Trigger warning: self-harm

Chapter One

The setting sun cast a soft glow on the tops of the pine trees, elongating their shadows slowly, which made it appear that the forest was growing, and reaching out to claim the youth sitting morosely on the roof of the derelict wooden building.

Dipper Pines sat with his legs dangling off the side of his old familiar summer haunt, feeling utterly defeated. He had first begun spending summers at the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls with his twin sister Mabel when he was twelve years old. His Great Uncles, Stan and Ford, who owned the Mystery Shack, had "retired" to travel the world in a boat after that first summer, leaving former handyman Soos Ramirez to manage the business on their behalf while they were gone. They'd always managed to make it back every summer, however, to visit with the twins.

Until now.

Dipper and Mabel were completing their senior year of high school, and the afternoon they found out, they had just arrived home after a grueling day of final exams. Both twins were excited to spend one last summer with their Grunkles in Gravity Falls before they parted ways for university. However, it wasn't meant to be. Their parents met them at the door that day, which was unusual, because both parents worked, and usually weren't home until a few hours after the twins.

Their Grunkles had been in a boating accident. The Stan o' War had sunk off the coast of Mexico. No bodies were recovered.

Mabel had collapsed instantly, screaming and sobbing. Their father had to physically pick her up and carry her into the house. Dipper had been silent. Instead of having an explosive outburst like his sister, he quietly imploded. He felt like he couldn't breathe, but he really didn't care. His mother reached out to hug him, but he didn't seem to even see her. He blindly trudged upstairs to his bedroom, tossing his bookbag down, and going to get in the shower. The water was running for a long time, which concerned his parents, so his father went into the bathroom to check on him, while his mother attempted to console Mabel.

Mr. Pines had found Dipper, fully clothed, sitting on the floor of the bathtub, teeth chattering, as icy water cascaded over him.

In the warm light of the fading summer sun, Dipper shivered. He still felt like he was drenched in icy water.

There was a memorial service held in Gravity Falls that the twins were unable to attend, due to their final exam schedules. Soos had sent them a video recording of the memorial, which Mabel had watched, while weeping and hugging her pet pig, Waddles. Dipper couldn't bring himself to watch it.

On the day of their graduation, Dipper received a registered letter in the mail, from a lawyer in Gravity Falls. The reading of Stan and Ford's wills had taken place, and, to Dipper's surprise, they had left the Mystery Shack and all its contents to him.

His parents insisted he at least go spend one last summer at the Shack, as had been the plan to begin with, before deciding if he wanted to keep it, or sell the property. Dipper had agreed to go, reluctantly, but Mabel flat-out refused to go with him. Through her tears, she told her brother that she couldn't imagine Gravity Falls without her Grunkles there, so she didn't want to go back. She wanted her last memories from Gravity Falls and the Mystery Shack to be with them.

Which is what led to Dipper, one week later, sitting by himself, staring at the sunset from the roof of the run-down building.

The sun finally sank below the tree-line, creating a sepia-toned dusk. Dipper sighed, and got to his feet. He had never felt so utterly alone. He opened the hatch on the roof, and climbed down the ladder, into the darkness of the gift shop.

Without turning on any lights, he traced his familiar path through the shop, and into the main house. He didn't know what to do with himself. He stared at Grunkle Stan's old overstuffed chair facing the tv. He'd sat there countless times before, but now it somehow felt off limits.

Dipper finally decided to just go to sleep. He'd only arrived that afternoon, in his beat-up old Volkswagen. He was tired after the long drive. At least, that's what he told himself, as he climbed up the stairs to the attic, and opened the door to the barren room that he usually personalized with Mabel every summer.

He kicked off his shoes, and doffed his jeans and t-shirt, climbing between the musty sheets in only his boxers and socks.

The last thing he saw before drifting off to sleep, was softly glowing triangle against the wall, cast by the dying light of the evening that filtered through the attic window.

/

Dipper awoke with a start. His heart was pounding, and he was covered in a sheen of cold sweat, but he wasn't sure why. If he'd had a nightmare, he didn't remember it. Airy, early morning sunlight was creeping through the window, not yet bright enough that it would have woken him up. As Dipper sat up in bed, the creak of his old mattress echoed loudly in the empty attic.

