A/N: A quick…ish note. This is my first fic here, so I hope you enjoy it. And then review to tell me so. Or review to tell me I'm terrible. Flames are fun too, as long as they have a valid point.

I tried to keep the overall tone of the story and characters as close to the original Invader Zim as I could, so there's going to be bad grammar (it was almost painful not correcting some of them…), and other strange spellings. Most of it is intentional, but – sadly – some of it's my own mistakes as well. I lack a beta, so if anyone's interested, drop me a line.

This chapter is just the set-up, so it's pretty...PG. Don't worry, I will DEFINITELY change that later. I have plans for this little ZimDib. Such plans...

Disclaimer: No one mentioned in this fic belongs to me, nor am I making any sort of monetary profit off of this. Credit where credit's due. I just wanted to indulge in my deviancy and innate need to slash Zim and Dib.

WARNINGS: There WILL be slash (yaoi, shounen-ai, m/m, homosexuality, boy-on-boy, 801, man-on-man, gayness—however you want to say it) in later chapters. If you don't like that sort of thing, I suggest stopping with this chapter.

Otherwise, I'll let you know when the rating changes, or give the appropriate warnings when warranted.

Enjoy!


A Most Worthy Enemy

Chapter 1:

"My Tallest!" Zim blurted, staring up at the giant monitor, deep inside his not-so-secret secret base. "You have contacted me! You have contacted ZIM!" He eyed them cautiously. "Are you sure you have the right number?"

"Zim, baby!" Tallest Red cried, tossing aside his drink. "How goes the…erm… Earth…thingy?"

Zim snapped to attention, pointedly ignoring the flashes of light and screams coming from his GIR unit. He did not want to know what that creature was up to this time. Not when his Tallests had contacted him!

"Sirs! My latest plan to ENSLAVE the pathetic human race is coming to FRUITATION!" Zim boasted proudly. He glared over his shoulder at one of the monitors that he kept trained on the DIB house. "As soon as I rid myself of this FILTHY pest with his ABNORMALLY LARGE HEAD! He has made himself QUITE a nuisance of himself."

"Uh-huh…" Tallest Red murmured agreeably, eyeing Purple's box of fries.

"NOTHING I, your faithful Invader ZIM, cannot handle, I assure you, my Tallests!" Zim proclaimed quickly, laughing a little nervously. His scowl quickly reasserted itself. "The DIB BEAST learns QUICKLY. He has FINALLY started to become a WORTHY adversary for my SUPREME higher IRKEN intelligence! But I will crush you, DIB-THING. Ooh how I will crush you…and there will be pain, pain the likes of which you have never KNOWN!"

"A-hem," Purple coughed, bringing Zim's attention back to them. "Yeah…as great as all that sounds, Zim…crushing, destroying, pain…we're gonna need you to come back."

"Eh?" Zim blinked up at Tallest Purple.

"We're reassigning you!" Red cheered. He pointed with the straw of his new drink. "Look, look! We've already changed your pack identification back to an INVADER. See?!"

Zim turned and watched as yet another monitor pulled up his pack's display. His eyes grew rounder and bigger as he watched the HORRID Foodcortia logo change back to what rightfully belonged there. Invader.

"My Tallests…" Zim gazed up at them gratefully, deeply touched at such thoughtfulness. "I…I don't know what to say!"

"Yeah, we're great…" Red grinned. "We know."

"We're recalling all Irken Invaders, Zim," Purple said, pulling them back to the subject at hand. "There's a planet attempting to overthrow the Irken Empire."

"And we need YOU most especially," Red added, leaning forward.

"ME, my Tallest?" Zim repeated, hardly daring to believe it. "You want ME to join the invasion?"

"Well," Red said, grinning again. He traded looks with Purple, who seemed resigned to the decision. "We need someone to LEAD the Irken fleet."

"ME?!" Zim screeched. "My lords, please allow me to make sure I understand this. You want ME, ZIM, to command the ENTIRE IRKEN FLEET and rain DOOM down upon this race of FOOLS who dare to rise against our MIGHTY POWER?!"

Red thought about it. "Doom…rain…Zim…yeah, that about covers it! What do you say?!"

"Do I need WORDS for this?!" Zim cried, shivering with excitement. "Yes! Yes, my Tallest! I am yours to COMMAND!"

