I was still biking to school, but it was closer than my mother's house, and I was happy about that. Leo offered to drive me, but I didn't have much other exercise and at the end of the month, graduation, then college, then we planned on moving in together.
Two Years Later
"Come on, Airyanna, you know you want to do it. Hit me," my cousin said for the umpteenth time.
"Hold me back, someone," I muttered.
"Your father had anger problems, too. When your mother found out she was pregnant with you, she decided to get too submissive for him to have fun with her; he got bored and left. He left her heart-broken, but then you came along and saved her, or so my mother claims."
I didn't know this. I didn't even know I had any other living relatives until I ran into my cousin in Whatcom Community College.
"Francine, you don't want this to happen."
"Why?"
"Because you'll regret it."
"Why? Will you smash my face in, just like Bill smashed Debra's face in whenever he wanted?"
"Maybe I will."
She looked surprised. I was past holding my anger back.
"Hold me back dammit!"
I had been unconsciously gaining ground, and people had been backing away. Francine was on the other side of the library.
"Come on, Airyanna, do it. Hit me, kick me, smash my face in. Bite me, bleed me, do it. I want it. You are such a cowardly little wimp, because if you weren't, you would have done it already."
During her entire speech, I had been muttering "Hold me back, hold me back, hold me back," but at the end, when she called me a cowardly little wimp, I charged her...or I tried to, at least; the people behind me finally listened to what I had been saying. My fist was in the air, and I was struggling against them, still trying to charge her.
"Is your self-control really that bad, dear cousin?"
I still struggled.
"Someone, call security, or a teacher. Get her to shut up."
"Already done," a cold voice said from the doorway. Dang it; the woman in charge, Ms. Schuler. "Ms. Brown, is there a reason you seem so insistent on provoking Ms. Dehar?"
"She has a death wish," I muttered, going limp in the arms of my captors. Either they didn't notice, or they knew better, because they didn't loosen their grip on my fist that was still aimed at Francine's head. It would have hit, too, and could have done serious damage, if I hadn't been stopped.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Schuler," she mumbled, trying to be humble. I laughed; the teacher paid no mind to it, because she probably agreed.
"That's not what I asked, Ms. Brown. I did not ask for forgiveness, or an apology; I asked for your reasons on being so insistent on provoking Ms. Dehar, who would have obviously fought you. She did not want to fight you. You were guarding the door, and as I understand it, she was telling people to hold her back. You raised her temper so badly that she is still twitching with anger. I would like Ms. Dehar escorted away from the sight of Ms. Brown to avoid any further fits of anger; these students cannot hold her forever. Now, Ms. Brown, answer my question."
"Wait, Ms. Schuler, I want to hear her answer," I said.
"I will tell it to you after you leave."
I took a deep breath and forced my fists to become normal hands, and nodded. I understood her reasons, but that didn't mean I had to like them. I felt like I was back in the seventh grade; this exact thing happened, except it wasn't with a family member, and I had a way out...and the fight actually happened.
"Because I felt like it," she called out. I fought against the people holding me, and they struggled harder than I was struggling to get to her. I was winning the fight against the people keeping my opponent safe...from me. That's not right.
"Get her out of here!" Ms. Schuler said.
"Who?" someone asked.
Everything was gone after that. It was like I was conscious, but time and space kind of shifted and I blanked out.
"Ms. Dehar! Ms. Dehar! Airyanna! Wake up. Get off the ground. That's a good girl. Careful."
I barely registered a voice talking, much less that it was talking to me. I saw a door and started moving toward it.
"Airyanna! You don't want to go that way."
"What?" I grumbled. I looked up to see Ms. Schuler and remembered what had happened. Dang it.
"You will be asked questions about what happened. What was the last thing you remember?"
"You telling someone to get her out of here. I was guessing you meant Francine, since it would be dangerous and stupid to move me anywhere without sedating me first."
"You nearly killed Francine after she spouted off more noise through that awful mouth of hers. That's why the police are here."
"Cops? Crap. How much trouble am I going to get in, with the school, if I get out clean with the cops?"
"You won't be getting out clean with the cops, as you say, and I haven't decided yet. Get your situation with the police over with, and we can go from there. Let's get you up now."
I stood up, hoping she didn't find any of my-
"May I ask why you were carrying, I counted, six knives, on your person."
