Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy XIII, it belongs to Square Enix.

Rating: K+

Authors note: Just me trying to write for Hope. And, just so you know, a cyclamen is a flower that means 'resignation' and 'goodbye'. Also, the title is taken from the saying: only through pain can the greatest wounds heal.


Only Through Pain

© Darkened Rhapsody


Hope twirls the cyclamen in his hand, feeling the cold stalk press against the circle of his palm.

He chose this flower not for the aesthetic pleasure but because of the deeper meaning that lives within the soft pink petals. (Goodbye.) Nora, his mother, had loved these flowers back when she was still alive. Before she sacrificed herself to save Snow. Hope doesn't want to let the delicate flower go, to place it down upon her grave. To do so would be to acknowledge her lost place amongst the breathing. To accept that she's not with him anymore.

It doesn't matter that there's no body beneath the soil. It was lost on Cocoon long ago.

He tries not to cry, he really does. Then, Lightning lays her hand on his shoulder, her eyes the picture of someone who has dealt with grief and sorrow before and has come out scarred but intact. And Hope weeps. It's not that he doesn't accept her death; he knows she won't return, but the gap in his heart hasn't had the time to heal yet. He keeps rubbing it raw.

"It's not fair," he whispers. "Why did she leave me?"

Lightning just smiles softly, her eyes locked on the name scrawled across the headstone in neat, precise calligraphy. "Sometimes," she replied as softly as Hope, "Sometimes the greatest sacrifice a person can make, is for the sake of the ones they love."

And Hope knows that it's not just his mother that she's talking about.

Hope twirls the single flower around in his hand once more before laying it down on the place before the headstone. He's made his decision. It doesn't make it any less painful, though.

"It's just not fair."

Then he's off. Leaving behind the only physical remnant of Nora Estheim other than himself, he brushes his tears aside. And Lightning follows him, ready to repeat the process of healing with the next person on their list of deceased friends and family. She knows, the sooner he can learn to accept it and live, the sooner he will heal.

The grave of Bartholomew Estheim is next.

Mom, I'm sorry I let you die.