyes out. He walked towards me, a concerned look on his face. He came and sat on the empty chair next to me.
"Hey Lex, you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
I looked at him, with tears in my eyes, feeling alone for the first time in a year. I had spent the last year happily trying to forget about my past, trying to be happy with myself. So many things happened to me in just 11 years. Ever since I was born, it seemed as if god didn't like me or something. Ever problem in the world was probably faced by me. I remember sitting there crying on Ryan's shoulder. He kept asking if I was okay. But I couldn't reply. I was crying to hard.
"Lex." He said. "You know I'm here for you. Whenever you need me"
"Th-tha-thanks. R-Ry-Ryan." I said, barely being able to talk.
I remember sitting there on the chair, crying on Ryan's shoulder, and then remember about the letter that ma wrote to me. She had told me to read it after she had gone away. I put my hand in my pocket and took the letter out. As I opened it I saw her writing.
Dear Lexi,
I am writing this letter to you because I know I won't have enough time to tell you this in person. I'm dying and I know it. I know that I don't have that much time left. I want to be able to tell you but I can't build the courage to do so. If I had a choice I wouldn't want to leave you alone. You haven't had a fair life. When I die I will go up and talk to god and ask him why he's giving you so much grief. You're a young, beautiful girl. I am proud to call you my granddaughter. Even when I was little I remember wanted to have a granddaughter that was beautiful, talented, amazing, everything and I got it. I am probably the most proud grandmother there could be. Anyway, I wanted to tell you something. I remember your mother used to love singing. Your mother and father both used to be singers. Of course you didn't know about that because they both took time off just before you were born. I remember your mom telling me that it would her dream if you went off and became a singer. You've always had the talent. I know it. You just need to find it. It took me practically my whole life to see what I really wanted to do. Maybe you'll be the same, or you'll be like your parents. Both of them knew what they wanted to be at a very young age. I have to go now. I feel bad for not telling you about my sickness. But I feel you will be better off without knowing it. Always remember that you will never be alone. I will always be right by your side. All you have to do is think about me. Okay. I don't know exactly how much longer I have left. But I do know that I don't want to ruin your happy moments. You haven't visited for almost a year. I have missed you so much but I think its best that you stay away for a while. At least I'll know that you're happy. Remember that I will always love you. And remember the line I always used to say "there will be things in life you feel you need to change. But sometimes time goes by too fast for you to act. So take chances. You could lose what you have spent your entire life building up in just a few seconds. Hold on tight to the things that matter the most to you. Be who you want to be, those you mind don't matter and those you matter don't mind." I love you so much. I wish I could tell you that in person. Maybe I will or maybe it'll be too late for me to do so. Hold on tight and don't let my death hold you back. Remember that one day or another people do have to leave. But that doesn't mean that you have to stop your whole life because of that. I don't want you to spend your life grieving over what happened instead of moving forward and making something of yourself. Remember I will always love you.
Love always, Ma.
As I closed the letter, I felt my tears coming slowly. I knew that I wasn't going to stop crying any time soon. June 10th 1996, ma died. I looked over to Ryan who still had the confused, concerned look on his face. I knew that I couldn't ignore what ma had written. I had to go and fulfill my parents dream. I couldn't let their dreams go to waste. I had to do it, no matter what. I looked down towards the letter, and moved it a little towards Ryan. I wanted him to read it. I wanted him to know that I had to leave. He may understand or not. But no matter what would happen I had to leave. I saw him reach over and gently take the paper from my hand. I looked up to his to see his face. I remember thinking about what he was thinking as he was reading the letter. When he was done he looked up from the letter to my face.
"Aw Lex" he said, sadly. As though he already knew what I was thinking. "What are you going to do?"
"To tell you the truth." I said, my voice just recovering. "I…don't…know." each of those words I said with a break. Not knowing how he would react.
"Well." He started. "Whatever you choose to do. I will be there for you."
"Thanks Ryan." I said. "For everything. But I don't think I can take the advantage anymore."
"Advantage? Taking advantage of who?" he asked.
"Of everyone." I replied. "Everyone has done so much for me. Especially the Russo family."
"You're not taking advantage of anyone." He said sadness could be seen clearly from his eyes. "Please. Don't go."
