disclaimer no jutsu.


i. friends

Uchiha Sasuke does not talk. It's quite common for the villagers to see the avenger to walk in silence. But, in the company of Haruno Sakura and Uzumaki Naruto, he must say something, right?

Sasuke once asked why they are bothering him, and Naruto told him that they are friends.

Friends.

Friends talk to each other, and they are funny, social people that trust each other.

But Sasuke does not trust them, and he does not talk to them, meaning that they are not friends.

(it isn't until a month or two that he starts to respond in sentences longer than, "Hn.")


ii. trust

He does not trust them yet. And it will remain that way.

That's why he pushes them away; that's why he keeps saying 'no' when in his head, he's saying 'yes'.

He wants to trust them (but he cannot do that, because he's an Uchiha, and they only trust each other)

But Naruto isn't an Uchiha, therefore he cannot trust him. Naruto is a lone child, almost the complete opposite of Sasuke.

Sakura isn't an Uchiha either. She is a Haruno, a family that is consisting happiness and bright hair colors.

(and they are so different, so he does not trust them. Not yet)


iii. perfection

The Uchiha family was a proud family. They were so strong, so proud and so perfect.

Naruto isn't perfect, but doesn't want to be either. He just wants to be accepted.

Sakura isn't perfect, not yet, at least. She trains her hardest, and is always the girl that studies the most and has a knowledge that rivals Sasuke. And she keeps on trying, because maybe, she thinks, if she's perfect, Sasuke will like her.

Sasuke isn't perfect.

Itachi is.

But Sasuke works and he ignores the pain. He ignores the fact that he will never be better than his big brother, that he never will succeed him.

Not as long as Itachi lives.

(it is before the tragedy that Sasuke decides to show his brother who's the strongest, not after)


iv. feelings

After losing his family, after losing his brother, after losing his reason to live, he says to himself that he never would find happiness again.

Because he is not worth it.

Because he was not strong enough.

Strong enough for them.

('then, become stronger' she says)

What would she know?

(she doesn't know)

Was she alone in the world?

(she isn't)

Was she suffering?

(she isn't)

Did she know his pain?

(she doesn't)

But, she actually knows how it is how to be weak (she was always the weakest out of the three).

How it is to be alone (she was alone without him).

How it feels to suffer (when he left, she did nothing but suffer).

She KNEW how pain felt (pain was the feeling she felt when she saw him after two years, pain was the feeling when she thought of him, he was pain for her).

(but she never told him)


v. loneliness

Whatever people may say, he didn't feel lonely when his whole clan was killed.

He didn't feel lonely when sitting alone in his room, trying to grasp the memories that were threatening to disappear.

He didn't feel alone when he fought with Naruto.

He didn't feel alone when he knocked Sakura unconscious.

He felt alone when after killing his brother.

When finally realizing that this time, Karin, Suigetsu, or Juugo wouldn't come to save him.

Karin wouldn't hug him, even though he tried to push her away.

Suigetsu wouldn't sigh, nag at Karin to just start the fucking healing process, or grin at him.

Juugo wouldn't sit down next to him, in silence, just watching him.

(and then he finally realized that maybe taking Sakura with him would make him less lonely)


vi. expectations

When he saw the pink hair coming closer, he closed his eyes.

And he didn't open them until hours later.

But, when he does, he is expecting a tearful Sakura, a shouting Naruto, and a sighing Kakashi.

He received neither of them.

He saw Sakura, different from the one she used to be, but with not tears in her eyes.

He saw Naruto, in silence, for one of the first time since Sasuke met him.

And he didn't see Kakashi sigh, because Kakashi wasn't there.

He would never see Kakashi again.

(he heard later from the Hokage that he had killed him in his second cursed seal stage)


vii. regret

He walks to their wedding, just because they are friends.

It is two years after he returned, after he returned to a simple life without regrets or pain.

Right?

Because, he can feel these two feelings right now.

He feels regret when he sees her walking to his best friend, clad in a white, thin dress, her pink locks dancing with the wind.

He feels pain when he hears the words 'I do' from her, the one that was supposed to love him until the day he died.

He feels pain and regret when he sees Naruto smile at her, and then slowly kiss her.

And she kisses back.

(and he can only watch, because he can nothing else do)


viii. friends

They are friends.

He and Naruto, who used to be best friends, are now only friends. They say 'hi' when passing by each other, and when he sees Naruto in his office, he refers him as 'Hokage-sama', not 'dobe', not 'idiot' or just 'Naruto'.

They have changed a lot since their genin days.

He and Sakura, who was supposed to be so much more than only this, are also only friends. When seeing her at the street, she waves as usual, and hugs him.

But it is nothing more than a hug between friends.

And he awkwardly patted her back as she pulled him closer, and he closed his eyes.

And he can only dream that they are more than this, because now, they can't change.

She had to offer his life for him.

And what did he do?

(he didn't trust her, because they weren't friends back then)


ix. selfishness

He is selfish when he hears the news about Naruto's death.

Because, he does not feel sadness, anger or regret, not yet.

He feels selfish, because the first thought that occurs is 'Sakura'.

He sees her the same day. She has cried nonstop, it is shown on her face.

And, he badly wants to run up to her, to say that he's sorry, but he can't.

Because he is not sorry.

He is glad, because now, she is his again.

Before he has the chance to leave, she sees him.

And she hugs him; she cries and whispers to him.

Whispers of promises and that she's sorry and that she has missed him.

He wants to believe her; he wants to believe that she's telling the truth (because she does)

But, a hidden part of him appears and tells him that he cannot be loved.

That he can not love.

Because, he can only hurt people.

So, to help her, he pushes her away.

And, with sadness in her eyes, she runs away.

For the second time in his life.

And this time, she will not find the path that leads to him again.

(and he doesn't understand why he pushed her away, when he finally could have her again)


x. truth

He loves her.

She loves him.

But, only a broken woman can love a broken man.

And she's not broken; she's alive. She lost the love of her life, she lost her husband and she lost her heart on the road back to life.

But she's enjoying her life alone.

He, on the other hand, has not been seen in months.

He wants to meet her, he wants to talk to her, and he wants to trust her.

But, they are not friends, therefore they don't talk to each other, they do not trust each other, they do not meet each other anymore.

He remains alone.

(because, they are not friends, and it will remain this way)


A/N:

Like my wonderful BETA and friend Saya Moonshadow said, "Sasuke angst is the best x3".

I agree completely with her :3

For twitch and spaz, two wonderful twins that have the abilities to become REAL authors, not only here on fanfiction. Hugs to the both of you :)

Don't forget; reviews are appriciated.

Huuuugs, Nazzy.