Author's Note: Wrote this a few years ago, never did anything with it. Stumbled on it when looking through old files, figured I'd touch it up a bit and actually post it.

Contains spoilers for novel 11.


Do you know why humans have dreams? It's because in truth, we're visiting other worlds every night! Or maybe aliens keep a close watch over the planet, and beam them into our skulls so we can experience something more than our ordinary, mundane lives. Hell, it's possible our "real world" is the dream, and the dream is what's actually real!

I mean, of course I know none of that is true. But explanations about dreams involving REM sleep and brain chemistry are just totally boring. Why shouldn't something that can be so amazing and beautiful have a fantastic explanation behind it too? It's like explaining a painting to someone by giving a list of dye codes and coordinates.

I normally don't even remember my dreams. At least, no more than the average person does. Except for one in particular. I had it about a year ago, but I can still remember every detail. It was so spectacular, so vivid, and so amazingly awesome. It was everything a dream should be, rather than just a random bunch of neurons firing off in incomprehensible patterns.

At the time, it felt like I really had woken up in another world. And with Kyon at my side, ready to explore these new boundaries, I couldn't have been happier! But Kyon told me he didn't like it, and would rather just live life with the SOS Brigade in normal, boring reality. I was pretty mad about it then, but later I gave it some thought and decided it made sense. Even if it's not nearly as awesome as it could be, the world is still pretty fun, and I wouldn't want to leave everyone behind just to chase after a dream.

Of course, none of that matters anyway, since it was just a dream in the first place. Kyon didn't remember a thing, and life went on the same as it always does. I'm not mad about it; not even disappointed. Not anymore. But sometimes, I still wish I could go back to that dream. I wouldn't stay. I'd just visit. It'd just be another adventure with Kyon under that hauntingly beautiful gray sky.

A girl can dream, right?


"Ah!"

My eyes snapped open and I took in a sharp breath, feeling the cool night air on my skin. Damp blades of grass tickled my thighs, and I could see the school building looming over me, shadowed by that alien, monochrome sky.

"Yahoo!"

I leapt to my feet and shouted triumphantly. My cry was absorbed by the surrounding darkness, but who cares. I actually did it! I made it back! I mean, more than anybody, I should know that wishing for something doesn't make it true, but just this once it seems like I've hit the jackpot! And on such a special day, too; it's perfect!

Taking a deep breath, I spread my arms and savored the sensation of this place. All my memories from the first time I was here flooded back, in perfect detail. To be honest, this place kind of has an oppressive atmosphere, but that's okay. Even something slightly unpleasant like that makes everything more awesome in the end.

I was in my school uniform, just like last time. A little weird, but no weirder than waking up at school in the first place. It was the same grassy field too, just below the clubroom. Ah, nostalgia! And of course, that lazy good for nothing still hasn't bothered to wake up yet. Guess it's up to me, like always.

Huh? Kyon's… not here? I spun around, taking in everything I could see in this gloom. He's wasn't sleeping by my feet like last time, nor anywhere else in my field of vision. I suppose there are plenty of shadows and places around corners he could be hiding. He could even be in the school, for all I know. But why? Everything else is the same. Kyon should be here too, right?

"Kyon!"

I called out his name as loud as I could, but I only got silence in return. My voice didn't carry very far, and seemed unnaturally muffled. I couldn't even hear an echo. A shiver ran down my spine and I suddenly didn't quite feel the wonder and majesty of this anymore.

Ugh, no. This is still awesome. Kyon's just being late, like usual. Or he's already here, and making things difficult for me. There's no real point just running around all this alone, is there? He has to be here.

The first place to check should be obvious. Last time we were here, Kyon smashed open a window to get in, but this time I lucked out. I simply tried the door and it was unlocked. Sprinting through a dark, empty school… It was kind of exhilarating. Not to mention, the prize waiting for me at the end of my brief race was—

… Nothing but an empty clubroom. Damnit. Just what the hell is the point of this? Flicking on the switch, I pull out the computer chair and sit down, staring at the courtyard below. Not even a sign of those weird blue giants. Is this my fault, somehow? I wait a year to relive the best dream I've ever had, and my subconscious decides to make it totally boring.

