"What do you mean Shiro is gone?" My voice comes out as a whisper as I look at the Matt in front of me. He had to be joking. He hadn't gone, he couldn't have gone. I bite my lip and look at my hands. My old habits kicking in again from when I got scolded for fighting against other children. It hadn't mattered who had started it. All that it had mattered was that I had continued the fight. Not the bruises and cuts covering my skin.

"Shiro's gone Keith. He discharged himself from the hospital." Matt says and I look at him as the words he had said slowly sunk in. The ginger male had been fairly quiet in the days since he had woken up. He had told his parents and us what he remembered, but neither Katie or I had wanted to push him any further. Not when Katie had the black box from the plane, amongst several other parts of the plane, sat waiting for her at home. She would find out the truth. I had faith that she would. So instead me and Katie had stayed by our brother's side.

We had slept here, me in Shiro's room and Katie in Matt's room. I hadn't wanted to leave and refused to move when the nurses had tried to get me to sleep in my own room. The only time I had left Shiro was to go to toilet or to check on Matt while nurses checked on Shiro. And the minute the nurses had left I was back at Shiro's side, sitting on a far too uncomfortable hospital chair, lost in my own thoughts and listening to the beeping of the machines that assured me he was still alive.

One of the nurses had eventually taken pity on Katie and me, bringing us some spare pillows and blankets so that we weren't uncomfortable on the floor. It had taken Katie several seconds to settle down in the makeshift bed before fallen asleep next to her brother. It had taken me several hours before I had felt even remotely tired. And in those several hours, I had checked on Shiro several times. Just needing to check that he was still breathing and still alive.

I had lost so many things during my life that I couldn't deal with the thought of losing Shiro. He had been a big part of my life for so long, and the fact that he had nearly been taken away from me hurt. He had been the only person in the orphanage that had bothered to talk to me when we had both been there. And he had nearly been taken away from me because he had told me he didn't need me as a pilot for his recent flight. That they were going to test Katie's autopilot system without a pilot on board. Knowing that we had tested it many times with a pilot on board, I understood the need to test it without me there as a safety measure. But as I think about Shiro and the state he was in, I can't help but think that I should have acted on the terrible feeling I had had that day.

I should have insisted on going.

The thought had stuck with me these past few weeks and I wanted more than anything to go back in time and fix that mistake. Maybe then Shiro would have both his arms. Maybe then him and Matt wouldn't be injured. Maybe then Katie and me wouldn't feel so guilty.

I knew why the younger Holt sibling felt guilty. She had designed the autopilot system that had been used on their flight, and injured both Matt and Shiro. It had failed, yet Katie hadn't had the time or the energy to go and check her programming. She had told me that once Matt was discharged she was definitely going to check it. I had told her that it didn't matter, that we couldn't undo what had happened but the smaller girl had cried and just said she had to do something. I understood that need. The need to do something to help, to make sure that it hadn't been my fault. But I couldn't think of anything that I could say or do that would help Katie feel better. So, I hadn't said anything.

And when Shiro had woken up I hadn't said anything. I didn't know what to say. Instead I had just started to cry. I had cried with relief that my brother was okay. That he was alive. He hadn't tried to stop me crying, instead that he made a terrible pun about being never being right anymore. I had cried more, but there had been a small smile on my face. I had missed Shiro's puns as terrible as they were, and hearing him make one made me feel utter relief. I had missed his voice so much.

I had gone and told Katie and Matt while the nurses checked Shiro over. Then we got told that his left arm may not even work and they wouldn't know until after he had gone to physical therapy for an assessment. We all had waited patiently for the verdict and the minute we had been told that his left arm had little to no mobility; Katie had gone home. She had said something about working on something to help and I had gotten angry, leaving Matt to calm me down.

He had made a relatively quick job of doing so. By holding me close and telling me that this was Katie's way of processing what had happened. His arms wrapped around my chest making sure I didn't hurt myself or someone else. Just like Shiro had told him too.

I hadn't seen or talked to her since. It had been weeks since then.

"Have you told Katie that he's gone?" I ask, once my disbelief that Shiro would be so stupid as to leave has largely vanished. I can feel what was left of my disbelief slowly turning to anger reminding me of the angry little kid I had been when Shiro had first met me. I had tried so hard to not be that kid anymore, and yet here I was being exactly that.

