Gwen's diary, obviously :p
March 3th
Mom bought me this diary, no idea why. She is going through her psychologist phase, buying a whole bunch of self-help books and making plans about opening up a business. Anyways, why waste her money, right?
Dad called me today, but I knew he would. He calls every Saturday, at 5:45 in the afternoon. He has always been a little O.C.D, so I don't question it. He asked me how my grades were, and if I passed all my tests I had from last weeks, and I use my usual responses: "A's and B's, naturally." And the "Yeah, of course." But really my grades are slipping slowly down to D's and I haven't passed a test since 3rd grade. He asks to talk to Jett, but Jett refuses, and I have make up an excuse, every single week for the past couple of years, around the same time Dad left Mom for his co-worker.
They got married, moved to Ohio and now I have two half-brothers. Honestly I don't know their names and I doubt I ever will. Jett is turning fifteen, and I can see how much he looks like my Dad. Same brown hair and tall, lanky look. Jett doesn't like to talk about it, but I know his little secret. He told me one night when he had me buy him a pack of cigarettes, slowly inhaling and exhaling the weird smelling smoke. "You can't tell Mom, or Dad. No one knows but you." He had told me, and I wrapped my pinky around his, promising him. That was a little over six months ago, and I am yet to tell anyone, and no one has noticed his change either.
Mom is extremely oblivious to everything; off in her own little happy land. He's never been quite right since Dad left and she had to bail Jett out of jail when he drove her car onto the highway and was pulled over. He's only fourteen, so he obviously doesn't have a license. I was thankful for him though, no matter how much torture he put my Mom through. He has helped me write cheat sheets multiple times, and given me extra gas money when I needed it. All he asks for in return is a pack of cigs, which I happily buy for the teen. Sure, I may be a bad sister, buying his cigarettes, but who said we were the perfect family?
You know what? I think I'm going to like this diary. Have something to express myself in, tell my secrets. I don't really have anyone since Bridgette left for Tennessee for summer vacation. I wonder what everyone else is doing, while I am sitting here on my small twin bed in the corner of my room, lights off and a couple of green candles my only source of light.
Oh yeah, did I tell you? My Mom forgot to pay the electricity bill, and doesn't have enough money to pay for it until Saturday. It's Monday. Well, the milk that's in the fridge will be spoiled, but the only one who drinks it is my Mom. Her own damn fault, her punishment should be spoiled milk. Anyways, I guess I should tell more about me. I'm Gwen, call me Gwen. I hate everyone in the universe because they are all stupid. I love Jett more than I love myself, and when I move out I am taking him with me.
I turn eighteen in August. I already have a job, part time, but if I save up it'll be enough to start renting a cheap apartment, big enough for Jett and I. We can do it, I hope. I don't really have anything to lose except Jett. Last school year, I was weirdly popular with the boys. I think it has something to do with the pictures Heather posted of me dancing on the stripper pole drunk at Geoff's house.
I haven't even told Jett about that, and I tell Jett everything from my relationships to every time I have smoked or snorted. I wasn't fond of either, really. Coke made my nose twitch and weed made my eyes water and throat burn.
Every time I was offered though, I did it. Don't ask me why, because I have no clue. My hand is cramping and the candles are fading, so I guess I should stop writing for now. Thanks, Diary.
Hm, I guess I should name you right? Okay, you are now known as Evelyn. Don't like it? Too bad, you're an inanimate object.
March 4th
Came home from the store and caught Mom snooping around for you, Evelyn. She told me she needed a pen but she isn't fooling anyone.
March 8th
I'm not going to lie to you, Evelyn, I completely forgot you existed.
It's Saturday, and the power came back on around three. As soon as we saw the kitchen lights flicker on, Jett and I ran to the living room, pushing each other to get to the remote. I got it first, and clicked it on, my heart swelling when I heard the power 'click'. We watched Easy A, which actually wasn't terrible. I thought the main character was pretty and smart, selling her fake sex for money. She was still a virgin, and she got money.
I would do it, but it's already too late for me. What's that Eve? You thought I was a virgin? No, sorry, I was deflowered in the eighth grade by a tiny little boy named Noah. I laugh whenever I think about it, how I've gone from skinny Noah to muscular Trent and Duncan, then beautiful Justin and gorgeous Alejandro. With others in between of course, but those five were my actual boyfriends.
I'm still with Alejandro, in a don't ask, don't tell sort of relationship. Alejandro cheated on Lindsay with me, but I don't mind if he cheats on me. I'm not looking for someone to marry; I just want to have someone to keep me from feeling lonely.
Alejandro is the longest boyfriend I've had, counting the time when we dated behind Lindsay's back, making a rough seven or eight months. Duncan comes in a close second at five months, but he seemed overly interested in having me dominate him in sex, and I want to be controlled. Alejandro is very dominant, and I love it.
I wouldn't ever say this to anyone, but I think I might love him.
He is a lot like me, too. His Dad left his Mom to go back to Spain, and as soon as Alejandro turned eighteen, his Mom left for Spain too. He makes a bunch of money because he works and lives with his rich uncle, and even I feel rich whenever I tighten my fists on the royal purple sheet of Alejandro's bed. He is a moaner, but I didn't expect that at first glance. He loves to rub my sides and moan my name. Whoa, I just got chills. Hey…maybe I should call him? No, he's probably asleep. On Sunday he wakes up super early to go with his Uncle to God knows where.
Okay, my eyelids are slowly creeping down, but before I go I have to write this. I hope I keep writing this and reread it when I have kids, and laugh about how stupid I was. I guess I should write myself a little note. Here goes nothing.
Dear future Gwen,
How are you?
Are you fat?
Are you alone?
If so, I'm really sorry for you. Right now is pretty good. I'm dating Alejandro, and Jett announced he was gay just half a year or so ago. Gosh, I have so many questions for you future Gwen! Let's hope you passed your senior year, because if you didn't that means Mom is probably dead from having a heart attack. I hope Jett isn't in jail. I hope everything is okay. Why would it not be, though? You are Gwen! You are pretty! Well, sort of. Alejandro says you are. Hey, maybe if you all aren't together you should look him up? Message him? Meet up, hook up?
Anyways, how is Mom (if she isn't dead already)? What about Dad, is he still with that loser co-worker (I hope she got rabbis and died)? You better have kept your hair short, future Gwen! If it's long, I will come from the past and kill you.
Okay, well just remember when Mom bought you this Diary, or Evelyn, so many years ago and you are reading this right now.
This is your childhood.
Sucks for you, right?
-Seventeen year old you.
Tell me what you thought!
