"Lapis, we have to get ready!" Peridot waltzed in. "Jesus is coming!"

"What?" Lapis looked up from her book.

"It says it right here!" Peridot gesticulated wildly at the headline on her tablet. "Listen to this: 'Sometime soon, Jesus will come knocking at your door! Those who welcome him in will be saved… those who deny him will suffer ETERNAL DEATH!' So that means when Jesus comes, we have to let him in, or else!"

"You really want to let a stranger in here?"

"You DON'T? When ETERNAL DEATH waits for you?"

"What do they mean by 'eternal death?'"

"I don't really know," Peridot admitted, tapping a button that read 'Click for more Jesus!' "But it sounds pretty bad. We should start cleaning up before he gets here."

"Yeah, I'll start when you tell me more about this human," Lapis glanced around, unconvinced. "I'm not moving the morps."

"Well, I've been reading up on the subject!" Peridot declared proudly. "He's a really important human who hates filth! Do we have a broom?"

"No."

"Hmph. That might present a problem."

"Why do you care so much about some human?"

"Oh, well, listen! You'll LOVE this part!" Peridot queued up another page. "He's a human FROM SPACE!"

"From space?"
"Yep!" Peridot shoved the tablet toward Lapis, the page on it blaring 'Jesus, King of the Heavens.'

"Wow…" Lapis breathed, a bit more subdued. "Do you think he's been to Homeworld?"
"Well, we can ask him when he gets here!" Peridot professed.

Lapis snorted and put down her book. "Okay. So, when exactly is Jesus coming?"

"Hang on a moment," Peridot said as she googled the time and date of Jesus' arrival. "Looks like Jesus only comes on Thursdays, so we have most of the week to prepare!"

"Right. And how long will he be staying?"

"Oh, isn't that obvious, Lapis? He's going to stay until the Thursday after THAT so he can go to the next person's dwelling!"
"Do you suppose that will be Steven's?" Lapis asked. "Maybe we should tell him to get ready too."

"They have Garnet, they don't need our help," Peridot said with a flick of the wrist. Lapis began to gather some loose items off the floor.

"So, does Jesus need to sleep like a normal human? We should probably clear a space for him."

"He can stay on the floor, he's slept in worse places than that. There was this one time that humans put him in the ground until he reformed, so by comparison he'll probably be very impressed with our floor!"

"I didn't know humans can reform."

"Well, you learn something every day, Lazuli! All the humans are training themselves to become like Jesus, so soon they'll all be able to do ALL the stuff that he does! Like walk across large bodies of water without falling in!"

"That's… not very impressive."

"I bet Steven has mastered it already," Peridot said.

"You think we should dig Jesus a hole in case he needs to reform again?"

"No, Lapis! You have to have FAITH in Jesus! You have to believe he is strong enough not to poof while he's here! Otherwise he'll be very insulted and we'll go to eternal damnation."

"Okay, so how else should we get ready for him to come?"

"Well, cleaning the barn is the first step," Peridot said, using her metal powers to shove everything into one corner. "Phew! There!"

"What's the next step, then?" Lapis asked.

Peridot scrolled through some more pages of divine wisdom.

"Hmm. 'Forgiveness is key to letting Jesus into your heart,'" she cited. "'Start forgiving others of the wrong they have done you, and your meeting with Jesus will be a pleasant one!'"

"Okay, Peridot," Lapis began, "I forgive you for that time you put a dead fish in my hair."

"I TOLD YOU, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"

"And I told you I forgive you," Lapis winked.

"Okay," Peridot huffed. "And I forgive you for breaking my tape recorder."

"No you don't. You're just saying that."
"Of course I'm just saying that! But I have to say it or Jesus won't be happy!"

"Sounds like a pretty strange guy," Lapis scoffed.

"Don't you think you have… a little more forgiving to do?" Peridot asked hesitantly.

"No."

"Really? Because I bet I could list a LOT of things that you're still…" She caught the look from Lapis. "You know what, you're right, you've moved past all that."

"So, are we ready for Jesus now?"

"Hang on a moment, Lapis," Peridot halted her as she scrolled. "Getting ready for Jesus…. this one says that you have to go to Jesus' house and pray at him first."

"Pray?"

"You know, pray is in 'pray tell.' They didn't program you with a lot of language skill, did they?"

Lapis flicked Peridot on the shoulder.

"Ow! I suppose digit strength is where THAT all went, huh?" Peridot clutched her injury.

Lapis smirked. "'Pray' let me borrow the tablet and find out where he lives."

Peridot handed Lapis the tablet with her surviving limb.

"Let's see here…" Lapis mused. "Jesus' house… Jesus' house…"

Peridot sank to the floor. Lapis ruffled her hair. "You're okay."

A bit of googling went by before Lapis announced, "Found it!"

"Where is it?" Peridot peered up.

"In Ocean Town," Lapis knelt down with the tablet. "Not too far from here."

"'Blessed House of Jesus Christ,'" Peridot read, clicking for street view. "Wow, nice barn he has."

"So, what do you think? We gonna go visit?"

"Only if we want ETERNAL DEATH to pass us by!"

"I'm taking it from your tone that you're not interested in eternal death," Lapis smiled wryly.

"Oh, I'm sure it's a fascinating area of study," Peridot countered. "Just not one I'd want to research firsthand. Let's go."

And so began their pilgrimage to the Blessed House of Jesus Christ.