"Great!" Red cheered. "We'll be by to pick you up in a jiff!"

"I would suggest," Purple said as Red skipped off, "that you straighten out any affairs you have there, Zim. You will not be returning to this…Earth place for a minimum of ten years."

"Eh? But my Tallest! Ten years?" Zim looked around his base, confused. "But… but…what about time warps…or…but…I still have to destroy this FILTHY PIG-MESS PLANET!"

Purple shrugged. "Meh. It'll still be there later. Now hurry up and get ready. We'll be there in one Irken minute!"

Zim's response was cut off as the monitor went black, and he stared at it for a long moment. One Irken minute roughly translated into a single Earth day. Which meant that they would arrive just after the horrible SKOOL let out on Monday.

He was leaving, Zim told himself. Leaving to command an Irken fleet. Filled with Irken Invaders waiting to do his bidding.

He was…leaving Earth…and it left a strange, heavy weight in the bottom of his stomach. Something…

…almost like…

"GIR!" Zim roared, turning away from the black screen before his thoughts could wander any further.

"Hiiii deeee hoo!" GIR cried, spinning down from the ceiling.

"GIR!" Zim repeated, focusing on the tiny robot. "Pack up the base! We leave tomorrow afternoon."

"Where we goin'?" GIR asked, executing a flip and landing on his head.

"The Tallests have recalled us," Zim explained as he headed towards the command center. He began entering the necessary override and shut down codes. "They will be here by tomorrow after…SKOOL…to collect us."

"But…I don't wanna go…" GIR mourned.

"That's too bad, GIR." All the power in the room abruptly shut down, save for a steady row of red lights leading to the exit door. Zim turned to his unit. "I have shut down all outward feeds, GIR. I want this room emptied by tonight."

GIR looked up at him, pouting. "I said, I DON'T WANNA GO!"

Zim twitched, gritting his teeth as he towered over his unit. "Our lords, the Tallests, have given their COMMAND, GIR! What we want is immaterial! Besides, we shall have an entire fleet of IRKEN SOLDIERS to do our bidding! What greater honor is there?! None! NONE, I SAY!"

"But…but…I DON'T WANNA GO!" GIR screamed, flailing his tiny hands.

Zim's eyes blazed. "Are you possessed of the BRAIN WORMS, you malfunctioning robot?! We are going to RULE entire WORLDS! This filthy, stinking, HUMAN-filth-stink world is NOTHING compared to what we shall have!"

Tears ran down GIR's face. "But…what about the tacos?" he whimpered.

"I am sure Foodcortia has tacos, GIR," Zim sighed.

"They won't be as good, though…" GIR sniffed.

Zim was silent for a long minute, his gaze drifting over to the black screen that had held watch over the Dib-fiend's house. "…Perhaps not…" he agreed quietly.

"Awww…" GIR cooed, grinning up at Zim. "You're gonna MISS HIM!"

Zim jerked away from his thoughts violently, refusing to acknowledge even the existence of them having been there at all.

"Huh?! What? NEVER! I shall REJOYCE in never having to see that really LARGE head of the DIB-CREATURE again! REJOYCE, I SAY! REJOYCE!" he shrieked.

Zim glared at GIR, who was still grinning at him. "Now get to work, GIR!"

GIR snapped him a sharp salute, his eyes flashing red. "Yes, Sir!"

Zim nodded and turned to walk back up to the house. The red lighted pathway flickered and died in his wake, leaving GIR's blue eyes the only light in the room.

Through the first half of skool the next day, Zim sat quietly, having nothing better to do than await his lords' arrival. It was strange, having no plans to take over the filthy Earth, and no need to ensure that he remained properly blended in with the stinking humans. He no longer needed to concern himself with such ridiculous trivial matters.

It was…strange.

"ZIM!"

Zim blinked and looked up from the lunch plate that remained untouched before him. Dib stood on the table in front of him, towering over Zim.

"Eh. What do you want, filthy Earth Dib-beast?" Zim demanded without caring about the answer.

"You're UP to something!" Dib snapped. "I know you! This…this QUIET ACT is just that! An act! You're planning something! I know it! But it won't work! That… something! Whatever it is! I'll stop it! I'll always stop you, Zim! I won't let you take Earth, you hear me?!"

Zim shoved away his plate, deciding for one last argument with his worthy foe. He leapt onto the tabletop and stood toe to toe with the human filth.

