Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Twilight.
IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a sequel to my story Elusive Freedom and if you haven't read it then you will have no idea what's going on. Also I'm having issues with issues with line breaks so... Anyway, as always I hope you guys enjoy!
-LINE BREAK-
Her Unforeseen Struggle
From what she was told; her gifts leaked while she was still alive. Balance had explained the concept of accidental magic to her before. She had always been so eager for information on this foreign world he spoke of, but never before had he gone into so much detail. Bella would have been happy to listen to his story. That is, if it wasn't in the form of another lecture. She hated this. The girl just couldn't believe that she'd subconsciously used her powers while alive. How could she ever believe that when she couldn't even make her energy visible. She had spent time with all of the Gods trying to conjure even the smallest amount of her power and she was tired of the disappointed looks she received after every failure. She huffed in annoyance. So far, the only good thing about this enhanced soul business was that she had reconnected with Chaos and her kids. It had taken her weeks of sucking up to Nyx and Lues to get even the briefest amount of acknowledgement. And even after all that. Things were still different from how they were before their fight. Bella knew that she only had herself to blame, but she missed her best friend. She had missed her when she was alive. It wasn't the same whenever she tried to confide her worries in the Gods. They never understood her the way Nyx always seemed to.
"Bella, are you listening to me? This is important. If you ever want to gain control then," Bella scowled at Heart's voice. She didn't care anymore. It's not like she asked them put all of their faith in her. Besides, she had heard this same lecture reworded multiple times. Didn't they understand that it just wasn't going to happen? She just wasn't capable of doing what they wanted her to and no amount of practice was going to change that. The girl wished she could just do that disappearing act like the rest of them. She would give anything to escape from another one of Heart's lectures. But no, of course not. Bella, the supposed savoir for the realm, couldn't even use her powers in the most basic of forms. She pressed her lips together in annoyance when the man before her tutted at her inattention.
"Look, we've been at this for hours. Can't we pick this back up in a few days or something?" Heart sent her a disapproving look and she groaned. She was so tired of this. "I'm not getting anywhere with this and it's starting to stress me out. Please Heart. Can't I just have some time to relax? Like, just drop me off with Nyx or something. She always has a way of calming me down and then we can pick this back up later." Bella rolled her eyes when he began explaining to her why it was important for her to practice and gain control. She already knew all of this. It was the same thing all the Gods would tell her whenever she requested a break. Over and over again, and yet they still wondered why she zoned out during their lectures. Of course she would. It was always, "Blah blah blah, you need to mend the realm. Blah blah blah, the realm is dying. Blah fricking blah, only you can do this, Bella." And she was sick of it.
The girl leaned back in the chair she was sitting in. That was another thing. Bella hated how her lessons were always held in the Chamber of the Gods and yet she was never allowed to attend any of the meetings. She pursed her lips at their reasoning, "You're inexperienced Bella. Right now you need to focus on gaining control. Not worrying about the projects we're doing." It was so frustrating. They'd gone from telling her that she was too 'young' to understand and that she was 'special' but never explaining why. To telling her that she was too 'inexperienced'. Nothing had changed. She wasn't a child anymore. Couldn't they give her some credit? The girl knew she wasn't holding up to their expectations, but give her a break. She was trying and they could be just a little more encouraging about it all.
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared daggers into the table before her. No one ever told her that it wasn't just life that was unfair. Bella wished someone would have warned her about death being just as infuriating. She glanced up when Heart sighed. The man was frowning and his face was turned upwards at the glowing spheres of energy hovering above. Bella carefully kept her face blank, but she knew without a doubt that he was giving in. Heart was always the easiest to convince after all. She beamed at him when he returned his attention to her and inclined his head with a sigh. Bella was out of her seat and by his side in seconds. She was more than ready to get out of here.
