How is it that in one short moment your life can change so much, I mean seriously. Just this morning for example I was your everyday normal twenty-year-old bank teller, I lived with a roommate who happened to be my best friend. Granted I had my quirks, no ones perfect, But this morning I had a life and now here I am sitting next to a car. Sure it may seem like a normal scenario, but the car is totaled. The police are scrambling about trying to recreate the crash, and they are about to load me up, or should I say what's left of me… I apparently didn't survive… ever-just have one of those days that just started out shitty?
Well from what I remember I was walking from the bank my truck when from out of nowhere this Green Escape came flying through the parking lot, and the driver apparently didn't see me, because he ran me the fuck over. And now I'm here sitting slightly disoriented taking everything in, they can't see me but I can see them, God this sucks.
"You B. Garrett," Out of surprise I looked up to see a middle aged woman approach me, her kind eyes fixating on me, "Yes, You.. you can see me?" "Of course I can," she came over and grabbed my hand and helped me up, "Come with me, we have much to discuss."
Boy oh Boy was this ever so unbelievable, first off I'm dead… and now they expect me to stick around because they have some things to show me… because not only do I need to accept my death, but I'm join their ranks of Grim Reapers, Ok can you say loony bin, but I'll just smile and listen as she continues to talk. There are two other people with the older woman who appears to be the leader of this cult group of brainwashers… There is another boy who appears to be about my age his name is apparently Landon, and another female in her late twenties early thirties, her name is Lakesha, the older woman's name is Mabel. God, I think I've figured it out… it is a cult, they are kidnapping me faking my death and taking me to a deserted island somewhere to rape me, I think I saw this on Days of our lives or something. But hey Landon can rape me anyday…
Ok we've already left the coffee shop we met at, and now we have arrived at the first point of interest on our Living Dead Tour, everywhere a dead guy must go, the County Coroner. Apparently living in a small town just outside of Jackson, Mississippi has its advantages, the coroner can autopsy you the very night. I watch the Coroner chop my body into pieces with disinterest and curiosity, it looks like me, something tells me it s me, but its just so surreal, I've never seen a body before, and God knows I never wanted my body to be the first dead one I've seen. "Sweetie do you have any questions?" The kind eyed woman, Mabel, looked at me, "Yeah How did you all die?"
Landon was the first to speak up, "Well on July 9, 1982 My plane went down in Kenner, Louisiana We all died, and till this day I refuse to fly Pan Am." "Lakesha looked up, "Oh I guess I'm next, Well this is easy… so were playing the how we died game huh? 1947, just outside Philadelphia, Mississippi, apparently my husband was a little adamant on civil rights, that's all you need to really know right now." Mabel looked up, "Well.. that's not important, He's finished with you anyway," she said motioning to he coroner, "we need to go prepare you for tomorrow," I looked up at her "why what happens tomorrow?" She looked at me her eyes reflecting wisdom, "Your Funeral."
Everyone hates funerals, I know I do, and nothing could prepare me for the worst most drawn out funeral I'd ever seen in my entire life…. My own. First off, Open Caskets for people hit by a vehicle movie at speeds topping forty miles per hour is not a good thing, I'm not a small boy, but my body was bloated and swollen like the Michelin man… Hummm Michelin So much is riding under your tires… I giggled, Mabel looked at me… "Show some respect for the dead," she replied in a dry tone before breaking into a light smile… "What was so funny anyway?" "Well, I was just thinking about how funny I looked." Wel walkek back away from the viewing area and entered the commons area of the funeral parlor, I recognized nearly everyone, my mom, grandmother, and even my room-mate everyone seemed to be chatting and a few seemed to be upset, something deep inside me twinged, they were upset, because I would be gone…. Or would I?