Dang it.
"Six is the devil's number, and where I grew up, that's lucky. Thirteen is luckier, but that's excessive," I said the first part with a grimace. "Look, I bike to school every day, I live in a crappy apartment, and I barely make enough to pay the rent and tuition here. It's not illegal to carry anything that's not illegal to own; I checked. Twice, then my boyfriend made me check a few more times. He doesn't like that I'm carrying, but he grew up close to my neighborhood and understands why. He doesn't like it, but wouldn't have it any other way. You didn't take them, did you?"
"No, I'm actually the reason you still have them. Stay away from Ms. Brown please if the future, if you get a future."
I groaned and we walked out the door she told me not to go through only moments before.
"Can I call my boyfriend before we talk to the cops?" I asked.
"Leo is already out there."
"Why?"
"He knocked you out from behind with a fire extinguisher. When you said "someone shut her up," you really wanted her quiet; no one did, she kept talking, so you started to do it yourself by smashing her face in and strangling her. You would have succeeded, had someone not found him and told him to calm you down. He is a very smart young man; he quickly figured out that you either couldn't or wouldn't hear him and your surroundings, so he did the only the he could to stop you; render you unconscious. He told me to give you this," she said, handing me an envelope.
I hope you're not mad, but I didn't want
you to be a murderer, even if she deserved it; you're
too good. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.
It's up to you if you want to let me in the house tonight.
Love always,
Leo 3
I couldn't help it; I broke into tears. Other than the note, there was a key to the apartment. He really meant it; he didn't think I'd forgive him for knocking him out. I would've gone the other way. I would've asked him to forgive me for turning into a monster, for putting him through the trouble of talking to the cops, for having to knock me out in the first place. I cried harder now, because I couldn't stop crying and I hated crying. I punched my arm.
"What is it?"
"I can't stop crying!" I said through gritted teeth, and I didn't sound like I was crying.
"Ah, what do you think of when you think of a lion, or a tiger?"
"Like it's a fierce killer to be respected by those around it, but no actual feelings."
"Wrong; that was an opinion. An opinion can be considered a feeling. Do you like lions or tigers?"
"Yeah, and that was a matter-of-fact feeling that has nothing to do with my life. That helped. Thanks."
"It always helped me."
Creepy.
We walked toward the door leading to the cops and my lover, and probably my cousin, but I did almost kill her. She's past the door, she's not past the door, she's past the door-
"She's there; you almost killed her, but in the sense that she stopped breathing and turned blue, and bled out of her mouth and nose, and maybe her eyes. She's being tended to and interrogated."
"Crap."
"You are allowed to use stronger language, you know."
"I know; I wasn't raised that way, and as much as I hate my mother, which is a lot, I was raised where swearing is worse than taboo."
"Did she...?"
"No. Most of my teachers thought she did, but she didn't lay a finger on me. The why's for everything is a long story, but the results are good even if the origins for the reasons aren't. Let's go save my boyfriend."
"Okay."
"Okay."
We walked through the door and finally faced the cops.
"Mr. Keese,-" a male officer asked Leo.
"Officer, can I be so bold as to free Mr. Keese from your questions so that you can question me, since I am the one you need to be questioning?" I asked.
"Ms. Dehar?"
"Bingo. My name is Airyanna Kasey Dehar and I am the one up on charges, am I right?"
"Sort of. As Mr. Keese, and most of our eye-witnesses say, you waited until the last possible moment to attack, and were too powerful for Ms. Brown but were overcome by a fighter's rage and Mr. Keese had to knock you out with a fire extinguisher. Is that right?"
Put it that way, and I look like an angel instead of the crazy lady who had to be knocked out to be stopped.
"I can say that I waited until the last possible moment to attack, and that I told people to keep us both apart, and that people didn't know what to do since it was a fight, but I can't say anything past that, since I went into a...fighter's rage. I usually call them rage blackouts but whatever."
He started to look at me funny.
"What?"
"You're not disoriented enough to have just woken up. How long have you been awake?"
"About five minutes, if that," I said smartly.
"No you haven't."
I smiled. Rookie.
"You haven't been to Eagle Canyon by any chance, have you, Officer?" I said.
"No, that's rough. Only the dumb ones, or the ones who can't get a job anywhere else go there."
