She lost herself in the trees

among the ever-changing leaves

She wept beneath the wild sky

as stars told stories of ancient times

the flowers grew towards her light

the river called her name at night

She could not live an ordinary life

with the mysteries of the universe

hidden in her eyes

- Christy Ann Martine


The first few months after – they are hard to remember now.

There were so many choices made

I don't know who made them, we don't know who of us it was.

I remember france, its rolling green hills. Somehow I made it over the border, without an identification, or passport. I ditched the car at some point, and wandered for a long time. When I got tired I slept under the trees, under bridges. When I needed to eat I stole from supermarkets.

Seeing people frightened me – us. We avoided them at all costs.

And when winter came, we found places to break into, to sleep in.

Dreaming about conversations with ourselves

trying to figure out who we were

but they always ended with darkness, a black hole


But we both felt similar about one thing – we could not be found out, or caught. Not ever again.

Rebecca cried and I tried to be strong for the both of us. Didn't she see that? Didn't she know that I had wanted to die centuries ago?

We were not homeless – we just didnt want a home, rejected it. We moved from place to place often, more times in a day than can be counted. But this way of living did not last.

Because our body grew sick, the cold of winter making us suffer.


The hospital was clean, and bright. Things we were both unfamiliar with. But when we saw the nurses, the people – we felt worried. They spoke to us and we did not understand.

"comment allez-vous mademoiselle? " the nurse said, looking at us with wide eyes.

After they tried several times to get us to speak, they would sigh and leave us alone in the room, in the bed. We also did not say anything because that would let them know where we came from – Rebecca's face and name. If they knew that, they would send us back.

And we'd promised to never go back. Never to get caught.

In the hospital, they let us sleep, left us alone. Only the nurse or a doctor would come in to see us. An english doctor appeared a day later, and neither of us liked the way he was looking into us – as if he knew why we were so quiet. But the fever was keeping us from moving, from escaping.

"Its not easy to run away from home so young. " Was the first thing he said, cocking his head in consideration. I turned away from him in the bed, hoping that he would go away.

"I'm not going to ask why, whatever it was must have been worth getting as sick as you are now. Its only flu mind you, but a severe one. Your fever hasn't gone down at all still. And then there are the other symptoms... "

Here he paused at the foot of my bed, and looked down. He seemed reluctant to continue.

"I wish that the person, whoever they were who did this to you, pays for it. "