Wow, sucky day was absolutely sucky. I hope this doesn't suck because writing is what makes me feel better. Thanks to everyone who reads my stories, you guys really are like my life line
Tino lay, asleep on Berwalds shoulder, his lips gently grazing over the base of Berwalds neck every time the train went over a slight bump. Though he knew Tino was sleeping, Berwald felt his heart clench each and every time Tinos lips would touch his skin.
He felt the breath escaping his lungs, and suddenly, as the train passed over another bump, Tinos lips ghosting his neck. Swallowing all the words he desperately wanted to say, all the actions, the unbearable temptation simply begging him to wrap an arm around his friend, pull him close, and nap for the rest of the train ride together overwhelming.
Berwald sighed, and looked down at the top of Tino's head. Long gone was the fluffy white beret the man normally wore, no, that had fallen off merely minutes into the train ride, as soon as Tino had fallen asleep on Berwalds shoulder. It lay there, on the floor of their private room, and Berwald hadn't the heart to disturb Tinos sleep, because, lord knows, Tino looked beautiful when he slept.
His face would angle itself in possibly the most adorable way, highlighting the mans jaw, the arch of his nose, the fullness of his lashes, even the faint freckles that Berwald felt so lucky to be close enough to see. It was true, that no matter how hard Berwald tried to stop himself, he just couldn't stop himself from admiring Tino.
Berwald, unable to handle the heart breaking feelings that even just looking at Tino gave him, turned his gaze out of the trains' window. Maybe it wasn't even Tino's beauty that first captured Berwald. Maybe it was the fact that Tino understood him, his speech, his glare, Tino understood. Berwald felt safe around Tino, felt stronger, but most undoubtedly, he felt the burning need to tell Tino these things.
To tell Tino that anything Tino may ever need from Berwald, Berwald would do it. To tell Tino that Berwald can't comprehend how he ever got through life without this man to share it with. To tell Tino that he's helped Berwald become a better person, and in all honestly, that Berwald didn't mean to fall in love with him. That it wasn't his fault. It simply wasn't his fault that Tino was always there, always helping, always smiling, laughing, and doing things that Berwald found… breath taking.
Berwald even had a hard time admitting his feelings toward Tino to himself. He… knew that he thought of Tino as more than just a friend, but he also knew that he just could not go there. Tino was far too valuable, far too important to Berwald to ever think of damaging it, their friendship, by giving into his desires, by breaking his will and just… kissing him, holding his hand, loving him.
Berwald clenched his fists, and returned his gaze to Tino, whose lips just happened to, yet again, brush against Berwalds skin. Berwald took in a sharp breath of air, and immediately regretted it as soon as he smelt the fresh scent of Tinos shampoo, and the intoxicating scent of his cologne. Oh, it was bliss- Tinos scent, Berwald thought, as he indulged himself yet again, this time pressing his nose to Tinos scalp.
The game was over, Berwald lost. Temptation far to tempting to pass up the opportunity that was before him. A sleeping Tino wouldn't remember anything that was spoken or done while he slept, right?
So, pressing his forehead to the top of Tinos head of hair, Berwald took one more breath. Courageously, he brought his hand behind Tino's head, and simply cradled Tino to him. It felt so right, Berwald thought, so sublime and a feeling he now knew he never wanted to forget. The feeling of Tino so close, so pleasantly smelling, so warm, so alive, right here, next to him. It nearly broke Berwalds heart.
He would never have Tino, never feel Tino return his embrace. Yet, he still pushed forward, ready to say the words that he hoped would cure him of these maddening feelings, the pricks of tears welling up behind his closed eyes. And, still holding Tino to him, so consumed in his thoughts, in his emotions, in his desires and dreams, Berwald missed the flutter of eyelashes against his fair skin. Berwald missed the small, rather sheepish, intentional kiss placed at the crook of his neck. Berwald took a breath, kissed the top of Tinos head and began.
"Think I'm fallin' 'n love with ya..." Berwald whispered, shifting his head so his cheek rested atop of Tinos. Blushing, he took another breath, this one more meaningful, less hesitant, and truthfully, no, there was no 'think' to it, and Berwald knew, without a doubt, he was in deep. " 'n fact," Berwald mumbled, his voice cracking slightly, "I know I'm 'n love with ya."
Berwald couldn't bring himself to move, his heart racing and his head spinning. He'd finally said it, and whether or not Tino returned his feelings was not important. He wanted to be what Tino had been for him, his safety, his shelter. Tino was Berwalds retreat from the terrible world beyond the glass window of their safe train car. And maybe, one day, Berwald thought, Tino might, possibly have feelings of the same-
"Ber, kiss me already..." A low whisper interrupted Berwalds thoughts.
Thanks to everyone who reads my stories, you guys really are like my life line.. Please review, I don't knew where I'd be without your critiques and encouragement :)
xoxo
