Living Hell
by Lapsus Stili
Rating: teen (for now)
Spoilers: TGTB&TD and Living Doll
Disclaimers: I'm just playing "What-If" with these borrowed characters – unfortunately they're not mine. Not even nearly.
Word Count: 1400-ish
Summary: AU. This is a tragic look at how things could have gone after last season's finale with "Living Doll". GSR-centric
Author's Note: Although this is NOT a character death story, it's definitely not a happy fic either. I started this during the summer as a way to try to guess what direction TPTB might take the storyline – I'm glad to say that this is NOT how things turned out, but I wanted to finish fleshing this idea out anyways just for shits and giggles. I hope you like it.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Isn't that what they say? That sometimes a decision may appear to be for the best at the time, but actually turns out to be not such a great idea down the road? I'm finding myself facing that same situation right now. If I knew then what I know now, would I have struggled so hard to stay alive?
Well… it's a little late now.
As I lay in that mud five long months ago, sputtering against the gritty runoff washing into my face, all I could think was to hold on just a little longer and they'd find me. Gil would find me. He would save me and everything would be ok. Well, I did hang in there and he did find me. And he saved me. But everything is definitely not ok.
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My memory of that night is spotty, and I have to say it's probably best that I can't dredge up everything that happened. I suspect this is my body's way of saying, "there, there dear… don't worry yourself about those pesky little details." I'm good with that. With all the time I spend just sitting and thinking these days, the less I remember is infinitely better.
I do remember that woman startling me when I was putting my kit in the trunk. I had no idea who she was at the time but the way she said my name gave me goosebumps, and not in a good way. Whatever she sprayed in my face as I turned around felt like fire racing down my throat and scorching my lungs when I gasped in surprise. My legs gave out then and I think she caught me before I crumpled to the asphalt.
And singing. There was this little girly voice singing some creepy tune. Something about sawdust and a doll and the medicine man. I remember trying to focus on the words to distract myself from the fact that she had just removed all my clothes. I didn't want to think about what the hell she was planning. That she then re-dressed me in a different outfit came as a shock. While I was glad she wasn't some sort of sexual deviant after all, I was more confused than ever when I noticed it was all my own clothing she was putting on me. I wasn't sure when I last wore those jeans, but I'm certain I left my vest in my locker at the lab. When she pulled my limp body up to lean against her and slipped it up my arms I couldn't help but wonder how she'd managed to get it.
I have no idea how long we drove for. Several times I blacked out and came to, but the intervals could've been seconds, minutes, even hours for all I knew. My cheek felt bruised as we bumped along what seemed like a dirt road, all potholes and stones pinging against the underside of the pickup. Ya, it was a pickup and I was lying on my side in the back wrapped in something. A tarp or maybe a dropcloth. I dunno. When she stopped suddenly I slid forward and my head thwacked into the back of the cab. It hurt like hell but there wasn't much I could do about it. From the odd way my arms were stuck behind me I was pretty sure I was tied up, though I'm not sure why - I couldn't seem to move a muscle anyways. That also meant that I couldn't stop her when she suddenly grabbed my feet and slid me back onto the tailgate, then tugged again hard. I felt myself falling and as they say, it's not the fall you have to worry about, it's the landing. It was lights out again once I hit the ground.
Next time I woke up I got the shock of my life. I wasn't wrapped or tied anymore, but I could still hardly move. I was face-down then, pinned in the wet dirt. And cold…god, I was absolutely freezing. Whatever was on top of me was heavy as hell and I could barely breath. Even though my right arm was free I couldn't really move it very much and my fingers felt funny. Figured it was the temperature. Who knows how long I'd been there… wherever there was. I tried to curl my fingers into a fist to warm them but they weren't cooperating at all and I only managed to dig them into the icy muck.
It's funny but when I heard on the radio earlier that day that a rainstorm was coming in I was glad. It'd been so hot and dry and the gardens really needed a good drink. I can't say as that I gave our shrubs much thought that night when I was worried about drowning in the rising puddles though. I've said it before and I'll say it again… who the hell drowns in the desert? I mean really, people don't keel over from heat exhaustion at the north pole! The whole idea just seemed so ridiculous, but there I was facing that unlikely possibility. On the bright side, I was able to lift my head a bit – it was about the only thing that I seemed to be able to move freely. Unfortunately I only had a couple of inches of play in my prison between the earth and the hard metal above me.
I had a unique close-up view of the puddles as they grew, merging together and forming little lakes. It was almost mesmerizing for a while. They spread closer and the splash of the falling drops threw more and more dirty spray into my eyes. I squinted, afraid that if I closed them completely I wouldn't be able to open them again. I was so tired but I wanted to be awake when they saved me. Besides, I didn't know where that psycho had gone to or if she'd be back anytime soon to finish me off. I wasn't about to let her sneak up and catch me off guard again. All I kept thinking was, They'll be here soon...
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Despite all my efforts I didn't make it. I thought I'd drifted off for just a second but it must've been a little longer than that. The next thing that came into focus was some guy I didn't know. At least I didn't think I knew him. Of course, I was lying on my back at the time looking up his nose. He was reaching over me fiddling with an IV bag. If his uniform wasn't enough to clue me in to the fact that he was an EMT, the siren wail and motion of the ambulance I was strapped in certainly would've tipped me off.
Grissom was there too. He was backlit by the sunlight streaming in through the back window but I recognized his form straight away. Something started beeping to the right of me and when Gil turned his head towards the machine I could see the glistening of tears running freely down his face. I wondered for a moment if I was dead - if I was dead and my soul was here watching as my secret husband grieved over my lifeless body. I saw him holding my hand in both of his, but I couldn't feel it. When I tried to squeeze my fingers to let him know that I was ok, I found I couldn't. I kept thinking, Am I even blinking?
Things got pretty hectic once we reached the hospital. As I was being wheeled quickly into the building, my eyes momentarily assaulted by the bright fluorescents lighting the corridor, someone pulled Grissom away from me. I was so scared and I wanted him to come with me but a woman's voice outside of my line of sight spoke firmly to him. "You'll have to wait here, sir. She's in good hands now and we'll take good care of her. The EMT's radioed ahead and we're already prepping the OR for her. As soon as…?" was all I heard of the conversation before another set of doors closed behind us.
As things starting to fade out to gray again I thought, At least I finally got one question answered – I'm still alive.
to be continued…
Please let me know what you think of this fic.
