Downed Gooney

It was too cold, thought Hogan. The Luftwaffe coat betrayed him as an American officer as well as a garment intended to keep a man warm. As he drove the Opel Blitz truck, he silently swore every instance he hit a pothole. The moonless night hindered his passage down the lonely dirt road. He wanted to use the headlights but feared Gestapo intervention.

Hogan realized that Newkirk silently suffered. He could not use a staff car for the night's mission, so the men had to suffer the two-ton truck. He did not know how many airmen required rescue. The Underground contact provided few details. Hogan knew the way to the old barn. He hit an especially large pothole, causing Newkirk to mutter words unrecognizable as English.

"Sorry, old bean," quipped Hogan. He hoped the wisecrack might cheer up the corporal. Instead, Newkirk continued muttering. Hogan could not make out most of the words except ruddy officer, American driver, and rotten luck. Hogan sobered his tone and said, "This road got it in that last air raid."

"Good show for us," Newkirk sarcastically said. He sighed, "Sorry, Governor; it's not your bloody fault."

Hogan said, "Understood." He barely made out the framework of the barn in the darkness. As he slowed the vehicle, he flashed the headlights two long flashes, followed by one short flash –me in Morse code. He saw the flashlight response: two short flashes, one long flash, three short flashes – us. Headlight signals lacked imagination.

Hogan carefully made his way around the back of the barn to conceal the truck from the road. As he turned the ignition off, he grabbed his pistol. Newkirk already has his rifle ready. The barn was a regular site used by the Underground. Hogan did not take unnecessary chances. His greatest concern was betrayal or capture. In a German uniform, he could be shot for espionage.

As he alit from the truck, Hogan realized the Underground agent proved equally cautious, as he stood poised with a rifle. Hogan knew another agent probably approached Newkirk in a similar manner. Hogan had not previously met this particular agent, unsurprising considering the Gestapo's aggression.

Hogan calmly stated, "The stars shine brightly tonight."

"Enough for romance but not for war," the agent replied.

As Newkirk came around to the driver's side of the truck he said, "Bloody hell. Who comes up with these codes?"

The agent disregarded the comment and said, "I am Ernst Dreschner."

Hogan said, "Oberst Max Gutermuth." He holstered his pistol and extended his hand in friendship. Dreschner slung his rifle over his left shoulder before returning the gesture. Both men understood that neither used a real name. Underground agents changed names more frequently than shirts, and for the same reason: the last one became dirty.

"In here," said Dreschner.

The four men entered the dimly lit barn. Hogan saw several armed civilians. He did not recognize any of the men from his previous contact. Then he saw a man and woman in disheveled flight uniforms. Whomever they were, Hogan realized something terrible happened. The man had a bloodied bandage around his head and had his left arm in a makeshift sling. The woman looked young and terrified.

"Dear God," said Hogan. "What happened?"

"Captain John Meyers," said the man. "The krauts shot down our gooney just outside of Nuremberg. We barely got away but the rest of my men…"

Hogan saw the vacant stare. He knew it was possible to land a damaged Douglas C-47 Skytrain if certain conditions prevailed. Looking at the two people in front of him, he reasoned they crawled out of the gooney. He asked, "What was your mission?"

Meyers said, "Medical evacuation flight. One of the Irregulars was badly wounded. We were supposed to recover him and return to England."

It made sense. Hogan did not approve of women as flight nurses. It was too dangerous. Despite the military attire, this particular nurse looked like a woman. He reasoned she was twenty-two or twenty-three years of age. He asked, "And you are?"

"Lieutenant Margaret Houlihan," the woman nervously replied.

Dreschner motioned for Hogan to follow him into a stall. Hogan took the cue. Dreschner quietly said, "I could not bear telling them that Pericles died from his injuries."

Hogan shook his head and said, "Thanks – and thanks for taking care of them."

Dreschner said, "We can't linger here."

"I understand," said Hogan.

Not all missions succeeded. The gooney's operation suffered. Hogan had to evacuate the two officers. With Meyers injured, he knew the task became exponentially more difficult. He wondered if the man could make it in through the tunnel. Using the south gate entrance might work.

Hogan led the two officers to the truck. He silently appreciated Newkirk's professionalism with the nurse. The two men helped Meyers and Houlihan into the back of the truck. Briefly, he thought Newkirk was going to explode when Hogan ordered him to drive. Hogan needed Newkirk to bluff his way into the compound. As he climbed into the back, Hogan heard Newkirk mutter something about officers having all the luck.

Hogan said, "No matter what happens, I need you two to be absolutely still and quiet when we get to our destination."

