Author's note: I'm not 100% where this came from, I may add one more chapter on. Please let me know what you think :) I've not abandoned Grayed Rainbow, I have been so busy with school and work, and had medical issue on top of everything else. Please enjoy this in the meantime. :) Thanks so much!

He's fifty-four years old and his life's journey is on the downward slope. He's not naïve to anything, anymore. For the middle of September it's unseasonably warm, as the air dances and swirls all around He's got enough regret in one lifetime, where it could swallow him whole if he allowed it. He burns with a desire that is not fully fathomable. Mostly, he aches for a love he's never fully known or understood. He's lived in shadows of it, hidden amongst it, skirted its unyielding flames. He knows this love is out there. He prays to God, on this day, as he gives his youngest daughter away, that she will know, find, and live in the love he knows exists.

Elliot Stabler can hear his two grandchildren yelling in the distance. They are no doubt being instigated, by his youngest son Eli. For every single thing he has done right in the world, every joy has brought him to this place, to another wedding, another celebration. He's a lucky bastard, he thinks.

Lizzie's wedding is much simpler than her sisters. It's everything romance and flowers, but not too over the top. She never cared for designer anything. The thought of rain does not even faze the youngest Stabler daughter. She's contented with her happiness. She earnestly believes that it will be okay, rain or no rain. When a love feels this right, nothing can get in the way. There is no fussing, no nervousness.

Elliot is consistently more aware of his age these days. The early morning hours remind his knees of pain. His runs are shorter, hair greyer. Mostly, since he's left the force, there is a peace about himself that everyone has noticed. Elliot's current work keeps him busy, and he is making a difference in some way, but he's less scarred physically and emotionally. His soul bleeds less. He will never apologize for that part.

His deep charcoal grey suit fits his muscled frame a bit too well. His blue eyes shimmer with pride, as he watches his Lizzie fixing her fair. The span of diapers to college graduate, to giving his last daughter away, steals his breath away from him.

"Daddy, please tell me you're allergic to all the flowers, and not already crying?" She looks up, all he sees is her five years old, and painting on the living room walls.

Elliot smiles then, because it's the only thing left he can do in the moment.

"No baby, never been allergic do those damn flowers, just to giving my girls away."

"Daddy, I need to know before we go out there, before you give me away, have you ever been in love before?" Her face is serious as he's ever seen.

"Lizzie, honey. It's okay to be nervous. Greg, is an amazing guy. I've seen the way you two look at each other, you're in love."

She stops for a minute. Her wedding is twenty minutes, and in forty-five minutes she won't be Stabler anymore.

"Yeah I know. I'm not talking about me. I asked you a question though."

Elliot Stabler suddenly remembers how warm the September heat is, and how ridiculously tight his suit feels. He made a promise to himself, eight years ago to stop lying to those he loved. He's a coward if he starts today, at his daughter's wedding.

"Yeah, Lizzie. I've been in love before." The truth settles on the outside, it hurts so much more. It's so visceral and unexpected.

"Look, I know the divorce was a few years ago, and it probably hurt you more than I realized. I'm so sorry for that. I loved your mother, I really did."

Lizzie spins around quickly. Her dress flows with her; she's a force when she wants to be.

"I'm talking about the kind where the two of you can be in the same room with fifteen other people, and you just find her eyes immediately. Or you know exactly what she is thinking, before she even has to open her mouth. Where she is the first person you want to call when the good shit happens, and she's the safe place for all the bad stuff too. She challenges you, makes made mad, and crazy, but mostly happy. And you would do anything at all for her, ever, even if she never asked. I'm not naïve, it's not all fireworks, but those have to be there too. All of it, the good and the bad. That's the love, I'm talking about, Daddy. So I will ask you again, have you ever been in love?"

"Lizzie, what is all this about? What is the sudden interest in my life?"

"Because, Daddy. I'm about to take vows to a man I love with everything in me. And I need you to be okay." Tears are pooling in her eyes.

"Yes." He answers the question truthfully. "But Lizzie, I look at life differently than you. The love you talk about isn't something everyone has all of the time, love changes. People grow apart, look at your mother and I…"

"Jesus, daddy. Has the eight years changed your love at all?" She's stunned him. She can still hear her two nieces playing in the distance.

"What did you say?" Because it can't be right, it can't.

"I love you more than anything Daddy, but I never understood it. But now with Greg, I get it. But please don't lie to me, or lie to yourself, and pretend that are not in love with Olivia."

Elliot has been treading water for years in his own life. It's comfortable and peaceful. There was never a reason to rock the boat. Yet, his only living regret has just been called out by his youngest daughter. It feels like a fresh stab wound, like he's been unmasked for the entire world to see. Some secrets, were meant to stay secret he reckons.

"If this weren't your wedding right now, I swear to God." He's so angry right now. How dare she bring this shit to light right now? The only other person who would dare such a thing, well he closed her off long ago.

"See, there's the father I used to know. I know it's not particularly my business, but no one calls you on your shit anymore. Olivia was the only one, the only one. What I don't get Dad, is why you're okay with living this half-life." She's purposely bating him right now, it reminds him of yesteryear.

"Lizzie you have no idea what you're talking about. This is no half-life either. "

"Fine, but it's not a full life either." With that she walks out of the room, leaving his world turned upside down.