-Line Break-
Heart left her with Nyx and promptly vanished. Bella didn't really care where he went. She was just glad to be off the hook with lessons. "Well, well. Look who it is. I'd ask how training is going, but from the rather swift retreat of Heart. I'd say not well then." Bella followed the voice and met Nyx's eyes as a sigh fell from her lips. She shook her head. Clearly telling her that she wasn't up for talking about it. Nyx gave her a look that seemed to ask "You sure?" and when Bella didn't respond; she adopted an air of nonchalance and motioned the other closer.
They were in a forest. Not that Bella knew where exactly this specific forest was located in the realm. She supposed in a way that it didn't really matter. In fact she probably should have expected it since Nyx had a soft spot for cute and furry animals. Though the girl always denied it venomously. Nyx had learned years ago that Bella was rather intuitive and never missed the happy little grin she sported at the wildlife around her. It was one of the reasons they'd spent so much time sprawling in trees when they were younger. Just rambling aimlessly to each other as they observed the world around them. Bella already knew that that was what Nyx had in mind as she followed her through the foliage. Her eyes scanning the trees in perhaps the same way Nyx's were. Looking around for the perfect lounging spot.
She glance towards the small girl when she made an affirmative sound and watched as she climbed up into the labyrinth of branches to settle midway. Bella followed her up easily and meandered towards her until she was draped a few branches above her. Bella always loved oak trees the best. They were easy to climb and their leaves left just enough room to feel sheltered as well as view the area around them. Though maybe she was bias since there was one particular oak they used to climb and it was the only one she'd ever managed to not injure herself on. The thought put a soft smile on her face. Just her and Nyx hanging around in a tree. The only difference was that she was older now and Nyx hadn't aged a day. "Does it bother you that you don't age?" She used to wonder why they didn't, but had never thought about how that knowledge impacted the younger girl. Bella knew she would be going out of her mind if it were her. Probably the same way she had when she'd dreamed of being "normal".
She waited and when Nyx didn't respond she angled her body downwards to see her face. Bella frowned in confusion at the blank expression that met her. "Does it bother you that I don't age? I know it did when you were alive, but I had thought we'd moved past that." Bella's eyes widen at the accusatory tone. Of course. She pinched her lips together and moved back to where she was before. Avoiding the accusing eyes staring at her. The oldest leaned back and cast her gaze through the foliage. Tracking the wisp of clouds through the leaves and thought about the best way to answer without dredging up even more old wounds.
"Of course not. It's like you said, we've moved past that. In any case, I'm not actively seeking normalcy anymore. It'd be kind of hard to with this whole," Her voice trailed off. She couldn't think of an accurate way to describe her current situation and settled for flinging her hand out carelessly. As if that somehow better explain it. "I guess I'm just selfish. I always focused on the 'why' and never gave a thought to if it bothered any of you. I mean, I know why you don't now and I get it. But do you ever wonder what it would be like to age normally?" Nyx made a disgusted sound bellow her which had her flinching. Great, she'd managed to make matters worse even when she'd been actively avoiding it. Though a sigh full of resignation eased her mind up a bit.
"I'm not you Bella. Is what I want to say, but." Bella frowned and turned towards the dream walker again as her voice softened into a whisper. Their eyes met and she recognized a conflicted look when she saw it. Nyx always hated talking about herself and her emotions. Bella gave her an encouraging smile and a fond look. Telling her without words that she'd always keep her secrets no matter what. Her smile grew when Nyx relaxed back and gave her own grin. The younger motioned for the other to get comfortable again and Bella smirked as she laid back down. She repeatedly had to remind Nyx when she was alive that the girl could tell her anything, "That's what best friends are for", and all that jazz. It was amusing that even now she couldn't look at her when she did so. That was why Bella always took the higher branch. So it was harder to meet eye to eye.