"Not yet, she's still at home working." Matt says and I notice the sadness in his voice. Matt had taken himself off to his apartment to recover mentally and emotionally as most of the superficial injuries he had received from the crash had healed. I had kept him up to date on Shiro's progress but, I didn't really discuss anything else with him.

I had nothing else to discuss with him.

Shiro was the only thing important in my life. He was my employer and my older brother. He was the one who promised to look after me after everyone else gave up. He had reassured me that I did have a family when I got upset when yet another potential adoption for me fell through because they learned that I liked to fight a bit too much. And with me spending all my time by his side I had nothing else to talk about. I hadn't known whether to ask Matt if he was okay, as he generally played it off with a joke, or if he felt better just in case it reminded him of why I wasn't there in person. So, I had kept my updates as brief as possible, in the hopes of that being what was best for Matt.

"Then let's go tell her." I say before picking up my jacket off the hospital chair I had left it strewn over. I had had the red, fake motorbike jacket since I had met Shiro, and it was only recently that it had begun to fit me properly. Part of the reason being the muscle mass I had finally accumulated from working out with Shiro. So, if I couldn't have my brother, I was going to have my jacket with me until I had him back, just so that he was always with me.

The drive to the Kerberos Enterprise labs was quiet. I didn't feel like talking and my car didn't have music that both me and Matt enjoyed. Not that Matt had tried to initiate any conversation himself. But, somehow it didn't seem to be uncomfortable silence. Matt and me never seem to have uncomfortable silences. Possibly because we had been friends ever since Shiro had become friends with him.

Shiro had introduced us shortly after he had met him at college. He had explained to me that he wanted to start an aerospace engineering and space tech company, but to do so he needed to meet people with experiences in those departments. He had found Sam and Colleen Holt, and their genius children Matt and Katie. When he explained several of his initial ideas the Holt family had gotten very excited about them and put him in contact with several other people they had worked with over the years. Thus, Kerberos Enterprises was born and it was doing very well for itself. Enough to warrant them recruiting engineers and astronautic specialists from local colleges for graduate and intern work and quickly becoming one of the leading names in its departments.

It had done so well in fact that when I had realised that my original dream of being an astronaut meant a lot of time away from Shiro and as a result had dropped out; he had hired me there. He had made sure that I was able to learn to fly planes through the company's flight school and upon my graduation he had made me his pilot. A title I had been so happy to have. And although the development of Katie's autopilot system had threatened to take this title away from me; I hadn't been mad. In fact, I had helped her with it when she explained some of the benefits it could have in commercial uses, and how she was certain that I wouldn't lose my title of Shiro's pilot. I had believed Katie's judgement on that.

But, after the way she had left when Shiro needed us, I think her judgement was in question. Not that I wanted to question the younger Holt on her behaviour, she could be rather angry and blunt when she wanted to be. And I didn't want to question Matt either because he would tell me that Katie was just like that sometimes. I had known Katie as long as I had known Matt, the three of us had bonded over a conspiracy theory about our governments knowledge of aliens, much to Shiro's dismay. And suddenly my family grew from just Shiro and me, to Katie, Matt, Sam, Colleen, Shiro and me. All four of the Holts would listen to me ramble as they worked, occasionally telling me their views on the subject. But during the entire time I had known her; Katie had never shut herself off the way she had after the crash. And naturally, it worried me a great deal.

I look over as I hear the chime that went off when Matt had typed the numerical code to get into Katie's workspace and I blink seeing that it was rather devoid of projects scattered around her lab. Normally the younger girl worked on several projects all at once, saying that it helped in case she got stuck on one project, she could work on another until she solved whatever had made her stuck. However, her workspace only seemed to have one project in sight today. I wasn't sure what it was but it looked like there was charts of human anatomy and numerous measurements mapped onto her blackboard. Further proving to me that she wasn't acting herself, her droid that normally followed her around as she worked was turned off and sat to one side. I hadn't seen that droid turned off since she had built him. I follow Matt with my eyes as he walks to Katie who's sat at her computer. Last time I had tried to stop her from working she had punched me in the gut. Shiro and Matt had laughed.

