What if Max woke up in Blood Gulch? Simple muti-part anwser for you: He'll get in very deep trouble if he piss's off Church, Sarge, Tex and Sheila, want to kill Caboose and Sister as soon as he can, hate Doc right off the bat, like O'Malley, not get what Lopez is saying at all, freak out when he see's Junior,
and be alright with Simmons, Grif, Tucker and Donut. Am I right everybody who knows what i'm talking about? And for anyone who dosen't get what i'm talking about I have one small thing to say to you: Go watch Red Vs Blue and Camp Camp before Sarge shoots Grif again.
"Wait what do you mean again?"
"You heard the auther dirtbag. Prepair to die!" BANG!
"OW. Damnit." Grif says as he holds his sholder, runs from Sarge's gunshots and silently curses the auther under his breath.
Disclamer: I do not own Red Vs Blue and/or Camp Camp, Rooster Teeth does. Oh and by the way Happy New Year to all who read this.
Episode One: A Chance Meeting.
Please watch the RVB Season One Remastered Theme Song Opening before reading this. Just add Max to the look of Red Vs Blue and you'll see how cool he'd look.
Max will be slighty OOC at first before he goes back to being his normal self.
Normal P.O.V.
The never-ending sun was beating down on Blood Gulch as the Blues were doing diffrent things around thier base. Church and Tucker were having a shooting contest while Caboose and Sister were talking non-stop to each other as Tex was fixing up Shelia.
"I'm just saying dude, I was so close to finishing when her husband came into the room. So I, like a major badass, had to pull out, run towards the husband and punch him in the face before speeding out of the house. Bow Chicka Bow Wow." Tucker said with a grin as he fired off a shot as Junior watched.
"Blarg blarg."
"Your right Junior, I am a major badass."
"Bullshit Tucker, there's no way that you could have done all of that in as much time as you said." Church replied as he followed Tucker's lead with his own shot.
"And that's how I met Santa."
"Cool. Is he really as fat as he seems in the photos?" Sister asked her friend.
"Oh yeah, he's at least five hundred pounds. But he gave me a new video game if I promised to behave. So I did just that."
"Do you think he'll come here this year?"
"I hope so, otherwise i'll have to pray to God for another present."
"How's this feel now Sheila?"
"Just right. Thank you for helping me with repairs Tex."
"Not at all. Just remember that if I need you to kill someone you do it."
"Of course." The A.I. said with a sigh.
"What's wrong?"
"It's just that I sometimes miss Lopez."
"I don't see why you wouldn't, he really seems to like you."
"I wonder what he is doing now."
Over at Red Base the Reds are also doing diffrent things around thier own base with Doc helping out both teams. Doc and Donut were chatting about something unimportant while Lopez, Simmons and Grif were tuning up the Warthog.
"What's going on with the Warthog Lopez?"
"'It needs to be repaired after the last fight with the Blues.'"
"So it's done right?" Simmons asked his teammate.
"'No you stupit idiot.'"
"Thanks buddy." Grif says as he jumps in the driver seat as as Simmons climbs into the gunner spot and they drive off.
"'Those two damn idiots." Lopez says to himself as he walks over to Donut.
As the two Reds drive around their side of the valley Simmons suddenly yells, "STOP!"
"Why Simmons, what's up?"
"Look infront of us." Simmons says as they both see a thin boy with sunshade skin, poofy black hair wearing a blue hoodie with a yellow T-shirt underneath,
a pair of blue jeans and red shoes with white stripes and black laces laying on the ground ten feet ahead of them.
"What the hell?"
"A kid?"
"How did a kid get here?" Grif asked.
"I don't know Grif, but we can't leave him out here to die." Simmons said as he got out of the gunner spot, picked up the kid and got into the passenger seat as Grif drove them back to Red Base.
"Doc!" Both men shout as he, Lopez and Donut all come running to them with their guns in hand.
"What's wrong Simmons?"
"Me and Grif found this kid near our base. We brought him back here so you could take as look him over."
"Bring him inside. I'll tell you if I find anything wrong with him."