"That's what I want to say anyway. But the truth is that I never wanted to be like you, a mortal I mean. I was perfectly content in the life Chaos created for me. It never matter that I didn't age since everyone I spoke to regularly was timeless as well. It wasn't until I met you that things changed." Bella waited patiently as the girl bellow her trailed off and sorted through her thoughts. She reached out at the branch above her and plucked one of it's delicate leaves. Her ears tuned in to the sounds of the forest surrounding them as she pick and tore at the leaf until she was left with nothing but shreds. She blew them off her palm and followed the flecks as they scattered into the wind. A content feeling swept over her as she moved to repeat the process all over again. Just like she'd told Heart, Nyx had managed to calm her. It was most likely because they were so close before she ruined things when she was alive and whenever they did this now. It was like looking into a distorted image on a lake. Almost a perfect reflection of different moments from her childhood, but blurry since time had changed things.
"Of course I knew you were different from the other mortals. You'd probably would have been different even without the whole 'enhanced soul' thing. You're special like that Bella. What I mean is, I always knew that someday you would join us. I guess since I knew that. The whole thing about you aging never really crossed my mind. For a while at least. That changed after your birthday." Bella smiled at the reminder of easier times. She had two parties on many of her birthdays; one with her family and one latter on with the "imaginary Gods". It was one of the reason she was so adamant they were real when she was younger. How could the not be real when they brought her physical gifts and could hug her? Not to mention that they could interact with her stuff like any other mortal. She shook her head and concentrated back on Nyx's voice.
"Remember? You turned seven and it was like it all suddenly clicked that you were growing older. Meanwhile, I was staying the same. Even back then I knew that my lack of aging would be what would tear us apart. That's when it first started bothering me. We're best friends and you were changing without me. I saw how over time how aging was influencing you. Your taste in different things changed and slowly you distanced yourself from me. I wanted nothing more in those moments than to grow with you and be able to understand it better. After that fight, I used to toy with the idea that if I was 'normal' then perhaps we would still have been friends. Now it's more like it bothers me because I wonder if that would have changed things. Y'know? Like maybe things would have ended differently than they did." Nyx let her ramblings wander off as Bella absorbed her words and silence grew between them.
The older girl frowned and pushed herself up to climb down till her and Nyx were more closer to the same dream walker avoided her gaze. Though Bella didn't let that stop her. She shifted around until she found a measure of comfort on the branch holding her and examined the girl before her. Her eyes glowed with understanding. "I used to ponder that too. When I was alive I'd questioned myself often about it. Asking why the people I loved so dearly weren't real and how things could have been different if they were. I always wondered if we would have met if you were real or if we would have been nothing more then strangers passing by each other. Whenever I was having trouble in school I'd wonder how things would have changed if you and the others attended with me." She had done that quite often as a child. No one could ever see her only friends and they'd always thought she'd made them up. She'd daydream about what it'd be like to have them there with her. Nyx would scowl and defend her to her classmates and Perses would unintentionally cause trouble. She snorted. Yeah and Chaos would be having loads of parent/teacher conferences. All the while Lues would keep mostly to himself and devour book after book as he lost himself in a world of adventure. Bella shook her head at how naive she used to be.
"I would puzzled over what you would be like if you grew older. It's true that we grew apart." She looked away as Nyx turned towards her with an expression of regret. The younger girl opened her mouth to interrupt, but Bella held up a hand to stall her. She knew that it was her own fault they grew apart and she was sure Nyx blamed her for it as well. It was just... Things had changed. Just like they always seem to.
"I couldn't relate to you like I used to. You were standing still while I was going through all these new experiences. There used to be so many things I wanted to talk to you about, but I always questioned if you would understand or even be interested in them. I'd wonder what would change if you had grown up too. Perhaps we'd talk about boys or complain about make up. Maybe watched lame rom-coms together and laugh at them. I've never been girly or anything as you well know. Though sometimes I wanted to be and it felt like I couldn't share that side of me with my best friend. You hate talking about feelings and it seemed weird to try. Let's not even bring up the whole 'normal' thing that I wanted for myself, but that had a factor in it as well. Though I guess it doesn't matter. You're stuck as a child and we'll never know any of these 'what ifs' anyway." Bella let that hang in the air and focused back on Nyx. The girl was quiet and stared at her vacantly. Almost as if she was unsure of how to respond. Bella watched as she seemingly shrugged the whole conversation off her with a roll of her eyes. Only Nyx could dismiss such an in depth conversation so easily. It was definitely a sign that she'd grown increasingly uncomfortable with the direction they were taking.