"Pidge. Can you stop this for a second? Need to talk." Matt says after taking Katie's headphones off her. I sit down on one of the stools off to the side and fold my arms slightly. I didn't want to get too involved with Katie and Matt's conversation. Mainly because if she was as upset as Matt seemed to think she was about Shiro being injured, I could see her crying when Matt told her that Shiro was now missing. And I was not good when anyone cried.

"Matt can this wait, I need to get this done." Her response is and I see her hit a few more keys on her keyboard before Matt pulls the chair away from her desk. "Matt! This is important!" She shouts and looks up at her brother with such a petulant expression.

"And so is this Katie!" Matt shouts back and I notice her expression changes. I had heard Matt shout angrily on two occasions that I remember. One had been when he was extremely overworked and overtired and someone had stolen his pizza bites from the Kerberos cafeteria microwave. And the other was when someone had catcalled Katie on the street shortly after I had met them both. But hearing him now, this is a different kind of angry.

This is I've just lost my best friend anger.

"Okay, you have my attention go." Katie seems to recognise that this is different to Matt's teasing shouts. That he hasn't pulled her away from whatever code she had been working on for fun or for food. That this was actually serious.

"Shiro's missing. Discharged himself from hospital and he's not at his place or answering his phone." Matt manages to say without breaking down, although he does look very close to doing so. But it's the younger ginger's reaction that both worries and astounds me; she doesn't seem to react at all. Silence falls in Katie's lab until her computer beeps and my attention turns to that.

"Katie…why did it beep?" I ask, trying to pull both Holt siblings back to reality. Maybe once she wasn't distracted by the need to finish her task she would answer? Matt shoots me a look as Katie slides across the floor back to her desk and scrolls through what's on the computer screen. I shrug, hoping the gamble pays off, before we both turn to her when she sighs.

"What is it?" Matt asks as he crosses to his sister. He looks concerned, yet I don't move from my spot.

"The autopilot system…someone tampered with it. It wasn't my fault…" Katie looks about to cry and so does Matt. But for me that means something different. It was brilliant that Katie no longer felt responsible for the crash. But, it made my guilt over not insisting that I go anyway even more soul crushing. If I had gone… Shiro wouldn't be missing.

"You need to get the technicians to take it off all the planes though… just in case." I say softly and both Holt siblings turn to me, before nodding in agreement.

"We will." Matt says softly before flashing me a reassuring smile. As if sensing that I was getting crushed underneath my own guilt.

"You said Shiro has vanished?"

"He's just vanished Pidge, could you track him down?" Matt asks and I smile when she stares at him, as though he's an idiot. It was a look I got a lot but I didn't mind. It was usually about a topic I had some interest in, but I enjoyed having her explain it to me. Just like I had enjoyed having Shiro teach me about the stars.

"Of course, I can, but what do you want me to do when I find him? Go to him and slap him because that's what I want to do when I find him." She says as she starts typing frantically at the computer. I had always been amazed at the speed she typed. Like a hamster on cocaine, was what Matt had said before. Something that had amused me for weeks.

"Pidge, you can look for him, but don't do anything if you find him." Matt says after a few minutes of deliberation. I see Katie frown and she's not the only one. I too wanted to slap Shiro for vanishing. But. I don't express this straight away, wanting to see what Matt suggests before I get annoyed.

"But!"

"No Pidge, tell me and Keith and we'll decide what to do together." Matt's voice is stern, and I'm not used to hearing that tone from him. Shiro is the stern one out of the pair, not Matt.

"I'm with Katie. I want to slap him." I say softly and I hear Matt sigh. And in one instant he goes back to being the Matt I'm used to as his facial expression.

"I get why, but can we agree that no violence until we find him and he's explained why he left?" Matt compromises after a few minutes and while I don't like that plan it is the one that makes sense. I knew Shiro would apologise for leaving, it was in his nature to do so. But I think I'm more hurt that he left without any warning. If he had told me, maybe I would feel less annoyed?

"Sure." Katie and I say, albeit a little reluctantly. Something that Matt shoots us both a look at before ruffling his hair out of frustration.

"Please god let it be soon, I don't want to be the dad of the group."