"Got it Doc." Simmons said as he and the other Reds walk out of the base.
"What could have brought a kid here?" Simmons asked outloud.
"No idea. Lopez?" Grif said.
"'A rift in time must have opened up. It's most likey the only anwser. How else could he have gotten here without a ship?'"
"I agree with you Lopez." Donut said which shocks the three of them.
"Donut, how in the hell could you understand Lopez?"
"Yeah, are you Spanish as well?"
"No. I took Spanish class for three years in high school."
"Wow."
"How did you do?" Grif asked.
"I got a B- all three years." Donut told them in a 'I-told-you-so' sort of way.
"Really? This is from the guy who likes to hang out with Doc whenever he can."
"I told you before Grif that it's okay to have him at our base. It's better then him being with the Blues." Donut said as Doc came back outside.
"Well Doc, how is he?"
"He'll be just fine after he has some rest."
"That's good to know."
"So guys, what can we do about a little kid being here, CC never listens to us and we can't leave him alone." Grif said.
"'We can take care off him until we find a way to send him back to Earth.'"
"Once again Lopez, I agree with you one hundred percent."
"So it's setteled then, we take care off him until Sarge get's back." Grif said to the group as they all nodded at once.
Somewhere else in the galxey Sarge just sneezed.
"Ah damnit, it's gonna take me a few hours to clean all of this up." Sarge says as a waiter walks up to him.
"Sir, your private table is ready. Party of two tonight?"
"Yes. We've been waiting for over twenty-five minutes, come along honey." He says as he holds his shotgun in one arm as they sit down to eat dinner.
But not before 'she' fires off a round into the celling. "Oh hoho, just wait until later honey, then we can have some fun. Hehehehe." The middle-aged soilder said with a laugh.
Cut to later on in their private hotel room with the shotgun laying on one side of the bed faced away from Sarge as he crys while saying, "Oh come on honey, why won't you look at me while we make love anymore? What have I done wrong?" He says as he starts to cry.
Back in Blood Gulch.
Max's P.O.V.
I woke up in a very strange place. The first thing going though my mind was, 'Where the fuck am I?' I was in a cold room with a large hole in the celling that showed the sky. "Well hello sleepy head." I heard as I got into a fighting stance. What I saw next was a, I wanna say person in purple armor holding some kind of weapon, walking towards me. I try to punch him, only for me to hurt my hand. "Owww." I cry out, acting like a complete pansy.
"It's alright. Just let me take a look at you hand. Don't worry about a thing, i'll be as gentle as I can." The strange looking man says to me as he kneels down to my hight infront of me. Without any other options at the moment I hold out my now tingleing hand. As soon as I do that he points his strange gun at me. I jump back in shock as he talks to me again. "Don't worry, this little thing tells me how badly hurt someone is. Now please hold still for me as I scan you."
"Okayyyyy." I say as I hold still for him. The gun lights up slighty as my hand starts to hurt a little less.
"There you go. Just don't try that again unless you wanna break your hand. Now why don't you come outside with me so you can meet my friends." He says as he leads me outside where I see four more people in the strange colored armor standing in a circle talking with each other about something that I can't fully make out. "Hey guys, our guest is awake at last." He says to his friends in a happy-fucking stupid tone that makes me wanna puke my guts out.
"That's good to know." Says the dark red one as I walk up to him. "Hi. I'm Simmons. This is Grif."
"Hi."
"Donut."
"How's it going?"
"And Lopez."
"'Hello.'"
"So what's your name?" He asks me as we shake hands.
"Max." I say with distrust in my voice as a wired music note is played. "What the hell was that?"
"We'll tell you what that was later."
"Well it's good to meet you Max, i'm Doc by the way."
"So Max," The one in orange named Grif said to me, "How did you get here?"
"I don't know. I was walking home when a flash of light covered my body and knocked me out. The next thing I know is that i'm wakeing up here on only what I can guess is another planet in the future."
"'You are right about all of that.'"
"Lopez says that your right about everything you just said Max." Donut says.
