'Dad, you know we don't really have to talk about this, right?'
It's late afternoon, a bit before dinner time, and they are both in the kitchen, sitting at opposite sides of the table, their faces still, their eyes low, neither of them looking forward to start talking, silently hoping the phone would ring or someone would appear at their door forcing them to postpone this. Of course, nothing of that's going to happen.
With a resigned look in his eyes, Stiles finally sighs and opens fire.
'Listen, I've made up my mind and I know what I want. I will be legally an adult in three more months, so I don't think there really is a point on making this so painful for the two of us… I appreciate your concern, I know this is because you care about me, but I won't stop seeing Derek because of that.' He stops there to breathe and gather some more strength before continuing. He has finally said it, isn't it amazing? He wanted to be firm and he thinks he somehow managed to achieve it. He keeps hoping this won't go so badly after all, but he also notices his father is still not looking at him in the eye, and that's not a very good sign, neither his almost white knuckles… Anyway, he has to try, he always tries, harder than anyone else, even more when he's so unsure about the direction he's hitting the ball.
'This is my life and this is my body, and I want to live it the way I want, share it with the person I decide.' Hey, sometimes clichés are just the right thing to say, and even if three billion people have said those same words before him this is still the purest truth.
'I understand you would prefer I'd date a no-guy, no-olderthat17, no-werewolf person, but Derek's the one I want. He's the one, it is that simple. It really is. That's why I told you instead of letting you find out from someone else, or just stepping into us to surprise us in a compromised situation. That would have been really embarrassing. But still, it wasn't easy, only so that you know, not that I expect you to value the effort. Just like when I also told you about this whole supernatural world we're living… and by the way, I don't understand why you took the entire werewolf thing so much easier than this.'
The Sheriff is narrowing his eyes now and looks at Stiles quite angrily before shutting back.
'Stop bullshitting me Stiles! Nothing's simple here, can't you see that? Maybe you won't believe me, but I don't care so much about the guy-23-warewolf thing, I'm worried about the "Derek Hale" thing mainly. Yeah, werewolves exist, I'm down with it, but you didn't decide it, not in the way you're deciding about Derek now. And I'm sorry, but you will listen to me. Can you please just close your mouth for a couple of minutes? Can you do that for me, just once?'
Stiles obediently does as required, overwhelmed by the strong intent in his father's voice. This is definitely going downhill.
'Of course I appreciate that you decided to tell me about all this, I imagine it was difficult for you and I know it would have been much easier to keep lying to me, but don't think this will cover up for everything. Even if grateful, I still have the right to have an opinion. I would go as far as to say it's my duty to have one. And yes, don't make that face, I will let you talk, but first you will listen to me, because I'm your father and I hope you still respect me enough to go through my points with me. At least you owe me that, to me and to your mother.'
He almost regrets those last words, mentioning his wife to force their son to pay attention, to bare his feelings to him. Almost. But he can see Stile's angry and shocked face now and knows he has realized he cannot go along the edge of this, he has to get into deep water weather he wants it or not.
'Oh, no, no, dad, this is a really cheap blow and you know it. You can't do this to me. Mom would have never done that.'
He surely knows how to backfire. He's a good player, he cannot deny this to him. He can't avoid thinking the boy could probably turn to be a good lawyer, so smart and with the skill to kill with words.
'Sorry kid, but I will use all my weapons. I'm allowed to it, it's my son's life we're discussing! And if you're mature enough to decide that what you want is to sleep with a man six years older than you then you're mature enough to have this conversation.'
Surprisingly, Stiles seems relieved now, his face partly relaxed, almost a smirk there…
'Oh, great, now we're talking! Ok dad, I'll listen, but let me first tell you this Derek-Stiles thing is not just about sex, you have to know that before you give me "the" talk, and by the way, I already had that one at school a couple of years ago. You're a bit late for it… Also, if you want to know, Derek was quite slow with that, really way too careful, shy even, so don't think I'm being pushed or forced into anything. I started it all and it's been always the needy Stiles asking for more, if this is not too much information for you…'
The Sheriff is now feeling more depressed than angry, wondering how his life turned this way, when exactly things started to take those twisted dark roads. But he knows when, he knows precisely, has the exact date marked in his brain as the worst day he's had to live until now, when the beautifully drawn line of his life started to tremble and lose intent and direction. He thinks his wife would have known how to talk to Stiles in a different way, without threats, without infuriating him. They are so similar! And how he wishes he could continue that other path with Stiles now, the typical embarrassing sex conversation between a teenager and a parent. Sadly, this is not the case, this is not normal, nothing seems to benormal anymore in his life. Or in his son's life… And now that he thinks about it, that word should only be allowed in statistics, it sounds so shitty everywhere else…
'Well, good to hear he's not racing with this, thanks for the remark, and of course it's never too much information when it's about you. But I already know that's not only sex, of course I know, don't be silly, son. First of all, it rarely is only about sex, regardless what people say, and second, I've seen how you look at each other, I'm not that blind. So, we won't be talking about sex now, sorry to disappoint you.' The Sheriff hisses between his teeth, adding in a low tone: 'I hope that was about sex!'