Dipper sighed. "Might as well get up," he muttered to himself. He leaned down grab his duffel bag, and pulled it up onto the bed. He stared at the bag for a moment, forgetting what he meant to grab from it. He ran his hands through his hair, frustrated.

"Oh yeah," he said, as he felt the greasy texture of his hair. "Shower." He grabbed his bottle of shampoo and a towel from the bag, and made his way to the bathroom.

As he opened the door, a wave of grief washed over him. Folded neatly over the towel bar were the matching towels that Mabel had embroidered for their Grunkles just two years ago. Hearts and rainbows surrounded their bold, cursive proclamation of the names of their owners, who would never again return to use them.

Dipper choked back a sob, and then laughed wetly at himself. "They're fucking towels. Pull yourself together, dumbass."

He turned the shower on, then pulled off his socks and boxers, climbing into the old claw-footed tub, and drawing the shower curtain around himself. He stood in the spray, listening to the familiar clank and groan of old pipes, and let the warm water run over him. He squirted a dollop of shampoo into his hand, massaged it into his scalp, and scrubbed the rest of his body with it as well. He made a mental note to pick up some soap when he went to the store to stock up on essentials later.

And it hit him again—the grief that kept popping up at the stupidest little things. He was thinking about what food items he'd need to buy, and what kinds of food Stan and Ford liked… But he wouldn't need to buy for them. Not ever again.

Dipper sank down to the floor of the bathtub, as sobs shook his body. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. He imagined how scary their deaths must have been, unable to maneuver the boat in a sudden squall, and realizing they were going down. Sinking slowly into the dark, thrashing sea. Dipper wished he could have traded places with them. He didn't want to exist in a world that no longer included his Grunkles.

"No," Dipper told himself. He gripped his hair and yanked—not hard enough to pull it out, but hard enough to cause pain, followed by a warm tingling sensation in his scalp. He was angry at himself for being selfish. Mabel still needed him. Well, he thought she had. But she refused to come back to Gravity Falls with him when he needed her the most. She had plenty of friends…Dipper being gone would be nothing more than a blip on her radar.

Dipper clenched his eyes shut so tightly that a kaleidoscope of colors burst behind his eyelids. "STOP IT!" he screamed, gripping the edge of the tub tightly as he tried to empty his mind, and resist the overwhelming urge to slam his head into the white porcelain. He tried to take slow breaths, and focus on the water hitting his skin, the sensation of it running down his chest and dripping off the tip of his nose.

The water had turned icy before Dipper finally had the sense to turn it off. Shivering violently, he pulled himself to his feet, and climbed out of the tub. He grabbed his towel off the counter, carefully avoiding looking at the embroidered towels hanging on the towel bar. With his back to them, he quickly dried his hair, enough so that it at least stopped dripping, and rubbed the freezing droplets of water off the rest of his body, tossing the towel in a heap by the bathroom door. There was no point in wrapping himself in it. There was no one else around.

He opened the door, noting the creaking hinges, and thinking he should pick up some WD-40 while he was out. He stepped forward to walk across the hall to his bedroom, when he was met with a pair of wide blue eyes, framed with blonde bangs. He stopped, and stood completely still, like a deer in headlights.

"Oh my God, Dipper, I didn't mean to—Oh my God!" cried Pacifica Northwest, as she turned and ran down the stairs.

Dipper blinked, almost not comprehending what had just happened. Pacifica. Pacifica was in the Mystery Shack. Why was Pacifica in the Mystery Shack? Dipper glanced down at himself.

"Great, not only did she see me naked," he muttered, as he entered his bedroom, "but right after I stepped out of an ice-cold shower." He sighed. It's not like it mattered what she thought of his body anyway. She was completely out of his league, and often went out of her way to remind him of that during his summer visits to Gravity Falls. She was semi-friendly with Mabel, but barely even spared a "hello" for Dipper. So why was she here?

Dipper quickly dressed, his curiosity piqued. He was too emotionally numb to waste energy being embarrassed about being seen cold and naked.

He ran his fingers quickly through his damp curls, as he headed down the stairs. He hoped Pacifica had not run off completely. While she was definitely not his favorite person in the world, talking to her might help keep his mind occupied and distracted from the more self-destructive tendencies that he'd been struggling with, for at least a little bit.

"Pacifica?" he called, as he reached the bottom of the staircase. "You still here?"