Two hours later, he holds her close during the father daughter dance.

"I remember when we used dance you would hold my hands, step on my feet on purpose, when you where a little girl. At least I'm a better dancer now." Lizzie laughs into his shoulder.

"I love you, you know. I'm sorry about earlier, I want a chance for you to be happy, you'd want that for me too." Everything about her statement is true, he feels each word, and wears it heavily.

"I know Lizzie, it's just not so simple. I haven't spoken to Olivia in eight years, since I left. I can't just show up and tell her how I feel."

Her smile is radiant. "So you finally admit it. And yes, you can just show up and tell her how you feel."

"You don't know Benson, like I do." Like I used to.

There song is slowly ending.

"Lizzie, thank you for being brave, even if nothing comes of it. You're a beautiful bride, and an amazing human being. I love you so much." He kisses her temple, like when she was a little girl.

"Oh Daddy, I love you too. You're not hopeless you know. She will be mad as hell at first, but anything wonderful is worth fighting for, remember that."

Greg walks toward them, "mind if I cut in?"

"Not at all. She's a handful. Welcome to the family son." He touches Greg on the back, as he walks away with his own thoughts.

The wedding is winding down, and the night has been beautiful. Clouds periodically cover the crescent moon.

"Richard says he's impressed with my haul, says he better get this much cash at this wedding."

Elliot rolls his eyes. If Kathy were right there he would make a joke about needing to raise him better.

"You haven't even opened your cards yet, and if your brother thinks he's getting married for the haul, Lord help us all."

Lizzie looks around to make sure no one else is around. "Daddy, come walk with me for a minute please." She leads him down the path toward the half dilapidated gazebo.

"Don't freak out on me, I would have already told you if I knew anything, and wouldn't just spring this on you, but…" Lizzie's nervous chatter reminds him her teenage years when she tried to get out of a punishment.

"Oh, just tell me already."

"Well, technically I invited Olivia to my wedding." Silence.

"You what?"

"Let me explain." He's a reasonable man, sometimes. He can listen to her. "So I was 99% percent she would never come, but I didn't think she would send me a letter."

"Can I?" Suddenly he's more connected than he's been in nearly eight years. He just wants to see her handwriting, like she's alive in an old case file.

"No Dad, it's personal, she asked me not to." It is as bad as feared. "But, I have her address. She asked about you. She misses you."

Elliot knows he is not getting the entire gist of the letter, but trusts his daughter, that there is a reason.

"Lizzie, it's not black and white. I can't just waltz back into her life after 8 years, I have no right."

"You had no right to waltz out her life before, so how is this any different?"

"Lizzie, I'm warning you. You don't know what happened. I love you, but there are things, that as my daughter you will never get to know. You need to trust me here. Life is not that simple." His voice is thick with love and regret.

"I know, but I also know when you love someone, all the other shit fades away. Maybe not right away, but it can." She's so serious and sincere; he almost wants to believe her.

"Don't say anything more, just think of all the reasons why you love her. You love her still. After you do that the rest is easy. I have to go find my husband." She floats away almost like she was never there.

You love her still. He's not sure how one night can rattle him so thoroughly, but it has. Suddenly, Olivia Benson is everywhere, invading every thought he has.

Twenty years come and go, two decades. She may hate him, but she does miss him, this much he knows. It's all he has to go on for right now.

He thinks of her unfortunate haircuts through the years, or about how she looked when her fell in eyes when first woke up the crib. He remembers the waves she tries hard to blowout, that come out in the rain, and when came back from Oregon. He thinks of all the shades of brown, carmel, and mocha, and how he just wanted to run his fingers through her hair. To him it was always beautiful, because it was hers. A smile comes to his face when he remembers them laughing in squad car about how her had looked years before, she had overheard a uniform say she looked Velma the cartoon character from Scooby Doo. She laughed so hard that day, she nearly spit out her coffee.

He thinks about her gold necklaces, and wonders what she wears now. Her Lotus flower, from darkness comes light. He remembers the story of they can grow anywhere, including the mud. Fearlessness. The word that embodies Olivia Benson.

Elliot wonders if she ever got to become a mother. He remembers the pain in her eyes when the state said she couldn't adopt, and how damned wrong they were. This is one thing he wanted the most for her, and except her never shared that with her.

He thinks about she would be the most gorgeous person in the room, but in such an understated way. Any person who witnessed a true Benson smile or heard her really laugh, had no idea how lucky of a bastard they were. She shined because of her soul and tenacity for justice.

He thinks about how annoyingly stubborn she was. When she believed in something or in someone, she went after it with such gusto; it was really incredible he thinks.

He remembers their fights, and silences, and tangles with justice. The cases they closed together. The fucking lives changed, almost always bettered. He was only part of a man, part of a detective without her.

This is what Lizzie meant by half-life. Alone in the darkened gazebo he finally lets the tears silently fall.

It's nearly midnight, if he has any sense about him he would wait to call her, or write her. But he's never been that sensible when it came to Olivia. He's up and leaving the wedding before he realizes.

Kathy and Maureen yell out to him. Lizzie knows exactly where he is going. "God damned fool, couldn't wait till the morning." She laughs and smiles at the same time. Sometimes things are that simple.