"Enough of all this mush. What's up with your powers anyway? Like I know you're struggling and all. But at the risk of sounding like a broken record, 'the realm is dying', and you; Miss. I-have-the-power-to-change-all; should probably y'know, fix that or whatever." Nyx raised a brow at her in challenge. She sat up and moved till her legs were dangling towards her. Bella huffed and reflected her position so that they were facing each other. She scowled at the reminder of her lack of talent where her gifts were concerned. But knew one of the reasons she wanted to see the dream walker was so she could rant at her until she felt better. Now was as good a time as any since she'd finally calmed down.
"They're always telling me that I need to 'feel the energy and pull it to the surface' or whatever. What they don't get is that I don't 'feel' anything to pull. It's so frustrating. The worst part is when they insisted that I was doing it unconsciously while I was alive." She growled when Nyx interrupted her. The younger had heard this all before and Bella knew she was just as sick of it as she was when she ranted about her peers. That didn't make Bella anymore happy when the other girl supported the Gods over her. The older shrugged off Nyx's comment. She definitely couldn't recall ever pulling her energy together when she was alive and she wasn't going to believe it. No matter what anyone told her. "Whatever. Let's just forget it. We'll just argue about it like we usually do if we don't." Bella sighed and shifted her gaze away from the disapproval that formed over Nyx's face. She scanned the trees. Looking for something else to talk about; since it seemed Nyx was uninterested in listening to another of her rants; when a thought crossed her mind. She suddenly looked back at the other with a new feeling of optimism.
"Hey, I never thought about it before but... How did you learn to control your powers anyway? Like, did Chaos teach you? And if so, then why have you not given me the secret yet? C'mon Nyx we're best friends. You can tell me the secret. Help a girl out." Bella gave her a pleading look and stuck her bottom lip out. Nyx snorted at her antics, but Bella saw her lips twitching up as she tried to suppressed a smile. Nyx shook her head and glanced at her from the corner of her eye as she took on a serious expression.
"The truth is..." Bella held her breath and leaned forward slightly in anticipation as her voice trailed off. She was mentally kicking herself for never thinking to ask this before. The next few words could change everything for her. She hated forgetting that just because Nyx looked and acted childish. It didn't mean she was naive like one. Nyx had been alive much longer than her and she probably wasn't rushed to use her gifts as soon as possible. She'd most likely picked up a few tricks from her studies. "That I can't help you."
Silence fell between them. Bella frowned and went over her words in her head again. Did she miss something or did her best friend really just say that? "What do you mean you can't help me? Nyx, what the hell? Don't toy with me right now! I'm serious!" She stared at the other girl in disbelief. Nyx just raised a brow and gave her a helpless shrug.
"Look Bella. The Goddess of Destruction created me for the sole purpose of entering the 'dream world' and causing chaos. Depending on how I manipulate my powers there. Souls will react differently once they awaken. Some even go completely mad." She huffed and made a gesture between them. "Our powers were made with completely different intentions. There's no way I could possibly give you any accurate advice on how to manipulate your own. Besides, Chaos made me and my siblings with an extreme amount of caution. There was always the risk that we'd get out of control and run rampant throughout the realm. Also, I was born with the knowledge of how to use my powers." The dream walker paused as she let that sink in.
"I mean, it took me years to think of Chaos as my mother and Perses and Lues as my brothers. For a long time, I saw Mom as just my creator and the others were just, y'know, there. It was Chaos's treatment of us that changed that. Her efforts and desires made us a family." Bella gave a soft smile as she mentioned that. Though she still wanted to know how Nyx felt when using her powers. Did she do the whole 'drawing to the surface' thing that the Gods did? Or was it something different. She figured that even if it was the same thing. Then she didn't lose anything from asking so she voiced her question.