To that I didn't reply. I just shook my head. I knew that if I told him that I would have to leave, he wouldn't let me. I knew him too well now. He took me in his arms and said "I'll take you home, c'mon." With that he lifted me off the chair, put my head on his shoulder and started walking towards the exit. I didn't want to leave ma. I wanted to stay with her, here, right now. But I knew that staying wasn't a choice I had. From that moment on I knew my life would never be normal. However hard I tried for it to be, it never happened. We went back to the Russo's house; he dropped me off and went back to his house. As I stood outside the door, I had already made up my mind during the train ride. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. As someone opened the door I saw it was Emma.
"Oh my god." She said. "Where the heck where you?
I felt tears coming again. I thought I had cried the last of them. Apparently not. As I stood there outside the door I started crying uncontrollably again. She seemed taken aback by my crying.
"Oh my. Are you okay Lexi?" she asked concernedly.
"M-m-ma." I said, between tears.
"Come on inside and tell me what happened?" she said.
I stepped in through the door. She led the way to my room. All the way I cried, but I tried to be quiet about it, because I didn't want Mr. Russo or Mrs. Russo worried. As we both sat down on my bed I told her the story.
"m-m-ma's g-g-gone" I stammered.
As I said that, it was as if she already knew what I was about to say. She started crying to. I don't know why, but it made me cry even more. As my tears slowly slowed down I started to tell her what my plan was
"I-I'm going to go away Em." I told her.
"Go? Go where?" she asked, confused.
'Away' was what I had said to that. When I said that, she started crying more. I tried to ask her why she was crying but it just made her cry even more. Eventually she calmed down. So I asked her again.
"Why are you crying Em?" I asked.
"Why? Are you serious" tearfully she said, like she couldn't believe I was asking a question like that. "I finally make a best friend and then find out that she's thinking about leaving us. How would you feel about that?"
"Em. It's not like that. You know if I could then I would stay." I told her. "I have to go and fulfill my parents dream."
"But why?" she asked.
To that I replied by showing her the letter. As she read the letter I could see her hope falling. She wanted me to stay. I could see that. But someday I hoped she would understand why I had to do that. To this day I still haven't been able to catch up with her. Right now at the age of 23 I'm thinking back at how life would have changed if I hadn't gone then. 12 years ago I made a decision that changed my life for eternity.
"So you really have to go?" she asked, a little hope still remained in her voice.
"Yes. But listen, you can you promise me one thing." I asked her, hopefully.
"Sure" she responded.
"Can you please not tell Ryan?" I told her. "No matter how much he wants to know. Please."
With that I went downstairs, into the lounge where Mr. Russo was sitting. I slowly went to sit by him. Somewhat curious and scared to know what his reaction would be.
"Mr. Russo. Can I talk to you?" I asked him.
"Sure. What's up?" he replied.
"I have to go." I told him.
"Uh okay. I'll drive you there. Where do you have to go?"
"n-no you don't understand." I said. "I have to leave. This house and state."
"b-but why? What happened?" he asked, confused and worriedly.
"M-ma died today." I said, knowing that I might start crying again. "And she gave me a letter before she died."
"Oh my god. I am so sorry." He said. "What did the letter say?"
I showed him the letter and stared at his face for his reaction. As he read the letter his face went sadder and sadder.
"So you're going to go then?" he asked, sadly.
"I have to." I told him. "Don't worry about me. "I don't know how she knew the say she was going to die but she also had two plane tickets in the envelope to LA."
"How could she have known? Anyway. I'm not letting you go by yourself." He said
"But I have to go. I don't want to cause any more problems." I told him.
"Lexi you haven't caused any problems at all. It's been a pleasure the whole time you have stayed here. To tell you the truth you brought us together as a family. We're closer now than we ever were." He told me.
"Aw thanks Mr. Russo." I told him, sadly happy. "But who's going to go with me."
"Well by chance a friend of mines son is here in town, he lives in LA. He's been here for a week I think. I think he might me leaving tomorrow as well."
"Wow. What a coincidence." I said, shocked. "What's his name?"
"I know it is a coincidence. And his names Lucas." He answered. "I'll give him a call right now."
"Thank you a lot Mr. Russo." I told him. "All this means a lot to me."