"You should be pleased, Dib-meat," Zim sneered. "Your…DISGUSTING planet of FILTH shall be spared for a few years longer."

Dib looked as shocked as Zim had seen him since the human meat-bag had seen through his ingenious disguise. "What? You're not supposed to spare our planet, Zim. You're the alien. You're supposed to destroy it…or whatever."

Zim crossed his arms, the desire to fight Dib fading. "Yes, well…the Irken fleet has need of a commander. The Tallests have, in their GREAT WISDOM, chosen ME."

"Wow. So…you're really leaving," Dib said, still looking confused, and just a little disappointed. "I…guess that means…we aren't enemies anymore?"

"Huh?"

Dib offered his hand awkwardly and grinned a little. "I guess…if you're not trying to kill the human race…we're friends?"

Zim looked from Dib to his hand and back again. "…Friends…?" He gulped nervously. "I…"

The bell rang, shattering the moment, and the hand Dib had been offering was gone. The two boys faced each other over the table, as they had countless times before, only this time, without rivalry.

"If you two IDIOTS are finished," Gaz snapped, appearing soundlessly at the side of their table and making both boys jump, "we have to get to class."

"Oh…uh, right, Gaz," Dib muttered, climbing down.

Their staring contest broken, Zim turned and ran, leaping off the table and through the cafeteria doors. He scowled at himself as he ran for the classroom, the Dib's words echoing in his head. Friends? With the Dib-beast? Had his mortal enemy finally succumb to the brain worms? They could never be friends! They were enemies! Enemies!

Safely inside the classroom before the late bell, Zim finally looked down at his right hand. His gut clenched.

So, then…if Dib was his enemy—and of COURSE the disgusting meat-bag was his ENEMY…

…then…

…why had Zim almost taken that hand?

Zim worried over this for the rest of class, risking Ms. Bitter's wrath, and finally came to an acceptable conclusion.

He had not been lifting his hand to take the Dib-thing's hand, he had been lifting it to slap the offending limb away from him, that was all.

Yes, it all made perfect sense to him now. He did not like the Dib-head, the boy annoyed Zim, constantly interfering with his brilliant plans. He was an enemy, and enemies could never be friends. What ridiculousness!

Now that Zim had once again used his unparalleled IRKEN BRILLIANCE to think through things, he relaxed and strolled home casually. He still had hours to go before his Tallests arrived, and packing was almost complete. He had checked on GIR several times that morning before skool, and been pleased to note that besides random sobbing over some Earth material, the robot unit had done as Zim had ordered. Everything would be ready to go in only two hours.

Still, the offer from Dib plagued Zim. Friends…

Zim snorted. So, the Dib-creature wanted to be friends, did he? Evidently he did not understand that Irken Invaders did not HAVE friends. They had no use for such things! If they wanted company, they would simply conquer a planet or two and take the survivors as slaves!

"GIR!" Zim called, leaping up from the couch. He glanced down as his robot appeared at his side. "Guard the house while I'm gone, GIR. I am going to have a TALK with the FOOLISH Dib-being."

"I wanna come!" GIR cried, waving his hand.

"No, GIR," Zim stressed. "Stay. GUARD."

The waving hand snapped into a salute. "Aye, Aye, Sir!"

"Good GIR, I shall return shortly."

"Byesie-bye!" GIR called after his master.

Zim hurried over to Dib's house, intent on explaining things and getting back before the Tallests arrived. The electric barrier surrounding the filthy human's home gave him only a moment's pause, and then Zim was at the door, knocking.

The door opened, revealing Gaz playing her game one-handed. "Oh, it's you," she commented, looking up briefly. "Dib's in his room, looking up weird stuff now that he can't obsess over you. Go on up. The password is 'alien'."

"Er…thanks…" Zim said, edging around the girl. She had always made him a little nervous.

Dib turned around, surprised when his door opened without his approval. "Zim! What…how did you get in?!"

"Did you really think your pathetic parameter shield would stop me?!" Zim roared, laughing. "Your sister gave me the password to your room, though. Not a very subtle one, Dib-meat!"

"Didn't think I'd NEED subtlety for YOU, Zim," Dib shot back. He stopped then, and looked confused. "What are you doing here, anyway? Weren't you…you know, leaving?"