Right. This is all just a dream. I'm really just sleeping in my bed, at home. I should be having a fantastic adventure right now, in my own thoughts, but Kyon is too busy sleeping at his own house, probably dreaming about something stupid.

Maybe I can go wake him up?

Yes, that has to be it! I raced back downstairs and outside, looking for the bike rack. Last time there was a weird barrier around the entire school, but hey, maybe there's not! Lucking out with an unsecured bike, I cautiously made my way outside the school grounds, encountering no resistance.

I pedaled as fast as I can to Kyon's house, zipping through this gray ghost town. I managed to work up quite a sweat, which is kind of weird. What kind of awesome dream bothers to include details about sweating? His house is as dark as all the others when I finally got there. If he really is sleeping inside, what would be the best way to go about waking him up? What if his parents or little sister are in there too? Bursting through the front door would be a bit much, wouldn't it?

After a little bit more internal debate, I settled on the tried and true cliché of bouncing rocks off his window. I continued until my arm was tired and I ran out of rocks small enough to not break it, but there wasn't even the slightest hint of a response. He has to be here, right? He's a really heavy sleeper anyway. I'll just have to find another way in.

The window I was throwing rocks at is directly over Kyon's bed, but there's another one. Not so much a window as a sliding door that leads to a balcony, so after a few tries and a scraped knee I managed to scramble up a nearby drainage pipe and made my way to the second floor. I knocked rather loudly, but his curtains are drawn and I couldn't see inside. When there was still no response, I tried the door and found it unlocked.

Kyon's room was dark, and it was hard to make everything out clearly, but my heart fell when I saw that his bed is made up and empty.

I walked over to the other side of the room, flipped on the light switch, and then sighed, sitting down on Kyon's bed. There goes my last hope.

Where else could he possibly be? The station where we meet up? Our usual café? I glanced back out the window at the town, at the dead and lifeless streets. I could go back outside, and pedal all the way there. But why bother? It's pretty obvious at this point he won't be there either.

I lied down on the bed and stared at the ceiling for awhile. Why does he have to be gone at a time like this? Can I really even blame him? Or is it my fault, because it's my dream?

I absentmindedly traced the lines on the ceiling when it suddenly strikes me as being odd. This is a dream, isn't it? But this is also supposed to be Kyon's room. But my dream is accurate down to the tiniest details; the cracks on the ceiling, some candy wrappers in his trash, a stain on his carpet. I've only been here a handful of times at most, like that time when we all did homework together. So how can I dream about it this perfectly?

I hopped up and moved to Kyon's desk on the other side of the room. There's some paper strewn about, and a closer inspection showed me that it was yesterday's homework. I guess there's no doubt about it. Dream or not, this is one hundred percent Kyon's room. As I fixed one of the problems he got wrong, a devious thought came unbidden to my mind.

I wonder if he's hiding anything in here?

If this is his room, and there's stuff in here I should have no way of knowing about, then maybe I can find something interesting! A journal, old confession letters, maybe even something interesting and fun! And if Kyon doesn't want me snooping through his room, well, he can just come and stop me himself. It's just a dream anyway, so who cares?

I immediately got to work, rifling through his desk, drawers, and bookshelf. Nothing interesting really popped up, although judging by some of the models and video games I found, Kyon is, or was, a bit of a closet nerd.

It took me awhile, but I eventually hit the jackpot. Poking through his closet, I found a loose wall panel. Pulling it aside revealed what Kyon obviously must've gone through great lengths to hide. It's an unmarked leather-bound journal, locked with a thick strap and clasp with a tiny lock on it. I rushed back into the room with my newfound treasure, blowing off the dust and then taking a seat back on Kyon's bed.