That sounds so sincere that Stiles startles at it, scaring himself. If his father isn't worried about big bad wolf Derek and little Stiles in bed, then what is this all about?
'No, I want much more for you, I want you to be happy, and I'm afraid it takes much more than sex to grasp that.'
Stiles moves the chair a little bit to his right, then further from the table, then he tries to get some balance, almost falling but managing to recover his initial position. He then tries to pull his hair, but half way to it he remembers he just had a cut and stops, not knowing what to do with his hands, letting them fall into his lap finally. He looks so uncomfortable, so young and clearly vulnerable that it hurts the Sheriff having to continue with this. But then Stiles tries to cover his insecurity with anger and irony, making things a bit easier for John to keep pushing him.
'So, why the hell can't I be happy with Derek, please illuminate me, oh father!'
The Sheriff cannot but instantly reply to that, a bit sharper than he wanted.
'Stiles, this is not the time to be sarcastic, it really is not. So, barriers down, I'm talking very seriously now.' To that, Stiles lowers his eyes again, thinking he could almost glimpse a red shadow in his father's eyes. He can't help to mutter, mostly to himself 'I'm damned, so many alphas around…' He's thinking if baring his throat would make things easier when his father starts talking again, merciless.
'Son, can you understand rape and murder happening to you at 15, several times?'
Ugh, that was tough, he wasn't expecting that. These are not words his father would use mindlessly, and Stiles felt them like a punch to his stomach. Of course Stiles knows everything about the fire, how it started, which part Kate played there, how it all ended and how broken Derek is about that part of his life. Not that they discuss it every now and then, but it is there and he is really careful about its implications in their current life. But is it really necessary to go through that now?
'Can you imagine how it is to realize that someone hates you so much, thinks so much of you as an abomination to do this? To plan for it and to act on such a plan, day after day, until throwing the final grenade and killing your whole family? Can you imagine what this does to you? Of course I haven't talked with Derek after he discovered what Kate really did, but sadly I've had long conversations with victims of all ages who have been betrayed, who felt responsible for making really bad decisions, for trusting the wrong person, people with guilt so big they couldn't raise their faces one single time to look anyone in the eye. At the beginning they try to think that person was crazy, ill, out of their minds, but at the end that's not enough, you can't stop looking for reasons, and you start thinking there must be something else. You start considering that maybe you deserved some of that, that maybe you are not so innocent as you think, guilt begins to eat you from inside out, and very slowly you start to become the person you imagine deserving so much hatred. So, can't you see why I'm frightened you're there if this ends up happening to Derek? These are very troubled waters and I don't want you to drown on them.'
'I'm not the slightest bit surprised by what has been happening to him lately, all the problems with Peter, the issues with other packs, everything you explained to me. With a past like that, he is bait for trouble. He probably thinks he's the one to blame and the one to face everything, the one to be sacrificed, and he's not avoiding anything because he thinks he contributed to create the whole situation. Not that I agree with this, but I can see how things might go for him.'
Stiles' face shows too much now as he cannot but realize part of the truth under his father's words, but at the same time he starts to regret all the sincerity he was so proud of and begins to think that maybe it would have been better if he had kept his father aside of that part of his life and all the troubles they got into during the last year. If these are the consequences, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to be so honest. He feels naïf instead.
The Sheriff now has to stop before continuing hitting him, feeling his son's pain himself and imagining now even more clearly what that might have been for Derek all these years. But his priorities are still clear, so after a few moments he remembers why he's doing this and he goes on.
'You know I was there when the fire happened, right? I was a deputy at that time, and I can tell you something, Stiles. In all my years of work… not, in all my life, really, I have never seen anything so horrible, so terrifying, as the Hale fire. You know that the thing I hate the most from my work is to see children suffering, abused children, dead kids… Well, there were five children in the house, Stiles, five. They haunted me for months, I couldn't stop seeing their charred bodies, their curled little fingers, it still revolves my soul to think about it. Can you imagine what it is to know these are your sisters, your brothers and cousins? We didn't let Derek or Laura see the bodies, but I'm sure they imagined what was there, why we didn't let them into the house until it was cleared from all evidences and they surely smelled it all around town. And then, when you're already destroyed, you discover you have been an instrument to this, that you have been used and dumped in the bin like a broken toy. That you, with your super senses, haven't been able to detect all the lies, weren't able to save your family only because you wanted to believe so madly that a pretty face sincerely desired you.'