"Well, then there's only one thing to say now." I tell them.
"What's that?" Simmons asks Max.
"Fuck yeah. I've always wanted to travel to another planet." I say acting like a fucking baby.
"Well Max, I guess i'll be the one to say it, welcome to the future. It's the year 2552. What year are you from?"
"2016."
Before anyone else can say something a sound that shakes the gound around us makes me fall down. "Hey Reds, get the fuck over here before Sheila kills you!" Shouts a voice from a short distince away.
"Fuck you Church!" Simmons yells at a whiteish blue soldier after he fires his machine gun.
"Fuck you Simmons!" The blue one yells as he fires off a shot from his own gun.
"Comw on Max, we need to get inside."
"Why Doc?"
"Because the Reds enemy's, the Blues, are here. Now come on." Doc says right before he takes my hand and pulls me inside away from the action.
Normal P.O.V.
"All rights Reds, prepair to die by us." Tucker says.
"Yeah, you can all die except for Grif." Sister says.
"Shut up Sister." Grif shouts at her.
"No asshole!" She shouts back at her brother.
"Oh, oh, oh, I have a question."
"Yes Caboose?" Tucker asks his 'dumb' friend.
"Can I play with the Red Teams new friend?"
"New friend? What the hell are you talking about?" Tex asks.
"I saw Doc and a kid run inside the base. Can I please go play with them while you guys fight the Reds. Oh pretty please Church?"
"No Caboose. We need to take over their base."
"Wait Church, if there is a kid in there the maybe we should at least wait."
"Wait for what Tucker?"
"Until we at least see this 'kid' that Caboose saw. Right guys?" He asked getting nods from all but Church.
"Damnit, fine." Church said out loud for his team to hear, knowing that he lost this fight. And agenest Caboose of all people, talk about blow to his giant ego. a major "We'll meet this 'kid' before we fight the Reds." And as if on a timer both Caboose and Sister shout, "YAY!" for the whole group of people, both Red and Blue, except for Sheilla, cover their ears in pain.
Back with Sarge.
'YAYY!'. Comes a set of voices which makes Sarge jump in shock as he shoots the same waiter from last night.
"Opps. Sorry about that."
"It's quiet alright sir."
"Those damn Blues, even when I go on leave for a few months they still somehow mangage to bother me." Sarge said as he enters the hot tub with nothing his helmet still on and his shotgun in his hands.
Back at Blood Gulch.
"Well, where's this 'kid' at?" Tex asks.
"He'll be right out. Just give him a damn minute." Both Grif and Donut yell out loud at the same time.
With Max and Doc.
"Don't worry about a thing Max, the Blues aren't so bad once you get to know them."
"Really?"
"Yep. Just watch out for Tex. I once tried to give her a health exam and she broke my arm as a warning."
"Why would she do that?"
"She's got a bit of a anger problem. But other than that she's okay to be around."
"Which one is she?"
"She's the one in the black armor."
"How about the others?"
"The one in the whiteish blue is Church, the one in the teal is Tucker and the last one in the dark blue is named Caboose. Don't worry about him at all, he's completely harmless, unless you have ice cream, then he's your best friend/ worst enemy at the same time, and that's when you give it to him or else he'll knock you down and take it."
With the Blues.
"I want some ice cream please."
"Later Caboose." Tucker told him.
"OKAY!"
Back with Doc and Max.
"And there's the new girl, Sister, she's-"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, her name's really Sister?"
"Yep. Then there's also Sheila. She's the Blue's tank."
"They have a tank? What else do they have, an alien as well?"
"Yes they do."
"What don't they have?"
"This base and a few other things, such as the warthog that Simmons and Grif brought you back in. Now let's go outside before the Blues start shooting at the Reds."
"Okay Doc." Max said in his normal voice which Doc catchs as they walk back outside while his normal evil grin finnaly came back to his face and his hands went into his coat pockets.
Back with the Reds and Blues.
"That's it, Blues, start shooting!" Church yells in anger. But as soon as he rases his rifle in the air they hear the word, "Wait!", from Doc as both he and Max walk outside.
