What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying, is the one who made you cry?
She had always prided herself on not needing anyone. She had been the strong, independent woman who was above all the high school drama because she was going places in her life, she was going to be someone. She had never believed in the notion of true love either, that might come as a surprise, considering her affection for sappy musicals and tragic plays, but that was kind of the point, nothing she watched or believed in really had a happy ending.
She had come to terms with the fact that she wasn't destined to be the pretty blonde wearing the too short red and white skirt, she had her own style anyway, she didn't even really want to be them, because being a cookie-cutter copy was not in the cards for Rachel Berry. No. She was going to blow them all away in a few years when her talent would finally be appreciated for what it was, and that was enough for her.
Or so she thought.
She had never given much thought to falling in love, because like she said she didn't believe in true love anyway, but she had never been given the chance either.
Finn Hudson.
He was an anomaly to her very existence, he contradicted everything she prided herself on. He took what was supposed to define her and he made it seem irrelevant and a little selfish.
He made her believe in things like happily ever after, and true love, he made her believe that maybe there was something more important than becoming a star.
She was more happy than she had ever dreamed of being, the way he looked at her, the way he held her, the way he was just there loving her for exactly who she was.
It terrified her, it really did, because if this boy could make her forget who she was so simply, was she really that strong of a person to begin with?
But she didn't have time to think all that through because before she knew it, she had ultimately ruined it, she destroyed the only thing she had begun to live for, and it was in that moment, the one where he told her they were "officially" broken up, that she realized just how much she had begun to define herself based on him.
Sure she still had her dreams and her ambitions, but she had forgotten how to just be her, annoying quirks and all.
She spent her winter break trying to be that person again, she went through old photo albums, read old journal entries, all things she used to do before him but none of it really worked, because all that did was remind her of how lonely she was before, and how lonely she was now.
Walking back into the school on the inevitable first day she felt more vulnerable than she ever had, and not because she was afraid that someone would stain her new shirt with a slushie, no that she could handle, she was terrified that she could go an entire day without someone speaking to her.
Besides Finn, and possibly Kurt, she had no real friends, and she can't imagine that after everything that went down she'd be sure to make any now. So she kept her head down and her books clutched tightly to her chest as she made her way to her first class.
By the time lunch had rolled around she realized just how right she was, not one single person had paid her any attention, and it wasn't that she was craving it, she really wasn't, but to at least be acknowledged would be nice.
As she looked around the cafeteria she realized how much she really did not want to be there.
She picked up her tray and made her way to her only safe haven, the choir room.
She knew that not even the glee club would hang out here when they didn't have to. So she felt safe, secure, and completely alone.
She was trying really hard to not let the tears fall as much as they were threatening to escape, she knew it was a fruitless effort as the first of many cascaded down and landed on the book she was only pretending to read.
The first of her sobs escaped before she could even think to stop them, and she could feel her body slip down into the chair and her lunch, along with her book, ended up somewhere on the floor in front of her.
Her self-pity was enveloping her like an old friend, so much so that she didn't hear the other person walk into the choir room.
"Rachel?" The confusion was laced with pity in the voice that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.
Rachel's head snapped up as she heard her teacher call her.
"M…M…Mr. Shue. Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize anyone else was here." She was doing a very poor job of stopping her tears, as she tried to collect her things from the floor.
"Rachel did something happen?" Mr. Shue knelt own beside her and handed her the book that had managed to fall out of her grasp.
"No. I'm fine." She quickly put her belongings back in her bag and attempted to walk out of the room, when Mr. Shue's voice rang out again.
"Is it Finn?" Rachel turned to look at him and she really couldn't stop the second assault of tears that were finding there way out of her eyes.
"Is it that obvious?" She felt her face flush and she felt mortified that she was standing in a classroom, in front of her teacher, crying over a boy, she had never felt more ridiculous in her life, but she also had never felt more helpless either.
"Letting someone you love go is always hard. It doesn't need to be obvious to be real."
"Does it ever get better?" She knew the answer before he gave it to her.
"Of course it doesn't. You just learn new ways to cope." Mr. Shue looked at her with such sympathy it made her want to cry all over again.
"Thanks Mr. Shue." She tried to escape before she lost it again.
"Rachel?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't give up so easy." MR. Shue was looking at her with such honesty she felt as though he was talking from experience.
"I'm not. It's just…it's just really hard when he won't even look at me."
"Give him time, hurt pride isn't something that lasts forever."
"You think that's all it is?" She couldn't help the tiny bubble of hope that was starting to form.
"I know it is. He may not look at you, but that doesn't mean he's not looking for you." With those wise words the older man left Rachel to contemplate by herself again.
Lost in her own thoughts Rachel didn't even notice that she had made it all the way to her next class, the one she had with Finn, and sat where she always sat, directly beside him.
It honestly hadn't even dawned on her to change seats but here they were sharing a table, and by the time she had realized what she had done class had already started. Horrified at herself she looked over at Finn who looked incredibly uncomfortable.
"I'm so sorry Finn…I…I…I just didn't think. I'll move." She went to gather her things when she felt the warm touch of his hand close around her arm.
"Stay." It was all he said, and he didn't even look at her when he did it, but she listened, and she sat, and she had never felt so uncomfortable in her entire life.
The desire to touch him, to look at him was almost overwhelming that when the bell rang she shot out of her chair so fast she knocked her bag over for the second time that day.
Silently cursing her newly jittery self she bent down to pick everything up, without even noticing the extra pair of hands that were helping.
"Here." His voice sounded hoarse as he handed her, her books, but he didn't turn away when she looked at him.
"Thank you." She couldn't think of anything else to say to him, and with her voice already uncharacteristically quiet she wasn't sure if it would come out anyway.
He continued to look at her, a penetrating stare that would've had her blushing if she hadn't been so afraid of breaking the only connection she's had with him for weeks.
"Have you been crying?" His question caught her so off guard it almost made her want to start crying again.
"Why?"
"Because you're eyes are red, and the only time they get that way is when you cry." He said it so softly, and so matter-of-factly that she couldn't stop the third bout of tears that were falling faster and harder than she had ever remembered. She could feel the sobs beginning, and she didn't want to force this on him, so she tried to run.
She got as far as the door before she felt the all too familiar arms wrap themselves around her body and pull her in close.
"I'm sorry." His words only made her cry harder, she didn't know what he had to be sorry for. This was all her fault.
"Don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry. This is all my fault. I'm the one who should say sorry. 'Cause I am. So so sorry." His grip tightened on her, and she couldn't do anything to stop the round of sobs that were wracking her body.
"Rachel, look at me." She could barely force her head to look up at him, but she did it because he asked, and really at this point it was the least she could do for him.
"Time. Okay? Just time." He leaned his head forward and let his lips covey the rest of the message.
She melted into him, but he pulled away faster than she would've liked, and with one last brush of his fingers across her forehead he was gone.
A/N So I had originally intended for this to be a one-shot but I could also continue with this, but you gotta let me know! Thanks for reading (and reviewing? Please?)!