'And then Laura…'
Stiles stops listening now, he just can't take it anymore. But, like a small miracle, by the stillness of his face it seems his father has stopped talking as well.
Tears follow the only path they know, right down to earth. You can always count on gravity, that's something to concentrate on, to rely on. Where is this one going to fall? When is this one finally gathering enough weight to leave his face? Stiles doesn't want to think on the other images, the kids… Tears are better, way better than that. But his father is cruel this afternoon, and now he continues talking like he's not aware Stiles is crying, and he can't avoid hearing the words, letting them into his brain.
'Do you really think you can have a normal life after this, that you can make someone happy while you carry all this inside you? Do you want this to be a part of your life, Stiles? Are you telling me you really thought about it and that you believe you can fix this?' The Sheriff's voice is pained but determined, trained to convince, to highlight a particular line of thought leading to the conclusion he believes is the right one.
And suddenly this is too much for Stiles, he can't allow his father to continue trying to manipulate him, even if it's because he wants nothing but the best for Stiles. He has to make it stop. Because this is not fair, he knows it, maybe he can't explain it as he should right now, but this is not the whole picture, and it's not accurate either. He's not a fixer, but he's strong, stronger than what most people can see, has a determined will and a big hole in his heart shaped like Derek's own heart, and he knows he can take that. He will follow his instincts with this because they haven't failed him until now. He wipes his tears away and raises his face to respond to his father.
'Dad, you're not at work now! Stop treating me like a suspect, I'm being honest here, can't you see it? Do you think I'm taking this lightly, or that I try to cheat on you? Do you know how hard it was to find the way for Derek to trust me, to let me touch him? How hard it still is sometimes?'
John's face doesn't twitch, but softens a little, rounds a tiny bit at the edges.
'Sorry boy, I know I'm being harsh, I know I'm intruding too much into your private life, but now you do understand why I'm more than concerned about you two being together. Right, Stiles? And I maybe even like Derek, I cannot but sympathize with him after all he's been through and how he is coping with it…'
'Just not with me, right?' Stiles' interruption is quick and sharp like a dart.
Stiles' eyes are angry now, disappointed. 'Yes, don't think I don't get it, it's an old excuse for shit. So, you're saying you are really ok with whatever minority you want to pick now as an example, but only if they stay at their houses and not on the streets, and of course if they keep their fucking hands out of your family. But if they can't comply with these simple rules, then they're fair game. Derek's nice but tainted and you want him as far away as possible from me. Dad, you know that's a nauseating reasoning and that I won't buy it.'
The Sheriff sighs, doesn't bother denying or responding to it and just continues.
'Listen, I'm only asking you to think about this, because I've seen him with you and I don't think he's ever going to let you go if he can help it. He's a smart guy and he will cling to you for as long as you want him, I can't blame him for that. And I know you, I know how painfully stubborn you are once you've decided on something, how loyal, so I want you to really think about your chances to have a happy life with him before going on with this. Will you do that for me? You're still 17 and this is your first relationship. Don't you think you should take this a bit easier? Just think about it, ok? I know he would let you go if you tell him you can't continue with this. I'm sure you can still be friends…'
The Sheriff is pleading now, defeated, anger gone, his hands open, palms up.
'Dad…' And Stiles finally feels calm, knows what he wants to say, he only has to let his tongue articulate the thoughts as they come to his brain, and there's not a hint of a lie in his words.
'Dad, I've listened, ok? I've listened to you and I understand why you needed to have this conversation, but let me now surprise you with a really brief reply from my side. Only one question, really, instead of a long list of all the reasons why Derek is good for me, the little things I see every day that I carefully store with my most valued memories from you, from mom, from Scott or my friends.'
The sun is now sinking in the horizon, just a tiny orange ray left trying to get into the kitchen, offering the mildest possibility of warm to them.
'Just let me ask you this: if that would have happened to me, would you like someone giving me an opportunity to be happy again?'
The Sheriff doesn't reply to that, only closes his eyes, and Stiles knows everything is said now.
'I'll think about all you said, but you will also think about this, ok?'
The room has long shadows now, dinner time long passed, but neither of them is really hungry, so they stand up looking exhausted and aim for their respective bedrooms after a brief but quite warm goodnight hug. They both look forward to the comfort of the night.