"Hey. Don't thank me. You're like a daughter to me now." He said. "And if you ever need anything. We're just a call away. Okay?"
"Okay." I said, touched.
I went back to my room to pack my things. Emma had given me a suitcase to put all my belonging in. I remember when I first came I didn't have that many things but now that Emma had taken me shopping numerous times, I had lots of things to take. I remember packing all my things and bringing the suitcase downstairs. I put it in the hallway, against the wall. When I walked in to the lounge I saw a guy sitting there with Mr. Russo. I remember thinking that he looked around my age, maybe a bit older. I couldn't imagine a guy that young being a famous person. But I guess it is possible. As I walked in, both, Mr. Russo and the guy looked up at me.
"O there you are Lexi." He said. "I want you to meet Lucas. You know the guy I was telling you about?"
"O right." I replied. "Nice to meet you Lucas"
"You too" he said.
"Alright Lexi." Mr. Russo started. "Lucas here has accepted to help you get to Hollywood. And until you get a deal, he'll help you."
"Thanks a lot." I told Lucas.
"No problem" he replied.
"So Lexi. You all ready for tomorrow?" Mr. Russo asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be" I said, somewhat sadly.
"Okay you should get some sleep." Mr. Russo said. "You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow."
I walked up the stairs, after saying night to both of them. I walked past Emma's room to find her sitting on the floor in her room. To check on her I went inside, to see if anything was wrong.
"Knock knock." I said. "You okay Em?"
"Uh. Yeah. I'm fine." She said, as she hid something behind her back.
"What are you hiding?" I asked, curiously.
"Nothing" she replied.
"Right. Sure. Whatever you say." I said, sarcastically.
I walked out of her room. Knowing she was hiding something but also knowing that she'd tell when she was ready. No need to push Emma. She'll tell you when she's ready. I went to by bedroom and sat on my bed. As I lay on my bed. Thinking about how life hasn't been so bad after all. Little did I know that, this past year was nothing, there were still lots of challenges for me to face.
***
As I woke up the next morning. Panic struck me. I wondered things like; what if I didn't get a deal? What if I didn't succeed? What if Ryan found out? How would he react? I knew I was being paranoid. But I couldn't help it. I felt the need to explain to him what happened. I knew that if I met with him then he wouldn't let me go. A letter, I thought. A letter would probably be the best thing in this circumstance. I reached up and got a paper, and pen. And then started writing.
To Ryan,
I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I am leaving you without telling you anything and I'm sorry about that. You have been a great friend to me this past year and I greatly appreciate that. I really do. But I have to go. I can't leave my parents dream. I'm there only hope. I have to. Maybe I'll like it there. Who knows? I'm leaving today. But I have to admit something before I go. This is going to take a lot of courage to write but I know I have to do it. I don't know if I'll get another chance to do so. Okay. Here it goes. I like you. A lot. But I could never do anything about it because you were with Emma. And I didn't want to come between you two. I have to go now, but remember I will never forget you. Not even in a million years. Maybe we'll meet someday. Or maybe not. No one knows.
Yours, forever, Lex
As I signed my name, it felt as if I would start crying again. I didn't know why but I just knew. I took the letter and placed it on my bed, knowing that Ryan would come in here. I went downstairs to the lounge to find Mr. Russo and Lucas standing there ready. Walking down the steps seemed to take ages. Not wanting to forget the time I've spent climbing up and down these same steps. I knew I had to get out before I started crying my eyes out.
"You ready to go?" Lucas asked me.
"Yeah." I told him, and turned to Mr. Russo. "Mr. Russo I can't thank you enough for everything you have done for me this whole time. I don't know how I will ever be able to repay you."
"Hey. You don't need to thank Me." he told me. "But you can repay us by coming to visit once in a while. Cause I know for sure we'll miss you a lot."
"I will miss you all a lot to." I said, with tears forming in my eyes. "And I will never forget you. I will try to visit as much as I can."
I said my last goodbye's to everyone and followed Lucas to the car waiting for us outside. As the car drove away, I waved back at everyone till I couldn't see them anymore. Suddenly I didn't feel so sure about my decision. But I knew that there was no turning back now. Hopefully I might like it in Hollywood. You never know.
"Hey. You okay?" Lucas asked me.
