Grass
Under Foot
Thanks to: My best Friends, My Cyber Brothers and My Boyfriend.
My Grandmother once told me that you should feel the grass on your bare feet at least one a day, so I take off my shoes.
I can feel the grass under my feet. It's soft damp blades sooth my feet. I can feel the mud oozing between my toes. I love nothing so much as this feeling.
This brings back memories of my Grandmother's garden. The garden seemed so big then. Miles long, but when I went to visit the hose last year, it was hardly bigger than a classroom here at school.
I was so young, naive. I believed everything would be fine if I had a plan. Everything. And nothing is now like it should've been. But nothing is like it should be. My plans are screwed. Everything is gone. So much for organisation.
I sink down to on the grass. I watch the lake ripple in the wind. It has a beauty that can not be imitated. My plans were messed up with one action.
One.
One kiss.
My plan, it seems so foolish now. I planned to through school, go through training and become something my parent's would be proud of, a healer.
I swore to myself that love and family would come after my career. I promised myself that I would stick to my plan. I promised.
But that's just another broken promise.
I sink deeper and deeper into thought. A crash of thunder and a flash of lightening bring me out of my contemplation. I shiver as rain drops start falling and hitting me.
The lake becomes more beauty in the rain. Each droplet hitting the surface and making a hundred ripples.
How can one single thing make such an affect? One drop, one hundred ripples, one kiss, a loss of a lifetimes plans. I knew love was like this, irrevocable, unpredictable, all consuming. "Love is nothing like anything you know," My Gran used to say, "and like nothing you ever will afterwards if you lose it Lily, remember that, and when you're in love, something inside you changes, you'll never be the same person again. When you fall in love Lily, You'll know it and you'll be a different person.".
If one droplet can make a hundred ripples, then 10 will make a thousand, so if one kiss means I lose a life time of plans, will ten kisses mean I lose all plans made hereafter? And will one hundred kisses mean I lose everything, my friends? My Family? Am I ready to lose those things in the name of love?
How do I know I'm in love anyway? But…but that kiss, it was the single most perfect moment in my life. When his lips met mine, I felt fireworks explode in me, for that second that his lips connected with mine. I felt warmth spread through every nerve in my body, I saw every second I shouted at him pass before my eyes, every second that my hand connected with his face as I slapped him I saw every minute I spent with him over the last seven years pass before my eyes, and I knew, in that second, I knew I was in love.
I never wanted that second to stop, my wonderful epiphany to last forever.
But he pulled away, and he left me there stunned, and turned in the other direction, he just walked away. Like he didn't care. But he must've done… or at least, I hope he does.
I don't know how long I stood there speechless, my lips tingling, and the taste of his soft lips on my tongue.
I can't remember how I wound up here, or how much time had passed all I know is I can't face him. Not Now not ever.
So I stay here, sitting in the pouring rain, thinking, contemplating.
"Lily," I hear his voice, so clear and full of emotion that I'm sure I've imagined it. So I close my eyes and replay those two syllables over in my head. I don't realise that he's actually standing behind me until he touches my arm.
My eyes snap open and I turn to see him, drenched and his grey eyes full of relief but worry at the same time.
"Lily" He whispers again. "Lil, you need to go inside, you're all wet. You'll get ill"
I just looked at him, his messy hair plastered to his face, his glasses covered in droplets of water, speechless. Something about him makes me stop thinking, stop feeling, the sight of him stops my heart.
"Oh Lil," he sighs and grabs my hand, pulling me up. I stand, shocked that my legs work. "You're so cold!" he exclaims shrugging out of his jacket and draping it around my shoulders.
I didn't notice until he said it but now he has I'm shivering from head to toe. I still stay silent I can't say a word. I still stay still where I am, standing next to him in the rain, I can't move a muscle. The rain drips of my nose and hits the ground, mixed with tears.
I've no idea why I'm crying, my emotions overwhelming me I stare into his deep grey eyes. They're full of worry, anxiety and something I can't quite place. He notices I'm crying and wipes away one tear falling down my face.
What is wrong with me , why am I crying? I ask myself, and I hear my grandmother's voice inside my head:
"When you're in love, something inside you changes, you'll never be the same person again. When you fall in love Lily, You'll know it and you'll be a different person"
She's right, I'm not me, I never will be the same person again, I'll never see family and love as second, from now on, it's first for me.
The question is am I ready? Ready to change in a second? Just because he pressed his lips to mine?
Am I ready for this right now?
And you know the answer? No.
I was ready a long time ago, I just never realised.
I'm ready.
"Jame-"I start, but got cut off by the sudden movement. He'd already picked me up, he held me in his arms, those big muscle arms like a child. It feels good, I feel almost wanted for the first time in a long time. I curl up under his chin and listen to his heartbeat. I feel…warm, even though my hair is soaked through like my clothes and I'm shivering. I felt that warm feeling again, just like when he kissed me. I close my eyes.
I feel whole.
Before I know anything We're standing in the Common Room, He puts me down on the Sofa in front or the fire.
Sinking into the seat next to me he asks "Why were you out there Lil?" He doesn't look at me just keeps staring into the fire.
"I-" I start, surprise my voice works, "I couldn't think straight, I need time, I needed to figure out some stuff".
"What were you figuring out?" He asks still staring into the fire, like me.
"Whether I'm ready to-" I start but my voice falters "… to be in love with you now"
"How far did you get with that?" Now I can tell that he's watching my face very carefully.
"I think" I start slowly then I turn to look at him, "I think James, that I have been for a long time I just never realised"
And then he did something spontaneous, he laughed, outright laughed.
"I love you, Lily."
Then he kissed me.
I wonder if that feeling of fireworks will wear off, because I will be doing a lot of kissing him. I hope not, because there is no-where I'd rather be than here, with him. I love nothing so much as him, even having the grass under foot.
Author's note: I hope you liked. Mostly just a drabble. Longer than I wanted it to be. Ah well, least I've done it now. Thanks for reading.
Review?
Much Love,x
