What is a life without a meaning?

What is love without someone to share it with?

What am I doing here without Marco?

God, I miss him so much. He's the only one who understood me. Damn those titans. Damn the Colossal Titan. Damn the armored Titan. If it weren't for those, Marco would still be alive. We'd be safe in the Military Police. I'd actually be happy. But, it's all gone. He's gone. I'm alone again.

I don't want to be alone. I want Marco to be with me, right here, right now. I want to see those adorable freckles, hear that beautiful laugh, hold him tight and never let go. I want to be with him, but I can't. Just the thought of Marco brings back all of those memories. Those beautiful, bittersweet memories of when he was with me. Now, we can't create anymore.

Marco, I wish you never left me. I wish that when we had to fight the titans, you would have stayed by my side so I can protect you. I wish you were here. I wish that I wasn't alone. Marco, please tell me that wasn't you whom I saw. Tell me that you're in hiding. Tell me your alive.

But, no. You are not alive. I can't convince myself to believe what I want to believe. I have to face these facts, even if it hurts me too much. Nobody will ever understand how much you meant to me, Marco. And I never got to tell you that. I wish I did, so you could die knowing that I love you.

I love you with all my heart, Marco Bodt.

I just wish you can here me.

But you can't. Since you're dead.

Why couldn't be me?

I should've been in your place, I deserve it. It's hard for me to make friends, because all I do is push people away. You, however, have unconditional love and kindness for everyone. A gift that I admire most about you, Marco. It's a gift I want, so I don't have to be alone.

But I wasn't alone with you.

You made me feel the best emotions one could ever feel.

But those feelings are gone, and you are too.

Why did you have to die, Marco?

I keep asking myself this question every day, but I can't find an answer to it. Why couldn't you have lived longer? Should I have done something to protect you more? It's a pain to have a burden like this. I should have protected you. But, I didn't. I don't know why.


As Jean wrote those last words, he sealed it in an envelope. Tears were dripping down his cheek as he walked out of his dorm, and to a graveyard where most of Marco's ashes were buried. Jean set the envelope down on the mound of dirt alongside a bunch a orchids and his tears.

As he walked back to his dorm, Jean pulled out a small pistol out of his drawer and aimed it to his head.

"I won't be alone now, Marco. I'll be with you now," Jean said as he pulled the trigger.