"Yeah, I guess." I told him. "Just having second doubts, I guess."
"Happens." He told me. "Just hold on tight. And no matter what happens don't let anyone get to you. Okay?"
"Okay." I responded to him.
***
I watched the trees on the sidewalks go by. Why did trying to find the positive sides to things have to be so hard at times? At that moment, I knew that I couldn't hold on to the past. I had to let go no matter what happened. I would remember it, but wouldn't let it rule my life. I knew that forgetting my past would be difficult but I knew that if I tried, anything was possible. Before I knew we were at the airport and Lucas was helping the driver get the bags out. I start to get out of the car.
"Miley, here are your bags." Lucas told me. "I'll put them in the same trolley as mine."
"Okay." I replied to him.
"Let's go check in." he said. "Then we'll get on the plane."
"That quickly?" I asked.
"Yeah, we're going on my jet."
"O wow. I've never been on a private jet before." I said, somewhat to myself.
He replied by silently laughing. We walked to the check in counters and I let him to the talking since I hadn't actually been on a plane before. I wasn't sure if I would like it or not. When Lucas had finished talking to the check in lady, a guy and took our bags.
"Lucas, Lucas." I semi screamed. "The guy just took our bags. Stop him."
"Miley, calm down, he the porter." He told me, watching the confused look on my face, he told me. "You know, the people that carry your bags for you"
"O right, never mind then" I said, feeling dumb.
He walked in front of me, and I swear I could see his shoulders shaking. Then it hit me that he was laughing at what I had said. I felt incredibly dumb at that point. We went on the plane and sat at our seats. It took us about six hours to get to LA I was absolutely shattered, and when I told Lucas this, he just stared at me like I was kidding, which I actually wasn't. As we got off the plane there was a car waiting for us right outside, which really surprised me. I guess it showed because Lucas started laughing again. You know at that moment I remember getting tired of his constant 'making fun of me' laughs. He was making me feel like a fool.
"Lucas, do you have to laugh at everything I say." I said, annoyed. "It's really not helping my situation right now."
"Oh. Sorry." He said. "I didn't mean to make you mad."
"Oh right. It's okay I guess." I replied, feeling bad.
"Let's get going to the hotel that you will be staying at." He told me.
"Okay" I replied.
We got into a car and drove past all these huge buildings and houses. They even looked bigger than the Russo house. O god, I have to move on like I promised myself I would. I can't keep doing this. When we finally got to the hotel, I looked up and it was as huge as every other building. Everything seemed so different. I didn't quite know what to do. Lucas led the way inside the hotel. Again he did all the talking for me. They gave the room key and Lucas helped me find it. As I stepped into my hotel room I thought I'd die right there. It wasn't just a hotel room. It was a proper hotel apartment. I wished I could just stay in here. But that fantasy didn't last long.
"Okay here it is." Lucas told me. "But this is only temporary until the record company finds you a house to live in."
"But I haven't even met them yet." I told him. "So why would they already want to give me a house?"
"Well that's where you're wrong." He said. "I already contacted the same record company that I work with and they want to meet you today at six o'clock."
"Wow" I said, while sitting down. "Everything seems to be going so fast. I don't think I can catch up."
"It may seem like that at first but you have made the choice to do this." He said. "It gets better when you get used to it."
"How long did it take you to get used to it?" I asked.
"Uh I would say one or two months." He said. "But everyone's different. You may get used to it before me or after me."
At that moment the phone rang. I didn't even know that there was a phone so I went to find it. It turned out to be on the table in the TV room. As I hesitantly picked it up, not sure who it would be.
"Hello is this Ms. Lexi Evans?" the voice on the phone said.
"Yes, this is she." I replied.
"You have a guest at the main hall saying that you know them and that they would like to meet you." the voice said.
"What is the name of this person?" I asked.
"I don't know. They won't tell." the voice replied.
"Okay. I'll be right down." I told the voice and put the phone down to find Lucas staring at me.
"Who was it?" he asked.
"It was a guy from the front desk saying that there was someone waiting for me." I told him."I'm going to go and find out who it is. Are you coming?"
"sure." He said.