"Yeah," called a small voice from the living room.

Dipper almost screamed at her when he rounded the corner and saw that she was sitting in Stan's chair. Instead, he swallowed hard, and attempted a smile.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked, mentally kicking himself as his old stammer reappeared.

Pacifica made eye contact with him briefly, then looked away, her cheeks crimson. She was more than embarrassed enough for the both of them.

"Mabel and I text from time to time… just sort of…keep in touch," said Pacifica, who appeared to be addressing the floor. Dipper crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, waiting for her to continue.

"She said you came here by yourself, and she was worried about you," mumbled Pacifica. "She wanted me to come check on you. Told me where the spare key was hidden, in case you didn't answer when I knocked."

"I was in the shower," said Dipper.

"Yes, I'm aware of that now," said Pacifica, her face now the color of a ripe tomato.

Dipper wasn't sure how to keep the conversation going. That had always been Mabel's forte.

"So…" he trailed off, and shrugged.

"I don't really come out here anymore," said Pacifica, finally looking up and meeting Dipper's eyes. "Where are Soos and Melody? I thought they were running the Mystery Shack."

Dipper shook his head. "After…my Grunkles…" he closed his eyes and swallowed, before continuing. "Soos and Melody had spent a lot of time caring for his Abuelita a couple years ago, before she passed away. Now that…well, Soos decided now would be a good time to move to Portland with Melody and go to nursing school. Said he felt really fulfilled taking care of his Abuelita, and wanted to care for other people and make them happy and comfortable like he did with her."

"Oh," said Pacifica quietly. "So you're—it's just you here?"

Dipper nodded. "They left it to me." He glanced around him. "I don't know what I'm gonna do, yet."

"Do?" asked Pacifica, her eyebrows raised.

"I mean… keep it, or sell it," said Dipper.

"You'd actually consider selling the Mystery Shack?" asked Pacifica, genuinely surprised. "I thought you loved it here."

Dipper smiled sadly. "I loved the people here. Now it's just me."

A strange look crossed Pacifica's face, as stood up from Stan's chair and embraced Dipper tightly. He patted her back awkwardly. Pacifica let go and looked up at him, and Dipper was surprised to see her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I have to go now, because I have yoga class," said Pacifica, "but if it's okay with you I'll stop by again sometime soon."

For the first time during their encounter Dipper finally noticed what Pacifica was wearing—black yoga pants and a purple tank top, her hair up in a ponytail. She looked nice.

He waved a hand at her, with a self-deprecating smile. "It's okay, Pacifica. Your duty to Mabel is done. You can tell her you checked on me and I haven't burnt the place down or anything." I'm not worth your time, anyway, he wanted to add.

Pacifica looked slightly hurt, as she turned and walked toward the door. "Okay, then… bye Dipper."

"Bye," he said, as he walked behind her and shut the door.

Dipper watched Pacifica walk toward her car through the small window in the front door. Just before she got in, she turned back toward the Mystery Shack, a look of intense sadness on her face.

Dipper felt anger boil up inside his chest. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," he spat, banging his head against the door frame. Pacifica was probably the only person who would even bother to check up on Dipper, considering the Grunkles were gone, Soos and Melody had moved, Wendy was halfway across the state taking summer classes at her university, and Mabel refused to visit. Pacifica was the only person that might care enough to stop by from time to time—and he had just brushed her off.

Dipper bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted copper. It was probably for the best. He didn't want Pacifica's pity. But it sure would have been nice to have a friend.

/

Author's note: If you've read my other fic (which is still in progress), called Gravity Falls: Worlds Apart, you'll probably notice that this one is markedly different. You may not like it, and that's okay. If you do like it, or have any suggestions, feel free to leave me a review.

This fic was supposed to just be a one shot, but after I got started writing it, I realized that wasn't going to be the case. It was inspired by the song Radio Protector by 65 Days of Static. You can find it on Youtube if you want to give it a listen. If you do listen to it, I'd be interested to see if you think I've captured some of the feeling from the song, so let me know in a review, if you'd be so kind.

Updates on this may be sporadic, because I'm going to still try to focus the most on my other fic. If you're interested in keeping up with where this goes, it would be a good idea to follow the story, since I really have no idea what my update schedule will be. Thanks for reading!