A/N: Alright, so, these one shots are probably going to seem very familiar. That's because I've decided to delete the other one shots and combine them into one whole story, so, basically, this story is going to be a series of one shots. All of them are connected, and, hopefully, in order. I will be updating this new series regularly and I hope anyone who reads this enjoys them.
Summary: Those four words had become her mantra. And she absolutely refused to let herself hope that maybe, maybe she was wrong. No matter how difficult his lingering touches made that.
She tries to ignore the headache that's brewing in her head from staring at her laptop for so long. She had been in the lab since early this morning. While she didn't bother checking the time, the sun still hadn't risen and she knew it was to early, but she had to do this, had to be there. She had gone through probably a million options by now, and while the necklace was working for now, she knew it wasn't a permanent fix. She always double checked that it was fastened tightly and wasn't going anywhere. She was terrified of losing it. Of losing herself. It's times like this, times where she knew she was caving inside herself, that she missed Ronnie more than anything. Shaking those thought from her head, she sighed softly, moving away from the laptop and rubbing her temples. She heard the sound of footsteps and she didn't even need to look to see who it was. There would only be one other person coming in this early. She felt him before she saw him, his warmth was always so obvious to her. "Hey." She lifted her head, and seeing his grin, her headache might as well have disappeared.
"Got you your favorite." It took her a moment to see the styrofoam cup he was holding out to her.
Smiling her thanks, she took it from him, their fingers brushing, and she tried to ignore the shiver it gave her. Lifting the cup to her lips, she sighed around it, as if it was the best thing she'd ever taste. "You're amazing."
His grin grew and he ran a hand through his hair. "Yea, so I've been told. Need me to help with anything?" He asked, his chin jutting out towards her laptop.
For some reason, her hand flew to the necklace around her neck. "No, I think I've got it." She pretended not to see his frown when he saw her toying with the necklace.
His shifted his weight, as if nervous. "Okay well, you know where I am if you change your mind." He turned his back towards her, walking away.
"Cisco?" Hearing her say his name, he turned back towards her, waiting for her say what she wanted to say.
She hesitated only a moment. "Thanks." She hoped he knew she wasn't just thanking him for the coffee. And judging by the small smile he gave her, she knew he did. She ignored the fact that she squeezed the cup just a little tighter as he walked away.
Sunday's were hard, she knew. His family was extremely religious, and while he had stepped back a bit from it, he still went to church with his family one Sunday a month. And while he hadn't said anything to any of them, Caitlin knew he hadn't gone since Dante died. So when he came in later than usual and didn't talk to anyone, she knew to give him his space. After his brother had died, and she slept on his couch for two months, she noticed he had an obsession, which was putting it lightly, with Harry Potter. When she had asked what had gotten him into it, he had gone silent and still, and it took him almost three days to give her an answer. Dante, he had said, had gotten into it first, and she had been slightly shocked, because he had never seemed like the type of person who would be interested in fantasy, she never said so of course. He revealed to her it was one of only things they always agreed on, and when his voice cracked, her heart broke a little more for him.
He had let it slip that Dante had absolutely adored Sirius Black. She had no idea who that was, but that Saturday, she had gone out and bought a bobble head figurine, and for some reason, it took her months to give it to him. But that morning, before he came in, she had placed it on his desk.
At the end of the day, he walked over to her, and before she could react, he had pulled her into a hug. She pretended not to notice the tears in his eyes, or the fact that it seemed, while he was hugging her, that he was breathing her in. She forced herself to push the butterflies away, because this was Cisco, her best friend, and he was tearing up and this was not the time to be getting butterflies over the fact that his hands fit perfectly on the small of her back.
Sometimes, she had days where she hated the world. They were rare, extremely rare, but they happened. And when they did, all she wanted was to stay at home and cry, but she didn't. She couldn't. She had her friends, her family, that needed her help. So she showered, got dressed, and pushed the aching feeling away from her. That afternoon, she and Barry had a conversation about the future, and how it was changing, but he told her the Killer Frost headline was still the same, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. She told him she needed a minute, and practically ran out of the lab, towards the training room. Wally was home sick, and she knew Jesse would be taking care of him, so she didn't worry about seeing either of them there. When she was certain she was alone, she sat down with her head in her knees, and cried. She didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually she stopped crying, and now she sat with her head against the wall, her knees still against her chest.
Again, she felt him before she saw him. He slid down the wall next to her, his legs out in front of him. He didn't say anything, he didn't have too. He just took her hand in his and squeezed, and she squeezed his back. When they both stood up minutes later, he let go of her hand and gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and instead of pulling away, he rubbed his thumb on the apple of her cheek. "You're a lot stronger than you think, Cait." It was a whisper, and then he slowly moved his hand away, as if reluctant to do so. He stared at her for a few seconds before walking away. When he was out of view, she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and tried her best to ignore the way her face was still burning from where he touched her.
They were celebrating a victory at a bar she didn't know the name of. She allowed herself a small smile as she watched Barry and Iris flirting and stealing kisses in the corner of the room, but quickly looked away, feeling as if she was intruding on a private moment. Cisco slid into the seat next to her, looking at Wally and Jesse. "You'd think he'd be used to having a girlfriend by now."
She giggled slightly, seeing the shy way Wally was looking at Jesse. "It's cute."
Cisco scoffed into his drink. "It's pathetic." She knew he was kidding but she kicked his shin anyway and he smirked at her. "Have you seen HR?"
She nodded and tilted her head. He was sitting in a booth next to a girl who looked less than pleased and she could feel the amusement rolling off of Cisco. "Okay, I take it back, he's way more pathetic then Wally."
She had to purse her lips to keep from laughing but he could tell, and his smirk turned into a grin. The two of them fell into a comfortable silence until Cisco leaned back against the bar and stared at her. "Where's Julian?"
She looked down at her drink and shrugged. "I don't know." She looked up at him, and for a second she could've sworn his lips tugged at her statement and his eyes lit up slightly, but then it was gone. He cleared his throat and swallowed the last of his drink, placing the now empty drink on the bar. He jumped off the stool and held his hand out to her. When she gave him a questioning look, he just rolled his eyes playfully.
"C'mon, you know you want to dance with this." His eyes were gleaming playfully, and she allowed herself to laugh. She placed her drink on the bar next to his empty glass, and took his hand. He helped her slide down off the stool, and she looked down to smooth her skirt. When she looked up, she noticed how close they were and her breath caught in her throat. She was thankful she had worn flats instead of her usual heels, because in this moment, she realized she liked that he was taller than her. He seemed to notice the closeness too, and he swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing as he did so. Their eyes locked for a few moments before he shook his head and pulled her towards the dance floor. For the next few hours, he made her laugh, and she made him smirk, and they danced until they physically couldn't move, and she knew her rapid heartbeat wasn't just because of the dancing or the alcohol. She was grateful for him, like he was grateful for her, because, even if for a few hours, they could help each other lessen the burden on each of their shoulders.
They were friends. Best friends. And she was okay with that, happy with that. Did she want more? Did she wish for more? Of course, but she wasn't going to allow herself to hope for it. She couldn't. Even though his grins and lingering touches made that extra difficult, virtually impossible. But still, she wouldn't let hope seep into her chest. It was no secret her relationships were always disastrous, and she didn't want to risk him, what they had. He was too important. To them. To her. So she kept telling herself that him getting her coffee and his lingering gazes meant nothing. And while she was telling herself that, he was telling himself the same things. So they kept pretending, and they kept helping each other balance the weight of the world.