We walked to the lifts on that floor. As we got on I felt some sort of excitement in me. I don't know why but I was hoping that it was Ryan. I knew it wasn't but there was a part of me that wanted it to be. We stepped of the lift at the ground floor and started walking towards the front desk. When we got there I asked them who was waiting for me and the guy pointed to someone sitting on a sofa facing outside. I walked up to them and tapped them on their shoulder. They seemed to look familiar somehow.
"Excuse me? Were you looking for me" I asked.
At that moment the person turned around to face and it seemed as if all the breath in my body had been taken out. I was so shocked that I couldn't take in what was happening. What was she doing here? How did she get here? Was the bigger question.
"Emma? What are you doing here?" I asked, sad and happy at the same time.
"You think that my best friend has an extra ticket and I'm not gonna beg my dad to let me come and stay with you." she answered.
"Aw Em" I said, as I went to hug her.
"Wait does Ryan know that you're here?" I asked suddenly. "Does he know?"
"No he doesn't know." she told me. "I broke up with him just before coming; it just wasn't working between us. And I think we're too young to be going out. Don't you think?" she said, laughing.
"I had completely forgotten about the extra ticket." I told her. "C'mon lets go up to my apartment. And you're lucky, it has two bedrooms."
***
From that moment onwards it seemed as if it might not be so bad after all. It took me a while to get used to everything, just like Lucas had told me. Lucas had introduced me to his long time girlfriend Jennifer Travis or just Jen as we called her. She was amazingly nice. Em, Jen and me because a threesome quite quickly. We did everything together. Looking back at all those years still makes me sad. I kept in contact with the Russo family as much as I could. But I never did keep in contact with Ryan. Sure I asked how he was and everything whenever I talked to Mr. Russo but never to Ryan himself.
As for my singing career, well it turned out that ma was right all along. I had an amazing voice; according to my record label, Emma, Jen, Lucas and even the Russo family. O and of course all my fans. It's been 11 years since I starting singing and I still love every minute of it. Now its time for some of us to go our separate ways but still keeping in touch, by 'some of us' I mean Emma. She found a perfect guy for her, a guy that was there for her when she needed him and someone who knew just how to stop her. David. That was his name. They got married on June 29th 2008. I remember everything that happened that day. They had been going out for three years when David suddenly asked Em to marry him. She of course said yes. I have never in the time I've known her seen this happy. Even as she was putting on her dress she couldn't stop jumping up and down because of excitement. I had heard that people are usually really nervous before they get married. That obviously wasn't the case for Emma and David. I was her head bridesmaid. To tell you the truth this made me feel quite special.
As I walked down the aisle with Jen in front of me and Emma following behind me I saw a head sitting in the middle row. A head that I was too familiar with, it was the only head that wasn't turned around to watch the bridesmaids and the bride walking down the aisle. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, I was panicking and I knew it. I looked back in front of me and noticed that I had reached the front. I stood on the side so Em could stand in the middle. As I held Emma's flowers I could feel his eyes burning into me. I didn't dare look. I couldn't face his face, not yet, I wasn't ready to do so. For the whole ceremony I could feel him staring at me. It was as he was burning a hole in my back with his eyes. I didn't even notice when the priest had said the last few words.
"Do you Emma Russo, take David Patterson to be your lawfully wedded husband?" the priest said.
"I do" replied Jen, who smiled uncontrollably.
"Do you David Patterson, take Emma Russo to be your lawfully wedded wife?" said the priest.
"I do" David said as he smiled at Jen.
"You may now kiss the bride" said the priest finally.
As Jen and David kissed, everyone in the church awed. Cameras flashed everywhere. Taking pictures of the memories that would remind them of this day. I felt tears in my eyes. Em and David wouldn't be with us anymore. They had their own lives now. They both had helped me so much, especially David. I will never forget the things that they have done for me. As Em and David walked back towards the doors I followed close behind. I dared a glance at Ryan. I could see sadness in his eyes. His eyes searched for answers. Answers I knew he would ask me about. But not right now, not at this moment. I didn't have control of myself right now. After the ceremony we all went down to the beach for the party. The church was on a beach so that made it easier and faster for everyone to go down there. Em, Jen and I first went to change our clothes into something more beach like. Jen and I wore a light flowery type dresses, while Em wore a white sun dress. As we walked onto the beach I could see David looking around for Em.
