Nobody Speaks To The Captain No More

Rated: PG

Category: Ficlet, Sam Angst

Season: Four

Spoilers: None

Summary: A Colonel Is Just A Captain All Dressed Up.

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"Nobody Speaks to The Captain No More. No one is interested in settling old scores. Hey what the hell were we fighting for… such a long, long time ago." (Jimmy Buffett, in the song that hooked me on him years ago, Nobody Speaks To The Captain No More. It's a ballad of loneliness, and I think Samantha Carter might have that in spades on Atlantis.)

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Samantha Carter was a full bird Colonel in the United States Air Force.

She was freshly promoted and in her first personal full-time command.

And what a command it was.

Atlantis was challenging, that much was certain, but she was up to its demands.

She was strong and demanded respect.

She'd been through enough at the hands of the Goa'uld and the Replicators and countless other foes that she could keep her head in almost any situation.

She was a capable commander, and no one questioned that.

No one except Samantha Carter.

There were nights when she wondered just what the hell she was doing on Atlantis; nights when she thought she had no right to command anyone. Nights when every decision she'd made that day seemed horribly wrong and she felt like if she ever had to decide anything ever again she'd go insane.

On those nights, Samantha Carter felt like a nervous little Captain who had bitten off far more than she could chew, just as she'd thought when she was first assigned to the SGC all those years ago.

And the worst part about those long, sleepless nights was that she had no one to help her through her worries.

Everyone on Atlantis saw her as 'the Colonel', and rightfully so.

That was the only way she could allow herself to be seen by those under her command.

But every Colonel has a Captain inside.

And sometimes, Samantha Carter's inner Captain longed for company-a shoulder to lean on, a friendly voice to talk to, or a simple encouraging nod would've meant the world occasionally.

Only four could ever fill that void.

Janet Fraiser was in the ground of Carter's native planet, never to speak again.

Daniel Jackson was still traveling the worlds of a galaxy light years away.

Teal'c was on his own world, working for peace.

And Jack O'Neill, the one who had most understood, was as inaccessible as he'd always been.

Samantha Carter, both Colonel and Captain, was utterly alone.

And no one talked to the Captain no more.