Meyers asked, "And where exactly are we going?"

Hogan replied, "Luftstalag 13."

Meyers exclaimed, "A POW camp?"

Hogan said, "Relax. Above ground it's a POW camp but below ground it's an outfitting and embarkation center." As the tarp lowered, Hogan knew his passengers must be scared. There was no light in the back of the truck. Sitting in complete darkness, the three remained quiet. When the truck started, conversation was impossible anyway.

The ride proved unusually turbulent in the cargo bed. Hogan thought he might lose his meager dinner but managed to keep it down. He knew the truck's course from every twist and turn. He listened as Newkirk spoke with the gate guards.

"Where are your orders?"

Newkirk replied, "I lost them. If Kommandant Klink finds out – zoot! Straight to the Russian front!"

Hogan heard two men laughing before one gave Newkirk permission to enter. He sighed in relief as the truck moved. The simple bluff worked. When it stopped again, the motor disengaged. He waited for Newkirk to climb the tailgate before raising the tarp. Hogan realized they were at the back entrance to Barracks 2. While not an ideal location for the truck, it would facilitate transferring the two officers.

The barracks were dark. A couple of men groaned in annoyance as Hogan and Newkirk entered with the two officers. He quickly closed the door and turn on a light. This encouraged increase complaints but Hogan needed Wilson to check Meyers.

LeBeau sat up and cried, "I smell a girl!" He turned to the entourage, jumped out of bed and said, "Mademoiselle! A pleasure to meet you!" The other men reacted positively to see a lovely young woman standing in their barracks.

Hogan snapped, "Knock it off! They barely escaped a downed gooney. Wilson, you have a patient."

"Yes sir," said Wilson as he climbed down from his bunk.

Hogan said, "Meyers, I hope you can manage a ladder. We're going down."

"I can manage," said Meyers.

"Kinch, with us," said Hogan.

The two officers looked surprised as Kinchloe activated the tunnel ladder. Wilson helped Meyers. Kinchloe followed and Hogan gestured to Houlihan to use the ladder. Then he climbed down the ladder. Meyers and Houlihan wore faces of confusion and nervousness. Wilson led Meyers to the spare cot.

"I can help him," said Houlihan. "I am a nurse."

Hogan shook his head and allowed Houlihan to take care of her patient. He followed Kinchloe to the radio and said, "Their mission fouled."

"Downed gooney birds are never good," said Kinchloe.

Hogan dictated his message for London including a request for instructions. He did not know Pericles but the codename suggested the man was a member of the same troop as Hercules. Too many men died in this war. Hogan accepted it as an unpleasant fact even though it saddened him. In a strange way, it furthered his resolve to do all he could to help bring about an end to the war as quickly as possible.

Satisfied that Kinchloe had things under control, Hogan went to the unofficial guest quarters. He realized the problem of having a woman. He was not set up to accommodate the fair sex. He could not have Houlihan take a spot in the barracks. In addition, he could not justify Meyers' condition – not even Schultz would buy an explanation. He had to keep the two in the tunnels.

"He needs rest," said Houlihan.

Wilson said, "Good thing we have plenty of blankets."

Hogan said, "Lieutenant, this isn't a co-ed POW camp. You'll have to stay in the tunnels."

Houlihan cried, "Here?"

Hogan said, "Look, I'm sorry, but there's no other way. I can sneak a man into camp and the guards won't notice. You, well, you're, you're…"

"Don't even think of finishing that sentence, sir," snapped Houlihan. "I'll manage."

Hogan turned as LeBeau eagerly approached and said, "Mademoiselle, we have some strudel."

"She don't want any strudel," said Newkirk as he approached. "Hi, we haven't been properly introduced. Corporal Peter Newkirk, at your service."

Houlihan asked, "In which army? That's a kraut uniform, you know."

"Just a temporary disguise, love," smiled Newkirk.

"Corporal Louis LeBeau," introduced the Frenchman. "I will cook you a beautiful breakfast!"

Hogan snapped, "Knock it off you two." He looked at Houlihan and said, "The danger's not over yet."

Houlihan stood akimbo and countered, "I know that kind of danger."

"Good," said Hogan. He realized Wilson approached carrying a mattress, extra blankets and pillows. When did Wilson leave? Hogan could not afford such a lovely distraction. Meyers needed tending to and a nurse was fortuitous but impractical to take care of. He remembered when Tiger first visited the camp.

Satisfied that his guests were properly accommodated, Hogan and his men returned to the barracks. Kinchloe remained in the tunnels.

