My thoughts had been elsewhere all day. I wasn't feeling myself. Slughorn even asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital wing. I was thinking about the changes that were going on. Instead of planning the next patrol schedule for the prefects I was planning the next stage of my life. Applying to Healer training and looking for a flat. It was scary.
Although I now slept in the head's dorm I stayed with my friends in the common room. Slowly, one by one, they left for bed. I sat in the Gryffindor common room late into the night. It must have been hours since my friends had gone to bed before I heard footsteps coming down the stairs from the boys dormitory. James apparently had also stayed with his friends late. My mind being elsewhere, I hadn't noticed him walk through the common room.
"Hey." I called into the semi-darkness, squaring up on the sofa, motioning for him to come and sit with me.
"Hiya." He replied sitting next to me.
"What brings you here at this hour?" I asked, how witty, I astound myself with my amazing wit and intelligence. Note the biting sarcasm.
"My thoughts. I can't sleep, I have to much to think about." He told me sadly.
"You can always talk to me James. You know that." I said soothingly. This is so surreal, if you had told me a year ago that I would be sitting here holding a civil conversation with James Potter, I would have laughed in your face. But things have changed. He isn't an arrogant, egotistical prick anymore. I can't really believe it either, but James Potter has grown up. I never thought I would ever be able to say that sentence.
"Thanks Lily. You know I might take you up on that offer someday." He laughed dryly.
"How about you take me up on it now. You obviously need someone to talk to James." I said, bringing my knees up to my chest.
"It's just everything. It's all changed." You can say that again. "Now instead of planning our next prank, we're planning our next step in life. It's just strange. If I'm honest with you it scares me. Quite a bit." He admitted. He was completely right, it had all changed. Life had changed. But most importantly, we had changed. James Potter changed, and so did my opinion of him. Suddenly he wasn't 'That messy haired prick' to me, he was simply messy haired James Potter. To be honest, I like James, and his attractively messy hair and hazel eyes with that Quidditch toned body...
Hey, I'm a girl, I have hormones, I notice things. I have no problem admitting that James is attractive.
"Funny, that's whats keeping me awake too." I told him. "Change is scary sometimes."
"Not all change." He replied.
"No, you changing was a really nice change. You've gone from that messy haired egotistical prick to simply messy haired James Potter. I like this James better, stay this way." I told him.
"Lily, I've always been me. It's just my ego got in the way of you seeing it. Although, the change was a good thing, you're right. I knew I liked you from the day I first met you. But I was just a kid, I didn't know how to approach this new feeling so I was a prat to you, then I grew a bit older and I realised I LIKED you liked you. So I tried to impress you, but my antics never seemed to entertain you, they just made you hate me more than you did when I was a prat to you. Then this year I decided that If you were ever going to like me then you would want to see the real me, so here I am." James said, slowly, as if each word caused him a small amount of physical pain.
I was shocked. I didn't believe he loved me. Not one bit. And I thought when he stopped asking me out and offered me a friendship, it confirmed that. He didn't love me, I was just a game, he saw he wasn't going to win and held out a truce, which I had willingly taken. But after that I realised that he did love me. Of course he did, now I could see each and every one of his antics as what they were, and attempt to get me to just look his way.
James stood up slowly, again as if it inflicted physical pain to walk away from me.
"Well, now that I have screwed up our friendship I think I'll just go and beat myself about it. Night Lily." He said, sadly, as if there was a weight on his heart that just got extraordinarily heavy.
In that moment I saw it. I saw everything, I had fallen for James. I had fallen for him ages ago, through all of his antics, all of the arguments hexes and jinxes. I had fallen for messy haired James potter. And I had fallen hard, I was just too stubborn to realise it.
"James?" I called, my voice barely above a whisper yet it carried clearly through the night. His silhouette froze at the sound of my voice.
"I love you." I whispered, again my voice rang throughout the common room. James turned around and looked at me.
"Don't mess me around Lily, you've hurt me enough times already." James replied, he wasn't trying to be mean, he was scared. I was too. But my eyes filled with tears at the statement.
"I didn't mean to. I've fallen for messy haired James Potter. And I've fallen hard. I was always too stubborn to realise it." I told him. James just stood there frozen. The tears that had been filling my eyes the moment before made their way down my cheeks. I didn't wipe them away because I didn't want James to notice them.
"Why are you crying Lily?" He asked. Well, he noticed them anyway.
"Because, I've been a total bitch to you, and you just kept trying. I kept stomping on your heart, and yet you just picked it up and gave it to me again." I sobbed. Yes I was crying. But it was just such a shock, I mean I never meant to hurt him. I'm a nice person! But I had hurt him. Over and over again.
James crossed the room and sat next to me again, he put his arm around me and I sobbed into his chest. we stayed like that until I stopped crying.
"I'm sorry James. I honestly never thought it was for real!" I told him once the tears had subsided.
"It's okay Lily. You know it's real now. That's all that matters." He replied soothingly.
"How can you forgive all that I've done, just like that?" I asked in awe. I honestly was amazed, I had hurt him so much, yet he forgave me in a heartbeat.
"Its because I love you." He replied simply. Then he kissed my forehead.
"James, I'm sure we can do better than that." I breathed with a giggle. That's right, a freaking giggle. What's happened to me!?
James smiled at me as he put his hand under my chin pulling my face up to his. He hesitated slightly. I smiled and closed the gap between us. And just like that, I kissed him. The kiss sent shivers up my spine, his hand left my chin and cupped my cheek as my hands made their way to his already messy hair. James responded with enthusiasm as I ran my tongue against his lips begging for entry, he was only too willing to grant it.
Soon we broke apart. I laughed as I looked into his eyes. "You're eyes are beautiful. I never really noticed before. I'm sorry James. I'm sorry for putting you through the heartbreak all these years. I didn't mean to James. Honest I didn't, I just didn't think it was for real!"
James just looked at me, he blinked. Once. Twice. Three times and no response. Then he took a deep breath. "Lily, I know that now, but it's all in the past. Things have changed." He smiled at me and planted a soft kiss on my lips.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while.
"Lily?"
"Yes James?"
"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me?" He asked, his eyes wide with hope and anticipation.
"I would love to James." I said, leaning into kiss him again.
What can I say. I've fallen for messy haired James Potter and I've fallen hard.
