Disclaimer: Not mine, so don't sue^^
Warning: Can be seen as dark
Summary: The first of my three One-Shots, can be read alone.
It is about Dicks feelings towards his mentor and slightly about Jason and Tim
Implosion
The first time Dick was criticized by his mentor he experienced a rush of anger, wasn't it the man's duty to teach him, shouldn't Bruce help and encourage him?
Instead he showed his determination, his will to become better and smiled openly, the mask concealing his eyes and the deeper feelings reflected in them.
When he tried everything, but it still wasn't enough he was hurt. Hadn't his parents told him to do his best and that they would be proud of him no matter what?
He wanted the acknowledgement of the man, so he just smiled, thinking of it as a challenge.
The time he nearly died and the man in consequence told him to stop being a hero, he was bitter and couldn't fully hide his feelings, so he fled.
When he heard all he had built up, was given to some brat on a silver plate, he was furious.
Just who did the man think that he was?
To give what he had built in memory to his parents, to what he had given more than six years of his live, to some child.
The kid, Jason, had no idea of the deeper meaning of the costume.
He felt insulted but worse, felt his parents memory being insulted.
But when the time came and he had to work with them, he just smiled, they had a job to do and couldn't care about his feelings, his hidden eyes showing his pain for no one to see.
When the kid died he felt bad, yet not for the child, but for the feelings of satisfaction of having the living insult erased. The replacement just didn't had his lifelong training, it was only a matter of time for him to die. Truthfully he didn't understand why everyone acted so surprised.
The next time, he heard of a replacement, he was for a moment blinded by rage. It was always about his mentors feelings wasn't it? Always smile and forgive him. It wasn't like he could understand the pain of losing his parents as a child was it? As if he didn't need the care they so freely gave his mentor. They couldn't care less about him...
Over time the pain seemed to lessen, he stopped expecting nay gesture of care or love of them and they didn't disappoint for once. Yet if they didn't care about him as a person, why should he care about them?
When it finally happened and Bruce told him after a long fight that he was proud Dick smiled his easy smile and uncovered his face. For a moment he wondered about his lack of happiness how, those endlessly chased words didn't magically fix everything … like biting into an appetizing fruit only to taste ash ... a hollow victory which left him numb.
The hand on his shoulder suddenly pulled away, chilled by the dead looking eyes on the young man's face.
Dick knew Bruce was perturbed, yet this had no affect on him. Unlike Jason whose hurt feelings exploded and created a murderer, his own feelings, always shoved away, finally caved under the pressure and imploded and created a black hole were once had been the love and affection for his family.