"What the hell?" Came from both Tucker and Church as they all staired right at Max, not looking away from him as both Caboose and Sister rush past them and right towards him as fast as they can, with Caboose reaching him in about four secends with Sister making it in about ten with the rest of the Blue team walking up to them.
"Hello there my name is Caboose will you be my secend best friend please?" Caboose asked as happily as he could after gitting down to Max's level.
"I guess so." Max said as he grined while thinking of ways to kill him.
"How about me little guy?" Sister asked as well.
"Sure." 'Note to self: Add her to the list of people to kill which is right now at two.'
"Call my Church."
"I'm called Shelia. This is Agent Tex." The A.I. told him as Tex just nodded her head.
"Hi kid, name's Tucker. This is my son Junior."
"Balrrrg."
"Gahh!" Max screamed once he saw the alien named Junior.
"Blarg blarg."
"He's saying hi."
"So what's your name kid?" Church asks him.
"My name's Max." He tells them as the same music note from before played again.
"What the hell does that damn sound mean?!"
"It happen's when someone says their name the first time. I can't tell you why though. Sorry." Church told him knowing why he can't tell Max the real reason.
'A/N: Hint,hint aimed towards the ones who get it.'
"So how did you get here?" Tex asks as she get's withen three feet of Max, shoving both Caboose and Sister out of the way, knocking them onto the ground.
"All I remember is a blinding flash of light taking over my body and waking up here. That's what I told Doc and the Reds as well."
"That Max kid is quiet lucky he didn't run into me. Muwhahahahaha." Came the voice of O'Maliey.
"Be quiet you."
"No."
"Yes. Max is a good kid."
"I guess so." O'Maliey said in a shockingly sad tone of voice that catch's Doc off his gaurd.
"Aw, what's wrong pal?"
"It's just that, I could teach him so much. He could be like the son I always wanted. You know if I wanted a son that is."
"Well why can't you?"
"Because I don't have a body that is just mine and mine alone you bloody idiot."
"Oh yeah." Doc said as he watched the Blues and Max head back over to him and the Reds.
"Okay Reds, after talking with Max we told him that we'll lay off trying to kill you guys as long as you do the same. Deal?" Church asked Simmons.
"Deal." The twenty-five year old replies as they shake hands.
"Alright then," Donut said as the whole group looked at him. "now that that's out of they way where will Max stay?"
"With us of course." Grif said.
"Why the hell should he stay with you giant assholes?" Tucker asks him.
"Because me and Simmons found him. He should stay with people he knows."
"'Laughs', How does knowing you for an hour longer then us count as being 'the people he knows?'"
"Like I said, we found him first, we win, you lose, suck it Blues and go fuck yourselfs." Simmons said.
"Now that's telling them Simmons."
"Thank you sir. Sarge?"
"Yep. I'm back from my six mounth vacation and ready to kill the Blues again." Sarge said as he walked up to the mixed group. He then looks down and stops walking when he sets his eye's on Max. "Who, in, the, hell, are, you?"
"Max. It's nice to meet you."
Shocking everyone, Sarge just says, "Well it's nice to meet you Max. Call me Sarge." Sarge says as they shake hands while all but Shelia and .
This was gonna be the start of something that everyone there would never forget for the rest of their lives.
Next Time On Max's True Family...
"I guess that you'll stay here with us and those dirty Blues Max. Remember one thing," Sarge tells the child looking up at him, "No matter what happens, the Reds ill' to care of you until we find a way to get you home."
"Thanks Sarge." Max thought.
Somewhere else in the universe.
"Where the fuck is the little shit?"
"I don't know."
"We'll find him."
"I know."
With the Reds.
"Hows it going with the process of sending Max home going Lopez?" Donut asked.
"'Slow.'"
"Need any help?"
"'Sure.'" Lopez said as they worked on ideas, unknowing what would happen later that night as the course of the teams ways of acting towards each other would forever.
A/N: I hope that you enjoyed the first chapter of Max's True Family. Until next time my friends.