#HH x MASH#

Houlihan tried relaxing. The tunnel was cold and musty. She waited until Meyers fell asleep before allowing herself the luxury. As an army brat, she was accustomed to constantly moving. Born in 1920 in an Army base hospital, she assumed everyone was military during the early years of her life.

When she graduated nursing school in 1942, Houlihan immediately joined the Army. She eagerly anticipated her first assignment in London. She anticipated a clean hospital. Nothing prepared her for flight nurse duties. She flew several medical missions into Italy and appreciated her teammates.

This particular mission troubled Houlihan from the onset. She may have been young and slightly naïve, but even she knew rescuing an injured spy meant unusual danger. Meyers did not provide her with any details. She only knew her small role of taking care of an injured man. She tried to remain tough when the gooney took evasive action. She even managed to attach correctly her parachute when Henderson ordered the crew to get ready to bail.

How did things go so wrong?

The plane started nosediving. Houlihan found herself clutching the doorframe leading to the cockpit. Someone cried too low to jump! Someone else cried this is it boys! The plane began to level but she heard a small explosion. Men raced to the rear of the plane to contain a fire. She had no idea what triggered it. She clung to the doorframe in terror.

The plane started bouncing. They were on the ground but still in motion. Houlihan watched in horror as the final bounce caused the back end of the plane to separate. The gooney continued forward on sheer momentum. Then – nothing. Everything was quiet. She started crying.

None of that nonsense, woman! That was what Meyers snapped. Houlihan returned to the moment. She entered the cockpit and found Meyers holding one hand to his head. He ordered her to check on Hall the co-pilot. Quickly, she realized Hall died. We can't stay here. The krauts will be all over us any moment.

Houlihan knew Meyers was correct. She did her best to help him out of the remnants of the plane. She saw the look on his face when he realized the plane was bisected and no one else remained. The two left the remnants. They saw the plume of black smoke from the aft section of the plane approximately five hundred feet away.

Meyers was desperate to save his men. He raced to the wreckage and Houlihan tried keeping up but failed. When she did make it, she saw Meyers standing in shock. The air was filled with the smells of burning fuel and flesh as the fire raged out of control. They were in a field of some kind, probably a farm given the ruts but no crop due to the winter season. She asked what now?

She had not noticed the truck arrive, nor did Meyers. Houlihan gasped as two men approached in civilian attire. One said Amerikanischen Soldaten. Meyers said nothing. Houlihan took the initiative and said yes, we're Americans.

Thus began a curious odyssey as the two men helped Houlihan and Meyers onto the back of a flatbed truck. She knew the men would turn them into the authorities. She feared what might happen to her. She knew the stories. She tried concentrating on bandaging Meyers' head injury. She realized he cradled the one arm.

The men stopped the truck at a dilapidated farmhouse. Neither spoke English but Houlihan and Meyers understood their intent. The men wanted the Americans to come into the house. Houlihan expected the worst. Instead, the men helped the two into a root cellar. The entrance was a trapdoor concealed underneath a rug. She found that peculiar.

It felt like hours passed before seeing another person. Houlihan felt relief as the newcomer spoke broken English. He was going to help them get back to England. The local Gestapo had abandoned its search for survivors, presuming all perished in the crash. The two were transferred to another house, another hiding place, someone's attic, and then the barn. Now they were beneath a POW camp.

Nursing school did not prepare her for this; nor did the Army.

#HH x MASH#

"Bonjour," smiled LeBeau as he approached the two guests in the tunnels with breakfast. "Enchante, mademoiselle."

As Houlihan sat up, she realized she had no sense of time. The tunnels betrayed any hint of night versus day. She scratched her head and realized her hair was a disaster. Then she noticed Meyers sitting up in his cot. She tried a weak smile, "Thank you."

Carter exclaimed, "Wow, a real nurse! I sure do hope you like your coffee strong."

As Carter tried handing Houlihan a cup of coffee LeBeau said, "You have all the grace of a chimpanzee!" He turned to Houlihan and said, "You'll have to forgive his lack of manners."

"That's understandable," said Houlihan as she took the cup.

Carter said, "Hey, I know! When you're done with breakfast, I sure do bet you'd like to see my chemistry sets!"

"She doesn't want to see your chemistry sets," LeBeau snapped. Houlihan raised an eyebrow. LeBeau continued, "He's in charge of explosives. Kinch – you met him last night – he's our radio man."

Meyers asked, "What else do you do, besides pretending to be prisoners of war?"

Carter said, "Aw, shucks, I've blown up the Adolf Hitler Bridge so many times the krauts finally gave up trying to rebuild it again."

"Sabotage," said Meyers. "That's against the Convention, you know."

