I do NOT own Vampire Knight and I do not own Firework by Katy Perry. But I DO own a potato... Wait maybe not... I think I ate it.. Oops! ;)
A Vampire Knight Crack-Fic
The Other Vampires
Be Fierce!
"Ichijo!" A voice rang from outside my door. "It's time to wake up! Hehe!"
I expected to see one of the day class students outside my door, but the thing that appeared before me was scarier than Zero in a hot pink tutu dancing to Swan Lake. And trust me. That's scary. Now I am always going to knock before I enter someone's room.
"Gooooood Mooorrrnning! Or should I say, Good evening!" Sang Kaname. He stood in front of me wearing a hot pink night class uniform (not the guy uniform). He also had a pink feather boa with a matching murse (a man bag) with him. "You silly goose! It's time for class!" Kaname them proceeded to skip down the hallway towards the stairs.
WTF? My mind whirled as I saw Shiki run past me. "Kaname! Wait for me my sweet little man!" He smiled at me and waved over his shoulder.
Okay. Now I know something is up. Changing into my uniform, I followed the two "lovers" toward the classrooms.
"Like, would you, like, get out of my, like, way?" Ruka said as she shoved past me. Kain and Aido followed behind her, looking as if they would like to kill someone. Probably the murse-carrying night class member.
"Hey, guys! Would you mind telling me what's going on? Is it April Fool's day or something?" I asked. They ignored me, glaring at me with such intensity, I could have literally combusted.
Seeing Kaname and Shiki ahead, I decided it's best to keep a safe distance from him. And as if they could here my thoughts, they spun around locked their arms to mine. "Hehe! Why don't you hang out with us today, Ichijo?" Said Kaname while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"Uh, no that's-" I started to say before interrupted by a giggling Shiki.
"Oh, Kaname. I usually wouldn't agree with a threesome, but we can make an exception for our adorable friend." They clung closer to me now, causing me to wriggle out of their grasp.
"I, uh, think I should go to class now..." I got loose, and started running down the pathway. What is up with everyone? They continued to follow me screaming, 'EHMIGAWSH! Look how cute he looks when he runs away!' or 'That is one good looking butt. Mmmhmmm'. Sadly, they caught up to me, smothering me with hugs and giggles.
"Hey Kaname." Said a dreary voice. The last person I expected it to be was Yuuki. And yet there she was, dressed in all black with very dark makeup and what seemed to skulls for earrings. Again: WTF?
"HIDE ME!" Kaname yelled as he hid behind Shiki. His little "friend" turned around and tried to console him.
"That's a nice way to greet your girlfriend." Yuuki said in a bored tone. "Why I even agreed to this in the first place is beyond me." She walked ahead of us, talking with Kain and Aido.
"Wait... I thought you were gay." I asked, confused.
"What are you talking about? Of course I am not gay!" Then he starts making out with Shiki.
"Um, OK..." I think everyone had a party last night, without inviting me, and now are high from it. Wait... what happened to Zero then? I shuddered at the thought.
"Oh poo! I forgot Seiren!" Kaname said with a sad expression. "Brb! Watch over our buddy, Shiki." He added with a wink.
"Come on, Ichijo!" Shiki said as he pulled me through the double doors. He skipped ahead of me, almost tripping as he tried to hula-hoop at the same time. And don't ask me where the hula-hoop came from.
We sat down in our classroom, waiting for the teacher to arrive. Hopefully the teachers haven't been affected by this as well.
The doors swung open, revealing Kaname. "Sorry I'm late, students!" He said with a grin. Seiren was being dragged from behind him, screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs. "Shush, slave!"
Behind them was a smiling Zero in a lavender strapless dress, matching high heels, and purple extensions. They are more then high...
"KANAME!" Zero glomped Kaname in a bear hug.
"Get of me you fool!" Shouted Kaname as he slapped Zero across the face. "You are too flamboyantly gay for me!"
Zero continued to stare at Kaname lovingly as he sat in his chair. No-one seemed the slightest bit phased by this, while I sat there with a gaping expression on my face.
Kaname smiled. "So, today I am going to teach you how to sing Firework by Katy Perry!" Shiki and Zero started screaming with excitement.
"OK! I will demonstrate! Hehe." He took a deep breath. "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again! Do you ever feel, fell so paper thin, like a house of cards, One blow from caving in..." He continued through the whole song, singing exactly like Katy Perry. It's not that I listen to Katy Perry or anything...
Once he finished, everyone started clapping and some people were even close to tears. I hope class will end soon.
We started singing, Kaname critiquing everyone on how that were singing, or if they were out of tune. He kept complimenting my amazing singing and rhythm skills, which I didn't have. Shiki, who was sitting behind me, kept hip bumping me every few minutes as well. This was getting more awkward by the second.
Finally the bell rang, some sighing in relief, others with sadness. I put my stuff up quickly, almost making it out of the classroom, until a voice sounded from behind me.
"Ichijo! Our day isn't over yet!" Called Kaname, dragging Seiren who was still struggling and screaming for help behind him. He grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the dorms.
"Wait, no! I didn't agree to anything! Let me gooooo!" My voice rang through the empty air, making me feel even lonelier.
"We entered the dorms, and Kaname still had a death grip on my hand. Me and Serien were both screaming now, causing people to look over at us. Some were laughing, while others just shook there heads in pity.
"Here we are!" Kaname said, jumping up and down. He opened the doors, revealing a not so normal guys room. Every surface was covered with pink. Things sparkled and shined, and others were covered in feathers. "Ahhh... Home sweet home. You stay here so I can lock Seiren up." He said locking the door behind him.
Oh crap. This was getting really scary now... How do I get out of here? I can't live with this the rest of my life! Maybe I should just commit suicide and get it over with? My life is really beginning to suck...
The window! I shuffled over to the tall pain glass window. It had to open somehow. Lets see... Ah ha! Here we go. I opened the door, about to get out when arms squeezed around my waist.
"Not so fast!" Kaname's voice whispered in my ear. A shiver of disgust ran through me, almost causing me to puke. I struggled to get out of his grasp, but he just held me there. "Now hold still!"
His face began getting closer and closer to mine. Why can't I move? I was stuck in this creeper's arms, as if paralyzed. Kaname laughed as he got even closer, and closer and...
I jolted upright in bed, almost screaming in fear. Looking around nervously, I saw that I was in my own bed. That wasn't even the slightest bit reassuring.
The sky was dark outside, meaning classes would start soon. Huh?
I walked outside, wondering what the heck was going on. Kaname walked past me, reading a book. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I screamed and ran into a wall. Kaname looked up for a second, then refocused on his book.
Everyone else just stared at me, with expressions that said, 'He finally lost his sanity.' Was it all a dream? I really hope soo...
