Max PoV
Ever since Fang left things have changed. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of him. I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet.
Scratch that. I do know. I still have my Flock. Don't doubt that they're the only reason I'm still here. But they're different now too. Quieter. Sadder.
Angel still blames herself. She doesn't talk anymore. She only communicates with her mind, even then not often.
Gazzy used to be my little trooper. Always optimistic, enthusiastic, resilient. But now he's just angry at the world. He's only nine and life has been hard on the little guy.
Nudge is....nothing. She doesn't talk as much. She doesn't dress like a miniature model anymore. She hardly ever expresses emotion. Only sadness. She's lost her....her....Nudgeness.
And Iggy. Do you remember when we got taken to the School the second time, right after they got rid of the Erasers? Well, now Iggy's like he was then. Hopeless. Just going through the motions.
And as for me, I try to be strong for my little guys, but sometimes it just hits me all over again. That he's really, truly, gone. That he's not coming back. That I'm in this thing alone. And then I just want to curl up in a ball and lay there forever.
I can't go on without him. Which is why I have to go.
I took a deep breath before I walked into the kitchen, where everyone was clustered around the table. Iggy's blind eyes flicked up then back down. Angel couldn't look at me. Gazzy clenched and unclenched his fists. Nudge didn't even look up, just stared dully at the table.
"Guys," I said. "We can't go on like this."
Iggy shrugged. "What can we do?" he said hopelessly. "He left."
"I'm the one dragging you guys down." I said sadly. "I'm nothing without him."
Gazzy looked at me, and for a second I could almost see the nine year old he tried to hide beneath layers of hate in his eyes. I almost broke down crying right then.
I choked back tears. Be strong Maximum I told myself. "So I'm leaving." I said simply.
Four pairs of shocked eyes met my gaze.
"If I ever find him I'll be back." I promised. "But without him I'm useless. You'll all be better off without me."
Iggy was the first to speak. "You're....leaving?"
Nudge's bottom lip trembled. "Max, no! First him, now you too?"
Gazzy glared at me. "Don't leave us Max."
"You'll be better off without me." I said again.
In the six months since he left, Angel hadn't spoken a word. But now she did.
"If you're going to look for Fang we're coming with you." She had that stubborn look on her face, the one that told me to brace for a storm.
"Angel," I began tiredly.
"We're coming with you." Iggy interrupted. I could almost see a spark of the old Iggy in his unseeing eyes.
I opened my mouth to argue, but Nudge cut me off. "You know you don't want to do this alone." she said, a bit of Nudgeness gleaming just below the surface.
"He was our Fang too." Gazzy put in. That was when I melted.
"Okay, okay. You can come." I allowed.
"Excellent!" said Angel. Looks like she was back to talking. "When do we leave?"
"Dawn." I said without hesitation. Why had we waited so long? This was the right thing to do. We would be in our usual situation. On our own, searching for what wasn't there, danger at every turn.
"No doubt it'll be dangerous," I said.
"When is it not?" Iggy sounded almost excited. I could understand. This was totally our element.
Grinning, I held out my left fist. Iggy placed his on top of mine, then Nudge, Gazzy and Angel.
"Flock," I said. "There's one hand missing from this stack. And I swear I won't rest until I find who it belongs to. Now who's with me?!"
They cheered, and suddenly I thought of how much I would've missed them if I went alone.
We're coming to find you Fang. You Goddamn fool.