Nyx blinked in surprise. "Actually no. Well, it's more like yes and no. For a long time I used my powers to enter the minds of everyone individually. Time runs slower for us as you've probably figured out by now yet that still took forever. So with Mom's and Balance's help. We created something of a different dimension for souls to enter when they're asleep. Sort of like a dreamscape. So I use my 'disappearing act', as you like to call it, and travel there. That sort of just takes a thought now since it's such a habit." She shrugged as if it was no big deal.
Bella gave her a look of interest. "You said yes and no. Does that mean you have to call your energy to you when manipulating dreams? Also, this 'dream world'. Could you take me there?" From the look on Nyx's face. Her desire to see this other world was a no go. She rolled her eyes with false indifference, but couldn't help still being curious. She briefly wonder if Nyx ever visited her own dreams, but quickly disregarded that. It was unlikely she did with how supposedly important she was. Besides, Bella could never remember any of her dreams anyway so what did it matter.
"No. The only ones who have been there, besides myself and the souls, are Mom and Balance and I don't think either would be pleased if I took you with me. And yes I do use that method when influencing souls." Nyx paused and shook her head. The dream walker eyed the older girl as Bella adopted another hopeless look. She huffed and shuffled around on her branch until she was standing. Bella's expression shifted into confusion as she watched her. "Look, have you tried focusing on our energy when you're traveling with us?" Nyx question as she began maneuvering out of the tree. Bella instinctively followed her down. The younger girl twirled on her foot till they face each other and eyed her expectantly. "Oh! Um, no I haven't. Why'd you ask? I mean, should I be?" Her voice came out unsure and she blinked at the other uncomprehendingly.
"Like I said, I can 'disappear' without a thought by now. It's as easy as breathing and from what I've picked up from eavesdropping." Bella snorted. Nyx was always too nosy for her own good. The smaller girl scowled at her and began tapping her foot impatiently. She gave Bella a look that clearly asked if she was done and Bella rolled her eyes at her dramatics. This was why it was so difficult to remember that Nyx was older than her. Even if she didn't physically appear so. Bella made a gesture with her hand for Nyx to go on and held back another snort when the other sent her an overly sweet smile. "As I was saying. It's something the Gods all grasped rather quickly as well, Balance especially. But that's probably because of his magic from before. My point is. I'll teleport us around a bit and you try to get a feel for my energy while I do it. Then try to replicate it. There's no telling if it'll work, but it's the only way I can think of to help you."
Bella rolled the idea around in her head before deciding, "What the hell. It's worth a shot." And made her way over to the smaller girl. Nyx's only response was to grab her arm and disappear. It took them three times before Bella realized she wasn't even trying to sense the girls energy. She forced her eyes to close and focused on Nyx's hand on her arm. This was something she had done before. Feeling out the energy around her and pinpointing whose it was. It was the first real "test" the Gods had given her and it set the expectations even higher when she'd passed it easily after only a few lessons. It had been Fate's idea to have herself and three others send out a steady stream of energy while Bella was blindfolded. Bella had to pick whose energy was surrounding her at what time and categorize it's nature. It had always annoyed her that she could sense the others powers and not her own.
It took her no time at all to pick up on the energy carrying her and from that she examined it's nature. Trying to figure out just how exactly Nyx was manipulating it. "Alright stop. I got it." She open her eyes as Nyx transported them back next to the tree they had started from. The girl let go of her and stepped back. Nyx waved her hand at her to try and Bella sighed. Even though she'd grasped the theory. That didn't mean she could replicate it. "Nyx, I don't even know what my own energy feels like. I get why you thought that might help, but I have no idea even where to begin to start."
