Dear Asori,
I hate you.
As a person, you might be okay, but as a writer? It has been exactly one year since you posted the first chapter of Spiked Out, and can I just say that I don't appreciate you picking on me for the entirety of these 365 days?
You might be wondering why I would be so mad about this - or maybe not - but I'm going to make it clear anyways. Let's review your activity concerning me for the last year.
Spiked Out: You made me turn into Spike and harm my family, you made me stupid and allowed me to remove my chip (which dumb-ed me down further), you made me isolate myself, go with evil Douglas out of gullibility, and almost kill my family as Spike for, like, the third or fourth time in that story alone. Thanks a lot for that nightmare.
The Transjuvenator: When I was finally older than Adam, I was still shorter and weaker than him. And then you turned me into an old man. And I can't forget to mention that you turned me into a seven-year-old! AND YOU MADE ME CRY. And, then when I was finally normal again, I was embarrassingly immature. Gosh, how am I supposed to have any self-respect?
The Dog Days: Don't even get me started. You know what? You turned me into a dog and exploited it. Enough said.
*Note: I am undecided whether it's The Transjuvenator or The Dog Days that I hate more. Both are equally... despicable. You are despicable.
Oh My Glitch!: You're so mean. You made me... Adam-like and Bree-like, stuck in the Russian language (okay, that wasn't so bad), my dictionary scrambled, and I just know that you've got more nasty scenarios in store for me...
swAPPed: You switched me and Spike so that I was the app, and then I was downloaded onto Adam and Bree's chips - do you even know how awkward that is?!
The Next Chapter: You caught me on a really bad day and made me get verbally pulverized by none other than Dr. Ryan. I hate that guy - did you really have to drag him back into my life? Not to mention that you also crushed into tiny little pieces my dream of going to college. Boo you.
Everybody Loves Spike: You turned me into Spike... and when I came back I practically fell apart while being asked out, on Halloween I was forced to dress as a werewolf and you made me look like a lunatic and scare everyone (not to mention almost getting myself killed!), you let Daniel replicate my commando app and almost pulverize me before I finally let Spike handle him, and who knows what else you have maliciously planned?
Without Him: Okay, so this wasn't so bad either. You might have totally freaked me out, but I'll admit it, it was kind of nice kissing Sabrina.
A Man of a Monster: You. Are. Making. Me. Spike. For. A. Ghastly. Long. Time. Oh, and let's not forget that you still manage to make fun of me throughout it anyways. And, I think that it's safe to say that Spike hates you too. You're lucky that we don't know you in person, because I'm pretty sure that he'd beat you up. And maybe I'd help. Oh, did I just give away the momentous story you're posting today? Well, haha, sucker! Serves you right.
You've given me a lot of reasons to thoroughly despise you. Why do I have to be your favorite character? Why must that mean that you pick on me? Go pick on Adam instead.
I curse you, I curse your family, and I curse your cow. Don't question the curses. It's a historical reference.
I could keep ranting, but I'm a civilized guy, so I'll just make my opinion of you clear one more time.
I hate you.
Sincerely,
Chase Davenport
Post Script: I hope this letter makes me your least favorite character now.