LeBeau shrugged, "Someday we'll win this war. I'd rather it be sooner instead of later. Maybe I'll see that day or maybe they'll shoot me by firing squad."

Houlihan smiled, "You're so brave."

"Oui," said LeBeau, returning a smile.

Hogan arrived to make sure his guests were being well treated. He found his team members attempting to be sociable. LeBeau enjoyed his cooking duties. Carter enjoyed talking about blowing up stuff. LeBeau gave the airs of an interested man while Carter seemed intent on just being friendly.

Newkirk arrived with scrounged items including a Red Cross parcel. Hogan quietly observed the brief competition between Newkirk and LeBeau as they vied for Houlihan's attention. Then he noticed Meyers kept a careful eye. If the captain wanted to say something, he held his tongue given the presence of a superior officer.

Meyers finally said, "That uniform suits you much better, sir."

Hogan said, "It does indeed. London is making travel arrangements."

When Olsen arrived, Hogan suspected trouble. Hochstetter arrived. Hogan reassured his guests everything remained under control. He returned to his room and set up the coffeepot. Hochstetter always meant trouble.

"I'm always happy to assist," Klink cheerfully said.

Hochstetter snapped, "Bah! I'm warning you, Klink; I knew there was something funny going on around here. I finally have the evidence."

Klink warily asked, "What evidence?"

"All this time I thought Hogan was Papa Bear," said Hochstetter.

Klink scoffed, "Ridiculous."

Hochstetter cried, "That's because it's really you!"

Klink gasped, "Me? Whatever gave you that idea?"

Hochstetter explained, "This morning we arrested a member of the Underground. He told us everything. Last night, they handed over two Americans from that dreaded air force to the local Underground unit. Curious how two of the local members wore Luftwaffe uniforms – a colonel and a corporal!"

Klink said, "Now really! I have plenty of prisoners already. Now, I could of course easily take in two more prisoners but I'm not in the habit of going out and finding them!"

Hochstetter said, "I see. One of them is a fraulein, a very pretty one."

Klink said, "You must take me for a fool. The Americans don't let women go into dangerous situations."

"This one is a nurse," said Hochstetter. "They were assigned to recover a spy, codenamed Pericles. They failed, of course, and now they're trying to get to England. I knew for a very long time there was something wrong with this camp. You're aiding and abetting the enemy!"

Klink snapped, "How dare you!"

Hochstetter said, "I see. Then you do not object to our searching the camp?"

"Of course not," said Klink. "Search all you like. I've nothing to hide."

"We'll see about that," said Hochstetter.

Hogan unplugged the coffeepot and hastily stowed it in the locker. He entered the common room and said, "The Gestapo's looking for our two guests. Someone talked."

Olsen asked, "How'd they know about us?"

Hogan said, "They didn't. Get everyone up from the tunnels except Meyers and Houlihan."

The men understood. Every now and again, Hochstetter arrived with circumstantial evidence that someone at Stalag 13 was a key player in the Underground. Usually, he suspected Hogan, but today he suspected Klink. Hogan needed Klink. While the Kommandant remained unaware of the origination of his orders assigning him to the camp, Hogan knew it was a brilliant move arranged by operatives working in Berlin. Any other officer would have shut down Hogan's operation a long time ago.

The men returning from the tunnels barely made it in time before Hochstetter entered the barracks with two minions armed with machineguns. Hogan did not appreciate the ferocity the Gestapo employed. He watched as Hochstetter studied LeBeau's face. Then he realized the Frenchman had lipstick smeared around his mouth.

"This is curious," Hochstetter thoughtfully said. "Hogan, are your men in the habit of wearing lipstick?"

Hogan said, "We were practicing for our talent show. LeBeau's going to play Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz."

Hochstetter teased, "Are you sure about that?"

LeBeau smiled, "Someone's got to do it so it may as well be me."

Hochstetter taunted, "Pity. I would have thought you'd make a better Cowardly Lion."

The slur hit its mark and the room became embroiled in a shouting match. Hochstetter ordered his man to take LeBeau to the cooler. Hogan protested, but the machinegun forced him to stop interfering.

Once the men left Kinchloe asked, "Now what?"

Hogan folded his arms across his chest and said, "I warned you guys not to get cozy with that nurse."

Newkirk asked, "What's got Hochstetter so wise?"

"Someone finked," said Hogan. "He knows he's looking for a man and a woman. One of those Underground men squawked."

Kinchloe said, "Sir, we've got to warn them."

Hogan said, "I know but we've got bigger problems. We have to convince Hochstetter he's barking up the wrong tree." He needed a plan. He also needed to talk to a certain nurse. Hogan could not afford to lose any man.