The other scoffed at her words. "You use to love Balance's tales on magic right? Look, why don't you pretend you have magic and just wish for it really badly. I mean, that's how you did it when you were alive. What could it hurt to try?" Bella frowned at her. Great, now even Nyx was talking about accidental magic and lecturing her. Maybe she shouldn't of asked for help to begin with. "Listen Bella, I'll be honest here. I never said anything before, but I think you're suppressing your powers unconsciously. You say you don't want to be normal anymore but let's be real. Maybe it's such a habit by now that your powers just do it on there own. Or y'know, your lying. So just give it a shot or whatever."
Bella narrowed her eyes at that. That was completely ridiculous. There was no way she was subconsciously suppressing anything, especially not her powers. She would definitely know if she was. Well okay. She probably wouldn't know if she was doing it unconsciously like Nyx said, but still. One of the Gods would probably sense that, right? Bella frowned as she thought about it. Every one of them had told her to try to sense her powers and that they couldn't do it for her. Now, they'd never gone right out and said they couldn't sense them, but... Well maybe they couldn't and that was the reason she wasn't allowed to attend the meetings. What if they were trying to come up with an alternative solution to fix the realm and now they didn't know what to do with her. She turned back toward Nyx. "Take me back to the Void right now!"
Nyx's eyes widen at her desperate tone. The girl frowned in concern. "What? Why? You haven't even tried to 'disappear' yet. Besides, I thought you were tired of them and wanted a break. So what's with the sudden rush to get back?" Bella growled at the dream walker's question. They need to go now so she could have a few "words" with the Gods. Nyx took a step back and eyed her warily. Which made Bella huff as she tried to reign in her emotions.
"There's no rush. I just thought of something while we were talking and figured that maybe one of the Gods could confirm it." She gave the other a tight smile. She was probably over reacting. Yet even though she realized this. She was unable to shake the thought from her head. All Bella wanted was to go and have a nice simple chat with them. If only to assure herself of her over reaction. That was all. Really.
Nyx didn't seemed to be buying her bullshit. The smaller girl's eyes were narrowing and her lips were forming into a sneer. Bella adopted an innocent look and tacked a "please" onto her otherwise casual explanation. The dream walker rolled her eyes, but walked towards her until they were in the same position that started it all. "Just so you know. I'm 'zapping' out of there at the first sign that you're causing trouble. I will not be held accountable for any of your foolishness, Bella. I mean you're my best friend, but y'know. Just remember that, okay?" Then they were gone and once arriving. Nyx felt a deep sense of unease fill her stomach. From the amount of voices coming from the Chamber. It appeared that there was a meeting in session. She tried to whisk them out of there, but Bella reacted much faster. The other girl was already halfway across the chamber before Nyx even caught up with her.
Nyx grabbed her arm and tried again, but Bella snatched it back and whirled around to face her. "Bella! What are you doing? We need to leave like, yesterday!" Bella snorted at her, but quickly pressed a hand to her mouth when Nyx shushed her. There was no way she was going anywhere. This was perfect.
"Conceal your energy so they don't sense you. C'mon, I want to know what they're talking about." She made a hand gesture for Nyx to hurry up as she stared at the doorway to the chamber and the voices within. Her head snapped back when Nyx hissed out in disbelief. "I mean, aren't you curious? We're never allowed to attend. Nyx, what if it's about the 'other' realm. I know you've always wondered about it." It was true. Nyx had been the one to tell Bella about it a few months into her new existence. Apparently she'd "overheard" her mom and Balance discussing it before and asked Chaos about it. Ever since then, the dream walker had been absolutely fascinated by this supposed "other" realm. Bella hadn't really cared much until Nyx had let it slip that all the Gods had originated from it. She had begged for more detail, but Nyx hadn't had anymore to give. Chaos had only told her the bare minimum and asked her to leave well enough alone. Bella felt a sly smirk spread across her lips as Nyx faltered. The smaller girl glance at the doorway and hesitated. "They don't have to ever find out. C'mon Nyx, y'know you want to."
Nyx looked back to her friend with a smirk. "Yeah, you're right." Bella's grin widened as she closed her eyes and suppressed her energy. They both grinned at each other and softly made their way to the side of one of the archways.