"Oh, well that's why the cops down there were either stupid or crap."
His face fell.
"You're from Eagle Canyon?"
"A few years ago. I hear it's gotten better?"
"When were you there last? What do you have it to compare it to?"
Suddenly girl talk? Oh well.
"Two years ago."
"Oh yeah, it's gotten a lot better. You lived there at it's worst. That's a rough place for a kid to live."
"A rough place for anyone to live. I was born there, so I didn't recognize rough when I saw it, but it's all my mother could afford so it's where we lived. I know how to recover, I know how to go gorilla-crazy, so watch out. I also know how to keep calm so I don't go gorilla-crazy, and don't land myself in these situations, and my oh-so-kind cousin was seeing how far she could go before I went all monkey. I guess I need to learn how to stop now, because this is the first time this has happened. I almost killed her, and that's what I was trained to do in case I got into any sticky situations. I got as far away from her as possible, but she pushed buttons and limits and boundaries, and I flew at her and almost killed her. I know I would have if Leo hadn't been called, or if he had been about a ten seconds late, or anything. Take me in; I'm a threat to the public."
"No. You said it yourself; you know how to keep calm, and this is the first time this happened. You need to learn to control it if it ever comes out again. Don't tell anyone, but there are cops on this force who are more dangerous than you. It's obviously hard for someone to push your buttons, and I have a feeling that after seeing this, no one will push your buttons again. Your cousin is on oxygen and fluids last I checked. Mr. Keese has been trying to convince me that you are St. Theresa. Are you two having problems?"
"I don't think so; I think he's just worried about having to knock me out."
A little glint shined in his eye. He laughed a deep laugh.
"Maybe."
"What?"
"Nothing, Eagle Canyon. The guys will never believe I met a Talon Rock."
"A what?"
"It's a nickname for the people who come out of that place sane and good and not trouble-makers. They're rare, and they're not going to-"
"They're not going to believe that I'm not a trouble-maker, especially since I'm the reason you had to drag you butt out here, I can guarantee it."
"Well, what are you doing out here? Eagle Canyon people are usually stuck there, and have a life-span of ten years or less after they get there."
"Well I've done double that, and I left my mother after she cried over her overly-abusive boyfriend who I killed in self-defense, instead of me, with a bullet in my hand and half a hole through my calf. Touching, no?"
"Totally. I could send a message to the department in Eagle-"
"No, it's okay. Look, I gotta go see the damage I did to my cousin and tell Leo I forgive him."
"Okay, your cousin is in the ambulance over there; they want to ask you some questions, they told me ASAP, but not exactly urgent. I have some questions for Leo, so take your time."
"Um, okay. Bye, Officer."
I had nearly crushed her windpipe and her throat was bleeding. They wanted to know how I did that; I didn't remember, but I said I probably punched her in the mouth, my fist fell down into her throat somehow, while I was strangling her. Her skull was fractured and they weren't sure when she was regaining her hearing, if ever, and to what degree. She was missing teeth and her nose was basically smashed. Her sight was permanently damaged, but they didn't know how bad. I literally rearranged her face. An intern blurted "Did you turn into the Incredible Hulk"; I said "Maybe I did."
I padded back to the Leo and the cars...or just the cars. Where was Leo? I approached the officer I was talking to before.
"Where's Leo-er Mr. Keese?"
"What? I think he's in the library."
"Thanks."
I went to the library and still didn't see Leo.
"Leo?"
"Yeah?" he said coming up next to me.
"Sheesh, don't scare me like that."
He got down on one knee.
"What are you doing?" I asked cautiously, as if I didn't know.
"Two things."
"Two?"
"Do you forgive me?"
"Leo, I could forgive almost anything you did, and I am thanking you for knocking me out. I am glad you finished that fight, because I know how it would've turned out if I finished it, or it ended on it's own, which is the same thing."
"Wait. Almost?"
"I will not forgive you if you abuse me, cheat on me, you know, the basic no-no's. Now, continue."
"Yes, ma'am. Can we move in together, and then get married, and then discuss the possibility of kids?"
"A summary of that is can we discuss going suburban at the old age of twenty, but you know my answer, otherwise you wouldn't have bled yourself. Get up, and let's go."
"Crap! Give me your finger then, and hurry; I like these jeans."