"You better go. Lover boy's getting anxious." I told Em, laughing.
"I should. I'll see you guys later for the after shots and everything." Em said as she walked away.
"Why do I feel as if Em going away from us for good?" I asked Jen.
"Sometimes people have to leave, but you have to understand why they do." She told me. "Em not going anywhere, she'll always be the fun girl we know."
"I guess you're right." I said sighing.
"I'm going to go look for Lucas." She told me.
"Okay, I'll see you later." I said to her as she walked away.
"Why does everyone I love leave me in the end" I said to myself.
"Maybe because you keep pushing them away" A voice behind me said.
I didn't have to look back to see who it really was. "So you found me?" I said.
"Sure did." He said, somewhat coldly.
I turned around to face him; he had that look on his face. The look he always did when he didn't want people to know what was really going on in his head.
"Why'd you come, Ryan?" I said. "Why now?"
"To know why you left without a word" he said, sadly. "I thought we had something. Something special. Two of the most special girls in my life leave me. And one leaves without even saying a proper goodbye. How would that make you feel?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice." I remember telling him.
"Yes you did. You've always had a choice. You just never knew it." he had replied.
With that last few words he walked away. Tears sprung to my eyes. I remember feeling as if he had ripped my heart out and took it with him. I had never felt this bad in 11 years. At that moment it seemed like for the first time in the past 11 years I was starting to be sad again. I went to Em and told her that I had to go. She had replied by saying no. "We still have to take the after shots" she had said. I had no option but to stay. I knew that I would try and look happy even though inside I was the unhappiest there could be. I had hurt Ryan to deep. And now he had hurt me just as deeply. As I stood near the water I saw Mr. Russo walking up to me.
"Hi Lexi" He said. "How have you been?" he asked.
"Hi, Mr. Russo" I replied. "I've been better I guess."
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Yeah its fine" I remember telling him.
"I should go, I can hear Emma calling Me." he said as he turned to walk away. "O I almost forgot, Ryan had asked me to mail this to you. But I never knew your address and I just kept forgetting. But here it is."
"Ryan gave you a letter to give to me?" I asked.
"Yeah" he said as he put his hand in his jackets pocket and pulled it out. "Here it is. Okay I'm going to go now. Have fun Lexi."
As soon as Mr. Russo had walked away, I ripped open the letter, eager to know what Ryan had written to me.
Dear Lexi Evans,
Okay well I don't really know what to say. You left without a word. I still can't believe you did that. Ever since you've left I've been a mess. You won't answer any of my phone calls, text messages, emails, nothing. Part of me is still hoping that you haven't forgotten me. But sometimes I think that you have. You told me in your letter that you liked me a lot. Well guess what? So did I. but I didn't only like you, I loved you. But you left. I was planning on telling you the day after your grandma died but I never got the chance because you left. I'm hoping you will get this letter soon but I have no way of getting it to you. I'm going to ask Mr. Russo to give it to. Hopefully he'll remember since he seems to forget most things. I've seen on TV lots of times and every time I notice something. You don't have that gleam in your eye anymore. The gleam that said that you were happy, it said that you were enjoying yourself. What happened to you Lex.? You used to be a fun enthusiastic girl. I can't believe that I finally got around to doing this. I always kept it off. I thought you'd have to reply to at least one of my messages. Apparently I was wrong. Lex, your ma told you to be a singer. Follow your parent's steps. Not ignore your old life. I admit that a part of me knows why you're doing this but still I thought we had something special. I don't know why I'm going to tell you this but I think that you deserve to know. I visited your ma before you went. I talked to her. She told me that she was going to die. But she made me promise that I would never say a word to you about that. She made me promise that one day you and I would get married. Of course I couldn't say no to that. I had loved her like my own grandmother. At that time though it seemed possible, now, I'm not too sure. I'm invited to Emma's wedding hopefully I'll see you there. The only reason I'm going is to be able to see you. Hopefully you'll remember me.
