RE-diculous Ebil 2
Part One; The Police Station
"So I said to the guy, 'Rectum? Damn near killed him!'"
Claire Redfield, who had just recently rolled into town on her bike-it was a Barbie bike with a pink basket and streamers, just to clarify-stood in front of a group of what appeared to be zombies who were standing by a water cooler. Her eyebrow twitched and a vein throbbed from her temple.
Finally one of the zombies noticed that she was standing there and did a double take.
"Oh-shit...umm...Rawr! Mmmmmm brains!" The rest of the zombies soon followed suit, and began to stumble towards her, with a few well placed shots she took them out.
"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE! YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY! WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH A ITTY BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YO FACE YOU GET-" Claire's eyebrow twitched as a jeep rolled up, blaring music loudly in what seemed like the most inappropriate place for that. A man with brown hair hopped out and and she squealed at the top of her lungs with excitement.
"Ohmigawd! You're Leonardo DiCaprio! I am such a huge fan!" The man looked at her as if she had grown a second head.
"Uhh...No, lady, my name is Leon Kennedy. I just got here. What's umm...going on around here?"
"Just some really bad workplace jokes." Claire pointed over to the water cooler, "Oh and apparently the city has been overrun with zombies. Can I have your autograph?"
Leon suddenly felt the urge to smack himself in the face but he pushed it aside, "Come on, we need to get to the police station, it's safer there."
"How do you know that?"
"How do I know what?"
"That it's safer in the police station. How would you know that if you just got here? Seems kind of forward of you to think so..." She adjusted her pink barbie helmet and took a sip of the water from the matching water bottle.
"Well...it's a police station, it just kind of makes sense. Are you coming or not?" He turned to move and so did she, abandoning her helmet but she kept the water bottle. Lucky for her the little girl she had "borrowed" it from didn't need it anymore. She followed after him.
In the police station...
Leon fired off at least five shots with his shotgun as Claire chided him.
"'Oh I'm Leon! I know everything! Come on, Claire, let's go to the police station where it's not only not safer, but there are hidden doors and creatures with really long tongues trying to swallow you whole.' Nice one, Einstein."
"Now's not the time! We have to get downstairs to the basement!" Leon yelled, blowing through another section of zombies.
Finally they made it to a long section of hallways upstairs.
"You just said we needed to go downst-"
"I KNOW WHAT I SAID!" Leon was freaking out...man.
"Geez...talk about your fussy celebrities."
As soon as they turned around the last corner a large rumble shook the building and suddenly the entire ceiling caved in. A large man-like thing crashed through, his skin was as grey as his trenchcoat and Claire walked up to him.
"Grey on grey? Neutrals are so 1997, you need some color to those cheeks. I think I have some blush around here." The creature sweatdropped as she searched her pockets for her compact only to find Leon applying the makeup and making kissy faces in the window.
Minutes later...
"I don't think he likes Summer Peach!" Claire screamed as the two bolted down the hall away from the giant, "But it looks great on you."
Leon's face lit up as they rounded another corner, "You think so? I really took a gamble on the color but I think-ARGH!" He ducked as Mr. X threw a punch in his direction, and they tossed open a door and flew through it, taking refuge behind one of those cutout posters with the face missing.
"I think we lost him." Claire said and Leon nodded.
"Hey Claire?"
"Yeah?"
"Does this bikini make me look fat?"