I laughed and moved my arm as slowly as possible. He grabbed it, kissed it, and put the ring on. I turned my hand in his, pulled him up, and pulled his head down to kiss him. He laughed only on the way up, but not during the kiss, which was one reason I loved him.
"I love you, you weirdo," I told him.
"Do you like the ring?"
"I don't know; I haven't looked at it yet."
I pulled it away from his hair, pulling an "Ow!" along with it. I smiled.
The ring was a small gold band with a little ruby in the middle and two smaller topazes to the right and left of it.
"I'm an Eagle Canyoner, and this ring will remind me of it," I said melancholily.
"You don't like it." His bubble of happiness was popped.
"It's beautiful, but the cop today said that a nickname for people from Eagle Canyon was Talon Rock; talons are usually yellow, or gold. Canyons, or at least the pretty ones, can be red, or ruby. It's beautiful, but it reminds me of Eagle Canyon somehow."
"Airyanna, it's supposed to be fire, like you. Anyway, you will always find something of Eagle Canyon somewhere; it's part of your past, and it's part of you. When you found your apartment, you said it was only slightly better than Eagle Canyon; when you came here, you would have found something else before you saw Francine. Everywhere you go, you're going to find something that reminds you of Eagle Canyon, and you're going to have to deal with it and get past it, and try and think of it as something else. This is you, or if you don't want it to be you, it's an engagement ring. You're into astrology; my name is Leo, which is a fire sign. Yellow, red, and gold are often seen in fire. This can be me if you want it to be. Please, don't make this about there, make this about us and now and happy."
"This ring is you. My favorite color is red, for the heart and passion. I love you. Please, let the wedding ring be green or orange, not the color of blood."
"What about blue?"
"Blood in the veins under the skin. Orange is still fiery and passionate, and it can be calming; but I will not make anything look like a pumpkin."
"Well, it would be a while away; there's a good chance that it would be in the fall, or at least October or November."
"Colors will be orange and silver; orange for leo, fire, and warmth, and silver for rain, calm, and cooling. The bands will even be silver."
"I can get the ring changed; that's only rented."
"You were that unsure?"
"Well, not until today, when I had to knock you out."
I started to say that he should know me better, but then remembered that I would be begging his forgiveness if he wasn't begging for mine. I stopped, clamped my mouth shut for a moment, held my hand up to stop him from talking, and thought about what to say next.
"I would be begging your forgiveness for going crazy like that, for making you knock me out; you and I both know what would have happened if you hadn't, which is my fault, not yours. I would be begging forgiveness, but you beat me to it, just backwards. I would love to marry you, but everything will have to wait until I can pay the rent with ease. Weddings are expensive, and, even though my credit looks good, I can't get that much money-"
"We could elope."
I sighed and nodded in resign; I had wanted a nice wedding. Maybe not a big white wedding, but not really an elopement. It was better than what my mother and her side of the family had done for generation have done; get pregnant and leave, but still.
"Except you want something better than your family."
"Read my mind," I said in a bitter tone, with a face that matched. I didn't mean to be bitter and my shoulders slumped. He patted me on the back.
"Let's go; you need rest and your brain is rattled, literally."
"Okay."
We left the library and the cops gave us the go-ahead to leave after they got my address, phone number, and signature for something. I was never contacted, but now I'm in the books and my cousin is in the hospital. I might have to transfer to a new school when she gets out, but we'll see because she might also be too scared to say another word to me. Who knows?
Leo and I got married and we found a nice, cheap house that we bought; the mortgage is somehow cheaper than my old apartment. The wedding was a cheap outdoor wedding, because we used a friend's backyard and she had a friend who was a priest who said okay, 'I'll do a wedding pro-bono, but don't make a habit out of this.' I found a nice dress for a good price, and it wasn't even at a bridal shop; we haunted every department store in the county for the perfect dress, and it came out to be about a hundred dollars, and the bridesmaids were about seventy-five. They technically weren't wedding dresses or bridesmaids dresses, but so what? It's a dress, and it's our wedding. A lot of Leo's friends went to Wal-Mart to buy cheap tuxes so that was out of the way; it was more of a joke, and they all got together, then checked with him, and he checked with me. I said it was okay, so he gave them the okay, and we all had a fun time.
Now, let me throw away the cell phone, kiss the guy, and roll the credits!
