Hotline Equestria
Part 1: Letters
Chapter 1: Knock Knock
? POV
(Insert Music: Deep Cover by Sun Araw)
I woke up. Like any other guy, I woke up with crust in my eyes, my alarm clock buzzing like hell, and my "work uniform" still on. I picked up my alarm clock, and said "You talkin' to me? You talkin'...to ME?" I then proceeded to throw it across the room. I stood up, and immediately tripped over a beer bottle. I looked at it, and replied with "Oh yeah, I remember." Last night was the greatest moment of my life. You see, 3 months ago, I got a message about cookies. I opened a package outside my door, and it had a note along with a chicken mask. I don't remember what it read, but as I went to the adress scribbled on the paper, I had broken a safe door that could not be closed. I ended up killing everyone in the building. The funny thing? I don't regret any of it. On July 20, I walked into my apartment ,and noticed something wrong. My girlfriend was dead, and there was a man sitting on my couch. He then proceeded to shoot me. I ended up in a hospital, and killed the guy who did it. It wasn't over. The men I killed were part of the russian mafia. I murdered every single one of them, and their leader. I celebrated after I killed him, and apparently had a few beers. I sighed, and for the first tine since May, spoke. "Jesus, my head hurts.(sigh) I need some Excederin." I walked over to the cabinet in my kitchen, pulled out some headache relief, got a glass of water, and the rest they say, is history. "God that Excederin is STRONG. I feel, slightly faint." I suddenly felt WORSE than I already was. "God...I need a NAP." So I walked over to my couch, and turned on the TV. Then, for some odd reason, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic came on. "What? I don't even watch this bullshit." I turned it off, and rested my head down.
(Insert Music: Silver Lights by Coconuts)
When I woke up, I found myself standing outside a door, and it was broken. I tried to knock on the door, but as soon as I put my fist against the unstable door, it fell to the ground. "It appears I lied. This isn't the last time we meet." I recognized that voice. I looked up, and saw them. Those 3 people. One of them was a woman, and the thers were men. The girl said, "Well, well, well. Look who survived. You must feel extraordinarily lucky." I nodded and spoke, "Yeah, if I do say so myself." One of the other 2 guys looked at me and spoke, "While I congratulate you for living, I still do not respect you. You are not a good man." "I understand that, and I am sorry." The last guy didn't look at me. Instead he lifted up his mask, and THEN looked at me. What he looked like...wasn't how I expected him to look like at all. He had red eyes, blue hair, and a COMPLETELY white face. "It is time for you to experience something anew, Jacket." I was COMPLETELY confused, and at the same time, scared. Then, suddenly, I started to feel light-headed again. I could barely even see in front of me, and thus, I fell to the ground. I started to lose breathing...
Jacket POV
(Insert Music: Static by Hotline Miami)
"(groan) What a trip. Guess that's what happens when you have too much medicine. Pills..." I tried to stand up, and I couldn't, so I got on all fours. I needed something else to drink, so I crawled over to the lake. I immediately regret doing so, because I saw something so HIDEOUS...that I won't be able to get it out of my head. I saw...a pony. I screamed, and looked behind me, but there was no-one there. I looked down and saw that I had hoofs. I also had on a vest, and a cape. "Why the hell do I look like a deformed horse with a magician's cape? This place is f*cked up." I walked (trotted?) over to what appeared to be an entrance, and I knew there was no way out. So I did the most logical thing. I kicked it. A couple rocks fell out, and I decided to use both back legs. I kept kicking and kicking until the rocks finally tumbled away, and I troted outside.
(Insert Music: MLP Theme (Alex.S Glitch Remix))
I was in a mine shaft apparently, and on the horizon, I saw a village, made of wood structure and hay roof. Oh, also there were more ponies. "Christ almighty, I'm gonna hate this."
(Insert Music: Miami by Jasper Byrne)
Then, I heard a familiar sound. (BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP!) I said dumbly "Hello?" There was a message. "You have 1 new message. (BEEP) Hi this is Terri from the Miami Crew Club, and we have your order ready. Please wait at least 1 minute for the order to arrive. (BEEP)" "So wait, am I goign to be doing jobs here? Because i'm retired." I then felt something hit me in the back of the skull, and I fell to the ground. "OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!" I stood up, and looked behind me. There, I saw a familiar circle-shaped parcel. I unwrapped the tape, and lifted the lid off. Inside, there was a note, a baseball bat, and a mask. My chicken mask, Richard. The note read, "u will be staying here for the next 3 or so months, to get you back into your job. Your first mission is at the Sweet Apple Acres farm at 10:00 PM sharp. DO NOT BE LATE. Also, DO NOT GET CAUGHT. People can identify you easier here. We'll be watching. You also have a mission while here: Murder the Elements of Harmony. Identify them be these 6 names: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy. MISSION IS MANDATORY." I balled up the note and threw it away. "They send me out here to do more jobs in a godforsaken Ponyland place! I'll do the jobs, but I BETTER HAVE A RAISE!" I put the mask on, held the bat on my back (somehow) and trotted off to the farm.
End of Chapter 1
Chapter 2: Orchard (Releases June 1st)
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