Love, Ryan Smith
I remember when I read that letter, I feel to the ground. Tears were in my eyes. Thank god that by that the pictures had already been taken. I ran to my car and drove. I had no idea where I was going but I just kept on driving. I came to a halt and realized that I had come to my own house. As I entered my house I could see paparazzi trying to get a sneak peek. Quickly as I could I ran into my house. I locked myself in my house for three days. Not coming out at all. I'd lie around in my bed. Not eating anything. I didn't think that people would realize that. Apparently I was wrong. The third day that I decided to just sit around in my house, I remember getting a call. I thought it'd be just some random people trying to sell me stuff but I turned out to be wrong. As soon as I picked up the person on the line started shouting at me. At first I didn't realize who it was but slowly it started to hit me just who it was.
"How could you do that? Seriously." Emma said. "Do you know what I've been going through the past few days?" when I didn't reply she kept talking. "Meet me in the gym in 10 minutes, and you better come or I'll call Ryan."
She knew what buttons to press with me. There was no way I could face Ryan right now. I don't even know what he would do if he found out that I hadn't eaten in three days. I practically jumped out of my bed.
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." I told her.
"Knew it. See you in 10" she said.
We both hung up the phone and I got up and went to my closet to find something to wear to the gym. I knew we would be exercising less and talking more.
***
As I sat in front of the press I told them my story. They had picked me to tell me life story. I finished my current life story.
"A whole year went by and I never heard from Ryan himself. I craved to hear his voice but I never got the courage to find him and talk to him." I told them. "Even right now I still haven't met him. At the age of 24 I've spent almost 13 years of my life running away from something that was never really mine. I always loved Ryan, but when I found out that he returned the same feelings it was too late. He had gone."
"Do you think that you and Ryan will ever meet again?" a reporter asked.
"Hopefully we do. Cause life's quite long, no matter how short we like to say it really is." I said as I walked out of the conference room.
No matter how much I said that I hoped that Ryan and I would meet, it still stung me that it was my fault. I had lost a great guy. Even if we hadn't been more than friends, I still lost a great friend. Ryan was one of those types of friends that anyone would be lucky to have. And when someone did they should have stuck with him, unlike me. When I walked out of the room I saw I guy standing with his back towards me. He was facing the wall, reading a poster that was posted on the wall. As I walked past him, I heard a voice behind me.
"It's never too late of find true love." The voice said.
I turned around; hoping to find Ryan, but the only person I saw was the guy that was facing the wall. I went to turn back around but at that same moment the wall guy turned. Suddenly I couldn't breathe. There were mixed emotions in me. I was happy but scared. I was sad but still managing to keep positive.
"Maybe, but I lost something that was never mine." I heard myself saying.
"You lost something that had always been yours." He said, as he walked towards me. "You lost something that will always be yours."
"Yeah. Sure." I said, "I've never had anything that was mine."
"You had me." he said as he took a step forward. "The first time I lay my eyes on you. 13 years ago, the moment you stepped into the Russo's lounge. You had me then. You've had me ever since."
"You left me?" I said, tears coming to my eyes, half of joy and half of sadness.
"I never left you, I've always been there" he said. "All you had to do was look beside you, and I was there. I thought when I came to the Emma's wedding that you would tell me in person that you loved me but you didn't."
"I didn't think you loved me, I didn't want it to be awkward for both of us." I told him.
"I sent you a letter. Telling you that I loved you." he said.
"I didn't see it until after you left." I told him, seeing the confused look on his face. "Mr. Russo only gave it to me after the weddings, by that time you had already left."
He shook his head and said, "And I kept thinking you didn't love me. For a whole year it made me go crazy" he told me. "Lexi Evans you've taken my heart, without realizing you have it."
"It really has been a tough walk through life." I said.
"Sure has" he said. "But it's been worth it." he continued, smiling
"I love you Ryan Smith." I said, looking in his brown eyes.
"And I love you. Always and forever?" he asked.
"Always and forever" I replied.
At that moment he kissed me with such passion that felt as if he had been holding it in for the entire time we had known each other. I felt incredibly happy. Ryan brought out the worst in me, but he also brought out the best. And that's all I wanted. We were together now. After thirteen years of wishing we could be together, we finally were a couple. We loved each other right now, whatever that held for us in the future. I knew that no matter what happened we would always be together. We loved each other truly. And for now, we lived happily ever after. Hey we're only twenty four years old, we're still young. Neither of us knew what would happen in the future. But I know we both wished that would become Mrs. Lexi Smith, wife of Mr. Ryan Smith, someday.
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