There wasn't a key kept with it, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. The strap on this thing wasn't so thick that I couldn't cut it with a good knife or a pair of scissors, but I can do better than that. I pulled out a hairpin and started working at picking the lock.

It's not like lock picking was something I was particularly good at. It was just something I tried to learn once because I was bored. But something like this can hardly be called a lock anyway, so I managed to get it open after about a minute of fiddling around.

So here I am. Kyon's diary! All of his deepest, darkest, most personal secrets are at my fingertips. I've always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that there was something more to him. And now I can finally get that answer, right now! Except…

My fingers froze as I reached out to open the cover, hovering inches above the journal.

I… what the hell am I doing? Even if this is a dream, this can't be right. Suddenly, all I can think about is how mortified I'd be if Kyon got his hands on my own diary. Except I know that Kyon is better than that, and he simply wouldn't read it.

I just wanted to indulge my curiosity a little by snooping around; I was never going to read it in the first place… no, that's not true. Damnit, Kyon. Why couldn't you have just been here like you were supposed to? Then I wouldn't have to feel like such a jerk!

Well, I'll show him. I'll just put this back without even opening the first page. I stood up, book in hand, ready to do just that.

And because apparently my dreams decide to operate on sitcom-worthy levels of misunderstanding, Kyon picked that exact moment to finally show up and walk through the door.

We just stared at each other for what seems like an eternity. Neither of us moved, not even to breath. There I was, caught with journal in hand, in the middle of an obviously ransacked room. How could I possibly explain this? There's nothing I could say that would be even remotely believable.

Kyon finally moved first. I saw a brief flash of anger in his eyes, but then he just buried his face in his palm, sighing heavily and shaking his head.

"You know, it's hard enough keeping my sister from coming in and messing up my stuff when I'm not around. I suppose stopping you from doing so is pretty much impossible."

He's mad. He's furious, he had to be. I couldn't even look him in the eye anymore. I've only seen Kyon angry once, and it was an incident I regret more than anything I've ever done. And now… It's not fair! I was about to do the right thing!

"Did you really come all the way here just to look through my stuff?"

Something like that would normally be a pretty heavy accusation, but the way Kyon said it sounds more like an honest question.

"I was just looking for you. That's all."

I managed to mumble an answer, my voice cracking slightly. This has long gone beyond being a dream, and has definitely just become a nightmare. Can I wake up yet, please? This was supposed to be an epic adventure!

"Haruhi….?"

Kyon's voice was tinged with what seemed to be concern, and he was staring at me intently. I was still trying to avoid his gaze, but he kept trying to meet mine. Ugh, this is insane! I should just say something! I'm innocent!

"I didn't do it, okay! I thought about it, and was going to read your stupid journal, but I stopped at the last second and decided to put it back right before you walked in!"

My outburst lead to a stunned silence. Kyon reaction was noticeable, a rare look of shock on his face. Well, I've said my part. What does it matter if he believes anyway? I'm the only one who will remember this in the morning.

I definitely didn't expect him to start laughing, though.

"Alright. I believe you, Haruhi. If you were lying, you'd come up with something better than that."

It was my turn to stare at him with shock. Could it really be that easy? I flopped down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling and feeling drained. Kyon sat down at on the bed too, and we just stayed there like that in silence for a couple minutes.

"Thanks…"

I mumbled my gratitude under my breath, breaking the silence, and he just nodded. Man, what did I ever do to deserve someone like Kyon?

"Hey, Haruhi. Why did you come here? Not to my house. I mean, why did you come to clos- this gray world? I thought you were happy with the world. With the SOS Brigade."

Huh? What a weird question.

"Of course I'm happy with the SOS Brigade! I just thought it would be cool to come back here for another adventure, considering what today is. And then you weren't here, and I tried looking for you and well…"

"I see."

Kyon nodded. With an odd smile, he picked up the journal and began thumbing through it, looking strangely nostalgic.