"Of course I am! I am ZIM! Leader of Irken Fleet ONE!" Zim proclaimed, leaping onto Dib's bed so he could better look down on the human. "I have simply come here to tell you, filthy Dib-beast, that we will NEVER be FRIENDS!"

Dib eyed Zim cautiously. "Yeah…I know that. I was just…" he sighed, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. "…trying to be nice, I guess. I mean, you're leaving, right? And we did fight well against each other."

Zim grinned, hopping down from the bed, and stuck his hands into his pockets. "Yeah…that we did." He shook his head, putting away fond memories of Dib's giant head stuck in his trashcan. "Anyway, I just came to tell you that while this HORRIBLE PLANET may have PROLONGED it's DEMISE, I will UNDOUBTEDLY be back to FINISH the job!"

Dib sat back in his computer chair, smirking. "I should have guessed that one."

"Mark my words, Dib-beast," Zim swore, pointing one long finger at him, "in TEN YEARS I shall return and FINALLY rid this planet of it's PUTRIDNESS. And NO ONE will be able to stand in my way!"

"I'LL stand in your way!" Dib argued vehemently, rising to Zim's declaration. "I'll wait, and in ten years, I'll FINALLY expose you to the world! Earth won't fall without a fight!"

Zim smirked at Dib, comfortable as his enemy again. That was how they were meant to be. "I look forward to seeing how much bigger that head of yours will grow, Dib-freak," he said over his shoulder as he walked out of the room.

"Hey—" Dib's complaint was cut off as the door sealed shut, and Zim snickered.

"So, you're leaving, huh?"

Zim jumped as Gaz appeared next to him. "Er…yes. Yes, I am…"

Gaz sighed and rolled her eyes, continuing to her room. "Great. Now Dib will be even MORE annoying since he has no one to obsess over!"

"GIR! I have returned!" Zim called into the house.

"YAY! Master's back!" GIR cheered, rolling into the room and spinning to a stop at Zim's feet. "Yoooou have a MESSAGE!"

"Eh?" Zim frowned. He looked at the picture on the wall behind the couch and saw that it was blinking. It lit up and revealed the Tallests.

"Hey! Zim!" Red called, waving. "Sorry we missed our little Fleet Leader! We're running a little late. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to find this Earth place! Really!"

"We should be arriving just about the time you finish this message," Purple added with a rare, wide grin. "Hope you're ready to rock and ROLL!"

The screen cut to black, and the house began to shake. Zim turned to his unit. "GIR! Quickly! The Tallests have arrived!"

"AaaaaaaaHHHHHHHhhhhhh!" GIR screamed, racing around it a small circle.

Zim looked back at his unit impatiently from the doorway. "Now, GIR! We must leave the house before we compress it! Come!"

"Oh! Oh! Can I squish the house? Can I? Can I? Pleeeeeaaaaaase?" GIR begged, skipping out behind Zim.

The young Irken Invader sighed, humoring his unit. "Oh, very well. But QUICKLY, GIR. We have no time to waste!"

"YAY!!"

Zim stood on the sidewalk as GIR began the 'squishing' process, and looked up to see the giant Irken Mothership filling the sky. Zim turned back as the house folded in on itself, the large cables slithering away from the two houses next to him. The house folded smaller and smaller, the power cords wrapping around and through it until it was the size of a small ball.

GIR cheered, tossed it into the air, and promptly ate it.

Zim gazed at the barren space and deep crater from his underground labs as GIR ran back to him.

"Allllll doooonnnnne," GIR announced. Then he grinned. "Can we get some tacos, now?"

A hole opened in the mothership, and the transportation beam landed mere inches behind them. Zim reached down and took GIR's hand, leading the robot into the light.

"No, GIR," Zim said calmly, awaiting transportation into the ship. "We won't be having Earth tacos for a while."

"Oh yeah…" GIR mourned, his head drooping.

Then they were on the main deck with a clear view of the Earth as they rose away from it. Zim and GIR watched the empty lot of their old house slowly faded into a view of the city. Beside him, GIR began to cry again.

"…t-tacooossss…" GIR sniffed.

Zim regarded his unit before smiling just a little, and rested his hand on top of its' head comfortingly. "Yes, GIR. Tacos."

He turned back to the planet, Dib's house catching his attention even as they drifted further away. "…tacos."


Thanks for reading! Be sure to review and feed the author!