Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout Central
Not one enemy tried to be detrimental
Fury and Havoc were drinking with care
In hopes that some hot twins soon would be there
Dear Hawkeye was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of Mustang danced nude in her head
And Al in his armor and Ed in his trench
Had just settled down on their library bench
When out in the town there arose such a clatter
They sprang to their feet to see what was the matter
Out into the street they flew with a flash
Transmuted their weapons and began talking trash
The red of the stones that the enemies used
Told Edward and Alphonse just what they should do
When what to their wondering eyes should they spy
But the symbol of 7 humunculi
With an Ishbalan man, so jaded and hard
They knew in a moment in must be old Scar
More varied than snowflakes, these half-beings came
Edward whistled and shouted, and called them by name
"Envy, and Pride, and Wrath, and Greed!
Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth - don't you see?
It's Christmas, you bastards, no time for a fight!
Come back after New Years, now damnit, good night!"
As a teenager feeling of adult class
They stood in a way that spoke 'Kiss my ass!'
So out and together Ed's alchemy came
With his eye full of hatred and the thrill of the game
And then, in a second, they heard in the back
The great Colonel Mustang give a fiery snap
As Edward was smirking and turning around
The Glutton came up to the front with a bound
He was dressed like a slob from his feet to his head
Though oddly and newly all fluffy and red
A sack at his feet for the soldiers appeared
And showed even hunger could know Christmas cheer
His eyes, dark and beady, his tongue long and wet
His grin, one so feral was so civilly kept
His large mouth was shut, though unknowingly how
He refrained from a single, 'Can I eat them now?'
The full of her cleavage unnaturally covered
Lust handed out presents to colonel and brothers
Then Sloth, with a smile and good seasons wishes
Distributed fruitcake and mistletoe kisses
All dressed like an elf to his pointed pink ears
Envy reluctantly offered good cheers
And wrath, like a child with vicious teeth
Around every neck hung a bright Christmas wreath
Then they departed, 'Pipsqueak!' their yell
"I'M NOT SHORT, YOU ASSHOLES, MERRY CHRISTMAS IN HELL!"
