A Heartwarming Tale of Brothers and Friendship, by Dickfart

"Oh no!" said Mario, his stomach growling. "Sono così affamato."

"I've fixed you the Mushroom Kingdom delicacy," said Toad, handing Mario a plate of cabbage and cheese.

But Mario smacked that dish away, gazing hungrily at Toad instead.

"Sai, mi sono sempre chiesto come Portabella Toad sarebbe riposato nelle mie viscere."

With a mighty slurp, he grabbed the bewildered Toad and rose him over his menacing head.

"Mario? What are you doing? Put me down! Why are you speaking gibberish? Help! HELP ME!"

"È italiano, niente cazzo di cazzo! Dite le vostre preghiere, fastidiose merda!"

He unhinged his jaw, and Toad screamed all the way down the fat plumber's throat.

"Help!" You could hear from the flaps of his gut, but Mario simply let out a belch, took off his pants, and sank deep into his musty old couch.

"Ah, sweet silence. Just me and Netflix now. What to watch?"

He flipped through various films, stopping on the greatest television show ever to grace television: Ancient Aliens. As Toad digested beneath his flab, Luigi walked in on his brother slobbering and talking to himself about complex spleen surgery, describing colors and shapes that don't even exist.

"Mama mia," said Luigi. He did the sensible thing. He microwaved a hot pocket, plopped on the couch next to his tripping brother, scratched his nuts, and fell asleep.

The End