"I got this for a present during my first year of Junior High. I was supposed to catalogue all my experiences in becoming a new man, or something like that. I think I spent more time building a place to keep it hidden from my sister than I did actually writing in it. Looks like I only got a few pages in – and it's all boring crap about school. I'd completely forgotten about it until now. "

Are you serious!? I went through all that, and it wasn't even his real diary!? That's just… That's…

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing, all the previous tension finally draining away. Hey, maybe it's not too late after all.

"Come on Kyon, we're here again. Let's go have an adventure!"

He stood up, yawning heavily. "I suppose. What did you have in mind?"

I got up to go peer out the window, staring again at the darkened city. Still no blue giants. Well, on the other hand, there isn't much to do other than wander around, right? I turned back towards Kyon, and, actually looking at him for the first time tonight I could see he looked really tired. Exhausted even, but he already seemed to be steeling himself for whatever we'd be doing.

"Ah, never mind. We can just stay here too, if you want."

Kyon just shrugged and sat back down. I paced around the room for a little bit before coming back to sit on the bed. Maybe this can have a happy ending after all. Of course, there's still one major problem…

"Kyon… you're not real, right? This is all just a dream I'm having."

"What makes you say that? How do I know that you're not just a part of my dream?"

Ugh, and he said that with such an insufferable smirk! I grabbed the nearest pillow and lobbed it at his head. He grunted in surprise, but started chuckling all the same. I grabbed another pillow to defend myself in case he decided to counterattack, but it didn't look like retaliation is on his mind at the moment.

"Fine! Look, I don't care if you're real or not. Its fine the way it is, alright? I just wish…"

I took a moment to find the right words to say as Kyon looked on curiously.

"Kyon… I just want this to all be real. I want to wake up in the morning, and have some way of knowing that this isn't just some pointless dream. That there really is something fantastic out there."

"… Is that so?"

Kyon gives me a long, thoughtful look. Too long. I don't know what's going on in that head of his, but it's not like I said anything particularly profound. I was about to interrupt his introspection when he finally spoke up.

"Okay. I think I can manage that."

Color rushed to my cheeks at Kyon's words. It's not what he said, but how he said them. With a soft smile, and an absolute sense of sincerity that I so rarely hear from him. It caught me completely off guard.

Quite literally in fact, because his moment of honesty was followed up by a flying pillow to my face.

"Mmmf."

I woke up, buried under my covers, back in my own bed. Great, so that was it? Damnit, Kyon. Not only were you late, but couldn't you at least have ended it the same way you did last time?

A rustling sound from above caused me to open my eyes, and I found myself staring directly up at a bewildered Kyon, crouched over me in my own bed.

"Kyon, why are you…?"

No way… could this be what he was talking about? A sign that it's all real? This is awesome!

I threw my blanket over his head and quickly got up to go dress. Whether my dream was real or not, I'm certainly not going to let him get a peek!

When I finished changing, I came back to find Kyon looking around my room in bewilderment. I guess he's never even been to my house, huh? And I just spent the night in Kyon's room… or dreaming about it, anyway. I was about to see if he knew anything when some movement caught my eye out my window, and I moved over to see Mikuru, Koizumi, and Yuki standing outside waving.

They weren't in my dream at all, so why…? I opened the window to see what was up, and Koizumi-kun tossed something up which Kyon managed to catch. It looked like a wrapped present of some sort…?

I see. So it wasn't about my dream after all. Somehow, I'm not as bothered by that as I should be. I guess it'll just a happy coincidence. I can still accept that. After all, if I had to choose between a dream world and the SOS Brigade, no matter how fantastic, I'll make the same choice every time.

"Thank you for your hard work as brigade chief this year. May we continue to be in your favor."

I made it back inside after seeing everyone off. Yeah, it was a great surprise, but they picked a really inconvenient way of doing it. I'm just glad my parents didn't wake up.

Kyon went above and beyond when it came to presenting this gift… I'm almost afraid to open it, that it won't live up to the delivery.

Opening the box, I pulled out an unmarked leather-bound journal, locked with a thick strap and clasp with a tiny lock on it.